Ndiyamthanda Umntu one-Autism

Umxholo

• Ukuphulukana nokukhanya
• Uxilongo
• Isiqhelo sethu esitsha

Njengomntwana omncinci, intombi yam yayihlala idanisa malunga nokucula. Wayeyintombazana encinci eyonwabileyo. Ngenye imini, yonke into yatshintsha. Wayenenyanga ezili-18 ubudala, kwaye nje kanjalo, kwakungathi yinto ephakanyiswayo kwaye yawukhupha kuye umoya.

Ndaqala ukuqaphela iimpawu ezingaqhelekanga: Wayebonakala ngathi uxinezelekile. Wayeza kudlula kwi-swing epakini ngokuzolileyo nangokuthula. Kwakungoyiki kakhulu. Wayedla ngokujinga ahleke, kwaye sasicula kunye. Ngoku ujonge nje emhlabeni xa ndimtyhala. Wayengaphenduli kwaphela, kwingqondo engaqhelekanga. Kwakungathi umhlaba wethu uphela ubumnyama

Ukuphulukana nokukhanya

Ngaphandle kwesilumkiso okanye inkcazo, ukukhanya kuye kwaphuma emehlweni akhe. Wayeka ukuthetha, encumile, nditsho nokudlala. Khange aphendule nokuba ndibize igama lakhe. “Jett, JETT!” Ndandibaleka ndiye kuye ngasemva ndize ndimsondeze ndimange ngokuqinileyo. Ubevele aqale ukulila. Kwaye, nam ngokunjalo, besihlala phantsi sibambene. Ukulila. Ndabona ukuba wayengazi ukuba kuqhubeka ntoni ngaphakathi kwakhe. Kwakoyikisa nangakumbi.

Ndamsa kugqirha wabantwana kwangoko. Undixelele ukuba konke oku kuqhelekile. "Abantwana bahamba ngezinto ezinje," utshilo. Emva koko wongeze ngokungathandekiyo, "Kananjalo, uyayifuna i-booster shots." Ndithe chu ndabuya umva eofisini. Ndandisazi ukuba le nto yayikhathaza intombi yam 'yayingaqhelekanga.' Kukhona okungahambi kakuhle. Ndafikelwa lithuku elithile lokuya kubeleka, ndaza ndazi bhetele. Kwakhona bendisazi ukuba akukho ndlela bendizakubeka ngayo izitofu emzimbeni wakhe omncinci xa ndingazi ukuba kuqhubeka ntoni.

Ndafumana omnye ugqirha. Lo gqirha wajonga uJett okwemizuzu nje embalwa, kwaye kwangoko wazi ukuba kukho into ephakamileyo. "Ndicinga ukuba une-autism." Ndicinga ukuba une-autism…. Loo mazwi avakala kwaye aqhuma entlokweni yam amaxesha ngamaxesha. "Ndicinga ukuba une-autism." Ibhombu ibisandula ukuwa phantsi kanye entlokweni yam. Ingqondo yam ibixokozela. Yonke into yaphela ecaleni kwam. Ndaziva ngathi ndiyanyamalala. Intliziyo yam yaqala ukukhawuleza. Ndandididekile. Bendisiya ndisiya kude kwaye ndikude. UJett wandibuyisa, etsala ilokhwe yam. Wayekuqonda ukukhathazeka kwam. Wayefuna ukundanga.

Uxilongo

"Ngaba uyazi ukuba lithini iziko lengingqi lakho?" wabuza ugqirha. "Hayi," ndaphendula. Okanye ngomnye umntu ophendulileyo? Akukho nto yayibonakala iyinyani. “Nxibelelana neziko lakho lengingqi kwaye bayakuyijonga intombi yakho. Kuthatha ixesha ukufumana isifo. ” Ukuxilongwa, ukuxilongwa. Amagama akhe andisusele ekuzazini kwam ukuba abe yingxolo ephezulu, egqwethekileyo. Akukho nanye kwezi ebibhalisa ngokwenyani. Kungathatha inyanga ngalo mzuzu ukuba ungene nzulu.

Ukunyaniseka, ndandingazi nto malunga ne-autism. Ndakhe ndeva ngayo, ewe. Nangona kunjalo ndandingazi nto ngayo. Ngaba yayikukukhubazeka? Kodwa uJett wayesele ethetha kwaye ebala, kutheni le nto isenzeka kwingelosi yam entle? Ndizive nditshona kulwandle ndingalwazi. Amanzi anzulu e-autism.

Ndiqale ukwenza uphando ngengomso, ndothukile. Ndandiphanda isiqingatha, isiqingatha andinakukwazi ukujongana nento eyenzekayo. Ndaziva ngathi isithandwa sam siwele echibini elinomkhenkce, kwaye kuye kwafuneka ndithathe izembe lokuchola kwaye ndihlala ndisika imingxunya emkhenkceni ukuze akwazi ukuphefumla umoya. Wayevaleleke phantsi komkhenkce. Kwaye wayefuna ukuphuma. Ebendibiza ethule. Ukuthula kwakhe okubandayo kwathetha oku kakhulu. Kwafuneka ndenze nantoni na esemandleni am ukumsindisa.

Ndijonge phezulu kwiziko lengingqi, njengoko ugqirha ekhuthazile. Singafumana uncedo kubo. Baqala iimvavanyo kunye nokujonga. Ukunyaniseka, lonke ixesha babemjongile uJett ukuze abone ukuba eneneni une-autism, ndandisoloko ndicinga ukuba ngenene akanawo. Wayehlukile, yayiphelele apho! Ngelo xesha, bendisasokola ukuqonda kakuhle ukuba yintoni i-autism. Yayiyinto embi kwaye yoyikisa kum ngelo xesha. Ubungafuni ukuba umntwana wakho abe ne-autistic. Yonke into malunga nayo yayisoyikeka, kwaye kwakungekho mntu ubonakala engenazo iimpendulo. Ndasokola ndingahlali ndinxunguphele. Akukho nto yayibonakala iyinyani. Ithuba lokuchongwa okuza kuthi litshintshe yonke into. Imvakalelo yokungaqiniseki kunye nosizi zijamelene nobomi bethu bemihla ngemihla.

Isiqhelo sethu esitsha

NgoSeptemba, 2013, xa uJett wayeneminyaka emi-3, ndafumana umnxeba ngaphandle kwesilumkiso. Yayiyingcali yeengqondo eyayimjongile uJett kwiinyanga ezimbalwa ezidlulileyo. “Molo,” watsho ngelizwi elingathathi cala nelirobhothi.

Umzimba wam wabanda. Ndayazi ukuba ngubani kanye kanye. Ndaliva ilizwi lakhe. Bendisiva ukubetha kwentliziyo yam. Kodwa andinakuyenza into ayithethayo. Yayintetho encinci ekuqaleni. Kodwa ndiqinisekile kuba uhamba ngalo lonke ixesha, uyazi ukuba umzali kwelinye icala lomgca ulindile. Ndiyoyika. Ke, ndiqinisekile ukuba andimphenduli kwintetho yakhe encinci ayothusi. Ilizwi lam belingcangcazela, ndingakwazi nokubulisa.

Emva koko wathi kum: “UJett une-autism. Kwaye into yokuqala u… ”

"NGOBA?" Ndidubuleke kanye embindini wesigwebo sakhe. "Ngoba?" Ndalila iinyembezi.

"Ndiyazi ukuba kunzima," utshilo. Andizange ndikwazi ukuzibamba xa ndandibuhlungu.

“Kutheni ucinga ukuba… unayo… iathism?” Ndikwazile ukusebeza ngeenyembezi zam.

Luvo lwam. Ngokusekelwe koko ndikubonile… ”Waqala.

"Kodwa kutheni? Wenza ntoni? Kutheni ecinga njalo? ” Ndatsho phandle. Ndothuke sobabini ngumsindo. Iimvakalelo ezinamandla zajikeleza macala onke kum, ngokukhawuleza nangokukhawuleza.

Ndithatyathwe ndazibophelela ngeyona ntlungu inkulu endakha ndaziva. Kwaye ndazinikela kuyo. Kwakukuhle ngokwenene, njengoko ndicinga ukuba ukufa kuya kuba njalo. Ndinikezele. Ndazinikezela kwi-autism yentombi yam. Ndazinikela ekufeni kwezimvo zam.

Ndiye kulusizi olunzulu emva koku. Ndizilile intombi endandiyibambe emaphupheni. Intombi ebendinayo. Ndalila ngokufa kwecebo. Uluvo, ndiyaqikelela, ukuba ndicinga ukuba angaba ngubani uJett- into endifuna ukuba abe yiyo. Khange ndiqonde nyani ukuba bendinawo onke la maphupha okanye ndinethemba lokuba intombi yam ingakhula ibe ngubani. Ibhaleyi? Imvumi? Umbhali? Intombazana yam encinci eyayibala kwaye incokola, idanisa kwaye icula ihambile. Iphelile. Ngoku yonke into endandifuna ayenze yayonwabile kwaye isempilweni. Ndandifuna ukumbona encuma kwakhona. And damn it, bendizombuyisa.

Ndazinqanda iintshontsho. Ndafaka iimfama zam. Ndayisongela intombi yam ngamaphiko am, saza sabuya umva.