Indlela yokujongana nokuKhulelwa okungacwangciswanga ukuba ukukhupha isisu akuyena

Umxholo

• Ukwamkela umntwana ongamzelanga ibengowakho
• Kuvaliwe ukwamkelwa
• Ukwamkelwa okuvulekileyo
• Ukwamkelwa ngokuthe ngqo
• Ukwamkelwa kwe-Arhente
• Iinkonzo zokwamkelwa komntwana ngumntu ongamzelanga ibengowakhe,
• Umthengi wokwamkela
• Ukugcinwa ngokusemthethweni
• Ngubani onokuba ngumgcini?
• Ndiqala njani le nkqubo?
• Ukulondolozwa kweenzuzo
• Umxhasi wokugcina
• Ukuba ngumzali
• Ukubambisana kwabazali
• Ukukhulisa abantwana bodwa
• Izinto ekufuneka ziqwalaselwe
• Ukulunga komzali
• Ingxaki yokuba ngumzali
• Ukwenza isigqibo
• Ukukhulelwa okanye ukungabikho kokukhulelwa?
• Cinga ngonyango
• Sebenzisa izibonelelo
• Inqaku malunga namaziko okukhulelwa
• Umgca wezantsi

Ukukhulelwa okungalindelekanga kunokuba yinto enzima ukujongana nayo. Usenokuziva usoyika, usoyike, okanye uphelelwe ngamandla, ngakumbi ukuba awuqinisekanga ukuba uza kuyisingatha njani le meko.

Usenokuba sele uqalile ukucinga malunga nokukhetha kwakho. Ekuphela kwendlela ekhuselekileyo nesebenzayo yokuphelisa ukukhulelwa kukususa isisu ngokusemthethweni. Ayikho enye indlela yokukhupha isisu ukuba awufuni ukwenza ukukhulelwa.

Kodwa ukuqhomfa akulunganga kuye wonke umntu. Unolunye ukhetho, nangona zonke zibandakanya ukuqhubeka nokukhulelwa.

Nanku ukukhangela kwezo zikhetho kunye neenzuzo kunye neengxaki zabo. Xa ujonga olu khetho, gcinani engqondweni akukho mpendulo ichanekileyo okanye engalunganga.

Ukwamkela umntwana ongamzelanga ibengowakho

Ukwamkelwa komntwana ngumntu ongamzelanga ibengowakho kuthetha ukuba uyaqhubeka nokukhulelwa nokubeleka emva koko uvumele olunye usapho ukuba lukhulise umntwana.

Ukuba uthatha isigqibo sokuya nokwamkelwa komntwana abengowomnye umntu okanye abantu ngokusemthethweni, kuya kufuneka uthathele ingqalelo ezinye izigqibo ezimbini:

• Ngaba ufuna ukwamkelwa okuvaliweyo okanye okuvulekileyo?
• Ngaba uyafuna ukubeka ngqo okanye usebenzise iarhente?

Siza kungena koku kuthetha konke oku ngezantsi.

Kuvaliwe ukwamkelwa

Kwi-adoption evaliweyo, awunakunxibelelana nomntwana okanye usapho olwamkelayo emva kokuba ubelekile kwaye ubeke umntwana ukuba amkelwe.

Usapho olwamkele umntwana wabangowakhe ngokusemthethweni lungakhetha ukungamxeleli umntwana malunga nokwamkelwa komntwana abengowomnye umntu okanye abantu ngokusemthethweni. Ukuba babelana ngezi nkcukacha, umntwana unokufikelela kwiirekhodi zokufumana umntwana xa sele eneminyaka eyi-18. Oku kuhlala kuxhomekeke kumthetho welizwe kunye nohlobo lwephepha elibandakanyekayo ekuthatheni umntwana

Ukwamkelwa okuvulekileyo

Ukwamkelwa okuvulekileyo kukuvumela ukuba unxibelelane nosapho lomntwana olwamkelayo.

Uhlobo nenqanaba lonxibelelwano liyahluka, kodwa usapho lunoku:

• thumela iifoto zonyaka, iileta, okanye olunye uhlaziyo
• bakubize ngohlaziyo amaxesha ngamaxesha
• undwendwela amaxesha ngamaxesha
• khuthaza umntwana ukuba afikelele ngaphandle kokuba afikelele kubudala obuthile

Iinkcukacha zolu lungiselelo ziya kumiselwa kwangaphambili. Uya kuba nethuba lokunxibelelana ngqo nento oyifunayo ngaphambi kokuvuma nantoni na.

Ukwamkelwa ngokuthe ngqo

Ukuba ufuna ukuzikhethela ngokwakho usapho olwamkelayo, ukubekwa ngqo endaweni yakho kunokuba kulungele wena.

Uya kudinga uncedo lwegqwetha lokwamkelwa ngokusemthethweni. Usapho olumkelayo luya kuhlawula iifizi zomthetho.

Igqwetha lakho linokukunceda wena kunye nosapho olwamkelayo ekuthatheni isigqibo malunga nokwamkelwa okuvulekileyo okanye okuvaliweyo kunye nemigaqo yesivumelwano.

Ukwamkelwa kwe-Arhente

Ukuba ukhetha ukubeka umntwana wakho njengommeli wokubakhulisa, ukufumana iarhente elungileyo kubalulekile.

Khetha enye:

• inikeza iingcebiso kunye nolwazi malunga nazo zonke iindlela zokukhulelwa
• ikunceda ufikelele kunyango kunye nenkxaso yeemvakalelo
• bakuphatha ngemfesane, hayi ukugweba okanye ukudelela
• inelayisensi kwaye isebenza ngokusesikweni
• uphendula imibuzo yakho ngokungafihlisiyo nangokunyaniseka
• ikuvumela ukuba ubuncinci abanye bathethe kusapho lomntwana owamkela umntwana owamkele (ukuba yinto oyifunayo)

Zininzi iiarhente zokukhulisa abantwana onokukhetha kuzo. Ukuba ufumana uvakalelo olubi kwi-arhente enye, unganqikazi ukukhetha enye. Kubalulekile ukuba uzive uxhaswa kuyo yonke inkqubo yokwamkelwa komntwana.

Iinkonzo zokwamkelwa komntwana ngumntu ongamzelanga ibengowakhe,

• Unika umntu ongakwaziyo ukuba nabantwana ithuba lokukhulisa umntwana.
• Unika umntwana ithuba lokuba aphile okanye usapho ongenako ukubonelela ngalo.
• Unokugxila esikolweni, emsebenzini, okanye kwezinye iimfuno ukuba awukulungelanga ukuba ngumzali.

Umthengi wokwamkela

• Unikezela ngokusisigxina ngamalungelo obuzali.
• Unokungavumelani nendlela abakhulisa umntwana ngayo.
• Ukukhulelwa nokubeleka kunokuba nzima okanye kubuhlungu.
• Ukukhulelwa kunye nokuzala kunokuba nefuthe emzimbeni wakho okanye empilweni.

Ukugcinwa ngokusemthethweni

Njengokutholwa, ukugcinwa kubandakanya ukubeka umntwana wakho komnye umntu okanye usapho kwaye ubavumele ukuba bakhulise umntwana. Ngokukhetha umntu oza kukugcina endaweni yosapho olwamkelayo, ugcina amanye amalungelo akho obuzali.

Olu khetho lunokuba lukhetho olufanelekileyo kuwe ukuba awukwazi ukukhulisa umntwana ngoku kodwa ubone iimeko zakho zitshintsha kwiminyaka embalwa, okanye ukuba uyazi ukuba ufuna ukuhlala ubandakanyekile kubomi bomntwana wakho.

Ukugcinwa kungabandakanya iintlawulo zenyanga zokuxhasa abantwana, ke kubalulekile ukuba uqwalasele imeko yakho yezemali.

Ngubani onokuba ngumgcini?

Abantu abaninzi bakhetha umhlobo osenyongweni okanye isizalwane ukuba benze njengomgcini osemthethweni womntwana. Okwangoku, inkqubo inokuba neziphumo zeemvakalelo, ke kubalulekile ukuba ucingisise nzulu ngezinto kwaye uthethe ngokungafihlisiyo, uvule iingxoxo nalowo unokubakho njengomgcini.

Ndiqala njani le nkqubo?

Ukuba uthatha isigqibo malunga nokuba ngumgcini, kuyakufuneka uthethe negqwetha. Imithetho malunga nokugcinwa ngokusemthethweni kuyahluka ngokweendawo. Igqwetha linokukunceda ujonge ukhetho lwakho.

Ukulondolozwa kweenzuzo

• Usenokumbona umntwana.
• Unokuba nelizwi kwezinye izigqibo, ezinje ngenkolo okanye ukhathalelo lwempilo.
• Ukugcina kunokuba yinto yexeshana.
• Ngokwesiqhelo, ukhetha umgcini womntwana.

Umxhasi wokugcina

• Unokungavumelani nendlela yokukhulisa abantwana.
• Unokuba nobunzima bokubona omnye umntu okhulisa umntwana.
• Kungaba buhlungu emntwaneni nakumgcini xa ukwazi ukugcina umntwana.

Ukuba ngumzali

Nokuba awucwangcisanga ukuba nabantwana iminyaka okanye ungakhange ucinge ngokufumana abantwana konke konke, usenokucinga ngokubanakho ukuba ngumzali.

Abantu abaninzi bafumana ukuba ngumzali okunomvuzo. Inokuba nzima, ngakumbi ukuba awunayo inkxaso eninzi. Iindleko zemali zokuba ngumzali zinokongeza ngokukhawuleza, nangona uninzi lwamazwe lubonelela ngezixhobo kubazali nakwiintsapho kubunzima bezezimali.

Kukho iindlela ezimbalwa zokuhamba ngokuba ngumzali, kuxhomekeke kubudlelwane bakho nomnye umzali.

Ukubambisana kwabazali

Ukubambisana njengomzali kuthetha ukuba wabelana ngoxanduva lokuba ngumzali kunye nomnye umzali womntwana, nokuba awunabudlelwane bothando.

Oku kunokusebenza kakuhle ukuba:

• Unobudlelwane obuhle nomnye umntu.
• Nobabini niyabafuna abantwana.
• Nobabini ninokufika kwisivumelwano kwilungiselelo lokuba ngumzali.

Kwelinye icala, kunokuba kungalungeki ukuba:

• Utata akafuni kubandakanyeka nawe okanye nomntwana.
• Ulwalamano lwakho lwalukho ngandlela thile ngokuhlukumeza (ngokweemvakalelo okanye ngokwasemzimbeni).
• Awuqinisekanga ngenqanaba likatata lokuzibophelela emntwaneni.
• Awufuni kuba nayiphi na inxaxheba notata.

Ngaphambi kokuba uthathe isigqibo, kubalulekile ukuba nibe nencoko evulekileyo malunga nendlela enivakalelwa ngayo ngokuba ngumzali.

Ukuba omnye wenu akathengiswanga ngombono, kunokubakho iingxaki emgceni. Ukuze ube ngumzali ophumeleleyo bobabini, nobabini kufuneka nibekho ngombono.

Gcina ukhumbula ukuba abanye abantu banokuthi batshintshe iintliziyo (ezingcono okanye ezimbi) emva kokuzalwa komntwana. Kuya kufuneka uthathele ingqalelo into yokuba omnye umzali angafuni ukuhlala ebandakanyeka kubomi bomntwana phantsi komgca.

Ukukhulisa abantwana bodwa

Akukho ndlela yokuyijikeleza: Ukuba ngumzali ongatshatanga kunokuba nzima. Kodwa abantu abaninzi abakhetha ukuba ngabazali abangenamaqabane bayasamkela esi sigqibo kwaye abazisoli, nangona bejamelene nemiceli mngeni.

Ukuba ngumzali ongatshatanga akuthethi ukuba kufuneka uhambe wedwa. Abazali, abantakwabo, ezinye izalamane, kunye nabahlobo banokufuna ukubandakanyeka kubomi bomntwana. Olu hlobo lwenkxaso lungenza umohluko omkhulu.

Ukuthetha nabantu osondele kubo kunokukunceda ufumane umbono wenkxaso onokuba nayo njengomzali omnye.

Izinto ekufuneka ziqwalaselwe

Ngaphambi kokuthatha isigqibo sokuba ngumzali, kuya kufuneka ucinge ngemicimbi esebenzayo:

• Ngaba unayo indawo yakho?
• Ngaba uzinzile ngokwezemali?
• Ngaba ungathatha ixesha ungayi emsebenzini okanye esikolweni iinyanga ezimbalwa, okanye kuya kufuneka ubuye kanye emva kokubeleka?
• Ngaba umntu unokukhathalela umntwana wakho ngelixa usemsebenzini okanye esikolweni, okanye ngaba uya kudinga ukuhlawula ukhathalelo lwabantwana?
• Ngaba uyakwazi ukuphatha uxanduva ngokupheleleyo kwiimfuno zomnye umntu?

Unganexhala lokuba abahlobo kunye nosapho baya kukugweba ngokukhetha ukuba ngumzali ongenaqabane, kodwa indlela abasabela ngayo inokukothusa.

Ukuba ukhathazekile ngempendulo engalunganga, cinga ukuthetha nonyango ukuze ikuncede uqikelele nayiphi na imiba kwaye uza nezisombululo. Khumbula, akukho zimpendulo zichanekileyo okanye zichanekileyo apha.

Ukuthetha nabanye abazali abangenamaqabane kunokukunika umbono ongcono wento onokuyilindela kuyo yonke le nkqubo.

Ukuba ukhetha ukuba ngumzali wedwa, kungafuneka ulibazise okanye utshintshe ezinye zezicwangciso zakho zekamva, kodwa usenokuphila ubomi obunomvuzo nobonwabisayo ukuba ukhetha le ndlela.

Qiniseka nje ukuba uthatha ixesha lokucinga ngemiceli mngeni enokubakho kunye nendlela ezinokukuchaphazela ngayo kamva ebomini.

Ukulunga komzali

• Ukukhulisa umntwana kungongeza uvuyo, uthando kunye nokuzanelisa ebomini bakho.
• Kuxhomekeka kwiimeko zakho, ukuqala usapho kunokonyusa ukoneliseka kwakho ngobomi.
• Ukukhetha kubazali abangabambisene nabo kungakhokelela kwibhondi elungileyo okanye ephuculweyo kunye nomnye umzali womntwana.

Ingxaki yokuba ngumzali

• Ukukhulisa umntwana kunokuba yindleko enkulu.
• Awunakho ukuqikelela ukuba omnye umzali uza kwenza njani apha endleleni.
• Kuya kufuneka uhlehlise izicwangciso zakho zekamva.
• Ukukhulelwa nokubeleka ngamanye amaxesha kunokuba neziphumo zexesha elide kwimpilo yengqondo kunye neemvakalelo.
• Indlela ophila ngayo, izinto ozithandayo, okanye imeko yakho yokuphila inokufuna ukutshintsha.

Ukwenza isigqibo

Ukwenza isigqibo malunga nokukhulelwa okungafunekiyo kunokuba nzima kakhulu kwaye kube nzima. Kukho izinto onokuzenza ukunciphisa inkqubo.

Ukuba uziva ukhululekile ukwenza njalo, qala ngokufikelela kubahlobo abathembekileyo okanye kumalungu osapho. Ukongeza kwinkxaso yeemvakalelo, banokunika iingcebiso kunye nezikhokelo.

Kodwa ekugqibeleni, isigqibo sikuwe. Esi sisigqibo sobuqu esibandakanya umzimba wakho, impilo yakho kunye nekamva lakho. Nguwe kuphela onokuthathela ingqalelo zonke izinto ezibandakanyekileyo kwaye uthathe isigqibo sokuba yeyiphi eyona nto ilungele wena.

Ukukhulelwa okanye ukungabikho kokukhulelwa?

Khumbula, ukukhupha isisu kuphela kwendlela yokungaqhubeki nokukhulelwa. Ukuba usesicingweni malunga nokuba uyafuna ukukhulelwa okanye akunjalo, kunokukunceda ufunde okungakumbi malunga nokwenzekayo ngexesha lokukhulelwa nokubeleka.

Umboneleli wezempilo ongakhethi cala unokunceda kwezinye zezi zinto. Uluntu olukwi-Intanethi okanye abahlobo kunye nosapho abaye bahamba ngenkqubo banokunceda.

Cinga ngonyango

Nokuba ukhombe kweliphi icala, ukuthetha nonyango olunamava okujongana nokukhulelwa okungacetywanga kunokwenza umahluko omkhulu.

Banokukunceda uqonde ngcono iimvakalelo zakho malunga nokukhulelwa kwaye bakuncede ulinganise ukhetho lwakho. Nje ukuba wenze isigqibo, banokukunceda ukuba uhambe ngendlela ethile, ukusuka ekuthetheni ngokukhulisa abantwana kunye nomnye umzali ukuya ekuthabatheni isigqibo kwelona hlobo lolwamkelo kwiimfuno zakho.

Unokufumana oochwephesha kwindawo yakho ngePsychology yanamhlanje kunye noMbutho wezengqondo waseMelika. Zombini izikhombisi zineefilitha ezikuvumela ukuba ukhangele iingcali ezijolise kwimicimbi enxulumene nokukhulelwa nokuba ngumzali.

Ngaba ukhathazekile ngendleko? Isikhokelo sethu kunyango olufikelelekayo sinokunceda.

Sebenzisa izibonelelo

Kukho uluhlu lwezixhobo ezikhoyo zokunceda abantu abakwisikhundla sakho.

Umzali ocwangcisiweyo unikezela ngeenkonzo ezinxulumene nokukhulelwa, kubandakanya ukuthunyelwa kwe-arhente yokwamkelwa, iingcebiso kunye neeklasi zokuba ngumzali. Fumana iziko kwindawo yakho apha.

Umboneleli wakho wokhathalelo lwempilo unokukuthumela kwizibonelelo zasekhaya ezinokuba luncedo. Ukongeza, iikholeji kunye neeyunivesithi zinamaziko ezempilo apho ungathatha khona uvavanyo lokukhulelwa, funda ngakumbi malunga nokhetho lwakho, kwaye uhlala ufumana ukuhanjiswa kumboneleli wezonyango okanye eklinikhi.

Ukuba unengxaki yokufumana inkxaso kwindawo yakho, Zonke izinto onokukhetha kuzo sisixhobo esikwi-intanethi simahla, iingcebiso kunye nenkxaso esekwe kwifowuni. Banikela ngenkxaso enovelwano, engenamkhethe, engakhethi cala, nokuba ukhetha luphi ukhetho.

Inqaku malunga namaziko okukhulelwa

Njengoko ujonga ukhetho lwakho kunye nezixhobo zasekhaya, unokufumana amaziko okukhulelwa anikezela ngovavanyo lokukhulelwa simahla kunye nezinye iinkonzo. Banokuzibiza njengeziko lokukhulelwa elinengxaki okanye iziko lezixhobo zokukhulelwa.

Ngelixa amanye ala maziko anokuba luncedo, uninzi luzinikele kuthintelo lokuqhomfa ngenxa yezizathu zonqulo okanye ezopolitiko. Oku kunokubonakala ngathi licebo elilungileyo ukuba ufuna ezinye iindlela zokukhupha isisu, kodwa la maziko anokubonelela ngolwazi olungeyonyani okanye olulahlekisayo kunye neenkcukacha manani.

Ukuvavanya ukuba iziko lokukhulelwa liya kubonelela ngolwazi olungenamkhethe, tsalela umnxeba kwaye ubuze oku kulandelayo:

• Zeziphi iinkonzo ozinikezelayo?
• Ngaba luhlobo luni lwabasebenzi bezonyango onabo kubasebenzi?
• Ngaba unikezela ngeekhondom okanye ezinye iintlobo zolawulo lokuzalwa?
• Ngaba uyaluvavanya usulelo olosulela ngokwabelana ngesondo?
• Ngaba uyabonelela ngeenkonzo zokukhupha isisu okanye ukuhambisa kubanikezeli abenzayo?

Ukuba impendulo kuyo nayiphi na le mibuzo ayikho, okanye abasebenzi baseklinikhi abayi kuphendula imibuzo ethile, kungcono ukuliphepha elo ziko. Izixhobo ezinokuthenjwa ziya kuba ngaphambili malunga nezinto abazenzayo kwaye zinike ulwazi olungenasigwebo malunga nazo zonke izinto onokukhetha kuzo.

Umgca wezantsi

Ukukhulelwa okungacwangciswanga kunokuba nzima ukujongana nako, ngakumbi ukuba awazi ukuba uza kuthetha nabani ngaye. Ukuthetha nabantu obathandayo kunokunceda, kodwa khumbula: Ngumzimba wakho, kwaye ukhetho lwento oyenzayo lelakho wedwa.

UCrystal Raypole wayekhe wasebenza njengombhali kunye nomhleli weGoodTherapy. Amacandelo akhe anomdla abandakanya iilwimi zaseAsia kunye noncwadi, uguqulelo lwaseJapan, ukupheka, isayensi yendalo, ubungqingili besini, kunye nempilo yengqondo.Ngokukodwa, uzibophelele ekuncedeni ukunciphisa ukubekwa amabala malunga nemicimbi yezempilo yengqondo.