Kutheni Ukubuza Umhla Wakho Ukuba Yena "Queer Kwanele" Ngaba Ngokwenene Akulunganga

Umxholo

• Ixhala leentsuku
• Hayi, Andikho "Ndibhidekile nje"
• Uphengululo lwe

Xa ndaya kumhla wam wokuqala kunye nomntu obhinqileyo, ndandineminyaka engama-22 ubudala. Ndandihleli kwisiXeko saseNew York ehlotyeni, kwaye ngengcebiso yomcebisi, ndenza iakhawunti ye-OKCupid njengoko ndandiqala ukuphonononga ubomi bokumkanikazi ngaphaya kwesangqa seMidwestern .

Ukuphuma nje, andikhange ndikhululeke ncam ngokwaneleyo ukuba ndithumele umyalezo wokuqala, ndiye ndenza into endiyibonayo ngoku ikruqulayo: Ndilinde umntu andithumelele umyalezo. Emva kweentsuku ezimbalwa, kwavela umntu, yaye akazange aphozise maseko wandicela ukuba ndihambe. Senze umhla webar encinci kwi-Upper West Side-hayi ngqo i-mecca, nangona kungekho kunqongophala kweentsana nootatomkhulu-kufutshane nalapho bendihlala khona ehlotyeni. (Idibeneyo: Ezona Ndawo zokuPhila ziBalaseleyo zezeMpilo kunye nabaDlamkileyo boBuchule)

Ndilinde kwibhari encinci ngaphambi kokuthatha isigqibo sokuhlala ngaphandle ndize ndinqumle imilenze yam ebilayo emva naphambili ngaphambi kokuba abonakale. Into yokuqala endayiqaphelayo yimikhono yeetattoo ezigqume iingalo zakhe zombini. Ngelo xesha, ndandingena-inki ngokutyebileyo, kumnyama weZooey Deschanel ukugoba ebunzi lam. Nditsale ndinoloyiko kwilokhwe yam emfutshane emnyama kaZara njengoko ndisukuma ukuze ndimbulise, kwaye senza intetho encinci ngaphambi kokuba andijonge phezulu naphantsi kwaye athethe into esele iyenye yeenkcukacha zokwenyani endizikhumbulayo malunga nomhla: "Ke, unjani gay-ngokwenene? "(Ehambelana: Njani" ukuphuma kwakho "kuyiphucule impilo yam nolonwabo lwam)

Ngelo xesha, ndandingazi ukuba ndiza kuwuphendula njani umbuzo. Andizange ndiyazi ukuba ithetha ntoni, okokuqala. Ngaba wayefuna ukuba ndikhuphe i-Kinsey Scale kwaye ndikhombe inombolo? Ngaba bekufanele ukuba ndibonakalise kuye inani lamaxesha endiwabukeleyo ndaphinda ndabukela i-Allison Janney/Meryl Streep kiss evela Iiyure? Ngaba wayefuna ukuba ndiyokucheba isiqingatha seentloko zam phaya, ndinxibe iiBirkenstocks, ndize ndijije iflannel? Ukukhupha uhlobo oluthile lobungqina bobunjani bam kwakubonakala kungenangqondo, kwaye ndandididekile.

Ixhala leentsuku

Kwiminyaka embalwa eyalandelayo, ndandisoyika ngalo lonke ixesha xa ndisiya kuthandana. Ngaba ndiza kuxelelwa, ixesha nexesha, ukuba andonelanga? Akuzange kubi kangangexesha lokuqala, kodwa ndagcina ukuthelekisa entlokweni yam. Ndazibuza ukuba imihla yam ibonakala "inzima ngakumbi" kunokuba ndenzayo okanye ukuba baya kuthatha isigqibo sokuba amava am kunye nenkangeleko yam yandithoba. Ndiza kuhamba ngomhla kwaye ndibe nexhala elininzi ngaphambi kokuba ndiphume emnyango ukuba andinakucinga nangokuzonwabisa. (Idibeneyo: Yinyani: Ukuthandana kweeNkqubo akuKulungele ukuzithemba kwakho)

Uninzi lwabahlobo bam banoluhlobo olufanayo lwebali abalibalileyo malunga nomhla wokuqala okanye ukuhlangana kwindawo ekuhlala kuyo abantu. Ukuba sinxiba iimpahla ezibonisa ubufazi, sichonga njengabantu abathandana nabasetyhini, okanye singena nje kwindawo entsha yokuthandana, abantu bayathandabuza ukuba semthethweni kwethu kweso sithuba.

Umhlobo wam uDana watshata umfazi kunyaka ophelileyo, kwaye umfazi wakhe wayeyintombi yakhe yokuqala. Xa yena nesoka lakhe bahlukana ekuqaleni konyaka ka-2017, wabeka ii -apps zakhe zokuthandana nabafazi kuphela kuba wayengafuni ukuthandana namadoda ngelo xesha. Wayonwabile ukuphonononga le nxalenye intsha yesini sakhe kunye nokudibana nabanye abantu abasetyhini. Kodwa imihla, njengoko imihla emininzi idla ngokwenza, inobuqu ngokukhawuleza. Ngalo lonke ixesha, wayexakekile, eziqinisa imibuzo malunga nembali yakhe yokuthandana awaziyo ukuba iyeza.

"Ndandinexhala lokuba 'ndingabikho ngokwaneleyo,' wandixelela. "Kwakufana nokuphuma kwakhona kodwa umva. Ngapha koko, ngandlela thile, ndiye ndafumanisa isoyikisa kuba bendingafuni ukwaliwa luluntu endizama ukunxibelelana nalo kwaye ndibelilungu lalo, kuba ndivalelwe ixesha elide. "

Hayi, Andikho "Ndibhidekile nje"

Ndiphume lonke ixesha endihlala ngalo eNew York. Ndinoluntu oluhle kakhulu lwabahlobo, kwaye ndiphume ndonele kwindawo yoqweqwe lwasekhaya ukuze ndiqaphele abantu abafanayo kaninzi kwimibhiyozo (ngamanye amaxesha, kuvakala ngathi yinguqulelo yobufanasini Unodoli waseRussia). Akukho maxesha ahlala ndihlangana nomntu omtsha owenza ndizive ndingonwabanga malunga nendlela endiziveza ngayo okanye ndibuze ukuba "ndiphume" ixesha elingakanani. Kodwa bekukho ithutyana apho, xa ndandineminyaka engama-23 kwaye ndandihlukene nje nentombi yam yokuqala, eyayineetattoo ezingalunganga zeengalo ze-badass, iinwele ezinde zeHaim, kwaye yayinokubanakho nabani na L ILizwi I-Trivia, ukuba bendicinga ukuba kukho inyani kule mvakalelo "engekho gay ngokwaneleyo", kwaye ndizibuza ukuba kufuneka ndenze okungakumbi.

Ndiqale ukunxiba amabhontshisi amaninzi ndaza ndafumana iihempe ezimbalwa eUniqlo endizinxibe ngokujikeleza okunzima. Kwaye kamsinya nje ukuba ndifumene itattoo, ndiye ndaqinisekisa ukuba ndiyibonisile kangangoko kunokwenzeka. Umhlobo wam uEmilie ukhumbula esenza into efanayo emva kokuncokola nabantu abamxelela ukuba “wayebhidekile nje” ngenxa yendlela awayenxibe ngayo lobufazi okanye imbali yakhe yokuthandana.

“Ndiye ndaqaphela ukuba ndiyatshintsha ukuze ndizame ukuzenza ndifaneleke kule nto kufuneka abantu bayibone kubantu abathandana nabo, ngoko ke bendikude le nto ndiyiyo kwaye ndifuna abantu bandibone njani,” utshilo.

Umzuzu oqala ukuziqhelanisa nawe uqinisekisa umnxeba wokuvuka. Ndiyithandile iqhosha lam elitsha, kwaye ndalahla ezinye zezinto ezihlekisayo kwigunjana lam elingaziva ngathi. Kodwa kukho amaxesha apho ndisafuna ukunxiba igawuni yebhola enkulu yokugubungela ikhaphethi ebomvu eMet Gala, okanye ndingene kwiCubbyhole Bar eNew York emva komsebenzi ngelixa ndinxibe ilokhwe ekhanyayo yomoya ehlotyeni. Kwaye nabani na ondenza ndibonakalise ikhadi lam lasebusuku emnyango ayinguye nabani na ofanelwe lixesha lam.

Ndiyakuthembisa ukuba kwisithuba semizuzu emihlanu sincokole, andizukuthetha nto ngaphandle kokucinga kwam ngesondo noRachel Weisz, kwaye ngekhe uzibuze.

Uphengululo lwe