Yintoni uMvelisi? Iindlela ezili-11 zokuqonda enye
Umxholo
- Ukwenza kunye nokuxhotyiswa
- Iimpawu okanye iimpawu zesenzi
- 1. Ukungahoyi okanye ukunyamezelana nokuziphatha okuyingxaki
- Umzekelo wokuziphatha
- 2. Ukubonelela ngoncedo lwezemali
- Umzekelo wokuziphatha
- 3. Ukubagubungela okanye ukuzithethelela
- Imizekelo yale ndlela yokuziphatha
- 4. Ukuthatha ngaphezulu kwesabelo sakho semfanelo
- Umzekelo wokuziphatha
- 5. Ukuphepha umba
- Umzekelo wokuziphatha
- 6. Ukuxukuxa izinto
- Umzekelo wokuziphatha
- 7. Ukuphika ingxaki
- Umzekelo wokuziphatha
- 8. Ukuzincama okanye ukusokola ukuqonda iimfuno zakho
- Umzekelo wokuziphatha
- 9. Ukungalandeli iziphumo
- Umzekelo wokuziphatha
- 10. Ukungayigcini imida yakho echaziweyo
- Umzekelo wokuziphatha
- 11. Ukuziva unenzondo
- Umzekelo wokuziphatha
- Uyeke kanjani ukwenza ukuba umntu omthandayo enze
- Yazisa umba
- Bakhuthaze ukuba bafumane uncedo
- Beka imida yakho kwaye uyigcine
- Khumbula ukuba kulungile ukuthi hayi
- Zama unyango ngokwakho
- Kuphephe ukusebenzisa izinto ezibangqongileyo
- Yise kude
Igama elithi "amandla" lichaza umntu oziphethe kakuhle evumela umntu amthandayo ukuba aqhubeke nokuziphatha kakubi.
Eli gama linokubekwa amabala kuba kuhlala kukho isigwebo esibi esincanyathiselwe kuso. Nangona kunjalo, abantu abaninzi abenza abanye bangenzi njalo ngabom. Basenokungayiqondi nento abayenzayo.
Ukwenza ukuba kuqhele ukubhekisa kwiipateni ezibonakala kwimeko yokusetyenziswa gwenxa kweziyobisi okanye iziyobisi. Kodwa ngokwe-American Psychological Association, inokubhekisa kwiipateni kubudlelwane obusondeleyo obuxhasa naziphi na izinto ezinobungozi okanye ezinengxaki kwaye zenza kube lula ukuba ukuqhubeka nokuziphatha.
Ukwenza oko akuthethi ukuba uxhasa umlutha womntu omthandayo okanye enye indlela yokuziphatha. Unokukholelwa ukuba awunakunceda, isiphumo kuye wonke umntu obandakanyekayo siya kuba sibi kakhulu. Mhlawumbi uthethelela indlela oziphethe ngayo, uboleke imali, okanye uncede ngezinye iindlela.
Kodwa kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukwenza ukuba kungancedi. Ixesha elingaphezulu kunokuba nefuthe elibi kulowo umthandayo nakwabanye abakungqongileyo. Kunzima ukuba umntu afumane uncedo ukuba akaziboni ngokupheleleyo iziphumo zezenzo zakhe.
Ukuba unenkxalabo unokwenza ukuba umntu othile aziphathe kakuhle, funda ukuze ufunde okungakumbi ngokwenza, kubandakanya imiqondiso, indlela yokumisa, kunye nendlela yokubonelela ngenkxaso kulowo umthandayo.
Ukwenza kunye nokuxhotyiswa
Akusoloko kulula ukwahlula phakathi ukuxhobisa umntu kunye ukwenza kubo. Kunokubakho umohluko omncinci phakathi kwezi zimbini.
Uninzi lwabantu olwenza ukuba abo babathandayo bangafuni ukwenza ingozi. Ngapha koko, ukwenza ngokubanzi kuqala ngomnqweno wokunceda. Ukuziphatha okuhle kunokubonakala ngathi kukunceda ekuziphatheni. Unokuzama ukunceda ngeenjongo ezintle kwaye wenze umntu ngaphandle kokuqonda.
Kodwa ukuxhobisa umntu akuthethi ukusombulula okanye ukufihla iingxaki. Endaweni yokuba uxhobise umntu, wenza enye okanye ezingaphezulu kwezi zilandelayo ukubanceda baphumelele okanye batshintshe ngokwabo:
- banike izixhobo
- bancede bafikelele kwizibonelelo
- bafundise izakhono
Ngamanye amagama, ubanika amandla okwenza ukhetho lwabo nokusombulula iingxaki.
Ukwenza amandla kuhlala kuchaza iimeko ezibandakanya ukuba likhoboka okanye ukusetyenziswa gwenxa kweziyobisi. Kodwa oku akusoloko kunjalo. Ukwenza ukuba uchaze nayiphi na imeko apho "unceda" ngokuzama ukufihla iingxaki okanye uzenze zihambe.
Olu ncedo aluncedisi ekugqibeleni, njengoko ihlala ingenzi ngxaki ihambe kwaphela. Ihlala iyenza mandundu ngakumbi into yokuba umntu onikwe amandla angabinasizathu sincinci sokwenza utshintsho ukuba bayaqhubeka nokufumana uncedo olwehlisa isidingo sabo sokwenza utshintsho.
Iimpawu okanye iimpawu zesenzi
Le miqondiso ilandelayo inokukunceda uqaphele xa ipateni yokuziphatha okuqinisekileyo inokukhula.
1. Ukungahoyi okanye ukunyamezelana nokuziphatha okuyingxaki
Nokuba awuvumelani nokuziphatha komntu omthandayo, unokungahoyi ngaso naziphi na izizathu.
Ukuba uyakholelwa ukuba umntu omthandayo ujonge, ungathemba ukuba ukungayihoyi indlela yokuziphatha kuzakususa inkuthazo yabo yokuqhubeka.
Usenokukuphepha ukuthetha ngako ngenxa yokoyika ukwamkela ingxaki. Wena okanye umntu omthandayo usenokuba akwamkelanga kukho ingxaki. Usenokoyika nokuba umntu wakho omthandayo uza kuthini okanye enze ntoni xa ucela umngeni kwindlela oziphatha ngayo.
Umzekelo wokuziphatha
Yithi iqabane lakho lilwa nokusetyenziswa gwenxa kotywala. Bathi khange basele, kodwa ufumana irisithi kwinkunkuma yangasese kwindawo yokugcina utywala ngobunye ubusuku. Ngobusuku obulandelayo ufumana irisithi yebha kwindawo ohlala kuyo. Endaweni yokubabuza malunga neerisithi, uthatha isigqibo sokuba ungawucinezeli umcimbi.
2. Ukubonelela ngoncedo lwezemali
Amaxesha amaninzi akukho monakalo ekuncedeni umntu omthandayo ngemali amaxesha ngamaxesha ukuba iimali zakho zobuqu ziyakuvumela oko. Kodwa ukuba bathanda ukusebenzisa imali ngokungakhathali, ngokungxama, okanye kwizinto ezinokubangela ingozi, ukubanika imali rhoqo kunokubenza baziphathe ngale ndlela.
Ukuxhasa ngemali umntu omthandayo kunokuba neziphumo ezibi kakhulu xa besilwa neziyobisi okanye utywala.
Umzekelo wokuziphatha
Umntwana wakho omdala uyasokola ukulawula imali yakhe kwaye akanakuze abenakho ukuhlawula irente. Ukubanceda inyanga nenyanga akunakubafundisa ukuphatha imali yabo. Endaweni yoko, banokuxhomekeka ngakumbi kuwe.
3. Ukubagubungela okanye ukuzithethelela
Xa ukhathazekile ngemiphumo yezenzo zomntu omthandayo, kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukubanceda ngokubakhusela kwezi ziphumo.
Kuyalinga ukwenza izizathu zothandekayo wakho kwamanye amalungu osapho okanye abahlobo xa ukhathazeka abanye abantu baya kubagweba kabukhali okanye ngokungalunganga. Kodwa oku akuyi kunceda umntu omthandayo atshintshe.
Imizekelo yale ndlela yokuziphatha
Ungabiza umsebenzi weqabane lakho ukuba uthi bayagula xa belambile okanye benxilile. Okanye ungabiza isikolo somntwana wakho ngesizathu xa bengayigqibanga iprojekthi yekota okanye bafundele uviwo olubalulekileyo.
Izenzo zakho zinokubonakala ngathi ziyanceda ngalo mzuzu: zigcina iqabane lakho ekubeni lijongane nesohlwayo okanye nokulahlekelwa ngumsebenzi (kunye nomthombo wengeniso). Bayamthintela umntwana wakho ekufumaneni iziphumo eziya kuchaphazela ikamva labo.
Kodwa izenzo zakho zinokunika umntu omthandayo umyalezo wokuba akukho nto iphosakeleyo ngokuziphatha kwabo-oya kuhlala uwagubungela.
4. Ukuthatha ngaphezulu kwesabelo sakho semfanelo
Unokuba uvumela umntu omthandayo ukuba ufumanisa ukuba uhlala uthabatha: ukwenza imisebenzi yasekhaya, ukujonga abantwana babo, okanye ukunyamekela imisebenzi ebalulekileyo yemihla ngemihla abayishiya ingenziwanga.
Kukho umahluko phakathi kokuxhasa umntu nokumenza akwazi. Umntu olwa noxinzelelo unokuba nzima ukuphuma ebhedini yonke imihla. Inkxaso yexeshana inokubanceda bakwenze oko ngexesha elinzima kwaye ubaxhobise ukuba bafune uncedo. Awunakho ukwenza uxinzelelo kuba ayisiyonto yokuziphatha.
Kodwa ukuba uncedo lwakho luvumela umntu omthandayo ukuba abe nexesha elilula lokuqhubeka nokuziphatha okunengxaki, unokubenza bakwazi.
Umzekelo wokuziphatha
Unokuvumela umntwana wakho ukuba aphephe imisebenzi yasekhaya ukuze babe "nexesha lokuba ngumntwana." Kodwa umntu omdala osemtsha ongaziyo ukuhlamba impahla okanye ukuhlamba izitya kuya kuba nzima kubo. Kubalulekile ukubetha ibhalansi.
5. Ukuphepha umba
Nokuba umntu wakho omthandayo uyaqhubeka nokusela ukuya kwindawo yokumnyama okanye uhlala ekhupha imali kwisipaji sakho, imeko yakho yokuqala inokuba kukujongana nabo. Ufuna isimilo siyeke.
Kodwa emva kokucinga ngako, unokuqala ukuxhalaba malunga nendlela abasabela ngayo. Unokuthatha isigqibo sokuba kungcono ukungahoyi isimilo okanye ukufihla imali yakho.
Ihlala yoyikisa ukucinga ngokuzisa imiba enzulu efana nokulutha xa sele uqondile ukuba kukho ingxaki. Oku kunokuba ngumceli mngeni ngakumbi ukuba sele uqhele ukufumana iimpikiswano okanye ungquzulwano kunzima.
Kodwa ukunqanda ingxoxo kukuthintela ekuziseni ingqalelo kwingxaki kwaye uncede umntu omthandayo ukuba ayilungise ngendlela esempilweni.
Umzekelo wokuziphatha
Umntu omthandayo uhlala esela kakhulu xa uphuma uye kwindawo yokutyela. Endaweni yokuthetha ngalo mbandela, uqala ukucebisa ngeendawo ezingabunikeli utywala.
6. Ukuxukuxa izinto
Abantu abajongana nesiyobisi okanye ezinye iipateni zokuziphatha okuyingxaki bahlala bethetha okanye benze izinto ezimbi okanye ezihlukumezayo. Banokukuthuka, bakudelele, bakophule okanye bebe izinto zakho, okanye bakwenzakalise ngokwasemzimbeni.
Unokuzixelela ukuba le ndlela yokuziphatha ayimibi kangako okanye uziqinisekise ukuba ngekhe bazenze ezo zinto ukuba akunjalo.
Kodwa isizathu sokuziphatha asikhathali. Ukuba indlela yokuziphatha ibangela ukwenzakala, ibangela ingozi. Ukunciphisa umcimbi kuthetha ukuba umntu omthandayo uya kuqhubeka nokukuphatha ngokufanayo ngaphandle kwemiphumo.
Ngokuzenzisa into abayenzayo ayikuchaphazeli, unika umyalezo ukuba abenzi nto ingxaki.
Umzekelo wokuziphatha
Umlingane wakho uhlala ekuhlekisa esidlangalaleni. Kuba nabo bayasokola ukuba likhoboka lotywala, uzixelele ukuba yinto ethetha ngotywala kwaye ayithethi nyhani.
Nangona iqala ukuchaphazela impilo-ntle yakho ngokweemvakalelo, ude uzixelele ukuba ayikokuxhatshazwa kuba ayingabo ngokwabo xa bebesele.
7. Ukuphika ingxaki
Kunokuba nzima ukwamkela umntu omthandayo efuna uncedo. Banokuthi bazamile iziyobisi kube kanye okanye kabini kodwa bangazisebenzisi rhoqo. Banokubuza nokuba wena cinga ukuba banengxaki. Uyabaqinisekisa ukuba awukhathali, ukuba abaseli kakhulu, okanye ngenye indlela bayaphika ukuba kukho umba.
Unokukhetha ukubakholelwa okanye uvume ngaphandle kokukholelwa ngokwenene. Usenokunyanzelisa olunye usapho okanye abahlobo ukuba yonke into ilunge ngelixa usokola ukwamkela le nguqulelo yenyaniso ngokwakho.
Kodwa ngokungayamkeli ingxaki, unokuyikhuthaza, nokuba ufuna nyani ukuba iyeke. Ukuphika umba kunokudala imiceli mngeni kuwe nakwisithandwa sakho.
Izahlula nobabini, inye. Kwenza ukuba kube nzima ukuba umntu omthandayo acele uncedo, nokuba bayazi ukuba bafuna uncedo ukuze batshintshe.
Umzekelo wokuziphatha
Iqabane lakho liqale kancinci ukusela ngakumbi nangakumbi njengoko uxinzelelo noxanduva emsebenzini wabo lonyukile. Uyakhumbula xa babesela kancinane, ngoko uzixelele ukuba abanangxaki. Banokuyeka nanini na.
8. Ukuzincama okanye ukusokola ukuqonda iimfuno zakho
Ukuphoswa zizinto ozifunayo okanye ozifunayo ngenxa yokuba ubandakanyeke kakhulu ekunyamekeleni umntu omthandayo nako kungangumqondiso onika amandla loo mntu.
Ngaba uyasokola ngokwezezimali emva kokunika umntu omthandayo imali? Ngaba uswele ixesha lomsebenzi wakho, ukuzikhathalela, okanye olunye ulwalamano kuba usenza okungakumbi ekhaya?
Ngamanye amaxesha sifuna ukuzincama ngenxa yabantu esibakhathaleleyo. Oku akusoloko kuthetha ukuba unika umntu amandla. Isizathu sokuba uvumele iimfuno zakho zihambisane nemicimbi.
Ngokuqinisekileyo kubalulekile ukuzikhathalela wena kuqala, ngakumbi xa unakekela umntu omthandayo ogulayo, kodwa usenokungaphoswa kukuphoswa yimisebenzi yakho yesiqhelo yeentsuku ezininzi okanye iiveki ezimbalwa.
Kodwa ukuba uhlala usokola ukwenza izinto okanye uzive udiniwe yimizamo yakho yokunyamekela umntu omthandayo, kunokukunceda ukuqaphela izizathu zokunceda kunye nefuthe abanalo kulowo umthandayo. Ngaba idini lakho liyakuvumela ukuqhubeka nokuziphatha kwabo?
Umzekelo wokuziphatha
Umntwana wakho uchitha iiyure ubusuku ngabunye edlala imidlalo yevidiyo endaweni yokujongana noxanduva lwabo. Ugcwalisa ukuhlwa kwakho ngokuhlamba kwabo, ukucoca, kunye neminye imisebenzi ukuqinisekisa ukuba baya kuba nento yokunxiba kunye neshawa ecocekileyo abanokuyisebenzisa kusasa.
Kodwa nawe usebenza ngokusisigxina kwaye ufuna ukuhlwa ukuze uzikhathalele. Uyeke oku kutyibilika ecaleni kwendlela. Uyifumanisa yinto nje yobomi.
9. Ukungalandeli iziphumo
Ukuba uchaza isiphumo, kubalulekile ukulandela. Ukungalandeli ngokuvumela umntu omthandayo angazi ukuba kuya kwenzeka ntoni xa beqhubeka besenza into enye. Oku kunokwenza ukuba kube lula ukuba baqhubeke nokuziphatha ngendlela efanayo kwaye baqhubeke nokusebenzisa uncedo lwakho.
Umzekelo wokuziphatha
Kungafika ixesha kubudlelwane bakho xa sowonele. Unokuthi, "Ukuba uchitha le mali kuyo nantoni na engeyiyo irente, andizukuphinda ndikunike enye imali."
Okanye, "andinakuhlala kobu budlelwane ukuba awufumani ncedo lobungcali."
Usenokuthi, "Ndihlawula kuphela isabelo sam serenti kule nyanga, ke ukuba awukwazi ukuhlawula eyakho, kuyakufuneka ufumane enye indawo yokuhlala."
Kodwa awulandeli, ke umntu omthandayo uyaqhubeka nokwenza into abayenzayo kwaye ufunda ezi zizisongelo ezingenanto.
10. Ukungayigcini imida yakho echaziweyo
Imida esempilweni ibalulekile kulo naluphi na ulwalamano. Eminye imida onokuyibonisa kumntu omthandayo onomlutha, ukuxhatshazwa, okanye enye inkxalabo ingabandakanya:
- "Andifuni ukuba phakathi kwakho xa ukhwaza, ke ndiza kumamela kuphela xa uthetha ngokuzola."
- "Andiziva ndikhululekile ukulala nomntu ukuba ubusele."
- "Andifuni ukuxhoma xa sele usebenzisa iziyobisi, ke nceda ungafiki xa uphakamileyo."
Ukuba wena okanye umntu omthandayo uwela umda obonakalisile kwaye akukho ziphumo, banokuqhubeka bewela loo mda.
Umzekelo wokuziphatha
Ukuba umntu wakho omthandayo uqala ukukhwaza ngexesha lengxoxo kwaye uqhubeka nengxoxo endaweni yokuhamba, banokufumana umyalezo wokuba ingxaki yokuziphatha ayisiyonto inkulu leyo kuwe. Banokuziva ngathi uyakunikezela ngokulula kweminye imida, nayo.
11. Ukuziva unenzondo
Xa ipateni yokuvumela ukubonakalisa ubudlelwane, kuqhelekile ukuba nenzondo, okanye iimvakalelo zomsindo nokudana, ukukhula.
Ingqumbo yakho inokujoliswa ngakumbi kumntu omthandayo, kwimeko, kuzo zombini, okanye nakuwe. Unokuziva ukhathazekile kwaye unomsindo ngokuchitha ixesha elininzi uzama ukunceda umntu obonakala engakuxabisi. Unokuziva unyanzelekile ukuba uqhubeke nokunceda nokuba awufuni.
Inzondo inokonakalisa impilo yakho, kodwa inokukunceda uqaphele ukuba imeko ayinakuba sempilweni.
Umzekelo wokuziphatha
Yithi udadewenu uyaqhubeka nokushiya abantwana bakhe kunye nawe xa ephuma. Uthi unomsebenzi, kodwa uyazi ukuba uyaxoka. Uyavuma ukugcina umntwana kuba ufuna ukuba abantwana bakhuseleke, kodwa ukugcina kwakho umntwana kumenza akwazi ukuphuma.
Ngokuhamba kwexesha uye ucaphuke kwaye ukhathazeke ngakumbi ngaye kwaye nawe ngenxa yokungakwazi ukuthi hayi. Le ntiyo ingena kancinci kunxibelelwano lwakho nabantwana bakhe.
Uyeke kanjani ukwenza ukuba umntu omthandayo enze
Ngaba kukho nayiphi na imiqondiso engentla ebonakala ifana neepateni eziye zaphuhla kubudlelwane bakho nomntu omthandayo? Ezi ngcebiso zinokukunceda ukuba ufunde indlela yokuxhobisa umntu omthandayo endaweni yoko.
Yazisa umba
Yenza kucace ukuba uyayazi into yokusetyenziswa gwenxa kweziyobisi okanye enye indlela yokuziphatha endaweni yokungahoyi okanye ukubrasha ezi zenzo. Nika imfesane, kodwa yenze icace ukuba ezo ndlela zokuziphatha azilunganga.
Ukujongana nomntu omthandayo kunokubanceda baqonde ukuba awuyixhasi indlela yokuziphatha ngelixa ubazisa ukuba uzimisele ukubanceda basebenzele ukutshintsha.
Bakhuthaze ukuba bafumane uncedo
Basenokungavumi ukungena kunyango ngoko nangoko, ke kuya kufuneka ulikhankanye amaxesha amaninzi. Ukusebenza kunye nonyango lwakho kunokukunceda uhlolisise iindlela ezifanelekileyo zokuzisa unyango olulungele imeko yakho.
Beka imida yakho kwaye uyigcine
Xelela umntu omthandayo ukuba ufuna ukuqhubeka ubanceda, kodwa hayi ngeendlela ezenza ukuba baziphathe kakuhle. Umzekelo, unganikezela ngokukhwela ukuya kwiindawo zokuqeshwa kodwa uthi hayi ekunikeni imali yegesi okanye enye into.
Khumbula ukuba kulungile ukuthi hayi
Oku kunokuba nzima ekuqaleni, ngakumbi ukuba umntu omthandayo akakucaphukela. Kodwa ukuthi hayi kuhlala kubalulekile ukuze uchache. Hlala uzolile, kodwa yomelela. Yenza imiphumo yokuwela kwemida icace.
Zama unyango ngokwakho
Iingcali zonyango zihlala zisebenza nabantu abazifumana bevumela abo babathandayo ukuba babancede bajongane neepateni kwaye banike inkxaso ngeendlela eziluncedo nezilungileyo.
Kuphephe ukusebenzisa izinto ezibangqongileyo
Ukuba umntu omthandayo ujongana nokusetyenziswa gwenxa kotywala, ukususa utywala ekhayeni lakho kunganceda ukuba kungabikho lula ukufikelela kubo. Usenokungabi nangxaki yokunciphisa iziselo zakho, kodwa cinga ukuba nazo kunye nomhlobo endaweni yoko.
Yise kude
Ukwenza umntu akuthethi ukuba uyavumelana nokuziphatha kwabo. Unokuzama nje ukunceda umntu omthandayo ngenxa yokuba ukhathazekile ngabo okanye usoyika ukuba isenzo sabo sinokubenzakalisa, wena, okanye amanye amalungu osapho.
Kodwa kubalulekile ukuqaphela le patheni yokuziphatha kwaye uqalise ukujongana nayo. Ukwenza ukuba kube neziphumo ezibi kulwalamano lwakho kunye namathuba okuthandwa ngumntu omthandayo.
Kunzima ukusebenza ngokusebenzisa iziyobisi okanye ukusebenzisa gwenxa utywala wedwa. Kwaye ukuba ingxaki ayikaze ixoxwe, abanakufane bafune uncedo.
Ukuba ucinga ukuba izenzo zakho zinokunceda umntu omthandayo, cinga ukuthetha nonyango. Kwonyango, ungaqala ukuchonga indlela yokuziphatha evumayo kwaye ufumane inkxaso njengoko ufunda ukunceda umntu omthandayo ngeendlela ezisempilweni.