Indlela Ukuzilolonga Kundincede Ngayo Ukuloyisa Umlutha Wam weHeroin kunye neOpioids

Umxholo

• Uphengululo lwe

Bekumele ndiqonde ukuba ndizobetha ezantsi etyeni xa bendiba iipilisi zikamakhulu wam oxhomekeke kwiipilisi zentlungu ukunyanga isifo samathambo. Kodwa, kunoko, xa waphawula ukuba ezinye iipilisi zakhe azikho, ndaxoka ngamazinyo ndaza ndakhanyela ukuba andinanto yakwenza noko. Ndiyakhumbula ndishiya indlu ngaloo mini ndicinga ukuba ndiza kubakhohlisa bonke abantu, ndize ndibuye kamva ngobo busuku nditshixe iingcango zegumbi lokulala kunye neekhabhathi zamayeza ezazicociwe. Usapho lwam lonke lwalusazi ukuba ndinengxaki-wonke umntu ngaphandle kwam.

Andiyiyo kanye ingelosi ekhulayo, kodwa andizange ndiqale ukwenza iziyobisi nzulu de ndadibana nesoka lam lasekholejini, umfana endandicinga ukuba "nguye." Kwiiveki ezimbini ngaphambi kokuphumelela, wandazisa kwi-OxyContin, iPercocet, kunye neVicodin. (Ezi ntlungu zinokukhokelela ekubeni likhoboka ngengozi, ngakumbi kumntu ochacha ekonzakaleni okubuhlungu.) Ngokukhawuleza, ukuthanda kwam ukujika kuye kwaya kwiziyobisi. Ndabadinga ukuba bazive beqhelekileyo. Bendingenokwazi ukuya emsebenzini ngaphandle kwabo. Bendingakwazi ukulala ngaphandle kwazo. Kwaye ukuba bendingaphakamanga, bendiya kugula kwaye ndingcangcazela ngokungalawulekiyo. (Ukuba uyazi ukuba umntu omthandayo unokuba nengxaki, jonga ezinye zeempawu ezilumkisa ukusetyenziswa gwenxa kweziyobisi.) Ndicinga ukuba bendisazi ukuba ubomi bam bujikeleze iziyobisi, kodwa ndaziva ngathi ndiyalawula. Ndandizixelele ukuba ndandizifuna kuphela ngendlela abasebenzi abaninzi baseofisini abaxhomekeke ngayo kwikofu ukuze bagqibe imini yonke.

Ekuphakameni komlutha wam, iintsuku zam zazingumjikelo otyhafisayo wokufuna iipilisi, ukunyuka, ukusuka phezulu, emva koko ndikhangele kwinqanaba lam elilandelayo (yindlela yokuphila ebiza kakhulu). Ekugqibeleni, ndathatha i-heroin emva kokuba "umhlobo" endixelele ukuba kubiza iqhezu lento bendiyibhatalela i-OxyContin. Ndiza kuthi xhaxhe ngeyona ndlela kangangokuba ndandimnyama, ndaza ndabanjelwa ubusela ezivenkileni. (Kwakufana nokubamnyama ngenxa yokusela kakhulu utywala, apho usahleli uphakama kwaye uhamba-hamba.) Okwesithathu le nto yenzekile, xa ndafowunela umama ukuba andikhuphe (kwakhona), wandithatha wandixelela ebengenakuqhubeka nokuphila ngoluhlobo kwakhona. Kulapho ndaqonda ukuba nam andikwazi.

Yiloo nto bendiyifuna ukuze ndiqalise ukubuyisa kwakhona. Ndiya kuba ndiyaxoka ukuba ndithe ndafumana umnxeba wokuvuka ngaloo mini kwaye ngokukhawuleza umlutha wam waphiliswa. Oko kubanjwa kwakungo-2012, kwaye kwathatha unyaka opheleleyo ukuya kwinkqubo yabalindi abagula kakhulu amaxesha amane ngeveki kunye nokudibana neqela lam elinamanyathelo ali-12 okanye ukuxhasa kabini okanye kathathu ngemini ngaphambi kokuba ndizive "ndicocekile." Kodwa ukuba noluntu emva kwam kwandinceda ndanomdla. Wonke umntu kwinkqubo yam wayeliqonda ibali lam. Babekho ngokwabo, ukuze bakwazi ukubalisa.

Bandincede ndaziva ndibhetele ngam, kwaye ekugqibeleni, oko kukhokelele ekunyamekeleni impilo yam kunye nomzimba wam, nawo. Ndiqale ukusebenza ngenkqubo eyilelwe abantu ukuba bachache kwaye ndafunda ukusebenzisa kwakhona. Xa ndandilikhoboka leziyobisi, ndalibala ukuba ndikuthanda kangakanani ukwenza umthambo! Ngoku, ndibeka phambili ukwenza into esebenzayo yonke imihla-nokuba luhlobo olubukhali lweCrossFit lweklasi nabantu abasuka kwinkqubo yam, iklasi yeyoga, okanye ukuhambahamba nje ebumelwaneni ukuze uhambe. Ukukhuthala kuyandinceda ukuba ndicoce ingqondo yam, kwaye kuhambisana nokuhlala ndinxilile. Kuvakala ngathi yinto nje, kodwa ukuzilolonga kundinika uhlobo olwahlukileyo lokucaca ukuba lulungile kum.

Ndiphila ubomi obulungelelanisiweyo ngoku, kwaye seso sakhiwo sindigcina ndingazolanga. Ndicwangcisa ukuzilolonga kunye nabahlobo kwangentseni ukuphelisa ukhetho lokuphuma kwi-bender ngobusuku bangaphambili. Ezi zibophelelo zakusasa ziyandinyanzela ukuba ndiqale usuku lwam ukuze ndingabinakho ukukhetha ukulala esofeni apho iziyobisi zinokuba sisilingo.

Emuva ekuphakameni komlutha wam, andizange ndicinge ukuba abantu baya kujonga kum njengomzekelo wempumelelo, kodwa ngoku bayayenza. Ingcebiso yam kubo kukuba baqhubeke bebuyela-kwiintlanganiso zokubuyisela kunye nokuzilolonga-kuba ibangcono.

Uphengululo lwe