IBallet yandinceda ukuba ndiphinde ndiqhagamshelane nomzimba wam emva kokudlwengulwa—Ngoku ndinceda abanye ukuba benze okufanayo

Umxholo

• Uphengululo lwe

Ukucacisa ukuba kuthetha ukuthini kum kumdaniso kunzima kuba andiqinisekanga ukuba unokubekwa ngamagama. Ndibe ngumdanisi phantse iminyaka engama-28. Iqale njengendawo yokuyila eyandinika ithuba lokuba ndingoyena mntu ubalaseleyo kum. Namhlanje, kuninzi kakhulu kunoko. Ayisengomsebenzi nje wokuzonwabisa, umsebenzi okanye umsebenzi. Kuyimfuneko. Iya kuba ngumnqweno wam omkhulu kude kube ngumhla wokufa-kwaye ndichaze ukuba kutheni, kufuneka ndibuyele ku-Okthobha u-29, 2012.

Eyona nto inamathele kum yeyona ndlela bendinemincili ngayo. Ndandiza kungena kwigumbi elitsha, ndandisandula ukwamkelwa esikolweni ukuze ndigqibe isidanga sam kwizifundo zokufundisa, kwaye ndandisele ndiza kungena kuvavanyo olumangalisayo lwevidiyo yomculo. Zonke ezi zinto zimangalisayo zazisenzeka ebomini bam. Emva koko konke kwafikelela esiphelweni xa umntu endingamaziyo wandihlasela kwaye wandidlwengula ehlathini elingaphandle kwendawo yam eBaltimore.

Uhlaselo alunabunono okoko ndabethelwa entloko kwaye ndandingazi kakuhle ngelixa kusenzeka. Kodwa ndandinomdla ngokwaneleyo ukuba ndazi ukuba ndibethiwe, ndakhuthuzwa, ndaza ndachama ndaza ndatshicelwa ngexesha lolwaphulo-mthetho. Ukufika kwam, ibhulukhwe yam yayiqhotyoshelwe kum ngomlenze omnye, umzimba wam wawugutyungelwe kukrwela kunye nemikrwelo, kwaye kukho udaka ezinweleni zam. Kodwa emva kokuqonda okwenzekileyo, okanye mandithi yintoni eyenziweyo ukuya mna, imvakalelo yokuqala endandinayo yayikukuba neentloni kunye neentloni- kwaye yinto endandihamba nayo ixesha elide kakhulu.

Ndaluxela udlwengulo emapoliseni aseBaltimore, ndagqiba ikiti yokudlwengula, ndaza ndangenisa yonke into ebendinayo kum. Kodwa uphando ngokwalo lwalukukuphatha kakubi ubulungisa. Ndizamile ngako konke okusemandleni am ukuba ndibe nengqondo ephilileyo kuyo yonke le nkqubo, kodwa akukho nto inokundilungiselela ukungakhathali endikufumeneyo. Kwanasemva kokuba ndibalise ngobunzima ndiphindaphinda, abezomthetho abakwazanga kugqiba ukuba baqhubele phambili nophando njengodlwengulo okanye ukukhuthuza-kwaye ekugqibeleni bancama ukululandela ngokupheleleyo.

Sele kuyiminyaka emihlanu ukususela ngaloo mini. Kwaye ngaphezulu kwe- nangoku ndingazi ukuba ngubani owophule umthetho wam, andazi nokuba ikiti yam yokudlwengula iye yavavanywa na. Ngelo xesha, ndandivakalelwa kukuba ndiphathwa njengentlekisa. Ndaziva ngathi ndihlekwa kwaye andithathwa ngokungathí sina. Ithoni iyonke endiyifumeneyo yayisithi "Kutheni wenze njalo wena yenzeke lento?"

Kanye xa ndicinga ukuba ubomi bam abunakubuya buhlukane, ndafumanisa ukuba ukudlwengulwa kwam kubangele ukuba ndikhulelwe. Ndandisazi ukuba ndifuna ukusiqhomfa, kodwa kwandoyikisa ukucinga ngokusikhupha ndedwa. Umzali oCwangcisiweyo ufuna ukuba uze nomntu oza kukugcina emva kwenkqubo, kodwa akukho namnye kubomi bam-kusapho okanye kubahlobo abazenze bafumaneka ngenxa yam.

Ke ndiye ndangena e-PP ndindodwa, ndilila ndibacenga ukuba bandivumele ndidlule kuyo. Beyazi imeko yam, bandiqinisekisa ukuba babeza kusigcina idinga lam yaye babesoloko bendinceda ngandlela zonke. Baye bandifunela neteksi baqinisekisa ukuba ndifika ekhaya ndikhuselekile. (Eyeleleneyo: Ukuwa kobuzali okucwangcisiweyo okunokuthi kuyichaphazele njani impilo yabasetyhini)

Njengokuba ndandilele ebhedini yam ngobo busuku, ndaqonda ukuba ndichithe olona suku lunzima ebomini bam ndithembele kubantu endingabaziyo ngokupheleleyo ukuba bandixhase. Ndavele ndanezothe ndaziva ngathi ndingumthwalo kubo bonke abanye abantu ngenxa yento endiyenziwe ngayo. Ndiza kuqonda kamva ukuba yiloo nto isiko lokudlwengula.

Kwiintsuku ezalandelayo, ndayeka iintloni kunye neentloni zanditya, ndangena kuxinzelelo olukhokelela ekunxileni, ekusebenziseni iziyobisi nakwimikhwa yokuziphatha okubi. Umntu ngamnye osindayo ujongana nokwenzakala kwakhe ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo; eyam imeko bendiziyeke ndisetyenziswe ndijonge iimeko ezizondiphelisa intlupheko kuba bendingasafuni kuba kulomhlaba.

Oko kwathabatha malunga neenyanga ezisibhozo de ekugqibeleni ndafikelela kwinqanaba apho ndandisazi ukuba kufuneka ndenze utshintsho. Ndiye ndaqonda andinaxesha lakuhlala nala ntlungu ikum. Bendingenalo ixesha lokubalisa ibali lam ngokuphindaphindiweyo de kubekho umntu ekugqibeleni ndivile mna. Ndiyazi ukuba ndifuna into eza kundinceda ndiphinde ndithandane nam kwakhona-ukuze ndidlule ezi mvakalelo zingekhoyo bendinazo ngomzimba wam. Yabuya loo ndlela umdaniso ebomini bam. Ndisazi ukuba kufuneka ndibuyele kuyo ukuze ndizuze ukuzithemba kwakhona kwaye okona kubaluleke kakhulu, ndifunde ukuziva ndikhuselekile kwakhona.

Ndiye ndabuyela eclassini. Khange ndixelele mqeqeshi wam okanye endifunda nabo malunga nolu hlaselo kuba ndifuna ukuba kwindawo apho ndingasekhoyo lonto intombazana. Njengomdanisi weklasikhi, bendisazi ukuba ukuba ndiza kuyenza le nto, kufuneka ndivumele utitshala wam ukuba abeke izandla zakhe kum ukulungisa imeko yam. Ngezo zihlandlo bekufuneka ndilibale ukuba ndilixhoba kwaye ndivumele loo mntu angene kwindawo yam, yiloo nto kanye endiyenzileyo.

Kancinci, kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo, ndaqala ukuziva ndinxibelelana nomzimba wam kwakhona. Ukujonga umzimba wam esipilini iintsuku ezininzi, ukuxabisa ifom yam kunye nokuvumela omnye umntu ukuba awusebenzise umzimba wam ngendlela yobuqu kwaqala ukundinceda ndibuyise isazisi sam. Kodwa okona kubaluleke kakhulu, yaqala ukundinceda ndikwazi ukumelana nokuhlaselwa kwam, eyayiyinxalenye enkulu yenkqubela yam. (Idibeneyo: Ukuqubha kwandinceda njani ukuba ndibuye kwakhona ekuhlaselweni ngokwesondo)

Ndazibona ndifuna ukusebenzisa intshukumo njengendlela yokundinceda ndiphilise, kodwa andizange ndifumane nto egxile kuloo nto. Njengomntu oxhatshaziweyo ngokwesondo, ubunokukhetha ukuya kwiqela okanye kunyango lwabucala kodwa bekungekho phakathi. Bekungekho nkqubo esekwe kwimisebenzi ngaphandle apho eya kukuthatha ngamanyathelo okuphinda uzifundise ukuzikhathalela, ukuzithanda, okanye izicwangciso zokuba ungaziva njani ungowasemzini kulusu lwakho.

Wazalwa ngaloo ndlela ke iBallet After Dark. Yenzelwe ukutshintsha ubuso beentloni kunye nokunceda abo basindileyo ekukhathazekeni ngokwesondo ukuba basebenze ngokubonakalayo kobomi basemva kwengozi. Yindawo ekhuselekileyo efikeleleka lula kubafazi bazo zonke izizwe, iimilo, ubukhulu, kunye nemvelaphi, ukubanceda baqhubekisele phambili, baphinde bakhe, kwaye babuyise ubomi babo kulo naliphi na inqanaba lokwenzakala.

Okwangoku, ndibamba iindibano zocweyo zanyanga zonke kwabasindileyo kwaye ndinikezela ngoludwe lwezinye iiklasi, kubandakanya nemfundo yabucala, imeko yezemidlalo, ukuthintela ukwenzakala, kunye nokwandiswa kwezihlunu. Ukusukela oko ndasungula le nkqubo, ndiye ndanabafazi abavela eLondon ukuya eTanzania bafikelela kum, bebuza ukuba ndiceba ukutyelela na okanye kukho naziphi na iinkqubo ezifanayo endinokucebisa ngazo. Ngelishwa, akukho nanye. Kungenxa yoko le nto ndisebenza nzima ukwenza inethiwekhi yomhlaba wonke yabasindileyo besebenzisa i-ballet njengecandelo lokusizisa kunye.

I-Ballet Emva kobumnyama iya ngaphaya kwelinye iziko lokudanisa okanye indawo apho uya khona ukuze ulunge kwaye ube sempilweni. Imalunga nokusasaza umyalezo wokuba unokubuya uphume phezulu-ukuba unokuba nobomi apho womelele, uxhotyisiwe, uzithembile, unesibindi, kwaye unomtsalane-kwaye nangona unokuba zizo zonke ezi zinto, kufuneka yenza umsebenzi. Kulapho singena khona Ukukutyhala, kodwa nokwenza lo msebenzi ube lula kancinci. (Idibeneyo: Indlela #MeToo yokuhamba isasaza ngayo ulwazi malunga nokuhlaselwa ngokwesondo)

Eyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu, ndifuna ukuba abantu basetyhini (kunye namadoda) bazi ukuba nangona bendichacha ndedwa, awudingi. Ukuba awunalo usapho kunye nabahlobo abakuxhasayo, yazi ukuba ndinayo kwaye ungafikelela kum kwaye wabelane kakhulu okanye kancinci njengoko kufuneka. Abasindileyo kufuneka bazi ukuba banamadlelane abo aza kubakhusela kwabo bakholelwa ukuba zizinto ezinokusetyenziswa-kwaye yile nto iBallet Emva kobumnyama ilapha.

Namhlanje, ibhinqa elinye kwabahlanu liya kuhlaselwa ngokwesondo ngaxa lithile ebomini babo, kwaye mnye kuphela kwabathathu kubo oya kuze akuxele oko. Lixesha lokuba abantu baqonde ukuba ukuthintela kunye nethemba lokuphelisa ubundlobongela obuphathelele kwezesondo kuya kusithatha sonke, ukusebenzisana ngeendlela ezinkulu nezincinci, ukudala inkcubeko yokhuseleko.

Uphengululo lwe