Ukujongana nothando olungafunekiyo

Umxholo

• Zeziphi iintlobo ezahlukeneyo?
• Zithini iimpawu?
• Umdla wakho wothando awubonakali unomdla wokuqhubela phambili ubudlelwane
• Bayacotha ukuphendula izimemo, imibhalo kunye neefowuni
• Ukuphika imiqondiso abanamdla
• Sebenzisa into oyaziyo ngabo ukusondela
• Ukufumana iimvakalelo ezininzi ezingathandekiyo
• Ukuzabalazela ukubasusa engqondweni yakho
• Ngaba ikhona indlela yokujongana nayo?
• Thetha ngayo…
• … Kodwa musa ukulibala
• Zive iimvakalelo zakho…
• … Emva koko ziphazamise
• Guqula itshaneli yakho
• Fumana intsingiselo kumava
• Zibuze ukuba ufuna ntoni
• Ungalufumana nini uncedo
• Ukuba ufuna uncedo ngoku
• Ungathini ukuba nguwe ongaziva ngendlela efanayo?
• Ukuphepha ngokubanzi akuncedi
• Nika imfesane
• Yenza ukwala kwakho kucace
• Umgca wezantsi

Ngaba wakha watyholwa ngumntu odumileyo owayengazi ukuba ukhona? Ukudinwa kwiimvakalelo zesidala emva koqhawulo-mtshato? Okanye mhlawumbi wathandana ngokunzulu nomhlobo osenyongweni kodwa wagcina iimvakalelo zakho ziyimfihlo.

La mava achaza uthando olungafunekiyo, okanye uthando olungahambelaniyo. Ukuba iimvakalelo zakho azinzulu kakhulu ngaphambili, ungaziva ungakhathazeki kakhulu ngabo. Kodwa intlungu yothando olunye-cala inokuhlala xa umthanda ngokwenyani umntu.

Zeziphi iintlobo ezahlukeneyo?

Ngexesha elithile ebomini, mhlawumbi ubunomdla omnye wothando ongazange uzive ngendlela efanayo. Ngelishwa, la ngamava amahle kwindalo iphela. Kodwa ayisiyiyo kuphela indlela yokufumana uthando olungafunekiyo.

"Uthando olungafunekiyo lunokubonisa ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo," utshilo uKim Egel, uLMFT.

Wabelana ngeendlela ezithile eziqhelekileyo:

• umnqweno womntu ongafumanekiyo
• Ukutya umntu ongenazo iimvakalelo ezifanayo
• iimvakalelo ezifanayo phakathi kwabantu ababandakanyekayo kolunye ubudlelwane
• Imvakalelo ezihlala ixesha elide kwi-ex emva kokwahlukana

Uthando olungafunekiyo lunokwenzeka nakwimeko yokuthandana ngokungathandabuzekiyo ukuba iimvakalelo zakho ziba nzulu kodwa umdla womnye umntu awenzeki.

Zithini iimpawu?

Uthando olungafunekiyo lunokujonga ngokwahlukileyo kwiimeko ezahlukeneyo. Kodwa uMelissa Stringer, i-LPC, uchaza uphawu oluphambili lothando olungafunekiyo "njengolangazelelo olunamandla olubonisa ixesha elibalulekileyo kwaye lubandakanya ukungaphindiseli kwinzala yakho yothando."

Nazi ezinye izinto ezithile ngakumbi ezinokubonisa ukuba uthando aluhambelani.

Umdla wakho wothando awubonakali unomdla wokuqhubela phambili ubudlelwane

Ufuna ukuphonononga unxibelelwano olunzulu, ke uqala ukubamema ukuba bachithe ixesha elininzi kunye. Kodwa bahlala kude njengoko uzama ukusondela. Mhlawumbi bakubiza ngento oyibona njengomhla ngokuba yi "hangout", okanye bamema abanye abahlobo bakho ukuba bajoyine ubusuku obusondeleyo obucebile.

Ukungabikho komdla kubo kunokubonakalisa kunxibelelwano lwakho lweemvakalelo. Xa uzama ukubuza imibuzo malunga neenkolelo zabo kunye neenqobo zabo ezisemgangathweni, umzekelo, abanokukunika okuninzi kwiimpendulo zabo okanye bakubuze imibuzo efanayo.

Bayacotha ukuphendula izimemo, imibhalo kunye neefowuni

Ngaba uziva ngathi wenza uninzi lomsebenzi ukuxhoma? Mhlawumbi bathatha impendulo engapheliyo kwimiyalezo. Okanye xa ubamema, bathi, "Mhlawumbi! Ndiza kukwazisa "kwaye ungaqinisekisi kude kube ngumzuzu wokugqibela.

Ukuba le pateni iyaqhubeka kwaye ababoneleli ngezizathu, ezinje ngoxanduva lwangaphambili, kunokubakho enye inkcazo ngokuziphatha kwabo.

Ukuphika imiqondiso abanamdla

Nokuba uyayidayisa njani, uthando olungafunekiyo lubuhlungu. Ukujongana nentlungu, akuqhelekanga ukuhamba kwinqanaba lokukhanyela.

Mhlawumbi awuyikhathaleli imiqondiso efihlakeleyo oyifumanayo kwaye ukhethe ukugxila kukangaphi:

• ukwanga okanye ukuchukumisa nje kuwe
• ndiyakuncoma
• uzityand 'igila kuwe okanye ubuze uluvo lwakho

Kodwa abanye abantu bayathandana kwaye bavulekile, abanokudideka xa uzama ukulinganisa umdla wabo kuwe.

U-Egel uthi: "Ukuchonga uthando olungafunekiyo, kufuna ukuba ube nakho ukunyaniseka nesiqu sakho malunga nento eyenzekayo." Oku kubandakanya ukunikela ingqalelo kwimiqondiso yomnye umntu, nangona ukwamkela indlela abavakalelwa ngayo kunokuba nzima.

Sebenzisa into oyaziyo ngabo ukusondela

Unokuzifumanisa ucinga ngeendlela zokwenza ukuba ubenomtsalane ngakumbi komnye umntu. Mhlawumbi i-snowboarding yeyona nto bayithandayo, ke ngequbuliso uyayithatha-ngaphandle kokuzonda ukubanda kwaye ezemidlalo.

Ukufumana iimvakalelo ezininzi ezingathandekiyo

Uthando olungafunekiyo luhlala lubandakanya umjikelo weemvakalelo, ngokweStringer.

"Le patheni ihlala iqala ngokuba nethemba njengoko usenza amacebo ajolise ekupheliseni ubudlelwane bothando," uyacacisa. Kodwa xa le mizamo isilela, usenokushiyeka uneemvakalelo zokulahlwa kunye neemvakalelo ezihamba nazo, kubandakanya usizi, umsindo, inzondo, ixhala kunye neentloni.

Ukuzabalazela ukubasusa engqondweni yakho

U-Egel uthi: "Uthando olungafunekiyo luhlala ludibene nemvakalelo yokulangazelela enokuthi iqale ukuthatha iimvakalelo zakho kunye nobunyani benyani." Iimvakalelo zakho ngalo mntu zinokuza yonke imihla yakho, kwiindawo ezahlukeneyo zobomi bakho.

Umzekelo, unga:

• jonga u-Facebook ukubona ukuba bayithandile na iposti yakho (okanye babelane ngayo nantoni na onokuthi uphawule ngayo)
• bhala iileta okanye iitekisi (ongazithumeli) ukuvuma iimvakalelo zakho
• Ivenkile kwindawo abahlala kuyo ngethemba lokubabona
• Thetha ngabo rhoqo
• Cinga ngemeko apho ubaxelela ukuba uziva njani

Ngaba ikhona indlela yokujongana nayo?

Kubuhlungu xa iimvakalelo zakho zingabuyiswa. Ngapha koko, isifundo esincinci esivela ku-2011 sicebisa ukwaliwa kusebenze iindawo ezifanayo kwingqondo njengentlungu yomzimba. Ezi ngcebiso zinokukunceda ukumelana nentlungu ide inciphe.

Thetha ngayo…

Incoko nomnye umntu malunga nendlela oziva ngayo inokubonakala iyoyikisa, kodwa yeyona ndlela ilungileyo yokujongana nale meko.

Ukuba uva imiqondiso edidayo, njengokuziphatha ngothando okanye izijekulo zothando, ezivela kumntu onomdla kuye, ukuthetha ngezo zinto kunokunceda. Akusoloko kulula ukutolika indlela umntu aziphethe ngayo, ukuze ungazi ngqo ukuba uziva njani ngaphandle kokuba bakuxelele.

Ngaba uziva uxakekile? Kulungile ngokugqibeleleyo ukuthetha nje nomhlobo omthembileyo malunga nento ohamba kuyo. Ngamanye amaxesha, ukufumana ezi mvakalelo esifubeni sakho kunokunika isiqabu.

… Kodwa musa ukulibala

Uyavuma uthando lwakho kumhlobo, kodwa bayakugatya. Wenzakele, kodwa ufuna ukuhlala ungumhlobo. Eyona ndlela yokwenza oku kukujonga kubuhlobo bakho.

Ukuba bakwenze kwacaca ukuba abanamdla nakuphi na ukubandakanyeka kwezothando, yeka umxholo wothando. Ukuqhubeka nokuzisukela okanye unethemba lokuba baya kuguquka kwentliziyo ekugqibeleni kungabaphazamisa, konakalise ubuhlobo bakho, kwaye kubangele iintlungu ezingakumbi.

Kodwa musa ukuziva ngathi kufuneka ubunyanzele ubuhlobo bakho ngoku, nokuba. Kuqhelekile ngokupheleleyo ukufuna indawo kunye nexesha lokuphilisa.

Zive iimvakalelo zakho…

Uthando olungafunekiyo ngokubanzi lubandakanya iimvakalelo ezininzi, ayizizo zonke ezingalunganga.

Unokuziva unemincili ukubona umntu omthandayo, ngaphezulu kwehlabathi xa uza kuchitha ixesha kunye nabo, kwaye ulusizi ngokunzulu xa uqaphela ukuba awusoze ubenabo ngaphezu kobuhlobo babo.

Zama ukuziqhelanisa nokwamkela zonke ezi mvakalelo. Bamkele njengoko beza bengakhange babeke sigwebo kubo. Baqaphele nje kwaye ubayeke badlule. Ukubhala malunga nabo njengoko ubaqaphela (kwanezo zibuhlungu) kunokunceda, nazo.

… Emva koko ziphazamise

Zonke iimvakalelo zakho zisemthethweni, kwaye ukuzibona kunye nokuzamkela kunokukunceda uye phambili.

Kodwa zama ukugcina ulungelelwaniso, njengoko ixesha elininzi lokugungqa lingaphela likwenza ube lusizi ngakumbi. Ngexesha lasemini, kunokunceda ukuseta iimvakalelo kude ube unexesha kunye nendawo yokujongana nazo.

Guqula itshaneli yakho

Nazi ezinye zeendlela zokutshintsha amagiya:

• Zama ukwenza ixesha elongezelelekileyo apho unokwenza khona izinto ozithandayo, izihlobo, kunye nezinye izinto ezonwabisayo.
• Zihoye ngokutya rhoqo kwaye uhlale usebenza.
• Ziphathe ngokwakho kwinto encinci, nokuba ziintyatyambo ezintsha, ukutya okumnandi ngaphandle, okanye incwadi entsha okanye imuvi.
• Cinga ukuthandana ngokukhululekileyo, xa sele ukulungele, ukufumana iqabane ngubani yenza buyisa iimvakalelo zakho.

Fumana intsingiselo kumava

"Akuninzi malunga nento eyenzekayo ebomini, kuninzi malunga nendlela yokuphendula ngayo imeko esikuyo," kusho uEgel.

Ubumthanda umntu kwaye nawe ufuna ukuthandwa.Mhlawumbi awuzange usifumane isiphumo osithembileyo, kodwa oko akuthethi ukuba uthando lwakho alunantsingiselo. Ngaba ikho into oyifundileyo ngawe? Ukukhula ngandlela thile? Ukuphuhlisa ubuhlobo obomeleleyo nomntu?

Ukwalelwa ngokuqinisekileyo kunokubangela iintlungu, kodwa uthando lunokuhlala ixesha elide kwaye luthambe kuthando olwahlukileyo olufana nobuhlobo. Ingabonakala ingathuthuzeli ngoku, kodwa ngenye imini ungabuxabisa obu buhlobo nangakumbi.

Zibuze ukuba ufuna ntoni

"Iimvakalelo zakho zihlala zinxibelelana nawe," utshilo uEgel. "Njengokuba unake inyani yamava akho, iimvakalelo zakho zinokukunceda ukuba ukwalathise kwicala elifanelekileyo."

Mhlawumbi amava akho akufundise ngakumbi ngohlobo lomntu onomdla kuye, umzekelo.

Ukuba uqhubeka ufumana uthando olungafunekiyo, inokukunceda ukuqaphela ukuba ngaba le patheni ithetha okuthile ngeemfuno zakho. Ukuthandana nabantu abangazibuyisi iimvakalelo zakho kunokucebisa ukuba uzive ngathi kufuneka uthandane nomntu xa wonwabile ngokwenene uwedwa. Mhlawumbi awufuni nyani ubudlelwane - akukho nto imbi kuloo nto.

Ungalufumana nini uncedo

Ukujongana nothando olungafunekiyo sisizathu esivakalayo sokufuna uncedo lwonyango olufanelekileyo.

Umtya ocebisa ukuba unyango lunokunceda ngakumbi ukuba:

• Awunakho ukuyeka ukulandela omnye umntu emva kokuba bethe abanomdla.
• Uchitha ixesha elininzi ucinga ngomnye umntu iphazamisa ubomi bakho bemihla ngemihla.
• Abahlobo kunye nabantu obathandayo bavakalisa inkxalabo malunga nokuziphatha kwakho.

Ukuba uziva udandathekile, ungenathemba, okanye uneengcinga zokuzibulala, kungcono uthethe nengcali eqeqeshiweyo kwangoko.

Ukuba ufuna uncedo ngoku

Ukuba ucinga ngokuzibulala okanye uneengcinga zokuzenzakalisa, ungatsalela umnxeba ukuSetyenziswa gwenxa kweziyobisi kunye noLawulo lweeNkonzo zeMpilo yeNgqondo ku-800-662-HELP (4357).

I-24/7 ye-hotline iya kukudibanisa nezixhobo zempilo yengqondo kwindawo yakho. Iingcali eziqeqeshiweyo zinokukunceda ufumane izixhobo zombuso wakho kunyango ukuba awunayo i-inshurensi yezempilo.

Kukwalumkile ukuba ufune uncedo lobuchwephesha ukuba iimvakalelo zakho zikhokelela ekuziphatheni okunokuba yingxaki, njengokulandela umntu, ukulinda ujikeleze indlu yakhe okanye umsebenzi, okanye ezinye izinto ezinokubonakala ngathi ziyacenga.

Ngokuka-Egel, ukutsalwa kuthando olusecaleni kunokucebisa ukuba ujongene nentsalela yeemvakalelo okanye idlulileyo elingafakwanga. Unyango lunokukunceda ukujongana nale nto, enokukunceda ukucacisa indlela yokutsala kunye.

Ungathini ukuba nguwe ongaziva ngendlela efanayo?

Ukugatya umntu ngobubele akusoloko kulula, ngakumbi ukuba umkhathalele ngokwenene loo mntu.

Usenokucinga ngokuzama ukuthandana nabo endaweni yoko ukuze ubone okwenzekayo. Kodwa ukuba uqinisekile ukuba awunamdla wothando, oku kunokuba nzima kwizinto kuni nobabini.

Nazi ezinye iingcebiso zokuhamba ngale meko kakuhle

Ukuphepha ngokubanzi akuncedi

Ungafuna ukubaphepha de iimvakalelo zabo ziphele, kodwa oku kunganenzakalisa nobabini, ngakumbi ukuba ningabahlobo abalungileyo. Endaweni yoko, zama ukuthetha ngale meko. Oku kunokuba kukungonwabi, kodwa ingxoxo ethembekileyo inokunceda nina nobabini niqhubele phambili.

Khathalela indlela ovakalisa ngayo ukungabikho komdla. Nyaniseka, kodwa unobubele. Chaza izinto ozixabisileyo malunga nazo ngaphambi kokuchaza ukuba kutheni ungaboni nina nobabini njengesibini.

Nika imfesane

Amathuba kukuba, ukhe ube neemvakalelo zomntu ongazibuyisanga ngaxa lithile. Cinga ngendlela ekwenze waziva ngayo oku. Yintoni enokukunceda ngelo xesha?

Nokuba awuzange ulufumane uthando olungafunekiyo, ukubonelela ngobubele kude kube kubi ukuphelisa ukungamkelwa kunokunceda omnye umntu athuthuzele ubuhlobo bakho obukhoyo.

Yenza ukwala kwakho kucace

Kubalulekile ukuba utsho ngokucacileyo ukuba awunomdla. Usenokungafuni ukukhathaza iimvakalelo zabo ngokungqalileyo, "andivakalelwa njalo ngawe." Kodwa ukwala okungacacanga okanye okungaqondakaliyo kunokubakhuthaza ukuba baqhubeke bezama.

Ukuba ngaphambili ngoku kunokunceda ekuthinteleni kamva intlungu kunye nokukhathazeka kuni nobabini.

Zama:

• Ubalulekile kum kwaye ndilixabisile ixesha esilichitha kunye, kodwa ndikubona njengomhlobo kuphela. "
• “Andinamdla kuni kwezothando, kodwa ndifuna ukuhlala nabahlobo abalungileyo. Singayenza njani loo nto? ”

Kunqande ukuthetha izinto ezinje, "Uyakufumana umntu olungele wena," okanye, "Andikulungelanga." Oku kunokubonakala ngathi kuyala. Banokukhuthaza iimpendulo ezinje, "Ewe, uyazi njani ngaphandle kokuba sizame?"

Umgca wezantsi

Uthando olungafunekiyo lunokuba rhabaxa kuye wonke umntu obandakanyekayo, kodwa izinto Ngaba phucula ixesha. Ukuba unengxaki, unyango lunokuhlala lunika indawo ekhuselekileyo, engenasigwebo ukuze usebenze ngeemvakalelo zakho.

UCrystal Raypole wayekhe wasebenza njengombhali kunye nomhleli weGoodTherapy. Amacandelo akhe anomdla abandakanya iilwimi zaseAsia kunye noncwadi, uguqulelo lwaseJapan, ukupheka, isayensi yendalo, ubungqingili besini, kunye nempilo yengqondo. Ngokukodwa, uzibophelele ekuncedeni ukunciphisa ukubekwa amabala malunga nemicimbi yezempilo yengqondo.