Kutheni abantu bekopa kubudlelwane?

Umxholo

• 1. Umsindo okanye ukuziphindezela
• 2. Ukuwa ngenxa yothando
• 3. Imeko kunye nethuba
• Imeko ezinokubakho
• 4. Imiba yokuzibophelela
• 5. Iimfuno ezingafezekiswanga
• 6. Umnqweno wesondo
• 7. Ukufuna ukwahluka
• 8. Ukuzithemba okuphantsi
• Ukulungisa umonakalo
• Ukuba iqabane lakho likhohlisile
• Ukuba ukhohlisile iqabane lakho
• Umgca wezantsi

Ukufumanisa iqabane eliqhathiwe kuwe kunokuba yinto ebuhlungu. Unokuziva ukhathazekile, unomsindo, ulusizi, okanye ugule emzimbeni. Kodwa ngaphezu kwako konke, usenokuzibuza "Kutheni?"

Ipapashwe kwiJenali yoPhando lwezeSondo iseti yokujonga esi sihloko. Olu phononongo lusebenzise uphando olwenziweyo kwi-Intanethi ukubuza abantu abangama-495 abakhohlisileyo kubudlelwane bezothando malunga nezizathu zokungathembeki kwabo.

Abathathi-nxaxheba babandakanya abafazi abangama-259, amadoda angama-213, kunye nabantu abangama-23 abangakhange bachaze isini sabo.

Babenjalo:

• ikakhulu isini esahlukileyo (iipesenti ezingama-87.9)
• uninzi lwabantu abadala (umyinge weminyaka yayineminyaka engama-20 ubudala)
• akunjalo kubudlelwane (yiipesenti ezingama-51.8 kuphela ezichaze ukuba zikulwalamano oluthile lothando)

Olu phononongo luchonge izinto ezisibhozo eziphambili ezikhuthaza ukungathembeki. Ewe, ezi zinto azichazi zonke iimeko zokukopela. Kodwa banikezela ngesakhelo esiluncedo sokuqonda okungcono ukuba kutheni abantu bekopa.

Nanku ukujonga kwezi zinto ziphambili kunye nendlela ezinokuthi zivele ngayo kubudlelwane.

1. Umsindo okanye ukuziphindezela

Abantu ngamanye amaxesha bayakopa ngenxa yomsindo okanye umnqweno wokuziphindezela.

Mhlawumbi ufumanise nje ukuba iqabane lakho likhohlisiwe. Wothukile kwaye wenzakele. Unokufuna ukwenza iqabane lakho ukuba lihambe kwiimvakalelo ezifanayo ukuze nazo ngokwenene uyayiqonda intlungu abakukhathaze ngayo.

Ngamanye amagama, "Bayandilimaza, ke ngoku ndiza kubenzakalisa" ihlala ingcinga eqhuba emva kokungathembeki.

Ukungathembeki okukhuthazwa ngumsindo kunokwenzeka ngenxa yezizathu ngaphandle kokuziphindezela, nangona kubandakanya:

• ukukhathazeka kubudlelwane xa iqabane lakho lingabonakali likuqonda wena okanye iimfuno zakho
• umsindo kwiqabane elingabikho kakhulu
• umsindo xa iqabane lakho lingenako okuninzi ukunika, ngokwasemzimbeni nangokweemvakalelo
• umsindo okanye ukukhathazeka emva kwengxabano

Nokuba siyintoni na isizathu, umsindo unokuba sisikhuthazo esinamandla sokusondelelana nomnye umntu.

2. Ukuwa ngenxa yothando

Imvakalelo evuyisayo yokuthandana nomntu ngokubanzi ayihlali ngonaphakade. Xa uqala ukuthandana nomntu othile, unokufumana uthando, imincili kunye nokukhawuleza kwe-dopamine ekufumaneni isicatshulwa kubo.

Kodwa ubukhulu bezi mvakalelo zihlala ziphela ngokuhamba kwexesha. Ngokuqinisekileyo, uthando oluzinzileyo nolungapheliyo lukhona. Kodwa loo mabhabhathane omhla wokuqala aya kukuthatha kude kube ngoku.

Nje ukuba ubumenyemenye buphele, unokuqonda ukuba uthando alukho nje. Okanye mhlawumbi uyaqonda ukuba uthandana nomnye umntu.

Gcina ukhumbula ukuba ukuwa othandweni akufuneki kuthetha ukuba anithandani.

Oku kunokwenza ukuba kube nzima ukushiya ubudlelwane obusanikezela ngengqondo yosapho, ubuhlobo, uzinzo, kunye nokhuseleko. Kodwa ukuhlala kubudlelwane ngaphandle kothando lomntu ongathandana naye kungakhokelela kumnqweno wokufumana uthando kwakhona kwaye kukhuthaze ukungathembeki.

3. Imeko kunye nethuba

Ukufumana nje ithuba lokukhohlisa kunokubangela ukungathembeki. Oku akuthethi ukuba wonke umntu onethuba lokukhohlisa uya kwenza njalo. Ezinye izinto zihlala zihlala (kodwa hayi rhoqo) zongeza kwisizathu sokukopela.

Cinga ngale meko: Unokudana ngumgama wakutshanje kubudlelwane bakho kunye nokujongana neemvakalelo zokuziva ungazithembi ngokubonakala kwakho. Ngenye imini, umntu osebenza naye uye waba nobuhlobo nokukubamba wedwa kwaye uthi, "Nditsaliwe ngokwenene kuwe. Masidibane ngelinye ixesha. "

Awunakukhetha ukukopa ukuba inye kuphela okanye zimbini izinto ezichaphazelekayo. Kodwa olu dibaniso lwezinto ezikhuthazayo-umgama kubudlelwane bakho, iimvakalelo zakho ngenkangeleko yakho, ingqalelo yomntu osebenza naye-kunokubangela ukungathembeki ngakumbi.

Imeko ezinokubakho

Izinto ezithile ezinokubangela ukungathembeki kubekhona, nokuba kubudlelwane obomeleleyo, obuzalisekisayo, kubandakanya:

• ukusela kakhulu kunye nokulala nomntu emva kobusuku
• Ukufuna ukonwaba ngokwasemzimbeni emva kwesehlo esibuhlungu
• ukuhlala okanye ukusebenza kwindawo apho kukho ukunxibelelana okuninzi komzimba kunye nokudibana ngokweemvakalelo

4. Imiba yokuzibophelela

Abantu abanobunzima ekuzinikeleni kunokuba lula ukukopela kwezinye iimeko. Kwaye, ukuzibophelela akuthethi into efanayo kuye wonke umntu.

Kuyenzeka ukuba abantu ababini kubudlelwane babe nezimvo ezahlukileyo kakhulu malunga nenqanaba lobudlelwane, njengokungaqhelekanga, okukhethekileyo, njalo njalo.

Kuyenzeka ukuba umthande ngokwenene umntu kwaye woyike ukwenza ukuzibophelela kuye. Kule meko, elinye iqabane linokuphela likopela njengendlela yokuthintela ukuzibophelela, nokuba bangathanda ukuhlala kubudlelwane.

Ezinye izizathu zokungathembeki ezinxulumene nokuzibophelela zinokubandakanya:

• ukungabikho komdla ekwenzeni ixesha elide
• Ukufuna ulwalamano oluqhelekileyo
• Ukufuna indlela yokuphuma kubudlelwane

5. Iimfuno ezingafezekiswanga

Ngamanye amaxesha, enye okanye zombini iimfuno zeqabane lokusondelana zihamba zingahambelani kubudlelwane. Abantu abaninzi bakhetha ukuhlala kubudlelwane, bahlala benethemba lokuba izinto ziya kuphucuka, ngakumbi ukuba ubudlelwane buneliseka ngenye indlela.

Kodwa iimfuno ezingafezekiswanga zingakhokelela kukukhathazeka, ezinokuba mandundu ukuba imeko ayiphucuki. Oku kunokubonelela ngenkuthazo yokufumana ezo mfuno zifezekisiwe kwenye indawo.

Iimfuno zesondo ezingafakwanga zinokwenzeka xa:

• amaqabane aneendlela ezahlukeneyo zesini
• elinye iqabane alikwazi ukwabelana ngesondo okanye alinomdla kwisini
• elinye okanye omabini amaqabane ahlala echitha ixesha engekho ekhaya

Iimfuno ezingafezekiswanga ngokweemvakalelo zinokukhuthaza ukungathembeki. Ukungathembeki ngokweemvakalelo kunokuba yinto enzima ukuyichaza, kodwa ngokubanzi ibhekisa kwimeko apho umntu atyala imali eninzi emandleni komnye umntu ngaphandle kweqabane lakhe.

Ukuba iqabane lakho alibonakali linomdla kwinto ocinga ngayo, indlela oziva ngayo, okanye oza kuyithetha, ungaqala ukwabelana nomntu othi ngu nomdla. Oku kunokukhokelela kunxibelelwano olusondeleyo olufana nolwalamano.

6. Umnqweno wesondo

Umnqweno olula wokuba neentlobano zesini unokukhuthaza abanye abantu ukuba bakopele. Eminye imiba, kubandakanya ithuba okanye iimfuno ezingafezekiswanga zesondo, zinokudlala indima ekungathembekini okukhuthazwa ngumnqweno.

Kodwa umntu ofuna ukulala ngesondo unokukhangela namathuba okwenza njalo ngaphandle kokukhuthaza abanye.

Nabantu abanolwalamano olwanelisayo ngokwesondo banokufuna ukuba neentlobano zesini kunye nabanye abantu. Oku kunokubangela kwinqanaba eliphezulu lomnqweno wesini, ayisiyiyo nayiphi na imiba yezesondo okanye yobudlelwane kubudlelwane.

7. Ukufuna ukwahluka

Kwimeko yobudlelwane, umnqweno wokwahluka uhlala uhambelana nesondo. Umzekelo, umntu othile unokuba nomdla wokuzama iintlobo zesini iqabane lakhe elingangeni kulo, nokuba zilungelelene ngenye indlela neqabane lazo.

Ukwahluka kunokuthetha:

• iincoko ezahlukeneyo okanye iindlela zonxibelelwano
• imisebenzi eyahlukeneyo engeyiyo eyokwabelana ngesondo
• ukutsala abanye abantu
• ubudlelwane nabanye abantu ukongeza kwiqabane labo langoku

Umtsalane lelinye icandelo elikhulu leentlobo ezahlukeneyo. Abantu banokutsalwa kwiindidi ezininzi zabantu, kwaye oko akuthethi ukuba uyeke kuba usebudlelwaneni. Abanye abantu kubudlelwane bomntu omnye banganobunzima bokwenza izinto ezinomtsalane.

8. Ukuzithemba okuphantsi

Ukufuna ukonyusa ukuzithemba kunokukhuthaza ukungathembeki.

Ukulala nomntu omtsha kunokukhokelela kwiimvakalelo ezintle. Unokuziva unamandla, unomtsalane, uqinisekile, okanye uphumelele. Ezi mvakalelo zinokwakha ukuzithemba kwakho.

Abantu abaninzi abakopayo ngenxa yemicimbi yokuzithemba banothando, amaqabane axhasayo anikezela ngemfesane kunye nenkuthazo. Kodwa banokucinga, "Bamele ukuthi," okanye "Abafuni ndive kakubi."

Ukufumana ukunconywa kunye nokwamkelwa ngumntu omtsha, kwelinye icala, kunokubonakala kwahlukile kwaye kuyonwabisa. Kungabonakala kuyinyani ngakumbi kumntu onokuzithemba okuphantsi, onokucinga ukuba umntu omtsha akanalo "uxanduva lobudlelwane" lokuxoka okanye lokubaxa.

Ukulungisa umonakalo

Ukuba kukho enye into oyithathayo kwesi sifundo, kukuba ukukopela kuhlala kungenanto yakwenza nomnye umntu.

Abantu abaninzi abakhohlisayo bathanda amaqabane abo kwaye abanamnqweno wokubenzakalisa. Esi sizathu sokuba abanye abantu bazokuhamba imigama emide ukugcina ukungathembeki kumaqabane abo. Okwangoku, inokubangela umonakalo omkhulu kubudlelwane.

Ukukopa akufuneki ukuba kuthetha ukuphela kobudlelwane, kodwa ukuya phambili kuthatha umsebenzi.

Ukuba iqabane lakho likhohlisile

Ukuba ubuqhathiwe, usenokubuyela emva ekufumaneni. Unokufuna ukwenza nantoni na efunekayo ukulungisa ubudlelwane. Okanye, mhlawumbi awunomdla wokuhlala kubudlelwane.

Ukuba awuqinisekanga ukuba ungayisingatha njani le meko, qala apha:

• Thetha neqabane lakho ngokwenzekileyo. Cinga ngokubandakanya umcebisi ngezibini okanye umntu ongathathi cala kwingxoxo. Ukufumana izizathu zomlingane wakho kunokukunceda wenze isigqibo sakho, kodwa ngokubanzi kuyacetyiswa ukuba kuthintelwe iinkcukacha ze-nitty-gritty zokuhlangana.
• Buza ukuba iqabane lakho lifuna ukuqhubeka nobudlelwane. Abanye abantu yenza ukukopela kuba bafuna ukuphelisa ubudlelwane, ngoko ke kubalulekile ukufumanisa ukuba baziva njani.
• Zibuze ukuba ungathemba na iqabane lakho kwakhona. Kungathatha ixesha ukuphinda wakhe ukuthembana, kwaye iqabane lakho mhlawumbi liyayazi le nto. Kodwa ukuba uyazi ukuba awusoze ubathembe kwakhona, ngekhe ubenakho ukulungisa ubudlelwane.
• Zibuze ukuba usafuna na ubudlelwane. Ngaba ulithanda ngokwenene iqabane lakho kwaye ufuna ukusebenza kuyo nayiphi na imiba esisiseko? Okanye woyika ukuqala nomntu omtsha? Ngaba ucinga ukuba ubudlelwane bufanele ukulungiswa?
• Thetha nomcebisi. Ukucebisa izibini kuyacetyiswa kakhulu ukuba uza kusebenza kubudlelwane emva kokungathembeki, kodwa unyango lomntu ngamnye lunokukunceda uhlele iimvakalelo zakho kunye neemvakalelo malunga nemeko.

Ukuba ukhohlisile iqabane lakho

Ukuba ukhohlisile, kubalulekile ukuba uqwalasele izizathu zakho ngononophelo kwaye uncokole ngokunyanisekileyo neqabane lakho. Iqabane lakho linokufuna okanye lingafuni ukulungisa ubudlelwane, kwaye kufuneka usihloniphe isigqibo sabo, nokuba ufuna ukuhlala kunye.

Thatha ixesha lokujonga oku kulandelayo:

• Usafuna ubudlelwane? Ukuba ukukopela kwakho kuqhutywa ngumnqweno wokuphuma kubudlelwane, kungcono ukuba unyaniseke kwiqabane lakho malunga naloo nyani kwangoko. Andiqinisekanga malunga nenkuthazo yakho? Cinga ngokusebenza nonyango ukuze ufumane umbono.
• Ngaba ungasebenza ngezizathu zokungathembeki? Unyango lomntu ngamnye, unyango lwezibini, kunye nonxibelelwano olungcono zonke zinokunceda ukuphucula ubudlelwane kwaye zenze ukungathembeki kwikamva kunqabile. Kodwa ukuba ukhohlisile ngenxa yokuba iqabane lakho lalingenamdla kuhlobo oluthile lwesini okanye ngenxa yokuba bengazange babe sekhaya, kungenzeka ntoni ukuba imeko efanayo iphinda ivele kwakhona? Ngaba ungathetha nabo malunga nokufuna ukukopa endaweni yokwenza ngokwenene?
• Ngaba uzibona ukopela kwakhona? Ukunganyaniseki kunokubangela iintlungu, ukukhathazeka, kunye noxinzelelo lweemvakalelo. Ukuba ucinga ungaphinda ukhohlise, musa ukuthembisa ukuthembeka. Endaweni yoko, xelela iqabane lakho ukuba awucingi ukuba ungazibophelela.
• Ngaba ungazibophelela kunyango? Ukuba ukhohlisile kwiqabane, unyango lomntu ngamnye lunokukunceda uqonde ngakumbi malunga nezizathu zento eyenzekileyo. Unyango lwezibini lunokunceda wena kunye neqabane lakho ukuba nakhe ubudlelwane kwakhona. Zombini ziyacetyiswa kakhulu emva kokungathembeki ukuba uzimisele ngokubuyisela izinto emgceni.

Umgca wezantsi

Usenokuba ulivile ibinzana elithi "Kanye xa kukho umntu okopayo, hlala ukhohlisa" ukuchaza abantu abangathembekanga. Kodwa ngelixa abanye abantu bekopa ngokuphindaphindiweyo, abanye abenzi njalo.

Ukusebenza ngokungathembeki kunokuqinisa ubudlelwane.Kodwa kubalulekile ukuba wena neqabane lakho ninyaniseke malunga nokuba ningenako kwaye ningenako ukuzibophelela kubudlelwane benu kwaye nigcine unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo luya phambili.