Izizathu ezi-5 awufanele uvumele abahlobo bakho bakumise

Umxholo

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Ngaxa lithile ebomini bakho, usenokuba ukhe wakucinga ukuba nabahlobo bakho bakusete ngomhla okanye wenze umdlalo. Kubonakala ngathi ngumbono omkhulu-ukuba ningabahlobo kunye nabo bobabini, kufuneka babe nezinto ezininzi ezifanayo kwaye mhlawumbi baya kuyibetha, akunjalo? Hayi kanye. Isifundo esitsha esivela kwiSikolo soShishino saseHarvard sifumanise ukuba ukwenza umlinganiso kuzisa ulonwabo kubalingisi kodwa akunjalo kubantu abazimiselayo. [Twitha le nyaniso!]

"Nangona kubonakala ngathi abahlobo bakho baya kuba ngabadlali bokugqibela kuba bekwazi kakuhle kunye nezinto ozithandayo, inyaniso yeyokuba ukukumisela kunokukhokelela kwiimeko ezinobungozi," utshilo uChristie Hartman, Ph.D. , Ingcali yezengqondo kunye nengcali yokuthandana eDenver. Cinga ngezi zinto zintlanu kwaye ucinge kabini ngaphambi kokuba uvumele abahlobo bakho badlale iCupid.

1. Kunokonakalisa Ubuhlobo Bakho

Yithi umhlobo wakho ukulungiselele nomhlobo wakhe uJohn. Umkhulu-ade, ngaphandle naphi na, akuphephethe. Uphendukela kumhlobo wakho ukuze ufumane inkxaso, kodwa endaweni yokufikelela kwinqanaba lakho, uyanyikima kwaye uthi uhlala kule nto ikushiya ushushu. "Xa umhlobo wakho ekumisela, ngokuzenzekelayo uba ngumntu ophakathi, onokudala ukungavisisani phakathi kwakho nobabini," utshilo uHartman. "Unokugqiba ukubeka i-onus kuye ukuba imeko ayisebenzi, xa ngokwenene isiphumo sokugqibela singelotyala lakhe." Kwaye lo mdlalo wokutyhola unokuphelisa ubuhlobo bakho.

Enye indlela ukuseta okunokuyenzakalisa ngayo i-BFF-ness yakho ukuba ucinga ukuba umdlalo wakho sisidudla esipheleleyo kwaye awukholelwa ukuba ingcinga yokuba ulungile ngokwaneleyo ukuba ungene ebuchotsheni bakhe ngokwahlukana kwesibini. UHartman uthi: “Ukuba umhlobo wakho ukumisela nomntu ongavumelaniyo neyakho imilinganiselo, usenokugqiba kwelokuba akakufanelanga. Kwaye nokuba ucinga into engeyiyo kwicala lakho, inyani yokuba ucinga ukuba inokuba yinyani yanele ukukhuthaza idabi elingafunekiyo nelinokuba yingozi.

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2. Uziva unyanzelekile kubudlelwane

Masithi endaweni yokuba uJohn akwenze isiporho, uyakhathala ngaye kwaye umtshabalalise. Kodwa uziva unetyala lokuyiphelisa kunye naye ekubeni "esefamnini" ukuba uvumele izinto zidlalele ixesha elide kunokuba kufanelekile. "Xa uvumela abahlobo bakho bakumisele, ugcina ubeka emngciphekweni inkululeko yakho yokuthandana kuba uziva ngathi unetyala kubo lokunika abahlobo babo amathuba amade kunokuba ubuya kunika abanye," ucacisa uMarni Battista, umqeqeshi wokuthandana kunye nolwalamano eLos Angeles kunye nomsunguli woDating ngeSidima. Ukuziva ngathi uyibhoksi ngaphakathi kunokubangela ukuba uyiphathe kakubi le ndoda kuthethwe ngayo ngenxa yokukhathazeka, wongeze watsho uBattista, onokuthi alimaze iimvakalelo zakhe ngaphezulu kokuba ungazinqumla izibophelelo ngexesha elifanelekileyo.

3. Kusibekela uMgwebo

Kwa uxinzelelo olufanayo "kusapho" lunokuba nefuthe elichaseneyo nawe: Kuba uJohn uxilongwe kwangaphambili, kulula ukutsiba kwisigqibo sokuba uza kuyitshayisa ngokuzenzekelayo naye. Ngaphambi kokuba uyazi, uphupha malunga nemihla ephindwe kabini oya kuqhubeka ngayo nomhlobo wakho kunye nesoka lakhe-kwaye mhlawumbi nomtshato kunye namagama omntwana. Khawuthothise, ntombazana! "Ingxaki ngolindelo olukhulu kukuba banokwenza kube nzima kuwe ukuthatha izinto njengoko zisiza, kwaye kube nzima ukuba uqaphele ukuba nina nobabini anifanelanga," utshilo uHartman. Kuba ufuna izinto zisebenze kakubi, ungazama ukunyanzela unxibelelwano olungekho nje. Okanye okubi kakhulu, unokugqibela ngokuwela kumbono wakhe kunokuba umbone eyiyo, onokuba ngumntu ongakulungelanga wena. Nokuba imeko ithini na, i-bummer kukuba okukhona ulindelekileyo phezulu, kokukhona uya kuziva udanile xa kungasebenzi-nokuba ebengengomdlalo olungileyo ukusuka ekuqaleni. [Twitha le nyaniso!]

4. Umhlobo Wakho Unokuba Neenjongo Ezingafanelekanga

Amathuba okuba umhlobo wakho mhlawumbi uzama ukukuseka ecinga ngeminqweno yakho kuphela. Nangona kunjalo kukho ithuba elincinci lokuba angamtyumza uJohn kwaye nangasiphi na isizathu engaziva ekhululekile ukuya kuye ngqo-ke uthatha isigqibo sokukuseta kunye naye, ngaloo ndlela uya kuba nento yokuthetha naye. “Ndiyibona le nto kakhulu kubathengi bam,” utshilo uBattista. "Kwenzeka ntoni ukuba umhlobo uqala ukuthetha nalo mfo ngakumbi, ke uya kuba lihlakani lakhe, ngaloo ndlela edala imvakalelo yokuthandana." Kwaye ushiywe ngaphandle kobudlelwane obusondeleyo obukufanele.

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5. Kunzima ukujongana nokwahlulahlula

Ngokwesiqhelo xa ugqiba izinto nomntu, ungenza ucoceko kwimidiya yoluntu kwaye ungamlandeli kwi-Instagram nakwi-Twitter kwaye umenze umhlobo kuFacebook. Kodwa ukuba abahlobo bomfana kunye nomhlobo wakho, uya kumbona-kwi-intanethi kunye nomntu. "Ukuthandana nomhlobo womhlobo wakho kwenza ukuba uqhekeko lube nzima kakhulu kuba uyaqhubeka nokuva iindaba ezincinci ngaye ngomdiliya, kwaye unokuvela kwimifanekiso kaFacebook nokuba awusenabahlobo naye," utshilo uBattista. Ngamanye amagama, uhlala ejikeleze, nto leyo eyenza kube nzima kuwe ukuya phambili.

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