Iingcebiso zobudlelwane ezi-5 ezivela kwiiNgcali zoQhawulo-mtshato

Umxholo

• Zikhathalele
• Zinike Ixesha Lokuba Ungatshatanga
• Cinga ngonyango xa izinto zilungile
• Gcina ii-Exes kwixa elidlulileyo
• Qhubeka Uthetha, Naxa Kunzima
• Uphengululo lwe

Nokuba wonwabile kubudlelwane obuqinisekileyo, ujongene nengxaki eparadesi, okanye usandula ukutshata, zininzi izinto onokuziqonda onokuzifumana kwiingcali ezenza imali yazo ukunceda izibini ngenkqubo yoqhawulo mtshato. Apha, iingcebiso zabo kubudlelwane obunempilo-kunye nokwahlukana.

Zikhathalele

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Ukuba utshatile okanye uhlala no-SO wakho, kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukwahlulahlula imisebenzi yasekhaya, kodwa ukungazi akululonwabo. Yazi indlela yokuphatha ukulungiswa kwemoto, indawo yokuhlala okanye ukugcinwa kwekhaya, kwaye okona kubalulekileyo-yezemali, utsho uKaren Finn, Ph.D., umdali weNkqubo yoQhawulo-mtshato oluSebenzayo. Awuzukuzisindisa kuphela ekubeni ungaboni ngasendleleni xa ujongene noqhawulo-mtshato, kodwa ilungile into yokuba ulwalamano olusempilweni lomntu ngamnye luzazi zonke iinkalo zokwenza umsebenzi wasekhaya, utshilo uFinn.

Ingangathi iyaphikisana, kodwa ucebisa ngokuphatha ubudlelwane bakho njengeshishini ngokubeka bucala iimvakalelo zokuxoxa ngengeniso, iindleko, kunye neeasethi kanye ngenyanga. Ukuqinisekisa ukuba ukhawulezile, jonga iMithetho yeMali eli-16 wonke uMfazi ekufuneka eyazi nge-30 yobudala.

Zinike Ixesha Lokuba Ungatshatanga

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Uqhawulo-mtshato lunokuphazamisa nokuzithemba nokuzithemba komfazi, yiyo loo nto ingcali icebisa ngokuchasene nokungena kulwalamano olutsha kwangoko. "Sicebisa ukuba ungathandani nonyaka," utsho umama-nentombi duo uNicole Baras Feuer, M.S., noFrancine Baras, L.C.S.W., abazenzela eyabo ingcebiso ngoqhawulo mtshato kwaye babhala mva nje. Izinto ezingama-37 endinqwenela ukuzazi ngaphambi koqhawulo mtshato wam.

Ngelixa unyaka omnye unokuba yingozi kakhulu kubudlelwane obungenabuzaza, umgaqo ofanayo uyasebenza. Emva kokuphuma kulo naliphi na ikhefu, thatha ixesha ujonge amanxeba akho kwaye ufumanise ukuba ngawaphi owabangeleyo kwaye yeyiphi onokuyiphilisa, utshilo uFinn. Yiya kwimihla engaqhelekanga ukuze ulinge kwaye ufumanise ukuba ufuna ntoni kubudlelwane bakho obulandelayo, okanye uya kumiselwa ukuba wenze impazamo efanayo kabini.

Cinga ngonyango xa izinto zilungile

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Ngeqondo loqhawulo-mtshato olumalunga neepesenti ezingama-50 kweli lizwe, uninzi lwabantu luyangena ngokukhawuleza okanye ngaphandle komtshato ngokukhawuleza, utsho uTalia Wager, umtshato onelayisensi kunye nonyango losapho. “Kukho umkhwa ngoku apho abantu beza kunyango ngaphambili batshata.

Ukuba uziva ukuba uphelile ubudlelwane bakho kwaye ucinga ngokuqhawula umtshato, uFuer noBharas balumkisa ngokusebenzisa igqwetha lakho njengengcibi. Kunokuba wenze umnxeba we-reflex kwigqwetha, cinga ngokuvumela umcebisi woqhawulo-mtshato okanye umnyangi ukuba ahlole imeko kwaye akhokele kumanyathelo alandelayo anokwenzeka ngaphambi kokuba ulahle amawaka eedola kwimirhumo yezomthetho.

Gcina ii-Exes kwixa elidlulileyo

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Ayilunganga into yokuba ulindele ukuba umntu omtsha amkhonze njengowakho-nokuba oko kuthetha indlela yakhe yokubulala okanye ubuchule bokukopela. Okukwintsusa, uthi uFinn: Uninzi lwabantu lunyamezela iintlungu ezimbalwa ngaphambi kokuba zifumane Lowo, ke musa ukuzisa ubudlelwane bakho obudlulileyo kwinto yakho entsha okanye uzibekela ukungaphumeleli ngaphambi kokuba uqale.

Qhubeka Uthetha, Naxa Kunzima

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Umzuzu uziva ukuba kukho into eshiyekileyo kubudlelwane bakho, thetha, utsho ingcali kwezobudlelwane uRachel Sussman, LCSW. Ngelixa kufuneka ukhethe amadabi akho, kubalulekile ukuba uhlale uvakalisa indlela oziva ngayo kunye nento ephathelene nawe. Ukuba uziva ngathi awukwazi, inokuba yiflegi ebomvu ebomvu kunye nommeli woqhawulo mtshato (okanye ukwahlukana), utshilo uSussman. Ukuthintela iqabane lakho ekucimeni okanye ekuzikhuseleni, mamela into ayithethayo kwaye uqinisekise umbono wakhe, nokuba awuvumi, ucebisa uSussman.

Uphengululo lwe