Iingcebiso ezi-7 zeNtetho eNcinci yamaQela eeholide

Umxholo

• Amanqaku okuthetha okulungiselela
• Thetha ngokwakho
• Dlala umdlalo we "Incoko"
• Khumbula ukuLandela
• Kulumkele "Ababulali bencoko"
• Gquma Ngobubele
• Thatha umphefumli
• Uphengululo lwe

Ibhetshi yokuqala yezimemo kumatheko eeholide sele iqalile ukufika. Kwaye ngelixa kuninzi ukuthanda malunga nezi ndibano zeholide, kufuneka udibane nabantu abaninzi abatsha kwaye wenze intetho encinci kangaka inokuba yinto eyoyikisayo-nakwabo bazalwe benesipho se-gab.

“Uninzi lwethu luzicingela kakhulu kwezi meko, kwaye sicinga ukuba wonke umntu osegumbini uyaqaphela ukuba asinamntu wokuthetha naye okanye uyazi ukuba siziva singakhululekanga,” utshilo uDebra Fine oyingcali kwiintetho ezincinci. Ngaphandle kokuthumela imiyalezo kwaye UbuGcisa obuhle beNtetho encinci. Okuvuyisayo kukuba, uthi asiyonyaniso leyo. Kumatheko, wonke umntu (ngaphandle komamkeli zindwendwe) ucinga ngokwabo-iimpahla zabo, izihlobo zabo, kunye nezicwangciso zabo zekamva. Ngokuqinisekileyo abazibuza ukuba kutheni ume wedwa kwisitya samasi. (Ke sukuphakuzela-nangona ungafuna ukufunda iiNgcebiso ezingaphumeleliyo zokuphepha ukuTya kakhulu kwiiPati zeeholide.)

Eyona ndlela ilula yokwenza intetho encinci, utsho uFine, ilele ekuphumeni ngaphandle kwentloko yakho. Uthi: "Kuya kufuneka usoloko usithwala umthwalo wentuthuzelo yeqabane lakho lencoko," utshilo. Nje ukuba uyeke ukuzikhathaza ngendlela nguwe ukuphuma kwaye uqale ukugxila ekwenzeni omnye umntu akhululeke, ukungakhuseleki kuyawa, kukushiya ukhululekile ukuba ukhazimle. Ezi ngcebiso zisibhozo ziya kukunceda wenze kanye loo nto.

Amanqaku okuthetha okulungiselela

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Ngaphambi kwepati, cinga imibuzo embalwa. (Ngeli xesha lonyaka, uFine ucebisa ngelithi, “Zithini izicwangciso zakho [zomsebenzi, uhambo, iholide, njl.njl.] zonyaka ozayo?” “Ngaba wenza naziphi na izigqibo zoNyaka oMtsha?” yaye “Ziziphi izicwangciso zakho zeholide-nakuphi na ukuzonwabisa amasiko? ") Emva koko biza izihloko ezimbalwa onokuthetha ngazo xa ubuzwa. Mhlawumbi uqeqeshelwa umdyarho weembaleki okanye usapho luza kutyelela. Ngale ndlela, uya kuba nayo yonke ingxoxo yefowuni oyifunayo ukuze uphephe amaxesha amabi.

Thetha ngokwakho

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Ukuba akukho mntu umaziyo ethekweni, ukuzazisa kunokuziva kukoyika. Ukwenza kube lula, uBill Lampton, Ph.D., umongameli wezoNxibelelwano lweeNtshatsheli, ucebisa ukuthetha ngawe. Okokuqala, vele uzazise. Emva koko, yiza nesihloko sakho osikhethileyo, esinokuthi silula ngendlela omazi ngayo umamkeli wetheko okanye entsonkothileyo njengoko ixesha lonyaka lichaphazela ishedyuli yakho yomsebenzi, ("Nkwenkwana, ndixakekile. UNovemba yeyona nyanga yethu ixakekileyo emsebenzini!" ). Okokugqibela, mema iqabane lakho elithethayo ukuba lilinganise: "Ngaba umsebenzi wakho uyalithatha ngeli xesha lonyaka nawo?" Bam-convo ngokukhawuleza!

Dlala umdlalo we "Incoko"

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Umgibe abantu abaninzi abawela kuwo kukuphendula imibuzo yabanye abantu ngokungaphelelanga, utsho uFine. Kuyaqondakala. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, "Yintoni entsha?" ihlala ikhowudi ethi "Molo." Kodwa xa uzama ukwenza intetho encinci, uphendula, "Hayi kakhulu, wena?" yincoko yomlilo eqinisekileyo. Endaweni yoko, uFine uthi makenze inqaku lokunika impendulo eyiyo. "Ukuba umntu ubuza nje, 'Zinjani iiholide zakho?' kunokuba nditsho nje, ndingathi, 'Kuhle, bobabini oonyana bam beza bevela empuma ukuza kuchitha iveki nathi. Ndijonge phambili.' "Ngale ndlela, utshilo, phezulu izihloko zencoko-abantwana bakho, uhambo lweholide, iindwendwe, njalo njalo.

Khumbula ukuLandela

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Nokuba udlala umdlalo wengxoxo njenge pro, umntu othetha naye usenokungabi njalo. Ukuba unikwa iimpendulo zegama elinye, yimba nzulu, utsho uFine. "Kuya kufuneka ubonakalise ukuba ubungathethi nje" Molo 'xa usithi' Kuhamba njani? '"Ucacisa. Ukuba bayaphendula bathi, ‘Kulungile,’ yiba nokulandelela, njengokuthi, ‘Yintoni entsha ngawe ukususela ekugqibeleni kwam ukukubona?’” (Ungaphoswa Kutheni Iincoko Zingahambi Kakuhle—Nendlela Yokuzilungisa.)

Kulumkele "Ababulali bencoko"

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Umgaqo olungileyo wesithupha kukuyeka ukubuza nantoni na ongasayazi impendulo kuyo, utsho uFine. Lonto ithetha ukuthi "Unjani umfana wakho?" ukuba awuyazi ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba basekunye, hayi "Unjani umsebenzi wakho?" Ngaphandle kokuba unokuqinisekisa ukuba usasebenza apho, kwaye akukho "Ngaba ungene ePenn State?" Ngaphandle kokuba uyazi ukuba uyenzile. Ncamathela kwimibuzo ebanzi, enje "Yintoni entsha?" okanye "Naziphi na izicwangciso zonyaka olandelayo?"

Gquma Ngobubele

Ngaba ukhonkxiwe nguCathy oncokolayo oko wangena? Thatha umkhondo kwimidlalo yokubonisa intetho. Xa bephelelwa lixesha ngexesha lecandelo leendaba, baya kubonakalisa udliwano-ndlebe nabo ngokuthi, "Kukho ixesha lombuzo omnye," okanye "Sinomzuzu oseleyo ..."

Ngokucacileyo, awunakuba buthuntu kubomi bokwenyani, kodwa zama ukulahla iingcebiso-okanye, njengoko uFine eyibiza njalo, "uwangawangisa iflegi emhlophe." Okokuqala, vuma into ebithethwa ngomnye umntu: "Wow, abantwana bakho bavakala befezekile ngokwenene." Emva koko yitshangatshangise iflegi emhlophe: "Ndibone umhlobo wam engena kwaye ndifuna ukuthi molo…" Kwaye okokugqibela, nika ingxelo yokugqibela okanye umbuzo. "...kodwa ngaphambi kokuba ndenze oko, ndixelele, u-Sally waphela njani kwiiSAT zakhe?" "Oku kunivumela ukuba nobabini niphume ngesidima," utsho uFine.

Thatha umphefumli

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Ukuba ungumntu ongenalwazi, uneentloni, okanye uziva udiniwe okanye ugula, amaqela anokuba noxinzelelo. Kungenxa yoko le nto uFine ecebisa ukuba uzinike into yokuphefumla eyakhelweyo. Ngaphambi kwendibano, uya kuzinika usukelo-ngokuqhelekileyo into efana nokuthetha nabantu ababini okanye abathathu abatsha. Nje ukuba lifezekise isabelo sakhe, uzinika ixesha lokuphumla, aphumle yedwa. Oku kumnika inkuthazo eyongezelelweyo ekuhlaleni, ngaphandle kokutshiswa-kuqinisekisa ukuba uya kuba nexesha elimnandi.

Uphengululo lwe