Yintoni uMzali oQondileyo- kwaye Ngaba ufanele ukuLinge?

Umxholo

• Kukuthini ukuba ngumzali?
• Izinto eziphambili ekukhuleni njengomzali
• Ziziphi iinzuzo zokuba ngumzali?
• Zeziphi iingxaki zokuba ngumzali?
• Imizekelo yokukhulisa umntwana ngokuqonda
• 1. Ukuphefumla
• 2. Cinga
• 3. Zibekele imida
• 4. Yamkela
• Yise kude

Sibandakanya iimveliso esicinga ukuba ziluncedo kubafundi bethu. Ukuba uthenga amakhonkco kweli phepha, sinokufumana ikhomishini encinci. Nantsi inkqubo yethu.

Ngaphambi kokuba umntwana wakho afike, mhlawumbi wafunda ingqokelela yeencwadi zomzali ezingapheliyo, waphulaphula amawaka amabali avela kwabanye abazali, mhlawumbi waze wafunga neqabane lakho ukuba uya kwenza ngokuchaseneyo nayo yonke into eyenziwa ngabazali bakho.

Usenokuziva uqinisekile kukhetho lwakho lokuba ngumzali ngenxa yokungabikho komceli mngeni-kuba-babengazalwanga- usana.

Emva koko, wafika umntwana wakho, wakhula ngokukhawuleza waba ngumntu omncinci eneengcinga zakhe kunye neminqweno yakhe, ngequbuliso isitshingitshane sayo yonke loo nto sishiya uziva ungakulungelanga kwaphela kwaye udidekile.

Uziva uxinzelelo lokwenza izigqibo zobuzali ezinzima, usenokuba sele uqalile ukukhangela amaqela wabazali ukuba bafune iingcebiso.

Ngala maqela, enye intsha (ngamanye amaxesha enempikiswano) indlela yokuba ngumzali onokuthi uqale ngokuva malunga nokuba ngumzali owaziyo. Yintoni kodwa? Ngaba iyasebenza?

Kukuthini ukuba ngumzali?

Umzali onolwazi ligama elisetyenziswe ngoochwephesha bezengqondo (kunye nabanye) ukuchaza isitayile sokuba ngumzali esihlala sigxile ngakumbi kumzali kunye nokuba nengqondo njani ekuqhubeni ukhetho lwabazali.

Isekwe kwindibaniselwano yefilosofi yaseMpuma kunye nesayikholoji yaseNtshona. (Ngamanye amagama, ukuhlanganisa kunye nokucamngca.)

Ukubeka ngokulula, ukuba ngumzali oqondayo kucela ukuba endaweni yokuzama "ukulungisa" umntwana wakho, abazali bajonge ngaphakathi kubo. Ukuqonda ukuba ngumzali kujonga abantwana njengezinto ezizimeleyo (nangona kuvunywa ukuba basakhula ngokuhamba kwexesha), ngubani onokuthi afundise abazali ukuba baziqonde ngakumbi.

Omnye wabalinganiswa bale ndlela yokuba ngumzali nguShefali Tsabary, PhD, ugqirha wezengqondo waseNew York, umbhali kunye nesithethi esidlangalaleni. (Ukuba uyazibuza ukuba uyathandwa kangakanani, uDalai Lama ubhale incwadi yakhe yokuqala, u-Oprah umqwalasele njengolona dliwanondlebe lubalaseleyo awakha wanalo, kwaye uPink uthanda iincwadi zakhe, ezibandakanya: Umzali, uSapho oluVusileyo, kunye noLawulo.)

UShefali ucebisa ukuba ngokuthathela ingqalelo nzulu amafa enkcubeko - okanye ayibeke ngokungathandabuzekiyo, umthwalo wosapho kunye nemeko yomntu-abazali banokuqala ukuyeka uluhlu lwabo lokujonga ukuba ubomi bumele ukwenziwa njani.

Ngokukhupha olu luhlu lokukhangela, uShefali ukholelwa ukuba abazali bayazikhulula ekunyanzeleni iinkolelo ebantwaneni babo. Xa oku kusenzeka, abantwana bakhululeka ekukhuleni kwesazisi sabo sokwenyani. Okokugqibela, uShefali uthi oku kuya kunceda abantwana banxibelelane nabazali babo kuba besamkelwa ukuba bangoobani kanye.

Abaxhasi bokukhumbula ukuba ngabazali bakholelwa ukuba le modeli ithintela abantwana ekubeni babe nengxaki yesazisi kamva ebomini. Baziva ngathi kudala ubudlelwane obusondeleyo nabantwana kunye nokuba imeko kunye nesimbo esinegunya esixhaphakileyo kubudlelwane obuninzi babazali banoxanduva lwenani elikhulu labantwana abashiya abazali.

Izinto eziphambili ekukhuleni njengomzali

Nangona kukho izinto ezininzi ekukhuliseni umzali, iimbono ezimbalwa eziphambili zibandakanya:

• Ukuba ngumzali ubudlelwane. (Kwaye ayisiyiyo inkqubo yokuhambisa eyedwa!) Abantwana ngabantu babo abahlukileyo abanokufundisa umzali.
• Ukuba ngumzali onolwazi malunga nokuyeka i-ego yomzali, iminqweno, kunye nokuncamathisela.
• Endaweni yokunyanzela isimilo ebantwaneni, abazali kufuneka bagxile kulwimi lwabo, kulindelo lwabo kunye nokuzilawula kwabo.
• Endaweni yokuphendula kwimicimbi eneziphumo, abazali kufuneka babeke imida ngaphambi kwexesha kwaye basebenzise ukomeleza okuhle.
• Endaweni yokuzama ukulungisa ingxaki yomzuzwana (umzekelo, umsindo), kubalulekile ukuba ujonge inkqubo. Yintoni ekhokele kulo msitho kwaye uthetha ntoni kumfanekiso omkhulu?
• Ukuba ngumzali ayisiyonto yokwenza ukonwaba komntwana kuphela. Abantwana banokukhula kwaye bakhule ngokuzabalaza. I-ego yomzali kunye neemfuno akufuneki zithintele ukukhula komntwana!
• Ukwamkelwa kufuna ukubakho kunye nokuzibandakanya nazo naziphi na iimeko ezikhoyo.

Ziziphi iinzuzo zokuba ngumzali?

Indlela yokuba ngumzali eyaziyo ifuna ukuba abazali babandakanyeke ekuzibonakaliseni nasekucingeni imihla ngemihla. Oku kunokuba luncedo ngaphezu kokuba ngumzali wakho kuphela.

Ukuzibandakanya ekuboniseni ukuzikhumbuza rhoqo kunokuzisa ukunciphisa uxinzelelo kunye noxinzelelo. Ukucamngca imihla ngemihla kunokuvelisa ixesha lokujonga ixesha elide, kunakho ukunciphisa ukulahleka kwememori okunxulumene nobudala, kwaye kunokunciphisa uxinzelelo lwegazi kunye nokuphucula ukulala.

Ukongeza, abaxhasi bayo bathi ukuba ngumzali okwaziyo kunokukhuthaza ukusetyenziswa ngolwimi okunesidima (ngabazali nangabantwana) kunye nonxibelelwano ngokubanzi.

Esinye sezinto eziphambili ekukhuliseni ukuba ngumzali kukuba abantwana ngabantu abagcweleyo abanento yokufundisa abantu abadala. Ukwamkela ngokwenyani le nkolelo kufuna ukuba abazali bathethe nabantwana ngenqanaba elithile lentlonipho kwaye banxibelelane nabo rhoqo.

Ukuncokola rhoqo ngentlonipho nabantu abadala iimodeli ezisempilweni, ubudlelwane obulungileyo abantwana abanokuzisebenzisa kwezinye iinkalo zobomi babo.

Uphononongo lwango-2019 lukwacebisa ukuba kukho izibonelelo kubantu abadala ababandakanya abantwana abanobungakanani obuphezulu kunye nolwimi olukumgangatho ophezulu ebuntwaneni. Abaphandi baqaphela iintlobo zeencoko ezikhuthazwa yisitayile sokuba ngumzali ezinokubangela ukuphuculwa kokuqonda, iimpawu ezimbalwa zobundlongondlongo, kunye nophuhliso oluphambili ebantwaneni.

Zeziphi iingxaki zokuba ngumzali?

Kubazali abafuna ukukhawulezisa, ukusika ngokucacileyo kwimiceli mngeni yobuzali, ukuba ngumzali okwaziyo kunokuba kungangqinelani ngenxa yezizathu ezininzi.

Okokuqala, kungathatha ixesha elide ukufezekisa inani lokuzibonakalisa kunye nolawulo lwangaphakathi oluyimfuneko kumzali ngendlela ebizelweyo ngolu hlobo. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, abaxhasi baba ngabazali abazi kakuhle bakholelwa ukuba kunyanzelekile ukuba ukhulule umthwalo wakho ukuze umntwana wakho anyaniseke kwinyani yakhe, kwaye oko ngekhe kwenzeke ngobusuku obunye!

Okwesibini, ukwazi ukuba ngumzali kufuna ukuba abazali banike abantwana babo ithuba lokuzabalaza kwaye basilele. Oku, ewe, kuthetha ukuba inokuba mbi kwaye ithathe ixesha.

Abaxhasi bokukwazi ukuba ngumzali bakholelwa ukuba eli xesha kunye nomzabalazo uyimfuneko ukuba umntwana ajongane nemicimbi ebalulekileyo eya kubachaza. Nangona kunjalo, kwabanye abazali ukubukela kunokwenzeka kunokuba nzima ukuba banethuba lokuthintela umntwana wabo ekubeni asilele okanye iintlungu.

Okwesithathu, kubazali abathanda iimpendulo ezimnyama nezimhlophe ekusingatheni iingxaki nabantwana babo, ukuba ngumzali okwaziyo kunokuba yingxaki. Ukuba ngumzali onolwazi akuxhasi ukuba u-A, emva koko u-B yindlela yokuba ngumzali.

Le ndlela yokuba ngumzali ifuna ukuba abantu abadala balahle ixabiso lolawulo kubantwana babo. (Ukuyalelwa kancinci kuthetha ukuba izinto zinokufumana i-fuzzier encinci kwaye ziqikeleleke.)

Endaweni yokuba kusoloko kukho ikhosi ecacileyo yesenzo, ukuba ngumzali okwaziyo kunyanzelisa ukuba abazali basebenze nabantwana ukulungisa imicimbi njengoko bevela kwaye bahlala ngalo mzuzu.

Ukongeza, ukuba ngumzali okwaziyo kunokuba nemingeni ekhethekileyo xa ukhulisa abantwana abancinci. Kukho amaxesha apho, kukhuseleko, umzali kufuneka athathe inyathelo ngokukhawuleza. Akusoloko kunokwenzeka ukuba unqumame kwaye ucamngce xa uxanduva lwakho lokuqala kukugcina umntwana wakho ekhuselekile.

Okokugqibela, kwabanye abazali, ezona nkolelo ziphambili zoluvo lokuba ngumzali ziyakwazi ukubetha. Umzekelo, enye yeendlela eziphikisanayo kwi "The Conscious Parent" ithi, "Ukuba ngumzali akukho nzima okanye kunzima xa siye sazi kuba umntu onomdla ngokwemvelo unothando kwaye uyinyani." Kungenzeka ukuba uninzi lwabazali ngamanye amaxesha - ukuba ayisiyiyo yonke imihla - baziva ngathi ukuba ngumzali, enyanisweni, kunzima kakhulu kwaye kuhlala kunzima.

Xa ujonga nayiphi na ifilosofi yobuzali, kunokubakho amaxesha enye ifilosofi enengqiqo. Ukuba ngumzali oqondayo akunakulunga kuzo zonke iimeko okanye emntwaneni, kuxhomekeke kwezinye iimbono zabazali kunye nobuntu babo babandakanyekayo.

Uninzi lwabazali luxhomekeke kumxube weefilosofi zobuzali xa bekhulisa abantwana babo kwaye basebenzise isenzo sabo kwindibaniselwano entsonkothileyo yezinto.

Imizekelo yokukhulisa umntwana ngokuqonda

Ngaba udidekile malunga nokuphumeza oku kunokujongeka kubomi bokwenyani? Sukuba nexhala, awuwedwa. Ke, nanku umzekelo wobomi bokwenyani besitayile somzali esaziyo esisebenzayo.

Khawufane ucinge ukuba umntwana wakho oneminyaka emi-5 ushiyeke yedwa kwaye ubambe isikere (eyona mpazamo imbi yomzali!) Baye bagqiba kwelokuba badlale indawo yokucheba iinwele kwaye basebenzise izakhono zabo ezintsha zokusika kwiinwele zabo. Ungene ungene kwaye wabona iziphumo…

1. Ukuphefumla

Endaweni yokuphendula ngomsindo okanye uloyiko, unike isohlwayo kwangoko, okanye ubeke ityala emntwaneni, njengomzali oziqhelanisa nokuba ngumzali uyakuthatha umzuzwana ukuphefumla kwaye uzixhase. Thatha umzuzwana ukuhambisa isikere kwindawo ekhuselekileyo.

2. Cinga

Kubalulekile ukuthatha ixesha lokucinga ngazo naziphi na izinto ezibangela okanye iimvakalelo ekusenokwenzeka ukuba zenzekile ngaphakathi kwakho ngaphambi kokuziveza emntwaneni wakho. Amathuba ubuncinci yinxalenye encinci yakho yokucinga malunga nokuba bonke abanye abazali ebaleni lokudlala baya kucinga ntoni xa bebona umntwana wakho olandelayo! Ixesha lokuyiyeka loo nto.

3. Zibekele imida

Ukuba ngumzali onolwazi kubandakanya ukubeka imida (ngakumbi xa kufikwa ekufuneni unxibelelwano oluhloniphekileyo). Ke ukuba umntwana wakho ucele ukusebenzisa isikere kwangoko kwaye waxelelwa ukuba inokwenzeka kuphela xa umzali ekhona ngezizathu zokhuseleko, eli iya kuba lixesha lokuchaza ukwaphulwa komda obekiweyo.

Nangona kunjalo, kuya kufuneka ujonge ukuba ungamnceda njani umntwana wakho ukuba aqhubele phambili, njengokuhambisa isikere kwindawo abangenakufikelela kuyo bodwa. Khumbula: Ukuqonda ukuba ngumzali uzama ukunxibelelana kunye nobudlelwane obuyinyani ngelixa ugxile kumfanekiso omkhulu ukuba ixesha elide eli ayonto malunga neenwele ezingachetywanga.

4. Yamkela

Okokugqibela, endaweni yokucaphuka kukuba iinwele zomntwana wakho zinokungabonakali njengeyona nto iphambili, ukuba ngumzali kuyakucela ukuba wamkele iinwele apho zikhoyo ngoku. Akukho sidingo sokulilela iinwele ezidlulileyo! Lixesha lokuba uqhelisele ukukhupha i-ego yakho.

Unokusebenzisa oku njengethuba lokusebenza nomntwana wakho ukwenza inwele entsha ukuba bayayifuna!

Yise kude

Kungenzeka ukuba yonke into echazwe apha malunga nokuba ngumzali onolwazi iyangqinelana nendlela ocinga ukuba ngumzali ekufuneka wenziwe ngayo. Kwelinye icala, unokungavumelani nayo yonke ngamandla. Ngokuqinisekileyo awuwedwa kodwa uziva njani.

Akukho ndlela yimbi yokuba ngumzali esebenza ngokugqibeleleyo kuwo wonke umntwana (okanye imeko), ke kubalulekile ukuba ufunde ngeefilosofi ezahlukeneyo zobuzali. Awusoze wazi xa iza kuza iluncedo! Mhlawumbi uya kuba ukhokela iqela lokuphendula kwiqela lakho lomzali elilandelayo.