Nceda uyifunde le ukuba amaxhala entlalontle ayakonakalisa ubomi bakho bokuthandana

Umxholo

• 1. Nyaniseka
• 2. Ziqhelise!
• 3. Thumela umyalezo ngaphambi kokuba umkhuthaze
• 4. Fika kwangethuba
• 5. Khumbula i-CBT yakho
• 6. Yidlale ngokukhuselekileyo

"Kulungile, ayisiyondlwana iyanetha le."

Lawo yayingamazwi omlingo endandiwaxelele umyeni wam ngoku, uDan, ukuqala kwethu ukudibana. Khange kuncede ukuba ekuqaleni angene kwi-hug, kanti ndiqinisekile umntu oxhawulayo. Kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo ndimothusile ngengxelo yam yokuvula.

Ukuxhalaba ekuhlaleni kungenza ukuthandana kube yinkohliso… okanye, ukuba ndinyanisekile ngokupheleleyo, kuyenza ibe liphupha elibi. Njengomntu oluthiyileyo udliwanondlebe, intsebenzo yam ngomhla ibingayi kuba ntle. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, usuku lokuqala ngokuyintloko ludliwanondlebe lomsebenzi ogqithisileyo-ngaphandle kwee-cocktails (ukuba unethamsanqa).

Umzekelo, abanye babahlobo bam abasenyongweni babecinga ukuba ndiyinkosikazi yomkhenkce xa siqala ukudibana. Ukuba ndimthanda nyhani umntu - ngendlela yothando okanye hayi - ndihlala ndizikhetha ndize ndiphephe ukunxibelelana nabantu emehlweni. Ndiza kudikwa okanye ndingabinamdla, kodwa eneneni ndinesiqendu esixhalabileyo. Uloyiko lokuthi "into engalunganga" okanye ukuza ngathi uphulukene nalo kuyatya.

Kodwa ndibuyele kumhla wam wokuqala nomyeni wam: Ndifike kwisikhululo sikaloliwe ubuncinci imizuzu eyi-10, ndibila amabhakethi, kwaye ndaxoxa malunga nokuba mandiphume apho ngaphambi kokuba ndenze isidenge.

Kodwa kungekudala, ndahlala ebharini kunye naye, iqondo lobushushu lam liphezulu. Khange ndikwazi ukukhulula ijezi yam kuba bendibile kakhulu - akukho mntu ufuna ukubona amabala okubila! Izandla zam bezingcangcazela ukuze ndingakwazi ukufikelela kwiglasi yam yewayini, ukuba angabona.

UDan: Ndixelele ngakumbi ngale nto uyenzayo. ”

Mna (ngaphakathi): “Yeka ukundijonga, ndifuna ukusela iwayini yam.”

Mna (ngaphandle): “Ndisebenza nje kupapasho. Ingaba wenza ntoni?"

UDan: "Ewe, kodwa wenza ntoni ekupapasheni?"

Mna (ngaphakathi): "[Ulale]"

Mna (ngaphandle): “Akukho nto ingako, hahaha!”

Ngeli xesha, wagoba phantsi ukuze abophe umtya wentambo yezihlangu, ngelo xesha ndaye ndabeka phantsi isiqingatha seglasi yam. Oku kwasusa umva kwimithambo-luvo yam. Esona sisombululo sisiso, kodwa yintoni onokuyenza. Ngethamsanqa, wavela wandithanda kanye ukuba ndingubani. Ekugqibeleni ndimxelele malunga noxinzelelo lwasentlalweni (ngelixa livalelwe kwigumbi lokuhlambela ehotele ngeholide… ibali elide). Eminye yimbali.

Amava am andinike ulwazi oluninzi lokuba zeziphi izicwangciso ezincedayo- kwaye zeziphi izicwangciso ezingancediyo - xa kufikwa ekufumaneni inqaku lendibano phakathi kobomi obusebenzayo bokuthandana kunye nokuhlala noxinzelelo lwentlalo. Ndiyathemba ukuba ezi ngcebiso zilandelayo zingaluncedo!

1. Nyaniseka

Andithethi ukuba yamkele ukuba unexhala lwasentlalweni nje ukuba udibane. Ndithetha ukunyaniseka ngendawo oza kukhululeka kuyo. Umzekelo, ukuba bacebisa i-bowling, ukutya kwindawo yokutyela, okanye enye into ekwenza ube novalo, yitsho njalo. Ukuba noxinzelelo ekuhlaleni kunzima ngokwaneleyo ngaphandle kokuziva ungonwabanga kwindawo okuingqongileyo. Akunyanzelekanga ukuba ungene kwiinkcukacha ezininzi. Thetha nje into enje, "Ngokwenyani, andingowomntu othanda loo nto" okanye "ndingathanda ukuyenza [X], ukuba kulungile."

2. Ziqhelise!

Enye yezinto ezinkulu malunga ukuthandana apps kukuba bakunika ukhetho ukuhlangabezana amaqashiso abantu abatsha. Ukuba ufumanisa imeko yokuthandana nesibindi, kutheni ungakhe ukuzithemba kwakho ngokuya kwimihla embalwa yokuziqhelanisa?

3. Thumela umyalezo ngaphambi kokuba umkhuthaze

Ndidla ngokuthetha into enje, "Ndiyaphambana… ndicela undixelele ukuba ndimangalisa kanjani!"

4. Fika kwangethuba

Ukuba kwindawo phambi komhla wakho kunokukunika ixesha lokuqhelana nokufumana ukonwaba. Kodwa musa ukufika ngaphezulu kwemizuzu eli-10 kwangoko!

5. Khumbula i-CBT yakho

Yenza unyango lokuziphatha kwengqondo (CBT) "Ingxelo yokuCinga" kwangaphambili ukuze ucelomngeni kuzo naziphi na iingcinga ezimbi.

6. Yidlale ngokukhuselekileyo

Umhla wokuqala ngokuqinisekileyo ayiloxesha lokuzama i-hairstyle entsha okanye ukubukeka kwe-makeup. Ubunokwenzeka bokuba konke kuya kuhamba gwenxa kuya kwenza ngokwaneleyo kumanqanaba oxinzelelo lwakho. Yigcine ilula. Khetha into ekwenza uzive ukhululekile kodwa uzithembe.

Ukuya kumhla xa unoxinzelelo lwentlalo kunokuziva kunzima, kodwa ixhala lakho akufuneki likuyekise ekubeni uphile ubomi. Ukuthatha amanyathelo ambalwa asempilweni kunokwenza umahluko omkhulu!

UClaire Eastham yibhlog kunye nombhali othengisa kakhulu "Sonke Siphambene Apha." Unokunxibelelana naye kwi iwebhusayithi yakhe okanye umthumele nge-tweet @ClaireyLove.