Yintoni ejongene neMicimbi yeemvakalelo?

Umxholo

• Nguwuphi umahluko phakathi kokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo kunye nobuhlobo?
• Ngaba ukuthumela imiyalezo kubala?
• Kuthekani ngemidiya yoluntu?
• Kuthekani ngokujonga phezulu ex?
• Ngaba imicimbi yeemvakalelo inokuba yeyokwenyama?
• Ndazi njani ukuba iqabane lam linalo?
• Ndingazichaza njani iingxaki zam?
• Unxibelelwano olungenabundlobongela
• Ndiyazi njani ukuba ndiyabandakanyeka kwisibhengezo esithandanayo?
• Ndimxelela njani umlingane wam?
• Ngaba kufuneka ndiqhawule umtshato?
• Ndiwulungisa njani umonakalo?
• Ukuya phambili
• Ngaba ikhona indlela yokuba 'nobungqina-bomtshato' ubudlelwane?
• Umgca wezantsi

Unokudibanisa umcimbi kunye nesondo ngaphandle kobudlelwane bakho, kodwa kukho indawo engwevu enokuthi ibe yingozi: imicimbi yeemvakalelo.

Ukuthandana ngokweemvakalelo kuchazwa zizinto ezifihlakeleyo, unxibelelwano lweemvakalelo, kunye nemichiza yezesondo engakhange yenziwe.

"Abanye baziva ngathi kudala umsantsa onzulu nangakumbi xa unemvakalelo kunokwasemzimbeni nje," utshilo uJoree Rose, umtshato onelayisensi kunye nonyango losapho.

Nguwuphi umahluko phakathi kokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo kunye nobuhlobo?

Ekuboneni kokuqala, kunokuba nzima ukwahlulahlula imeko yovakalelo kubuhlobo obusondeleyo, kodwa kukho umahluko ophambili.

"Ubuhlobo buyaxhasa kwaye [buquka] umntu onokumbona amaxesha ambalwa ngenyanga," utshilo uKatie Ziskind onelayisensi. Ukuthandana ngokweemvakalelo, kwelinye icala, kuhlala kubandakanya umntu ombona rhoqo, uhlala elindele kakhulu.

Cinga kwimigca yomntu osebenza naye, loo mntu uhlala ebhasini yakho kusasa, okanye i-barista oyithandayo (nangona kunokwenzeka ukuba ube nobudlelwane konke aba bantu ngaphandle kokuba kuthathelwe ingqalelo njengomba womoya).

NgokukaRose, konke kuyehla ekuhleni. Ukuba ufihla ngenjongo yolwazi malunga neencoko zakho okanye unxibelelwano nalo mntu kwiqabane lakho, kunokuba ngaphezulu kobuhlobo obusebenzayo.

Ngaba ukuthumela imiyalezo kubala?

Ewe, kuxhomekeke kwimeko.

Ukuthumela imiyalezo ngefowuni kunokwenza ukuba imicimbi yeemvakalelo ifikeleleke kakhulu, utshilo uRose, kuba inokuba yinto elula kwaye engenabungozi. Kodwa inokutyibilika ngokulula ingene nzulu, ngakumbi ukuba ubhalela umntu lo imini yonke.

Ungafumanisa ukuba ukuhambisa imiyalezo ngokulula kukhokelela ekubeni unxibelelane ngakumbi nalo mntu kuneqabane lakho.

Ukuba ushiya iqabane lakho "lifunde" kodwa uphendula ngokukhawuleza komnye umntu imini yonke, kunokuba lixesha lokuba uthathe inyathelo ubuye umva kwaye ujonge ubudlelwane.

Kuthekani ngemidiya yoluntu?

Njengokuthumela imiyalezo, imithombo yeendaba zentlalo inokuba yindawo ethambekisayo xa kufikwa kumcimbi weemvakalelo.

Unxibelelwano oluqala ngaphandle kweplatonic lunokukhula, ngakumbi kuba alubandakanyi uninzi lweziphazamiso, iziphazamiso, okanye imiba enxulumene nolwalamano olwenziweyo, njengokubambisana kwabantwana, abantwana, imisebenzi, umsebenzi wasekhaya, ezemali, kunye Abantu basebukhweni.

Kuthekani ngokujonga phezulu ex?

Nokuba oku kuluhlobo lokuthandana ngokweemvakalelo okanye ukukopela kuyehla koko wena neqabane lakho nivumelene ngako. Ukuba awukabikho, cinga ukukrola ixesha elithile lengxoxo malunga nokuba yintoni kwaye ayilunganga kunye nomnye wenu.

Ukuba awuzange ube nale ncoko kodwa uyazi ukuba iqabane lakho alingethandi ukuba ujonge rhoqo kwi-ex yakho, mhlawumbi ungena kwindawo engazinzanga.

Ngaba imicimbi yeemvakalelo inokuba yeyokwenyama?

"Kuqhelekile ukuba izinto ziqale ngokumsulwa, apho abantu ababini banokucinga ukuba banobuhlobo nje," utshilo u-Anita A. Chlipala, umtshato onelayisensi kunye nonyango losapho ogxile ekungathembeki.

Kodwa ngokuhamba kwexesha, izinto zinokujika ngokwasemzimbeni ukuba awugcini imida efanelekileyo.

Ukuba uqala ukukhulisa iimvakalelo kunye nefuthe kukonyuka kokuthanda kunye nentabatheko ngenxa yemfihlo ebandakanyekileyo, kunokuba lula ukutyibilika kwizinto zomzimba.

Ndazi njani ukuba iqabane lam linalo?

Ukuzama ukucacisa ukuba iqabane lakho linomdla weemvakalelo kunokuba nzima. Enye, ukuba are ukuba unayo, isenokungazukuza kuwe ngeemvakalelo zabo malunga nomnye umntu.

Kodwa le miqondiso ingabonisa ukuba kukho into ephakanyisiweyo:

• Ukwanda kwemfihlo. Umlingane wakho unokutshintsha ngesiquphe useto lokhuseleko lwefowuni okanye aqale ukuthatha umnxeba xa esiya kwindlu yangasese xa engazange enze njalo.
• Ukurhoxa kubudlelwane. Banokuba kwifowuni yabo rhoqo okanye babhale imiyalezo emva kwexesha ebusuku kunesiqhelo. Banokubonakala ngathi abanakuvuyela ukukubona xa ufika ekhaya, okanye bangathandeki ukubuza malunga nosuku lwakho.
• Utshintsho kwisondo. Ngokuqinisekileyo, unokuqaphela ukwehla kobomi bakho bobulili. Kodwa utshintsho ngesiquphe kwelinye icala linokuba ngumqondiso. URose uthi: "Enye yeendlela umntu othandana nomntu anokuzenza ngayo ityala lakhe kukuqala ngesondo ukuze ungarhaneli ukuba kukho into engahambi kakuhle."

Kubalulekile ukuba ukhumbule ukuba konke oku kungentla kunokwenzeka ngenxa yezizathu ezahlukeneyo, uninzi alunanto yakwenza nokungathembeki. Ukuba uziva ngathi kukho into engekho, incoko evulekileyo, ethembekileyo sisiqalo esihle.

Ndingazichaza njani iingxaki zam?

URose ucebisa ukuba usebenzise into ebizwa ngokuba sisakhelo sonxibelelwano esingenabundlobongela, okanye unxibelelwano olunemfesane. Yindlela yencoko ephuhliswe sisayikholojisti ephepha ukugxeka okanye ukuhlasela omnye umntu.

Unxibelelwano olungenabundlobongela

Nanku ukujonga amanyathelo amane aphambili ale ndlela, kunye namanye amanqaku athethayo athe ngqo ekukhuliseni iinkxalabo malunga nento enokubakho:

1. Qwalasela imeko. "Ndiyaqaphela ukuba sikhutshiwe ngokwenene, ngakumbi malunga nesondo. Ingathi ifowuni iyeyona nto ibalulekileyo ekuqwalaseleni, kwaye ndibona ukungangqinelani kumabali omhla wakho. ” Qaphela ukuba akukho tyala, utsho uRose, kuphela "mna" iingxelo ezivela kwindawo yokujonga.
2. Xela ukuba imeko ikwenza uzive njani. "Xa ndiziva ndinqanyuliwe okanye ndibona ukuba kukho enye into eyenzekayo nawe, ingqondo yam iqala ukubhadula iye kwicala elimnyama, kwaye ndiziva ndisoyika kwaye ndingazithembi."
3. Chaza into oyifunayo ukunciphisa iimvakalelo kwimeko. "Xa ingqondo yam ingayeki ukubaleka kwaye ndiziva ndinovalo malunga nokuba uphi, ndifuna ingcaciso enkulu kunye nentuthuzelo malunga nokuqhubekayo."
4. Yenza isicelo esithile esihambelana ngqo nemeko. "Okwangoku, ndicela sincokole ngokunyanisekileyo malunga nezinto ezindixhalabisayo kunye noloyiko, kwaye unganceda wenze konke okusemandleni akho ukuba uvule kwaye uthembeke kum, nokuba kunzima?"

Ndiyazi njani ukuba ndiyabandakanyeka kwisibhengezo esithandanayo?

Imicimbi yeemvakalelo inzima ngokwaneleyo ukuyifumana kwiqabane, kodwa izinto ziya zisiba nzima ngakumbi xa ungoyena ubandakanyekayo.

Nazi iimpawu ezithile ekufuneka ubukele:

• banyebeleza ukuze bathethe kwaye bachithe ixesha nalo mntu
• ukutyhila ngakumbi kubo kunokuba usenza neqabane lakho
• ukudala amathuba okuchitha ixesha elongezelelweyo kunye nabo, kwi-intanethi okanye kumntu
• ukufikelela kumhlobo wakho rhoqo endaweni yokujika uye kwiqabane lakho

Kwakhona qaphela okuvelayo emzimbeni wakho, uRose uyagxininisa. I-physiology yethu ihlala iluncedo ekuqondeni indlela esivakalelwa ngayo.

Xa izinto ziwela umda wobuhlobo, unokuqaphela ukonyuka kwentliziyo xa ujikeleze omnye umntu, amabhabhathane esiswini sakho, okanye nokujika kwesondo okanye iingcinga ezingaqhelekanga.

Okukwintsusa: Ukuba awufuni ukuba iqabane lakho lazi ukuba wenzani, kungalixesha lokuba uthathe inyathelo ubuye umva.

Ndimxelela njani umlingane wam?

Ukuxelela iqabane lakho ngonxibelelwano lwakho lweemvakalelo nomnye umntu kunokubangela uxinzelelo olukhulu kubudlelwane bakho, utshilo uRose, ngakumbi ukuba awufuni kuphulukana nobudlelwane. Kodwa ukubavulela kubo kuphela kwendlela eya phambili.

Xa unale ncoko, beka phambili ukuthembeka kunye noxanduva lokuphendula.

Thembeka malunga noko bekusenzeka. Nangona kunjalo, kunqande ukubeka iqabane lakho okanye ubasole ngokuziphatha kwakho. Kubalulekile ukuba ube nokuziphatha kwakho, nokuba uziva ngathi ikhuthazwa yinto eyenziwe liqabane lakho (okanye elingakwenzanga).

Ukuba unenkxalabo malunga nendlela yokuya kwincoko, cinga ngokufikelela kwingcali. Banokukunceda ukuba uwuqonde ngcono umba okhoyo kwaye uze neendlela ezifanelekileyo zokuthetha ngawo.

Ngaba kufuneka ndiqhawule umtshato?

Ukuba uqaphela ukuba uphakathi komcimbi weemvakalelo, inyathelo elilandelayo kukuvavanya indlela ofuna ukuya ngayo phambili. Ngaba uyafuna ukuba neqabane lakho? Okanye uyafuna ukuqhubeka nokuthandana?

Qala ngokunyaniseka nesiqu sakho malunga nokuba kutheni uthandana nomntu, utshilo uRose.

Zibuze:

• "Ngaba yinto entsha enomdla kum?"
• "Ngaba ndifuna into enzulu esilelayo kulwalamano lwam ngoku?"
• "Ngaba ikhona indawo kum ethemba ukuba iqabane lam liyakufumanisa kwaye laphule izinto ukuze kungafuneki ukuba ndenze njalo?"

"Ngaphandle kolu hlolisiso olunzulu malunga nento elele phantsi kweendlela zokuziphatha, kuya kuba nzima ukwahlukana nayo, okanye kunzima ukungafuni elinye iqabane elithandanayo kwixesha elizayo," wongeza uRose.

Ukuba uziva ngathi ukwahlukanisa izinto ayisiyonto inokukhetha, "xelela iqabane lakho ukuze bathathe isigqibo esifanelekileyo malunga nokuhlala okanye ukuhamba," ucebisa uChlipala.

Ndiwulungisa njani umonakalo?

Ukuthandana ngokweemvakalelo ayisosigwebo sentambo kulwalamano lwakho. Kodwa iya kubeka isifotho kwizinto okwethutyana.

Ulwalamano unako usinde, ”utshilo uChlipala, kodwa oko kuyakubandakanya ukwakha kwakhona ukuthembana ngokwenza izinto elubala.

Ukuya phambili

Nanga amanyathelo okuqala onokuwathatha ukusindisa ubudlelwane:

• Phendula imibuzo yeqabane lakho. Oku kuthetha ukuba iipesenti ezili-100 zivulekile kwaye zicace gca malunga nokuba kwenzeke ntoni okanye akwenzekanga kulwalamano.
• Bonisa izenzo eziphathekayo. Zithini izinto oza kuzenza ukubuyisela ukuthembana? Uza kubonisa njani kwiqabane lakho ukuba uthatha uxanduva ngezenzo zakho?
• Cwangcisa ukungena kwixesha elizayo. Njengokuba wena neqabane lakho niphola, yenzani ixesha kwiiveki nakwiinyanga ezizayo ukujonga indlela enivakalelwa ngayo nobabini.

Ngaba ikhona indlela yokuba 'nobungqina-bomtshato' ubudlelwane?

Akukho ndlela eqinisekileyo yomlilo yokuthintela imicimbi okanye olunye ulwaphulo ekuthembekeni kubudlelwane. Kodwa ukusebenza ngenkuthalo kubudlelwane ngelixa ugcina incoko evulekileyo malunga neemfuno, iminqweno, iminqweno, kunye nento engekhoyo iya kukunceda ukudlula kwimicimbi emininzi ekhokelela kwimicimbi kwasekuqaleni.

Kukwabalulekile ukuba uqiniseke ukuba nobabini kwiphepha elinye malunga nokuba yintoni ukukopa. Ukukopa okuncinci kuyinto eyinyani, utshilo uChlipala, kwaye ingxaki kukuba amaqabane ahlala engavumelani malunga nokuba yintoni ukukopela kunye nento engekhoyo.

Ngaba ukudibana nomntu osebenza kunye naye ngeyure yolonwabo kulungile? Kuthekani ukuba umhlobo wakho okanye umntu osebenza naye ngokuqhubekayo uhambisa iitekisi ezinzulwini zobusuku? Ngaba kufuneka uphendule, okanye hayi? Yintoni evunyelweyo kwitheko le-bachelor okanye le-bachelorette?

Thetha ngezi ntlobo zeqabane lakho ukuze nazi ukuba nilindele ntoni komnye umntu.

Umgca wezantsi

Imicimbi yeemvakalelo inokuba yinkohliso ekuchongeni nasekuhambeni. Kodwa ukuzibophelela ukuvula unxibelelwano olunyanisekileyo kunye neqabane lakho kungahamba indlela ende ekuthinteleni okanye ekwenzeni kube lula ukusebenza emva kwento enye.