Emva kokuphulukana noThando loBomi bam, ndithandana neXesha lokuQala kumashumi eminyaka

Umxholo

• Lixesha lokujola nini?
• Kutheni ndiziva ndinetyala? Ndingenza ntoni ngayo?
• Iifoto kunye neenkumbulo zibonisiwe
• Ungaqhubeki phambili, vele uye phambili

Elinye icala lentlungu luthotho malunga namandla atshintsha ubomi alahleko. La mabali abantu abanamandla baphonononga izizathu ezininzi kunye neendlela esizifumana ngayo usizi kwaye sihamba ngendlela entsha.

Emva kweminyaka eli-15 sitshatile ndaphulukana nenkosikazi yam, uLeslie, ngenxa yomhlaza. Sasingabahlobo abasenyongweni ngaphambi kokuba siqale ukuthandana.

Phantse iminyaka engama-20, ndandithanda ibhinqa elinye: umfazi wam, umama wabantwana bam.

Ndandi-kwaye ndisese-ndilusizi ngokulahlekelwa ngumfazi owayenguRobin kuBatman wam (amagama akhe, hayi awam) phantse amashumi amabini eminyaka.

Okwangoku, ngaphandle kokuphoswa ngumfazi endimthandayo, ndikhumbula ukuba neqabane. Ndikhumbula ubuhlobo obusondeleyo. Umntu oza kuthetha naye. Umntu wokubamba.

Inkokheli yeqela lenkxaso elibuhlungu endikhe ndaya kulo yathetha "ngezigaba" zentlungu, kodwa yacebisa ukuba bekungathi awuzicwangcisi ezo nqanaba ngokulandelelana. Ngenye imini mhlawumbi wakhathazeka, emva koko wamkela ilahleko yakho. Kodwa oko kwakungathethi ukuba awuzange uphinde ube nomsindo ngosuku olulandelayo.

Inkokheli yeqela ithathe usizi njengolwandayo, oluya lusondela ngakumbi ekwamkelweni, kodwa luthathe nohambo ngokugxeka, uthethathethwano, umsindo kunye nokungakholelwa endleleni.

Andiqinisekanga ukuba ndakhe ndangena ebhodini kunye nogqithiso lomoya.

Intlungu yam yabangathi ngamaza aphuma kwithontsi lamanzi echibini elikhulu. Ngokuhamba kwexesha, amaza aya kuba mancinci kwaye aqhubeke ukwahlukana, emva koko i-droplet entsha iya kuwa kwaye iqale inkqubo kwakhona-ityhubhu ehambisa amanzi engenanto.

Emva kwexesha elithile, amathontsi ahlala ephantsi, kodwa andinakuze ndikubonakalise njengokulungisa ukuvuza. Kuyinxalenye yemibhobho yamanzi ngoku.

Ngeendlela ezininzi, awuzange "ugqibe" ngelahleko enkulu kangaka. Uziqhelanisa nayo.

Kwaye ndicinga ukuba kulapho mna neentombi zam ngoku kwibali lethu lokuhamba ubomi bethu ngaphandle kukaLeslie.

Ukuba awuzange ube phezu komntu omthandayo oswelekileyo, ngaba oko kuthetha ukuba awusoze uphinde uthandane? Ungaze ufumane elinye iqabane kunye nokuzithemba?

Uluvo lokuba kwakufuneka ndenze uxolo lwam nesizungu ngokusisigxina kuba ukufa kwakundohlulile kumfazi endamtshatayo kwakuyinto engekhoyo, kodwa ukuqonda ukuba ndikulungele na ukuthandana kwakungeyondlwan 'iyanetha.

Lixesha lokujola nini?

Xa ulahlekelwe ngumntu, kukho imvakalelo yokuba uphantsi kwemicroscope, yonke into oyenzayo ihlolwa ngabahlobo, usapho, abantu osebenza nabo, kunye nokunxibelelana kwimidiya yoluntu.

Ngaba uziphatha ngokufanelekileyo? Ngaba uzilile “ngokuchanekileyo”? Ngaba ukhathazekile kakhulu kuFacebook? Ngaba uyabonakala naye wonwabile?

Nokuba abantu bahlala begweba okanye hayi, kuvakala ngathi kubantu abalilayo.

Kulula ukuhlawula inkonzo yomlomo, "Andikhathali nokuba abantu bacinga ntoni." Kwakunzima ukungahoyi ukuba abanye babantu abanokudideka, abachaphazeleka, okanye abonzakaliswe sisigqibo sam sokuthandana bayakuba lusapho olusondeleyo olulahlekelwe nguLeslie.

Malunga nonyaka emva kokusweleka kwakhe, ndaziva ndikulungele ukuqala ukukhangela elinye iqabane. Njengentlungu, ixesha lokulungela komntu ngamnye liyahluka. Unokuba ulungile kwiminyaka emibini kamva, okanye iinyanga ezimbini.

Zimbini izinto ezimisele ukulungela kwam ukuthandana: Ndiyamkele ilahleko kwaye ndinomdla ekwabelaneni ngaphezu kwebhedi nomfazi. Ndandinomdla wokwabelana ngobomi bam, uthando lwam, kunye nosapho lwam. Amaconsi osizi ayehla kancinci rhoqo. Amaza eemvakalelo aphumileyo ayalawuleka ngakumbi.

Ndandifuna ukuthandana, kodwa ndandingazi ukuba kufanelekile. Ayikuko ukuba bendingekabuhlungu ukusweleka kwakhe. Kodwa ndiye ndayiqonda eyona nto inokwenzeka yokuba usizi lwam luyinxalenye yam ngoku, kwaye ngekhe ndiphinde ndibekho ngaphandle kwalo ngokwenyani.

Ndandifuna ukuhlonipha abanye abantu ebomini bomfazi wam ababephulukene naye. Bendingafuni namnye umntu ukuba acinge ukuba ukuthandana kwam kubonakalisa kakubi uthando lwam kumfazi wam, okanye ukuba "ndingaphaya."

Kodwa ekugqibeleni isigqibo seza kum. Enoba abanye babona kufanelekile okanye akunjalo, ndaziva ndikulungele ukuthandana.

Ndiyakholelwa ukuba ndiyityala kumhla wam onokubakho wokunyaniseka kum ngokunokwenzeka. Baza kuthatha amazwi abo kumazwi kunye nezenzo zam, bavule kum, kwaye - ukuba konke kuhambe kakuhle - bakholelwa kwikamva kunye nam ebelikhona kuphela ukuba ndikulungele ngokwenene.

Kutheni ndiziva ndinetyala? Ndingenza ntoni ngayo?

Ndaziva ndinetyala phantse kwangoko.

Phantse iminyaka engama-20, ndandingazange ndithandane nomnye umntu ngaphandle komfazi wam, kwaye ngoku ndandibona omnye umntu. Ndandihamba ngemihla kwaye ndonwaba, kwaye ndaziva ndiphikisana nombono wokuba kufanele ukuba ndizonwabele la mava amatsha, kuba ayebonakala ngathi athengiwe ngendleko zobomi bukaLeslie.

Ndicwangcise imihla ebanzi kwiindawo zolonwabo. Bendiphuma ndiye kwiivenkile zokutyela ezintsha, ndibukele iimovie ngaphandle epakini ebusuku, kwaye ndisiya kwiminyhadala yesisa.

Ndaqala ukuzibuza ukuba kutheni ndingazange ndenze izinto ezifanayo noLeslie. Ndizisole ngokungazifuneli ezo ntlobo zobusuku bomhla. Amaxesha amaninzi ndiye ndashiya kuye ukuba acwangcise.

Kwakulula kakhulu ukubanjwa kwimbono yokuba kuya kuhlala kukho ixesha lobusuku bomhla kamva.

Zange khe siyicinge into yokuba ixesha lethu linomda. Asikaze siyenze into yokuba sifumane umhlali ukuze sithathe ixesha lethu.

Kwakukho rhoqo ngomso, okanye kamva, okanye emva kokuba abantwana bekhulile.

Kwaye kwahamba ixesha. Kamva ngoku, kwaye ndandiza kuba ngumongi ngaphezu komyeni kuye kwiinyanga zokugqibela zobomi bakhe.

Iimeko zokuhla kwempilo yakhe zisishiye singenalo ixesha okanye amandla okupenda idolophu ebomvu. Kodwa sasineminyaka eli-15 sitshatile.

Saye saneliseka. Ndiye ndonwaba.

Andinakukutshintsha oko. Into endinokuyenza kukuqonda ukuba yenzekile kwaye ufunde kuyo.

ULeslie washiya ngasemva indoda ebhetele kunale wayetshatile.

Unditshintshe ngeendlela ezininzi ezintle, kwaye ndinombulelo kakhulu ngaloo nto. Kwaye naziphi na iimvakalelo zokuba netyala endinazo malunga nokungabi yeyona ndoda ibalaseleyo ebendinokuba kuye kuye kufuneka iphazanyiswe yingcinga yokuba ebengekagqibi ukundilungisa okwangoku.

Ndiyazi ukuba injongo yobomi bukaLeslie yayingekokundishiya ndiyindoda ebhetele. Yayisisiphumo nje esisecaleni sokhathalelo, nendalo yakhe.

Okukhona ndisiba ngumhla, ndiziva ndinetyala kancinci- kubonakala ngathi kuyindalo.

Ndiyalivuma ityala. Ndiyayamkela into yokuba ngendenze izinto ngokwahlukileyo, kwaye ndizifaka kwikamva.

Ityala lalingekuba ndandingekakulungeli, kungenxa yokuba ndingajoli, ndandingekayiphathi eyokundenza ndizive njani. Nokuba bendilinde iminyaka emi-2 okanye engama-20, ekugqibeleni ngendiziva ndinetyala kwaye kufuneka ndiyicubungule.

Iifoto kunye neenkumbulo zibonisiwe

Ukulungela ukuthandana kwaye ukulungele ukubuyisela umhla wakho endlwini yakho zizinto ezimbini ezahlukeneyo.

Ngelixa ndikulungeleyo ukuzibuyisela ngaphandle, indlu yam yayihlala iyindawo engcwele kuLeslie. Igumbi ngalinye ligcwele imifanekiso yosapho kunye neyomtshato.

Indawo yakhe yokulala ebusuku igcwele iifoto kunye neencwadi, iileta, iibhegi zokwenza izimonyo, kunye namakhadi emibuliso athe ahlala engaphazamiseki kangangeminyaka emithathu.

Ukuziva unetyala lokuthandana akunto xa kuthelekiswa netyala lokuzama ukuqonda ukuba wenzeni ngefoto yomtshato engama-20 nangama-20 phezu kombhede wakho.

Ndisayinxiba iringi yam yomtshato. Kusesandleni sam sasekunene, kodwa uziva ngathi kukungcatshwa okunje ukuyikhupha ngokupheleleyo. Andikwazi ukwahlukana nayo.

Andikwazi ukulahla ezo zinto kude, ukanti ezinye zazo azisahambelani nebali lokuba ndivuleleke kubudlelwane bexesha elide nomntu endimkhathaleleyo.

Ukuba nabantwana kuyenza lula ingxaki yendlela yokujongana nayo. U-Leslie akasoze ayeke ukuba ngumama wabo nangona edlulile. Nangona imifanekiso yomtshato inokugcinwa kude, imifanekiso yosapho zizikhumbuzo zikanina nothando lwakhe ngabo kwaye kufuneka bahlale belele.

Kanye njengokuba ndingoyiki ukuthetha nabantwana malunga nonina, andixolisi nangokuxoxa ngoLeslie ngemihla (Ndithetha ukuthi, hayi ngomhla wokuqala, khawukhathalele). Waye kwaye kunjalo yinxalenye ebalulekileyo yobomi bam kunye nobomi babantwana bam.

Inkumbulo yakhe iya kuhlala ihleli nathi. Ke siyathetha ngayo.

Okwangoku, kuya kufuneka ndicoca kwaye ndicwangcise ubusuku bokulala ngolunye lwezi ntsuku.

Ungaqhubeki phambili, vele uye phambili

Kukho ezinye izinto onokucinga ngazo-amanye amanyathelo okujongana nawo: Ukudibana nabantwana, ukudibana nabazali, zonke ezo zinto zinokubothusa ubudlelwane obutsha.

Kodwa kuqala ngokuqhubela phambili. Kukuchasene nokulibala uLeslie. Endaweni yoko, kukumkhumbula ngenkuthalo kunye nokuthatha isigqibo sendlela yokuqhubela phambili ngelixa uhlonipha eyadlulayo.

Ukuqalisa kwakhona kwam "kwimihla yokuthandana" kuza lula ngolwazi lokuba uLeslie ngokwakhe wayefuna ukuba ndifumane umntu emva kokuhamba kwakhe, kwaye wandixelela oko ngaphambi kokuphela. Loo mazwi andizisela intlungu ngelo xesha, endaweni yokuthuthuzelwa endikufumana kubo ngoku.

Ke ndizakuzivumela ukuba ndonwabe kukufumanisa umntu omtsha omkhulu kwaye ndizame kangangoko ndinako ukugcina ukuzisola kunye neempazamo zexesha elidlulileyo andinakukwazi ukuzilawula ukuba zingonakali.

Kwaye ukuba emva kwayo yonke loo nto ukuthandana kwam ngoku kugwetywe "kungafanelekanga," kulungile, kuya kufuneka ndingavumi ngentlonipho.

Ngaba ufuna ukufunda ngakumbi amabali kubantu abahamba ngendlela entsha njengoko behlangabezana nokungalindelekanga, ukutshintsha ubomi, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha amaxesha osizi? Jonga uthotho olupheleleyo Apha.

UJim Walter ngumbhali weIbhlog nje yeLil, Apho ebalisa ngeziganeko zakhe njengotata ongatshatanga weentombi ezimbini, enye yazo ine-autism. UngamlandelaTwitter.