Sibuze kumadoda: "Yintoni ekwenza ukuba ekugqibeleni uqalise ukuthambisa?"

Umxholo

• Amaxesha amaninzi, izinto ezenziwe ngobugcisa obusikiweyo ziye zavela ngokungxamile. Kwinyani, siyakhathala.
• Qala ngokusebenzisa indlela elula
• Ngokuqinisekileyo thintela umgwebo kunye nokuxhatshazwa
• Sebenzisa inkampani edibeneyo njengethuba
• Bonisa ubuchule bakho ekwakheni ubudlelwane
• Funda igumbi: Fumanisa ixesha lokuthe ngqo okanye lokuncoma
• Kwiimeko ezinqabileyo, amanye amadoda ayazi nje ukuba ngubani (kwaye nini) ukubuza

Ngokuqinisekileyo kukho iindlela ezichanekileyo (nezingalunganga) zokwenza ukuba amadoda athambise.

Kutheni le nto kunzima kangaka ukufumana amadoda ukuba anakekele ulusu?

Isenokuba yinto yokuba amadoda amaninzi engathethi ngayo ngokwawo. U-Yesu, oneminyaka engama-33, uchaphazela indlela ekuxoxwa ngayo ngononophelo lolusu phakathi kwamadoda kungafunwa yiLatinos.

“Ukhathalelo lolusu yenye yezihloko apho xa ukunye namanye amadoda aseLatino, awabelani ngenkqubo yokhathalelo lolusu lwakho, kwaye baya kukuhlekisa ukuba wenzayo. Kuphela kuxa ialfa eyindoda yeqela yabelana ngento ize ithi, 'Heyi, ndiyayisebenzisa le nto, kufuneka uyisebenzise.' ”

UDavid, 60, ukwangqina ukuba amakhwenkwe kunye namadoda bahlala beqhuzelana ngesikhumba kwaye bangaze baxoxe ngeengcebiso okanye irejimeni yabo. Ukhathalelo lolusu luza kuphela kubafana ukuba luyintlekisa. Njengaye, 'Jonga wena, amaqatha akho ayaluthuthu!' Iqhula le-Barbershop ngoluhlobo. "

Amaxesha amaninzi, izinto ezenziwe ngobugcisa obusikiweyo ziye zavela ngokungxamile. Kwinyani, siyakhathala.

Masijongane nayo: Ukufumana umfana ebomini bakho ukuba akhathalele ngesikhumba sakhe kunokuba nzima. Kuya kufuneka uthathele ingqalelo uhlobo lolusu kunye neemfuno zabo, iimvakalelo kunye nohlobo lomntu, kunye nokuthembeka kwakho.

Andisoze ndiyilibale indlela endikuphephe ngayo ngabom ukunceda owayeyinkwenkwe ngenxa yokoyika ukonakalisa iimvakalelo zakhe. Wayengasebenzisi imveliso efanelekileyo yokucheba ukumkhusela kumaqhuma ezele. Intamo yakhe yayijongeka ngathi uthathe itshizi.

Endaweni yokuba ndimncede ngokwam, ndithembele kutata ukuba angenelele kwaye ndimbonise iimveliso zakhe zolusu. I-ex yam ayikaze ilithathe ingcebiso, kodwa inkumbulo yayihlala indenza ndizibuze: Ngaba zikhona iindlela ezingcono- ezinye iindlela- zokuba abafana banakekele ulusu lwabo? Singawafumana njani amadoda ebomini bethu ukuba aqalise ukuthambisa, ukuthambisa ilanga, ukukhupha, nokunyanga amaqhakuva abo?

Ukufumana umbono ongcono wendlela yokuchithwa kwescreen kunye namava-amahle, amabi, kunye nokubi-ndaye ndaya kubahlobo bam abasenyongweni kunye namalungu osapho.

Nanga amava abo.

Qala ngokusebenzisa indlela elula

Xa kuziwa kumntakwabo, uCandice, oneminyaka engama-26, uyazi ukuba kuya kufuneka azenzele lula kwizindululo. Akayithandi xa emxelela into amakayenze kwaye uzakumxelela xa eyenzile.

"Kufuneka ndimnciphise kwizinto. Ndiqaphele ukuba ufumana amaqhuma ashushu, ndathi, ‘Heyi, ndiyabona ukuba ulusu lwakho luyaphuka. Wenza ntoni ukuyikhathalela? Ngaba iyakusebenzela? ’”

Xa wamxelela ukuba wayesebenzisa isepha yesibha, wacebisa ukuba akhuphe into yokukhuhla. "Wazama kwaye wayefana," Yhu, le [i-bleep] ayikho! Sele ndiza kusebenzisa le nto! '”

Xa kufikwa kukhathalelo lolusu kwiindawo ezingathethekiyo, uJussie, 26, uphawula ukuba kufuneka angqale ngqo, kuba ukhathalelo lolusu aluze luvele.

UCandice ukwasebenzisa le ndlela kunye nesoka lakhe, esongeza, "Amadoda awazi kwanto malunga nezicoci okanye izinto zokuthambisa, ke kuye kwafuneka ndimkhuthaze ukuba akhuphe ngaphezulu. Usasebenzisa isepha yesitya ubukhulu becala, kodwa ngoku ukhupha ithambo kanye ngeveki. ”

Ngokuqinisekileyo thintela umgwebo kunye nokuxhatshazwa

Isilumkiso seSpoiler: Le yeyona okungenani isebenze indlela yokunceda nabani na ukuphucula ulusu lwabo. Nceda ungaze uyenze le nto!

UMonique, 30, akazange abe nayo nayiphi na imiba yolusu kusapho kwaye wayephulukene ngokupheleleyo xa wabona umtshana wakhe omncinci ene-acne.

Abahlobo bakhe babemqhula. Babenolusu olucocekileyo kunye neenwele zobuso. Waye wafudukela kwisixeko esikhulu, kwaye inkangeleko yakhe yayiye ibaluleke ngakumbi kuye. Ndicinga ukuba i-acne yakhe yazisa i-swag yakhe phantsi, kwaye uyintle encinci. Kwaye akakho umntu othanda induna. ”

"Ndithe kuye, 'Kufuneka uphinde uhlambe ubuso bakho. Utshintshe neepillases zakho. ’” Uye wambuza naye, “Ngubani obeke izandla zakho ezimdaka kuwe? Ngubani lo uchukumise ubuso bakho? ” Xa wamxelela ukuba uhlamba ubuso bakhe, uyabona ukuba neentloni kunye nokudana.

Akazange abuze uMonique ukuba ancede ngesikhumba sakhe kwakhona, kwaye xa ebuya, uyaqonda ukuba kutheni.

Sebenzisa inkampani edibeneyo njengethuba

UYesu, owayekhe waxubusha ngokuxhaphaza ulusu phakathi kwabafana, unamava anqabileyo okuxoxa ngokuphandle ngononophelo lolusu kunye nomhlobo oyindoda kwinkampani exubileyo.

"Besisebenza nabafundi, kwaye abafundi bamantombazana kunye nabafana bahlala behlala kunye nathi ngexesha lekhefu. Ngenye imini, abafundi bethu ababhinqileyo babexhonyiwe nje, bethetha ngezithambisi. Kwaye yayilixesha lethu lokuba singene kwincoko.

USean wandixelela, 'Hee Yesu, ndiyabona ukuba ulusu lwakho luneoyile encinci. Kuya kufuneka uzame oku. Ayibizi kangako kwaye ungayifumana kwiCostco. Ndithembe, uya kundibulela. ’”

UYesu wadityaniswa ziziphumo kwaye uye wayandisa inkqubo yakhe yokunyamekela ulusu ukusukela oko.

“Ndabona ukuba umntakwethu omncinci ufumana iindevu, ndaye ndambuza ukuba ebecheba okanye hayi, ukhe wazama okanye hayi. Kwaye wayenamaqhakuva kancinci, kwaye ndaqaphela amaqhuma… ndaza ke ndathi into: 'Oku kuyakunceda.' ” -UDavid, 60

Bonisa ubuchule bakho ekwakheni ubudlelwane

UYesu ukwenzeka ukuba abe nomama we-cosmetologist kunye nomzalwana onelayisensi yokunyanga umzimba ukuba baphethukele kuncedo olongezelelekileyo.

“Bendihlala ndikwazi ukuya kumama wam ukuze ndibone ukuba yeyiphi imveliso yolusu endinokuyisebenzisa. Umntakwethu uyazi ngeoyile yolusu lwakho kunye nezinto ezinje, ngoko ke ucebise ngeoyile kunye nebhotolo yecocoa kulusu lwam, utshilo.

UDavid, owayekhe waqaphela ukubaluleka kokhathalelo lolusu ekuzithembeni kwamadoda, unomhlobo obhinqileyo oneshishini lokhathalelo lolusu.

Xa ufuna uphononongo lweemveliso, uya kumnika iimveliso ukuba azame, acele ingxelo yakhe, kwaye ahlekise ngokucebisa ngeendlela ezintsha.

"Bendimazi ngonaphakade, ke uya kuba ngathi," Owu Thixo wam, uyekile ukusebenzisa loo Vaseline! ndikuxelele uyeke ukusebenzisa loo Vaseline! ’Kwaye kwaxhathisa, kodwa wayedla ngokuthi,‘ Jonga iyasebenza! ’Angandifundisa.”

Funda igumbi: Fumanisa ixesha lokuthe ngqo okanye lokuncoma

UJussie, 26, uhlala enesikhumba esigqibeleleyo. Abazali bakhe bakhuthaza ukhathalelo lolusu kuye besebancinci, kubandakanya ukufaka ukubaluleka kokuhlala ngamanzi. (Sithembe, oku kuyenza imimangaliso yokuvula ukukhanya ngaphakathi.)

Xa kufikwa kukhathalelo lolusu kwizithuba ze-heteronormative, uyaphawula ukuba kufuneka angqale ngqo, kuba ukhathalelo lolusu aluze luvele. (Ngokuchasene noko, xa ekwindawo ze-LGBTQ, izincomo zibonakala zisebenza ngcono.)

Usebenza njengomzali wokulala. Xa ethetha nabafundi bakhe abangamadoda, uJussie uthi, “Ndiphambili kakhulu. [Ndiza kuthi], ‘Ufuna into yokuthambisa. Ngoba? Kungenxa yokuba ulusu lwakho luyaqhekeka, kwaye alukhangeleki kakuhle. '”

Abafundi bakhe abaMnyama bathanda ukuxabisa uncedo lwakhe oluthe ngqo kunye nokunxulumana nokubizwa ngokuba neentloni. "Abafundi bam abaNtsundu banokufuna izikhumbuzo ezimbalwa," utshilo. “Andiqondi ukuba iyadibana nabo ukuba ukoma kolusu yinto ekufuneka beyazi. Bakuxhalabele ngakumbi ukungabinamaqhakuva okanye amabala. ”

“Ndisenaso isikhumba unanamhla. Ngoku ndicela nje uncedo kumfazi wam ngolusu lwam. ” -Kobby, 36

Kwangokunjalo, u-Erika, oneminyaka engama-54 ubudala, olwa ulusu olomileyo ukhupha ubomi bakhe bonke, akanandlela yokuhluza ukuze umyeni wakhe athambise.

“Ndabona ukuba ubuso bomyeni wam bungxamile ngokwenene. Kwakukubi ngenene, ngokungathi sisilo esikhulu! Ndivele ndambuza, ‘Kwenzeka ntoni ngobuso bakho? Ngaba usisebenzisile isithambisi? ’Bendixhalabile ukuba igawuthi ibuyile, kuba ulusu lwayo belungxamile. Ndandinexhala. ”

Ngemvelaphi yakhe kwiimveliso zokhathalelo lolusu, wakwazi ukucebisa into yokuthambisa, awayeyizame ngokuzithandela.

UDavid ukhuthaza ukhathalelo lolusu kubantu abancinci nakwabadala njengophawu lobungcali kunye nokuzingca ngesiqu sakho.

“Ufuna ukubonakala, uyazi… uzama ukwenza ntoni? Umntakwethu omncinci wayefunda kwisikolo samabanga aphakamileyo, ke kuyafana, 'Qinisa. Ndiyazi ukuba unendlela yakho [yehip-hop], kodwa amantombazana asathanda ukubonakala. Uyafuna umsebenzi, kuya kufuneka ubonakale. Awufuni kukhangeleka njengomkhombe! '”

“[Umfazi wam] usandula ukundixelela ukuba mandiqale ndisebenzise amafutha okuthambisa nezinto ezinjalo. Wayengagxeki okanye nantoni na. Wayefuna ukundinceda. ” -U-Orville, 60

UDavid ukwathethile ngokunika ubuchwephesha njengendlela yokusombulula ingxaki. Ngokufanayo wanceda utatomkhulu wakhe ukuba afumane iimveliso zokucheba ezilungele ulusu olucekeceke ngenxa yokuguga.

“Ndabona ukuba umntakwethu omncinci ufumana iindevu, ndaye ndambuza ukuba ebecheba okanye hayi, ukhe wazama okanye hayi. Kwaye wayenamaqhakuva kancinci, kwaye ndaqaphela amaqhuma… ndaza ke ndathi into: 'Oku kuyakunceda.' ”

Bobabini aba bafana babenakho ukungenelela kolu hlobo lwendlela kwaye bazama iingcebiso zakhe.

Kwiimeko ezinqabileyo, amanye amadoda ayazi nje ukuba ngubani (kwaye nini) ukubuza

U-Okonkwo, oneminyaka engama-28, uzibiza ngokuba "ungumfo womfo" kwaye uzithembile kwaye unesitayile. Wayelwa namabala ebusheni kwaye wayeye kugqirha wesikhumba.

Akazange athethe nenye indoda ngoncedo lolusu lwakhe kwaye uthembele kubahlobo bakhe abangamakhosikazi okanye amantombazana. Ucinga ukuba “bazi lukhulu ngayo kunabafana.” (Ukusuka kwiincoko zam namanye amadoda kukhathalelo lolusu, ulungile.)

UKobby, oneminyaka engama-36 ubudala, wayesokola namabala ebutsheni kwaye eqinisekisa ukuba ukucela amanye amadoda ukuba ancede ngesikhumba sakhe yeyona ndlela ingeyiyo.

“Ndadlala ibhola ekhatywayo, kwaye umntu endidlala naye wabona i-zit enkulu empumlweni yam. Uye wathi mandikhame de kuphume ubomvu negazi, emva koko ndisebenzise iphedi. Ndaye ndagoduka ndenza njalo. ”

Le ndlela, nangona kunjalo, yamshiya enesiva. Ngokwenene. “Ndisenaso isikhumba unanamhla. Ngoku ndicela nje uncedo kumfazi wam ngolusu lwam. ”

Xa u-Orville, 60, wayenamava okuqhekeka kutsha nje ngenxa yokutya i-vegan, wacela uncedo kwinkosikazi yakhe kwaye wayixabisa indlela yakhe yokugweba. “Undixelele nje ukuba mandiqale ndisebenzise amafutha okuthambisa nezinto ezinjalo. Wayengagxeki okanye nantoni na. Wayefuna ukundinceda. ”

Kwaye yile crux yayo yonke. Xa iingcebiso zokhathalelo lolusu zichithwe ngaphandle-kumadoda nabasetyhini-sisenzo sokhathalelo, ngenxa yothando.

UZahida Sherman ukwahluka kunye nokubandakanywa kwengcali ebhala malunga nenkcubeko, ubuhlanga, isini kunye nokuba mdala. Uyimbali ye-nerd kunye ne-rookie surfer. Mlandele phambili I-Instagram kwaye Twitter.