Isimo sengqondo sokuGxeka siyenzakalisa njani impilo yakho kunye nobutyebi

Umxholo

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Unokucinga ukuba ugcina nje izinto ziyinyani, kodwa uphando olutsha lubonisa umbono wokugxeka onokubenzakalisa ubomi bakho. Abagxeki benza imali encinci kunabo banethemba, ngokutsho kophando lwamva nje olupapashwe yiAmerican Psychological Association. Kwaye asithethi ngotshintsho lwe-chump-negative Nancys wenza i-avareji yeedola ezingama-300 ngaphantsi konyaka (zinje ngeentloko ezintathu zikaLulu!). (Ziphawule ezi Ncebiso zokuGcina imali ukuze ufumane iFiscally Fit.)

"Abantu abagxekayo bathatha iintsuku ezininzi zokugula, abazithembi kwizakhono zabo, kwaye bahlala bezimisele ngakumbi ukufumana umvuzo omncinci," utshilo u-Alisa Bash, ugqirha wezengqondo eBeverly Hills, CA. "Kodwa owona monakalo wangempela kubudlelwane babo nabanye abantu. Ngenxa yokuba bengathembeli kangako, azisebenzi kakuhle nabanye. Kwaye xa umntu ekhupha amandla angalunganga, ehlala ekhalaza, abantu abafuni ukuba kufuphi naloo nto. ."

Ayingomvuzo wakho kuphela kunye nesangqa sentlalo esiya kuchaphazeleka kukugxeka okungapheliyo. Ukuhlala ukhalaza kunokubeka impilo yakho emngciphekweni. Uphononongo lwakutsha nje oluvela kwiDyunivesithi yaseMinnesota oludibanise ubugxwayiba nomngcipheko omkhulu wokubethwa sisifo kunye nesifo sentliziyo, ngelixa uphando lwaseSweden lufumanise ukuba ii-cynics zazinethuba lokuphuhlisa isifo sengqondo esixhalabisayo. (Funda "Kutheni Ndifumene Uvavanyo lwe-Alzheimer's.") Abaphandi kwizifundo zombini bathi iimvakalelo ezingalunganga zinokunyusa amanqanaba oxinzelelo, zonyuse ukuzihlukanisa, kwaye zibangele abantu ukuba "bayeke" -izinto zonke ezinxulunyaniswa nezifo ezikhulayo.

Konke oku kunokuba nzima ukukuginya kubantu abaziva begxeka nje ngendalo. Kodwa ngaphambi kokuphelelwa lithemba, uBash uthi ukugxeka luphawu olukuyo unako utshintsho-kwaye akunzima njengoko ucinga. Isitshixo luNyango lweCognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), umthambo okuncedayo ukubuyisela izinto ezingalunganga njengezinto ezintle. "Xa ulindele okona kubi, uyakufumana, kuba yile nto uyikhangelayo," ucacisa uBash. "Kodwa izinto ezimbi zenzeka kuye wonke umntu. Yindlela ozijonga ngayo ezo zinto ziya kuthi zimisele ulonwabo lwakho."

Inyathelo lokuqala ekwenzeni i-nixing negativity kukwazi ukuba zingaphi iingcinga ezingalunganga onazo, utshilo. "Kufuneka uyeke umjikelo ngaphambi kokuba uqale ngokuqaphela ukuba ezi ngcinga azikuvuyisi." (Zama ezi ndlela zingama-22 zokuphucula ubomi bakho kwimizuzu emi-2 okanye ngaphantsi.)

Qala ngokubhala phantsi naziphi na iingcinga ezimbi. Umzekelo, "Leya moto yanditshiza ngenjongo! Abantu ziijerks ezinjalo. Kutheni le nto ihlala isenzeka kum?"

Emva koko, buza ubungqina baloo ngcamango. Amaxesha amaninzi abukho ubungqina bokwenyani beenkolelo zakho ezimbi kwaye uzisebenzisa njengesixhobo sokuzikhusela, utshilo uBash. Khangela ubungqina bokuba umqhubi uyazi ukuba ulapho kwaye ukutshize ngabom, kunye nobungqina bokuba uhlala utshizwa ngalo lonke ixesha imoto iqhuba ngezinto ezivakala bubudenge xa ​​uzitsho ngokuvakalayo.

Emva koko, buza iinkolelo zakho emva kokugxeka. Ngaba uyakholelwa nyani konke abantu zijezi okanye izinto ezimbi rhoqo kwenzeke kuwe? Bhala eminye imizekelo yamaxesha apho abantu babenobubele kuwe okanye benze into entle ngokungalindelekanga.

Okokugqibela, yiza nengxelo entsha elungileyo. Umzekelo, "Lonto iyandikruqula into yokuba nditshizwe yile moto. Mhlawumbi khange bandibone. Kodwa hey, ngoku ndinesizathu sokuthenga ihempe entsha!" Bhala le ngcamango ikhuthazayo ecaleni kwale inye. Kwaye ewe, kubalulekile ukuba ubeke ipeni ephepheni kuyo yonke le nto, uBash wongeza. "Unxibelelwano lomzimba phakathi kwepeni, isandla, kunye nengqondo kuya kubethelela iinkolelo zakho ezintsha kwinqanaba elinzulu, elingaphantsi kwengqondo," utshilo uBash. (Jonga iindlela ezili-10 zokuBhala zikunceda uphilise.)

Ukongeza ekusebenziseni i-CBT ukuphinda ucinge kwakhona, u-Bash uthi ukucamngca okukhokelwayo, i-yoga, kunye nokugcina ijenali yombulelo yemihla ngemihla kuya kukunceda ukuba usuke kwi-cynic ebanda amatye uye ekubeni nethemba kungekudala. "Kubantu abafuna ngokwenene ukutshintsha indlela abacinga ngayo, inokwenzeka ngokukhawuleza. Ndibone utshintsho olukhulu kwiintsuku nje ze-40," uyongezelela.

"Ihlabathi linokuba yindawo eyoyikisayo. Zininzi izinto eziva ngathi azikho kulawulo lwakho, kwaye ukugxeka yenye yeendlela zokubuyisa amandla ombane," utshilo uBash. "Kodwa oko kunokuphelisa ukuba uloyiko lwakho olubi kakhulu luzaliseke." Endaweni yoko, uthi uzibone njengomdibaniselwano wobomi bakho, uqaphela ukuba unolawulo kangakanani kwaye ujonge iindlela zokwenza utshintsho olufanelekileyo. "Awunakuyeka izinto ezimbi ukuba zenzeke kuwe, kodwa ungalawula indlela ocinga ngayo ngazo. Iingcinga zakho zibumba ubunyani bakho-ubomi obonwabisayo buqala ngesimo sokonwaba."

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