Rhoqo Ngaphi Isibini Esitshatileyo Esiba Nesondo?

Umxholo

• Umndilili
• Ngaba Umtshato Wakho Usengxakini?
• Ungaluvumelanisa njani iidrives zakho zoSondo

Ngamaxesha athile ebomini, izibini ezininzi ziyazibuza kwaye zizibuze, "Lithini inani eliqhelekileyo lokwabelana ngesondo nezinye izibini?" Kwaye nangona impendulo ingacacanga gca, abanyangi ngokwesini bathethe izinto ezininzi malunga nesi sihloko. Nantsi into abayithethayo, kunye neengcebiso ezongezelelweyo zokukunceda ufumane ubomi bakho ngokwesondo.

Umndilili

Kukho umbuzo phakathi kwabanyangi ngokwesini malunga nokuba yeyiphi i-avareji yokwenyani yezibini kubudlelwane obuzinikeleyo. Iimpendulo zingaqala kube kanye ngeveki ukuya kube kanye ngenyanga! Xa u-Ian Kerner, i-PhD, ebuzwa ukuba uphendula njani kwizibini ezimbuza ukuba kufuneka balalane kangaphi, wathi, "Ndihlala ndiphendula ukuba akukho mpendulo ichanekileyo.

Xa abantu abatshatileyo beyeka ukwabelana ngesondo, ubudlelwane babo baba sesichengeni somsindo, sokuqina, ukungathembeki kwaye, ekugqibeleni, uqhawulo-mtshato.

Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, impilo yesini esitshatileyo ichaphazeleka kwizinto ezininzi ezahlukeneyo: ubudala, indlela yokuphila, impilo yeqabane ngalinye kunye ne-libido yendalo kwaye, ewe, umgangatho wolwalamano lwabo ngokubanzi, ukubala nje ezimbalwa

Nangona kungekho mpendulo ilungileyo kumbuzo wokuba abantu mababelane ngesondo kangaphi, mva nje andikhathali kwaye ndicebisa izibini ukuba zizame ukukwenza kube kanye ngeveki. ” Ngokuka David Schnarch, PhD, ngophando olwenziwe ngaphezulu kwezibini ezingama-20 000, wafumanisa ukuba ngama-26% kuphela abantu abatshatileyo abetha uphawu lweveki kanye, uninzi lwabaphenduliyo baxela isondo kanye okanye kabini ngenyanga, okanye ngaphantsi!

Nangona kunjalo, olunye uphononongo, olushicilelwe kwiYunivesithi yaseChicago Press malunga neminyaka eli-10 eyadlulayo, lwatsho ukuba izibini ezitshatileyo zilala ngesisihlandlo esixhenxe ngenyanga, esingaphantsi kancinci kabini ngeveki. Kwaye kwisifundo sesithathu, kwaxelwa ukuba kubantu abadala abali-16,000 ekwenziwa udliwanondlebe nabo, abathathi-nxaxheba abadala babelala ngesibini malunga namaxesha ama-2 ukuya kwayi-3 ngenyanga, ngelixa abathathi-nxaxheba abancinci besithi babelana ngesondo kanye ngeveki.

Ngaba Umtshato Wakho Usengxakini?

Uninzi lweengcali zesondo ziyavuma ukuba ukulala ngesondo ngaphantsi kwamaxesha ali-10 ngonyaka sisizathu esaneleyo sokubiza umtshato wakho ukuba awunasondo. Nangona kunjalo, ukungabikho kwesondo akuthethi ukuba umtshato wakho usengxakini, ngokwe-Schnarch. Ngelixa isondo sinokuba yindlela izibini ezithi zivakalise uthando kunye nomnqweno wazo omnye komnye, ukungabikho kwesondo akuthethi ukuba ubhekiswa kuqhawulo-mtshato, nangona iyinto ekufanele ukuba uyibambe. UGqirha Kerner uthi, “Ukwabelana ngesondo kubonakala ngathi kwehla ngokukhawuleza kuluhlu lwezinto eziza kwenziwa eMelika; kodwa, kumava am, xa abantu abatshatileyo beyeka ukwabelana ngesondo ubudlelwane babo baba sesichengeni somsindo, sokuqina, sokungathembeki kwaye, ekugqibeleni, uqhawulo-mtshato. Ndiyakholelwa ukuba kubalulekile ukuba neentlobano zesini: Yinto yokuncamathisela esigcina sisondelelene kwaye, ngaphandle kwayo, izibini ziye zibe 'ngabahlobo abalungileyo', okanye 'zihlale zixambulisana'. ”

Ungaluvumelanisa njani iidrives zakho zoSondo

Zininzi izinto ezifuna ukuwela endaweni ukuze wenze into oyifunayo ngesondo. Kwizibini ezininzi, ukungaboni ngasonye kunokuba yingxaki. U-Al Cooper, ovela eSan Jose Marital and Sexuality Centre, uthi, “Ngokubanzi, nangona kunjalo, iingxaki zesibini zihlala zingaphantsi ngesondo, ngokwecala, kunokuya kwisini.

"Ukuba ukuqhuba kwakho ngesondo kuphume ngokulingeneyo, injongo yakho kukudibana phakathi, ulala ngesondo ngaphezulu kweqabane elinye, kodwa mhlawumbi ungaphantsi kancinci kokunye ukuthanda." -Gqirha Gail Saltz

Akukho mntu uzimisele ukulala ngesondo nangaliphi na ixesha elinikiweyo ngokugqibeleleyo. Undoqo kukuba isibini sixoxa njani ngamaxesha apho omnye eza kwaluka aze omnye ala. ” Njengawo wonke umcimbi kubudlelwane, isondo kunye nokuphindaphindeka apho unayo kufuna ukuvumelana.

Ingabonakala ngathi yintaba enkulu ukunyuka, xa ucinga ngazo zonke ezinye izinto ojongana nazo mihla le. Ukuhlamba iimpahla, ukusebenza, ukupheka ukutya, ukucoca, kunye neminye imisebenzi zihlala zibonakala zibaluleke ngaphezu kokukhawuleza kunye neqabane lakho; kodwa isondo sinokuphinda sonwabe! UKerner uthi, "Nje ukuba siyeke ukuyenza, kulula ukubambeka kwislump; kodwa sakuba sibuyele emgceni, siyakhumbula ukuba siyiphose kangakanani. Isaci esidala esithi ‘yisebenzise okanye ulahlekelwe yiyo’ sinenyaniso ethile. Kunjalo nangengcebiso yam, ‘zama, uya kuyithanda.’ ”

Ekuqaleni, kunokuthetha ukucwangcisa isondo kunye nokwenza ixesha elikhokelela kwisini sisondele ngakumbi. Hug omnye komnye suku ngalunye, usebenzise umzimba ukwandisa amanqanaba akho e testosterone, kwaye ucime iziphazamiso, njengekhompyuter kunye neTV. Ukuba usenengxaki yokukwazi ukubandakanyeka kubuhlobo obusondeleyo, ukubona ugqirha wezokwabelana ngesondo kunokukunceda wena kunye neqabane lakho umhlaba kwiphepha elinye!