Abahlobo Abaxhaphazayo Bokwenene. Nantsi indlela yokuqonda ukuba ukunye

Umxholo

• Ngokukhawuleza saba ngabahlobo abasenyongweni, kwaye naphina apho ndandihamba khona, benza njalo nabo.
• Kwakungathi ukunyaniseka kwam kuvavanywa kwaye ndohlulekile.
• Ekuqaleni, bendihlala ndizithethelela kubo. Ndaziva ndonwabile ngabo.
• Nangona ukushiya imeko kungabonakala kungathembisi, kukho iindlela zokuphuma kunye namanyathelo ahlukeneyo umntu anokuwathatha xa ezama ukushiya ubuhlobo obuhlukumezayo.
• Kwandithatha ixesha elide ukuqonda ukuba into endandinayo kukuphathwa gadalala.
• Ubuhlobo obuxhaphakileyo kunzima ukuhamba ngabo, ngakumbi xa ungaziboni iimpawu ezilumkisayo.

Ufanelwe kukuziva ukhuselekile xa unabahlobo bakho.

Nanini na xa abantu bethetha ngobudlelwane obuhlukumezayo kwimithombo yeendaba okanye nabahlobo babo, amaxesha ngamaxesha kunoko, babhekisa kubuhlakani bothando okanye ubudlelwane bosapho.

Ngelixa elidlulileyo, ndinamava omabini la mabi okuphathwa gadalala, ngeli xesha kwahlukile.

Kwaye ukuba ndinokunyaniseka, yayiyinto endandingayilungelanga ngokupheleleyo ekuqaleni: yayisezandleni zomnye wabahlobo bam abasenyongweni.

Ndikhumbula ixesha lethu lokuqala esadibana ngalo, ngokungathi bekuyizolo. Besitshintshiselana ngeetweets ezintle kwi-Twitter, kwaye bavakalise ukuba bangumntu othanda umsebenzi wam wokubhala.

Kwakukho ngo-2011, kwaye eToronto, i-Twitter meetups (okanye njengoko babedla ngokubhekiswa kwi-intanethi “kwii-tweet-ups”) zazinkulu, ngoko ke andizange ndicinge kangako ngayo. Ndandi phantsi ngokupheleleyo ukwenza umhlobo omtsha, ke saye sagqiba kwelokuba sihlangane siye kuphunga ikofu ngenye imini.

Xa sidibana, bekuphantse kufana nokuya kumhla wokuqala. Ukuba ayisebenzi, akukho monakalo, akukho bubi. Kodwa sakucofa ngoko nangoko saza sangqindilili njengamasela - {textend} sisela iibhotile zewayini epakini, senzela abanye ukutya, saza saya nakwiikonsathi kunye.

Ngokukhawuleza saba ngabahlobo abasenyongweni, kwaye naphina apho ndandihamba khona, benza njalo nabo.

Ekuqaleni, ubudlelwane bethu babubuhle kakhulu. Ndifumene umntu endiziva ndikhululekile ukuba kunye naye, kwaye waba negalelo kuzo zonke iinxalenye zobomi bam ngendlela enentsingiselo.

Kodwa sakuba siqale ukwabelana ngeendawo zethu ezisengozini, izinto zitshintshile.

Ndiqale ukuqaphela ukuba zazisongelwe kangakanani kumjikelo wedrama nabantu kwindawo esihlala kunye. Kuqala bendikukhupha ecaleni. Kodwa kwakungathi umdlalo usilandela naphina apho siya khona, kwaye njengoko ndandizama ukubakhona kwaye ndibaxhase, yaqala ukuthatha umthwalo kwimpilo yam yengqondo.

Ngenye imva kwemini xa sasisiya kwi Starbucks yasekuhlaleni, baqala ukuhlekisa ngomhlobo wabo osenyongweni, bezama ukundenza ndiqiniseke ukuba "babelolona hlobo lubi." Kodwa xa ndicofa iinkcukacha, bathi bayacaphukisa kwaye bazamile.

Ndididekile, ndibacacisele ukuba andiziva njalo - {textend} kwaye ndaphantse ndakhubeka, bavele bakhuphela amehlo abo kum.

Kwakungathi ukunyaniseka kwam kuvavanywa kwaye ndohlulekile.

Ugqirha uStephanie Sarkis, ugqirha wezengqondo kunye nengcali kwezempilo yengqondo ekwabelwana ngayo kudliwanondlebe neRefinery 29, ukuba "Abakhanyisi ngegesi bayintlebendwane eyoyikekayo."

Njengoko ubudlelwane bethu buqala ukukhula, ndakhawuleza ndaqonda ukuba oku kuyinyani.

Ngenyanga nenyanga, iqela lethu labahlobo lalihlangana kunye libophele ukutya okumnandi. Sasinokuya kwiivenkile zokutyela ezahlukeneyo, okanye siphekane. Ngobu busuku kuthethwa ngabo, iqela labayi-5 lethu laya kwindawo yokutyela eyaziwayo eTshayina edolophini eyaziwa ngokuba zilahliwe.

Njengokuba sasihleka kwaye sabelana ngeepleyiti, lo mhlobo waqala ukucacisela iqela - {textend} ngokweenkcukacha ezicacileyo - {textend} izinto endandabelana ngazo nabo malunga neqabane lam langaphambili ngokuzithemba.

Ngelixa abantu babesazi ukuba ndikhe ndadibana nalo mntu, babengazazi iinkcukacha zobudlelwane bethu, kwaye ndandingekakulungeli ukwabelana. Ngokuqinisekileyo andilindelanga ukuba baya kuchitheka kwiqela lonke ngaloo mini.

Khange ndibenentloni kuphela - {textend} Ndizive ndingcatshiwe.

Indenze ndazazi kwaye yandishiya ndizibuza, “Uthini lomntu ngam xa ndingekho? Yintoni abanye abantu abayaziyo ngam? ”

Kamva bandixelele isizathu sokuba babelane ngeli bali kukuba umhlobo wethu ngoku wayethetha naye ... kodwa ngekhe bafune imvume yam kuqala?

Ekuqaleni, bendihlala ndizithethelela kubo. Ndaziva ndonwabile ngabo.

Bendingazi ukuba le yenzekayo kukukhanyisa ngegesi okanye ukuxhatshazwa emphefumlweni.

Ngokwe-2013, ulutsha kunye nabasetyhini abaphakathi kweminyaka engama-20 nama-35 badla ngokuba ngamaxhoba okuxhatshazwa ngokweemvakalelo. Oku kunokubandakanya yonke into ukusuka ekuhlaselweni ngamazwi, ukongamela, ukulawula, ukuhlala wedwa, ukugculelwa, okanye ukusetyenziswa kolwazi olusenyongweni ukuthotywa isidima.

Rhoqo kunokuba kunjalo, inokwenzeka ngabo sikubudlelwane obusondeleyo kunye nobuhlobo.

Amanani abonakalisile ukuba kwiipesenti ezisi-8 zabantu abaxhatshazwa ngamazwi nangokwasemzimbeni, umhlaseli uhlala eba ngumhlobo osenyongweni.

Ngamanye amaxesha iimpawu zicacile njengemihla - {textend} kwaye ngamanye amaxesha ungaziva ngathi uyayilungisa le meko entlokweni yakho.

Kuba ukungavisisani phakathi kwabahlobo ngamanye amaxesha kunokuba phezulu, amaxesha ngamaxesha sinokuziva ngathi ukuxhatshazwa akuyonyani.

UGqirha Fran Walfish, usapho kunye nobudlelwane bengqondo eBeverly Hills, California, wabelana ngemiqondiso embalwa:

• Umhlobo wakho ukuxokisile. “Ukuba ubafumana bekuxokisa, yingxaki leyo. Ubudlelwane obusempilweni busekelwe kukuthembana, ”ucacisa watsho uWalfish.
• Umhlobo wakho uhlala ekugculela okanye engakufaki. “Ukuba ujongana nabo, bayazikhusela okanye bakhombe umnwe besithi yityala lakho. Zibuze, kutheni le nto bengenayo loo nto? ”
• Bayakucinezela ngezipho ezikhulu, njengemali, kwaye emva koko kukukhanyisele ukuba ucinge ukuba "sisipho" kubo kunokuba siboleke imali.
• Umhlobo wakho akakuphathi cwaka, okanye akwenze uzive ungalunganga ngokukugxeka. Le yindlela yomxhaphazi yokulawula amandla, utshilo uWalfish. Awufuni ukuba kubudlelwane obusondeleyo apho uziva uthotyiwe okanye ungaphantsi komnye umntu. ”
• Umhlobo wakho akayihloneli imida okanye ixesha lakho.

Nangona ukushiya imeko kungabonakala kungathembisi, kukho iindlela zokuphuma kunye namanyathelo ahlukeneyo umntu anokuwathatha xa ezama ukushiya ubuhlobo obuhlukumezayo.

Ngelixa unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo luhlala lungumgaqo-nkqubo ogqwesileyo, uGqirha Walfish ukholelwa ekubeni kungcono ukuba ungajongani nomxhaphazi lowo wakho kwaye ushiye cwaka.

Kufana nokuzimisela. Mhlawumbi baya kukubeka ityala, ke kungcono ukuba ube nobabalo. Aba bantu abakuphathi kakuhle ukwaliwa, ”ucacisa watsho.

UGqr. Gail Saltz, unjingalwazi onxulumene nezifo zengqondo kwiSibhedlele i-NY Presbyterian Weill-Cornell School of Medicine noGqirha wezifo zengqondo wabelana no-Healthline: bangena kobu buhlobo kwaye babunyamezela kwasekuqaleni ukuze kuthintelwe ukubuyela kubo okanye ukungena kobunye obuxhaphazayo. ”

Ugqirha Saltz ukwacebisa ukuba uyenze icace kwabanye kubandakanya nabahlobo kunye namalungu osapho ukuba awuzukuphinda ubekunye nomnye umntu.

"Xelela abahlobo abasenyongweni okanye usapho ukuba kwenzekani kwaye bakuvumele ukuba bakuncede uhlale wedwa," utshilo.

Ukwacinga ukuba kububulumko ukutshintsha naziphi na ipassword anokuzazi lo mntu, okanye iindlela zokufikelela abanazo ekhayeni lakho okanye emsebenzini.

Nangona ekuqaleni kunokuba nzima ukushiya, kwaye wakuba unayo, ngathi ulilela ilahleko, uGqr Walfish ukholelwa ukuba uyakuphulukana nomhlobo obucinga ukuba unawo.

"Emva koko zikhethele phezulu, uvule amehlo, kwaye uqalise ukukhetha umntu owahlukileyo onokumthemba ngeemvakalelo zakho," utshilo. "Uxabisekile iimvakalelo zakho kwaye kufuneka uzikhethe kakhulu ukuba ngubani omthembileyo."

Kwandithatha ixesha elide ukuqonda ukuba into endandinayo kukuphathwa gadalala.

Abantu abanetyhefu banendlela ehlekisayo yokuphinda babhale ingxelo ukuze ihlale ibonakala ngathi yimpazamo yakho.

Nje ukuba ndibone ukuba iyenzeka, yayingathi ngumhadi esiswini sam.

"Kobuhlobo obuxhaphazayo, umntu uhlala eshiyeka eziva kakubi," utshilo uGqr.

Ugqirha wezengqondo kunye nombhali u-Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, kudliwanondlebe neMpilo yabaseTyhini, wathi abantu bahlala beqaphela ukwanda "koxinzelelo, iintloko, okanye ukuphazamiseka kwesisu," xa bezama ukushiya ubuhlobo babo obunetyhefu.

Oku kuyinyaniso kum.

Ekugqibeleni ndaqala ukubona ugqirha ukuze ndifumane amandla kunye nesibindi sokuqhubeka.

Njengoko ndadibana nonyango lwam kwaye ndamchazela ezinye zezenzo zam njengoko ndizama ukuphuma kobu buhlobo, abanye abanokuthi babubone njengongamkelekanga kwaye mhlawumbi, ubuqhetseba, wandichazela ukuba yayingelo tyala lam.

Ekupheleni kosuku, andikhange ndicele ukuphathwa gadalala ngulomntu- {textend} kwaye kangangoko banokuzama ukuyisebenzisa ngokuchasene nam, ibingamkelekanga.

Uqhubekile nokundicacisela ukuba izenzo zam ziindlela eziqondakalayo zokushukunyiswa- {textend} nangona kungothusi, ezo mpendulo ziya kuthi zisetyenziswe ngokuchasene nam xa ubuhlobo bethu buphelile, bajika nabanye abahlobo bam abasondeleyo kum.

Ubuhlobo obuxhaphakileyo kunzima ukuhamba ngabo, ngakumbi xa ungaziboni iimpawu ezilumkisayo.

Kungenxa yoko le nto kubaluleke kakhulu ukuba sithethe ngokuphandle ngazo.

Ukukhangela ngokukhawuleza, kwaye uza kubona abantu bejika kwiisayithi ezinje ngeReddit ukubuza imibuzo enje, "Ngaba ikhona into enje ngobuhlobo obuhlukumezayo?" okanye "Ungasusa njani kubuhlobo obuhlukumezayo ngokweemvakalelo?"

Kuba njengoko ime, kunqabile kakhulu apho ukunceda abantu.

Ewe, abahlobo abaxhaphazayo bayinto. Ewe ungaphilisa kubo, nawe.

Ubuhlobo obuhlukumezayo abungaphezulu nje kwedrama - {textend} bobubomi bokwenyani, kwaye banokuba yimo eyoyikisayo yomothuko.

Ufanele ubudlelwane obusempilweni, obuzalisekisayo obungakushiyi uziva usoyika, unxunguphele okanye wophulwe. Ukushiya ubuhlobo obuhlukumezayo, ngelixa buhlungu, kunokubaxhobisa ekuhambeni kwexesha - {textend} kwaye kubalulekile kwimpilo yakho yengqondo kunye neemvakalelo.

UAmanda (Ama) Scriver yintatheli ezizimeleyo eyaziwa kakhulu ngokuba ngamanqatha, ngokukhwaza nangokukhwaza kwi-intanethi. Izinto ezimzisela uvuyo yimilebe yesibindi, inyani kamabonwakude, kunye neetapile zetapile. Umsebenzi wakhe wokubhala ubonakele kwiLeafly, Buzzfeed, iWashington Post, iFLARE, iWalrus kunye neAllure. Uhlala eToronto, Canada. Ungamlandela Twitter okanye I-Instagram.