Ndisinde kuDubula (kunye nemva kwexesha elide). Ukuba uyoyika, nantsi into endicinga ukuba ufanele uyazi

Umxholo

• Ndandineminyaka emine ukudutyulwa kwam nomama
• Ndithathe okomtsi omkhulu wokholo: Ndikhethe ukuphila ubomi bam kunokuhlala ndisoyika
• Emva kokudubula, ndabuyela esikolweni
• Ukufika kwethu apho, ndilibale ngesoyikiso sokudubula ngokungacwangciswanga

Ukuba woyika ukuba imbonakalo yaseMelika ayisaphephile, ndikholelwe, ndiyaqonda.

Ngosuku olulandelayo emva koqhushululu e-Odessa, eTexas, ngo-Agasti, mna nomyeni wam saceba ukuthatha umntwana wethu oneminyaka emi-6 ukuya kwiRenaissance Faire eMaryland. Emva koko wanditsalela ecaleni. "Kuza kuvakala kusisiyatha," wandixelela. “Kodwa kufuneka sihambe namhlanje? Kuthekani ngo-Odessa? ”

Ndifinge iintshiya. “Ngaba ukhathazekile ngeemvakalelo zam?” Ndingumsindisi wobundlobongela, kwaye ungalifunda ibali lam kwiThe Washington Post. Umyeni wam uhlala efuna ukundikhusela, ukundinqanda ekubeni ndiphinde ndikhumbule oko kwenzakala. "Okanye ngaba ukhathazekile kusenokwenzeka ukuba sidutyulwe eRen Faire?"

Zombini. ” Wathetha ngendlela angaziva ekhuselekile ngayo ukukhupha umntwana wethu esidlangalaleni. Ngaba olu yayingelulo uhlobo lwendawo yokudubula okuninzi okwenzekayo? Esidlangalaleni. Waziwa kakuhle. Njengokubulawa kwabantu ebutsheni bukaJulayi kwiGilroy Garlic Festival?

Ndaziva ndiphakuzela okomzuzwana. Mna nomyeni wam sathetha ngokusengqiqweni. Kwakungebobuyatha ukukhathazeka ngomngcipheko.

Sijongene nobhubhane lobundlobongela baseMelika eMelika, kwaye iAmnesty International kutshanje ikhuphe isilumkiso sokuhamba esingazange sibonwe ngaphambili kubakhenkethi kwilizwe lethu. Nangona kunjalo, asikwazanga ukufumana isizathu sokuba iRen Faire ibe yingozi ngaphezu kwayo nayiphi na indawo kawonkewonke.

Kumashumi eminyaka eyadlulayo, ndaye ndagqiba kwelokuba ndingahlali kuloyiko okanye ukukhathazeka ngokhuseleko lwam yonke imizuzwana. Bendingazokuqala ngokoyika umhlaba ngoku.

"Kufuneka sihambile," ndatsho kumyeni wam. “Siza kwenza ntoni ngokulandelayo, singayi kwivenkile? Ungamyeki aye esikolweni? ”

Kungekudala, ndivile abantu abaninzi bevakalisa le nkxalabo efanayo, ngakumbi kumajelo asekuhlaleni. Ukuba woyika ukuba imbonakalo yaseMelika ayisaphephile, ndikholelwe, ndiyaqonda.

Ndandineminyaka emine ukudutyulwa kwam nomama

Kwenzeke emini enkulu kwisitrato esixakekileyo eNew Orleans, phambi kwethala leencwadi loluntu ebesilinda rhoqo ngoMgqibelo. Kweza umntu ongamaziyo. Wayemdaka umzimba wonke. Ukungakhathali. Ukukhubeka. Ukutswina amazwi akhe. Ndikhumbula ndicinga ukuba udinga ibhafu, kwaye ndizibuza ukuba kutheni engenayo.

Indoda yaqala incoko nomama, emva koko yatshintsha indlela aziphethe ngayo, walungisa, wathetha ngokucacileyo. Wavakalisa ukuba uza kusibulala, emva koko wakhupha umpu waqalisa ukudubula. Umama ukwazile ukujika waphosa umzimba wakhe phezu kwam, wandikhusela.

NgeNtwasahlobo 1985. ENew Orleans. Malunga neenyanga ezintandathu emva kokudubula. Ndingasekunene. Enye intombazana ngumhlobo wam osenyongweni uHeather ukususela ebuntwaneni bam.

Sadutyulwa sobabini. Ndandinemiphunga kunye nomphezulu wamanxeba awileyo, kodwa ndachacha ngokupheleleyo. Umama wayengenathamsanqa. Wayekhubazekile ukusuka entanyeni ukuya ezantsi kwaye wayephila njenge-quadriplegic kangangeminyaka engama-20, ngaphambi kokuba ekugqibeleni anikezele kukonzakala kwakhe.

Njengomntu ofikisayo, ndaqala ukucinga ngesizathu sokudubula. Ngaba umama wayenokuyithintela? Ndingazigcina njani ndikhuselekile? Omnye umntu onompu angaba naphina! Mna nomama besingenzanga nto imbi. Sasisendaweni engeyiyo ngexesha elingalunganga.

Izinketho zam, njengoko ndibabonileyo:

• Andinakuze ndishiye indlu. Ngonaphakade.
• Ndingashiya indlu, kodwa ndihambahamba kwindawo ephakamileyo yokuxhalaba, ndihlala ndiqaphile, njengejoni kwimfazwe ethile engabonakaliyo.
• Ndingathatha i-leap enkulu yokholo kwaye ndikhethe ukukholelwa ukuba namhlanje kuya kulunga.

Kuba uninzi lweentsuku zinjalo. Kwaye inyani yile, andikwazi ukuqikelela ikamva. Kuhlala kukho ithuba elincinci lobungozi, njengaxa ungena emotweni, okanye kwindlela engaphantsi, okanye kwinqwelomoya, okanye ngokusisiseko nasiphi na isithuthi esihambayo.

Ingozi yinxalenye nje yehlabathi.

Ndithathe okomtsi omkhulu wokholo: Ndikhethe ukuphila ubomi bam kunokuhlala ndisoyika

Nanini na xa ndiyoyika, ndiyayithatha kwakhona. Kuvakala ngathi kulula. Kodwa iyasebenza.

Ukuba uziva usoyika ukuya esidlangalaleni okanye ukuthatha abantwana bakho esikolweni, ndiyayifumana. Ndenza njalo. Njengomntu ojongane nale nto iminyaka engama-35, le ibeyinyani yam ebiphilayo.

Ingcebiso yam kukuthatha onke amanyathelo afanelekileyo okuthatha into oyifunayo unako ulawulo. Izinto ezinengqondo, njengokungahambi wedwa ebusuku okanye ukuphuma usela wedwa.

Unokuziva uxhotyisiwe ngokubandakanyeka kwisikolo somntwana wakho, ubumelwane bakho, okanye indawo ohlala kuyo ekukhuthazeni ukhuseleko lwemipu, okanye ukubandakanyeka kubhengezo kwizinga elikhulu.

(Inye into engakwenzi ukhuseleke, nangona kunjalo, kukuthenga umpu: Izifundo zibonisa ukuba okunene kukwenza ungakhuseleki kangako.)

Kwaye emva koko, xa wenze konke onako ukukwenza, uthatha olo kutsiba lokholo. Uphila ubomi bakho.

Yiya kwindlela yakho yesiqhelo. Thatha abantwana bakho ubase esikolweni. Yiya eWalmart nakwimidlalo yeqonga nakwiiklabhu. Yiya kwiRen Faire, ukuba yile nto yakho. Musa ukunikela ebumnyameni. Musa ukunikezela kuloyiko. Ngokuqinisekileyo musa ukudlala imidlalo ekhanda lakho.

Ukuba uyoyika, phuma ngaphandle kokuba unokwazi, okoko unako. Ukuba uyenza imini yonke, uyoyikeka. Phinda uyenze ngomso. Ukuba uyenza imizuzu eli-10, zama i-15 ngomso.

Anditsho ukuba awufanele woyike, okanye ukuba kufuneka uzityhale iimvakalelo phantsi. Kulungile (kwaye kuyaqondakala!) Ukuba woyike.

Kuya kufuneka uzivumele uzive yonke into oziva ngayo. Kwaye ukuba ufuna uncedo, ungoyiki ukubona ugqirha okanye ujoyine iqela lenkxaso. Unyango lusebenzele mna ngokuqinisekileyo.

Zikhathalele. Yiba nobubele kuwe. Nxibelelana nabahlobo abaxhasayo kunye namalungu osapho. Yenza ixesha lokondla ingqondo nomzimba wakho.

Kodwa phantse akunakwenzeka ukuba ufumane uluvo lokhuseleko xa unikele ngobomi bakho kuloyiko.

Emva kokudubula, ndabuyela esikolweni

Nje ukuba ndibuye ekhaya ndihleli esibhedlele, utata wam kunye nomakhulu bam ngebendigcinile ekhaya okwethutyana.

Kodwa bandibuyisela esikolweni kwangoko. Utata wabuyela emsebenzini, kwaye sonke sabuyela kwimisebenzi yethu yesiqhelo. Khange siziphephe iindawo zikawonke-wonke. Umakhulu wam wayedla ngokuhamba nam xa esiya kwikota yesiFrentshi ukuphuma kwesikolo.

Ukuwa / Ubusika 1985. ENew Orleans. Malunga nonyaka emva kokudubula. Utata, Skip Vawter, kunye nam. Ndingu 5 apha.

Yile nto kanye bendiyidinga- ukudlala nabahlobo bam, ukujija phezulu ndicinga ukuba ndiyakuchukumisa isibhakabhaka, ndisitya ii-beignets eCafe du Monde, ndibukele iimvumi zasesitalatweni zidlala i-jazz yakudala yaseNew Orleans, kwaye ndiziva ndinoluvo loloyiko.

Ndandihlala kwilizwe elihle, elikhulu, elinomdla, kwaye ndandilungile. Ekugqibeleni, saqala ukutyelela amathala eencwadi kawonkewonke. Bandikhuthaza ukuba ndivakalise iimvakalelo zam kwaye ndibaxelele xa ndiziva ndingalunganga.

Kodwa bandikhuthazile ukuba ndenze zonke ezi zinto ziqhelekileyo, kwaye ukusebenza njengehlabathi kukhuselekile kuyenze yaqala ukuziva ikhuselekile kum kwakhona.

Andifuni ukuyenza ibonakale ngathi ndiphume kulento ndingenayo. Ndafunyaniswa ndine-post-traumatic stress disorder kungekudala emva kolo dubulo, kwaye ndiyaqhubeka nokukhathazwa kukudubula, i-quadriplegia kamama, kunye nobuntwana bam obunzima kakhulu. Ndineentsuku ezilungileyo kunye neentsuku ezimbi. Ngamanye amaxesha ndiziva ngathi ndijijekile, ngoko ke ayiqhelekanga.

Kodwa indlela katata nomakhulu yokuphola yandinika imeko yendalo yokhuseleko, nangona ndidutyulwe. Kwaye olo luvo lokhuseleko aluzange landishiye. Indigcine ndifudumele ebusuku.

Kungenxa yoko le nto ndaya eRen Faire nomyeni wam nonyana wam.

Ukufika kwethu apho, ndilibale ngesoyikiso sokudubula ngokungacwangciswanga

Ndandixakeke kakhulu ndithatha ubuhle, ubuhle obujikelezileyo. Kukanye kuphela apho ndakhanyisa kolo loyiko. Emva koko ndalaqaza. Yonke into yayibonakala ilungile.

Ngomzamo wengqondo owenziweyo, oqhelekileyo, ndazixelela ukuba ndilungile. Ukuze ndibuyele kulonwabo.

Umntwana wam ebetsala ngesandla sam, ekhomba kwindoda enxibe njenge-satyr (ndicinga) eneempondo nomsila, ndibuza ukuba lo mfo ngumntu. Ndanyanzelisa ukuba ndihleke. Kwaye ke ndahleka, kuba yayihlekisa ngokwenene. Ndaphuza unyana wam. Ndiphuze umyeni wam ndacebisa ukuba siyothenga i-ice cream.

UNorah Vawter ngumbhali ozimeleyo, umhleli kunye nombhali weentsomi. Ngokusekwe kwingingqi yeDC, ungumhleli wephephancwadi lewebhu iDCTRENDING.com. Engathandi ukubaleka abaleke kwinyani yokukhula komphefumlo osindileyo, ujongana nayo ngokubhala. Upapashwe kwiWashington Post, iMemoir Magazine, i-OtherWords, i-Agave Magazine, kunye neNassau Review, phakathi kwabanye. Mfumane Twitter.