Usoloko Uzama 'UkuGcina' abantu? Unokuba noMsindisi Complex

Umxholo

• Ingaba ijongeka kanjani?
• Ukuba sesichengeni kuyakutsala
• Uzama ukutshintsha abantu
• Uhlala ufuna isisombululo
• Uzincama ngokugqithiseleyo
• Ucinga ukuba nguwe kuphela onokunceda
• Unceda ngezizathu ezingalunganga
• Ikuchaphazela njani?
• Utshe waphela
• Ulwalamano oluphazamisekileyo
• Uvakalelo lokusilela
• Iimpawu zemood ezingafunekiyo
• Ngaba ungoyisa?
• Mamela endaweni yesenzo
• Nika uncedo ngeendlela eziphantsi koxinzelelo
• Khumbula: Ulawula wena kuphela
• Ngaba uzihlolisise
• Thetha nonyango
• Kuthekani ukuba umntu othile uzama ukundisindisa?
• Chaza ukuba kutheni indlela abaziphethe ngayo ingancedi
• Misela umzekelo
• Bakhuthaze ukuba bafumane uncedo
• Umgca wezantsi

Kuyaqondakala ukuba ufuna ukunceda umntu omthandayo ngokubopha. Kodwa kuthekani ukuba abafuni ncedo?

Ngaba ungavuma ukwala kwabo? Okanye unganyanzelisa ukunceda, ukholelwa ekubeni uyazi ngqo indlela yokusombulula ingxaki yabo, ngaphandle komnqweno wabo wokuyicombulula ngokwabo?

Ubunzima bomsindisi, okanye i-white knight syndrome, ichaza le mfuno yokuba "kusindiswe" abantu ngokulungisa iingxaki zabo.

Ukuba unesakhiwo somsindisi, unga:

• uzive wonwabile ngawe xa unceda umntu
• kholelwa ukuba ukunceda abanye yinjongo yakho
• chitha amandla amaninzi uzama ukulungisa abanye ogqiba uphele

Nanku ukujonga ukuba ungaluqonda njani olu hlobo lokuziphatha kwaye kutheni lunokwenza okubi ngaphezu kokulungileyo.

Ingaba ijongeka kanjani?

Ngokubanzi, abantu bakujonga ukunceda luphawu olulungileyo, ngenxa yoko usenokungaboni nto iphosakeleyo ngokuzama ukusindisa abanye. Kodwa kukho umahluko phakathi kokunceda nokonga.

NgokukaGqirha Maury Joseph, ugqirha wezengqondo eWashington, D.C., utyekelo lokuhlangula lunokubandakanya iingcinga zokuba ungusomandla. Ngamanye amagama, uyakholelwa ukuba umntu othile phaya unakho ukwenza into-eyodwa ngokwenza yonke into ibengcono, kwaye loo mntu unguye.

Nazi ezinye zeempawu ezibonisa imikhwa yokuhlangula.

Ukuba sesichengeni kuyakutsala

“I-knighting emhlophe” kubudlelwane kubandakanya ukuzama ukuhlangula amaqabane kuxinzelelo. Unokuziva utsaleleke ikakhulu kubantu abathe banesabelo esingaphezulu kwesabelo sabo sobunzima ebomini.

Oku kunokwenzeka ngenxa yokuba ukhe waziva iintlungu noxinzelelo kuwe. Unemfesane kakhulu kwabanye abasokolayo, ke ufuna ukuyisusa kubo loo ntlungu.

Uzama ukutshintsha abantu

UJoseph ucebisa abasindisi abaninzi "bakholelwa kumandla abo okuphembelela abanye." Unokucinga ukuba uyazi ukuba yeyiphi eyona ilungileyo kwabo uzama ukubanceda.

Umzekelo, wena nje yazi banokubuphucula ubomi babo ngokuthi:

• ukuthatha into entsha oyithandayo
• Ukutshintsha ikhondo lomsebenzi
• ukutshintsha indlela yokuziphatha ethile

Ukuze umntu atshintshe, kufuneka bayifune ngokwabo. Awunakukunyanzela, ngenxa yoko iinzame zakho zinokukhokelela iqabane lakho ukuba likucaphukele.

Ngapha koko, ukuba ujolise ikakhulu ekuzameni ukuzitshintsha, ngekhe ufunde okungakumbi malunga nokuba bangoobani okanye uzixabisile ngokwabo.

Uhlala ufuna isisombululo

Ayizizo zonke iingxaki ezinesisombululo kwangoko, ngakumbi imicimbi emikhulu njengokugula, umothuko, okanye usizi. Abasindisi ngokubanzi bakholelwa ekubeni kufuneka balungise yonke into. Bahlala bekhathalele ngakumbi malunga nokulungisa ingxaki kunaye lo mntu ujongana nengxaki leyo.

Ngokuqinisekileyo, ukunika iingcebiso akuyonto imbi. Kukwabalulekile ukuvumela abanye bathethe ngokulula ngezinto ezinzima abadlula kuzo.

Uzincama ngokugqithiseleyo

"Isakhiwo somsindisi sinokubandakanya umbono wokuziphatha kakubi, okanye ukuzilimaza ngenjongo yokuziphatha," utshilo uJoseph.

Unokuncama iimfuno zakho kunye nokuzikhupha ukuze ukhathalele abantu abanokungafuni uncedo.

La madini anokubandakanya izinto ezinje:

• ixesha
• imali
• indawo yeemvakalelo

Ucinga ukuba nguwe kuphela onokunceda

Abasindisi bahlala beziva benyanzelekile ukuba basindise abanye kuba bekholelwa ukuba akakho omnye umntu onako. Oku kubophelela kwiminqweno yamandla onke.

Mhlawumbi awukholelwa ngokwenene ukuba unamandla onke. Kodwa ukukholelwa ekubeni unakho ukuhlangula umntu okanye ukuphucula ubomi bakhe kuvela kwindawo efanayo.

Le nkolelo ikwanokuthetha ukuba ungaphezulu. Nokuba awunalwazi ngoku, inokudibana nendlela ophatha ngayo iqabane lakho. Umzekelo, mhlawumbi uthatha indima yokuba ngumzali ngokubakhusela okanye ukubalungisa.

Unceda ngezizathu ezingalunganga

Ngotyekelo lokusindisa, awuncedisi nje xa unexesha kunye nezixhobo. Endaweni yoko, ugoba ngasemva kuba "yinto elungileyo ukuyenza," ucacisa uJoseph.

Uzama ukugcina abanye abantu kuba uziva unyanzelekile, ngaphandle kwezidingo zakho. Unokukholelwa ukuba iimfuno zakho azibalulekanga kangako.

Abanye abantu banokujolisa ekuncedeni abanye xa:

• baziva bengenako ukulawula eyabo imizabalazo
• Banoxinzelelo olungasonjululwanga okanye ubunzima kwiindlela zabo

Ikuchaphazela njani?

Ukuzama ukuhlangula umntu kwiingxaki zakhe kuhlala kunesiphumo osifunayo. Nokuba umntu utshintsha ngenxa yemizamo yakho, ezi ziphumo azinakuhlala ixesha elide, ngaphandle kokuba bebefuna ukuziguqula ngokwabo.

Utyekelo loMsindisi lunokuba nefuthe elibi kuwe, ngakumbi ukuba awukwazi ukulunqanda.

Utshe waphela

Ukusebenzisa lonke ixesha lakho namandla akho ekuncedeni abanye kukushiya ungenamandla wedwa.

"Abahlanguli banokubona iimpawu ezifanayo nezo zabantu abakhathalela amalungu osapho agulayo," ucacisa uJoseph. Banokuziva bediniwe, bediniwe, bephelile ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo. ”

Ulwalamano oluphazamisekileyo

Ukuba ucinga ngeqabane lakho lothando (okanye umntakwenu, okanye umhlobo osenyongweni, okanye nabani na ongomnye) njengeprojekthi yokulungisa enzima enamandla amakhulu, ubudlelwane bakho mhlawumbi abuzukuphumelela.

Ukuphatha abantu obathandayo njengezinto ezaphukileyo ezifuna ukulungiswa kunokubenza bakhathazeke kwaye bacaphuke.

"Abantu abakuthandi ukwenziwa bazive ngathi asibathandi njengabo," utshilo uJoseph. Akukho mntu ufuna ukuziva engakwazi, kwaye xa utyhala umntu ecaleni ukuze aphathe imicimbi yabo, ihlala ibenza ukuba bazive.

Kwaye oku kunokukhokelela kweminye imicimbi, njengokuxhomekeka kwikhowudi, ezantsi emgceni.

Uvakalelo lokusilela

Ngengqondo yomsindisi, uyakholelwa ukuba ungazilungisa iingxaki zabanye abantu. Ngokwenyani, ngekhe - akukho mntu unamandla.

"Lo mbono ukhokelela ekubeni uqhubeke nokuleqa amava angekhoyo kodwa akunike amathuba aqinisekileyo okuphoxeka," ucacisa uJoseph.

Ugqibela ujongene nokusilela emva kokusilela njengoko uqhubeka uphila kwipateni enye. Oku kunokukhokelela kwiimvakalelo ezingapheliyo zokuzigxeka, ukungoneliseki, ukuziva unetyala kunye nokudana.

Iimpawu zemood ezingafunekiyo

Imvo yokusilela inokukhokelela kumava amaninzi emvakalelo, kubandakanya:

• ukudakumba
• Ingqumbo okanye umsindo kubantu abangafuni uncedo lwakho
• ukukhathazeka nawe kunye nabanye
• uluvo lokuphulukana nolawulo

Ngaba ungoyisa?

Kuninzi onokuyenza ukujongana notyekelo lokusindisa. Ukuchonga nje le ngqondo sisiqalo esihle.

Mamela endaweni yesenzo

Ngokusebenza kubuchule bokuphulaphula, unokuxhathisa umnqweno wokunceda.

Unokucinga ukuba umntu omthandayo uzise ingxaki kuba bafuna uncedo lwakho. Kodwa banokufuna ukuxelela umntu malunga nayo, kuba ukuthetha ngemicimbi kunokunceda ukubonelela ngengcaciso kunye nokucaca.

Wuphephe loo mnqweno wokuba ubanqumle ngezisombululo kunye neengcebiso kwaye umamele ngovelwano endaweni yoko.

Nika uncedo ngeendlela eziphantsi koxinzelelo

Kungcono ukuphepha ukungenelela de umntu acele uncedo. Akukho nto imbi ngokufuna ukuba abantu obathandayo bazi ukuba ubakho ngenxa yabo.

Endaweni yokulawula imeko okanye ubanyanzele ukuba bamkele uncedo lwakho, zama ukubeka ibhola enkundleni yabo ngamabinzana afana nala:

• Ndazise ukuba ufuna uncedo. ”
• "Ndilapha ukuba uyandifuna."

Ukuba yenza buza, landela isikhokelo sabo (okanye ubuze into onokuyenza) endaweni yokucinga ukuba uyazi okona kulungileyo.

Khumbula: Ulawula wena kuphela

Wonke umntu ujongene noxinzelelo ngamanye amaxesha. Leyo yinxalenye yobomi. Ezinye iingxaki zabantu zezi - yabo iingxaki.

Ewe unako ukubanceda. Kuya kufuneka ukhumbule ukuba nokuba usondele kangakanani kumntu, awunayo imbopheleleko kukhetho lwabo.

Ukuba uyamthanda umntu, kuyindalo ukufuna ukunika inkxaso. Ukuxhasa umntu ngenene kubandakanya ukubanika indawo yokufunda nokukhula kwizenzo zabo.

Umntu usenokungabi nazo zonke iimpendulo ngoko nangoko, kwaye kulungile. Basengoyena mgwebi ubalaseleyo wento elungileyo kubo.

Ngaba uzihlolisise

Nokuba bayakuqonda okanye abakuqondi, abanye abantu banokuzama ukunceda abanye kuba bengazi ukuba bajongane njani nokwenzakala okanye iintlungu zomphefumlo.

Ungakoyisa oku ngokuthatha ixesha lokuchonga izinto ezinokubangela uxinzelelo kunye nokucinga ngendlela abanokuzondla ngayo iipateni eziyingozi (njengokunceda abanye kuba kuyakha ukuzithemba kwakho).

Endaweni yokusebenzisa abanye baphile ngaphandle kweenguqu ofuna ukuzenzela zona, jonga ukuba ungalwenza njani utshintsho ebomini bakho.

Thetha nonyango

Ukusebenza nonyango akunakuba ngumbono ombi xa kufikwa ekufumaneni isibambo esingcono kwinto eqhuba isimilo sakho.

Inokuba luncedo ngakumbi ukuba:

• ufuna ukutyhila kwaye usebenze ngeziganeko ezibuhlungu ezivela kwixesha elidlulileyo
• Utyekelo lokusindisa luchaphazela ubudlelwane bakho
• uziva ungenanto okanye ungaxabisekanga ngaphandle kokuba umntu uyakudinga

Nokuba awuqinisekanga ukuba ujongana njani notyekelo lomsindisi uwedwa, ugqirha unokunika isikhokelo kunye nenkxaso.

Kuthekani ukuba umntu othile uzama ukundisindisa?

Ukuba konke oku kuvakala ngathi kuyasebenza komnye umntu ebomini bakho, ezi ngcebiso zinokukunceda uphendule kwimizamo yabo ngaphandle kokubangela uxinzelelo olungafunekiyo.

Chaza ukuba kutheni indlela abaziphethe ngayo ingancedi

Abahlanguli banokuthetha kakuhle, kodwa oko akuthethi ukuba kufuneka wamkele iinzame zabo zokukusindisa.

Basenokungakuthandi xa usithi, "Hayi, enkosi, ndiyilawule le nto."

Endaweni yoko, zama:

• “Ndiyazi ukuba ufuna ukunceda kuba uyakhathala. Kungcono ndizame ukuyisebenza ngokwam le nto ukuze ndifunde koku kwenzekileyo. ”
• "Xa ungandiniki thuba lokujongana neengxaki ngokwam, ndiziva ngathi awundihloniphi."

Misela umzekelo

Abantu abanotyekelo lokuhlangula bahlala besebenzisa indlela abaziphethe ngayo ukujongana nemiceli mngeni yabo.

Ungabonisa iindlela eziluncedo zokujongana noxinzelelo ngu:

• ukuthatha amanyathelo emveliso ukulawula imingeni
• ukuziqhelanisa nemfesane ngenxa yokusilela okanye iimpazamo
• ukumamela ngenkuthalo nokunikezela ngoncedo xa ubuzwa

"Xa sibonisa indlela eyiyo yokuphatha thina kunye nabanye, xa besibona sinobubele kuthi kwaye sixolele ukungakwazi kwethu ukulungisa abanye, banokufunda kumzekelo wethu," utshilo uJoseph.

Bakhuthaze ukuba bafumane uncedo

Xa utyekelo lomsindisi omthandayo luchaphazela ubudlelwane bakho, unyango lunokunceda.

Awunakho ukubenza babone i-Therapist, kodwa unganikezela ngenkxaso kunye nokuqinisekiswa. Abantu ngamanye amaxesha bayakuphepha ukuya kunyango kuba bexhalabile ukuba abanye bazakuphendula njani, ke ukhuthazo lwakho lunokuthetha lukhulu. Ukuba bazimisele, ninokuthetha nomcebisi kunye.

Umgca wezantsi

Ukuba unesidingo esiqhubekayo sokungenelela kwaye ulondoloze abathandekayo kwiingxaki zabo, okanye ngokwabo, unokuba neendlela zokuhlangula.

Unokucinga ukuba uyanceda, kodwa uzama ukugcina abantu, ngakumbi xa bengafuni ukugcina, bahlala bebuyela umva. Amathuba kukuba, umntu oludinga ngokwenene uncedo uya kulucela, ke kububulumko ukulinda de ubuzwe.

UCrystal Raypole wayekhe wasebenza njengombhali kunye nomhleli weGoodTherapy.Amacandelo akhe anomdla abandakanya iilwimi zaseAsia kunye noncwadi, uguqulelo lwaseJapan, ukupheka, isayensi yendalo, ubungqingili besini, kunye nempilo yengqondo. Ngokukodwa, uzibophelele ekuncedeni ukunciphisa ukubekwa amabala malunga nemicimbi yezempilo yengqondo.