U phezulu? Uyinyusa njani iKink yakho kwiQabane lakho

U phezulu? yikholamu entsha yeHealthline yengcebiso, enceda abafundi ukuba baphonononge isini kunye nokwabelana ngesondo.

Ndisacinga ndicinga ngexesha lokuqala endazama ngalo ukuzisa ubungqingili bam ngokwesondo kumfana, ndibuyele kwiminyaka yam yamashumi amabini. Kwakungekho nokuba yinto engaqhelekanga. Bendinomdla wokudityaniswa nento enje ngetayi - {textend} isini kunye nesiqendu sesibini seSixeko e-WORST.

Xa ekugqibeleni ndakuba nesibindi sokumbuza malunga nayo, ndandingumntu othukileyo, ndithintitha kwaye ndibila ndisiya kulo lonke eli dude lihlwempuzekileyo ngaphambi kokuba aqonde ukuba bendicela ubukhoboka bokukhanya (kwaye wanyanzeleka njengentshatsheli).

Kutheni ndandineentloni kangaka? Kutheni le nto kwakunzima ukuthetha ngale nto ndiyifunayo? Ndijonge ngqo ekusebenzeni! Ndizama ukuzisika, nangona kunjalo. Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, oku ngaphambi kokuba abantu benze izigidi zeedola bebhala malunga nezivumelwano ze-BDSM kunye "namagumbi abomvu," ngaphambi kokuba uRihanna asikhokele xa sixoxa ngesihloko semixokelelwane kunye nezabhokhwe kwingoma yakhe ethi S & M.

Eyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu, oku yayingaphambi kokuba kusetyenziswe ii -apps ezikhethekileyo zoluntu ezinje ngeScruff okanye uFeeld uthathe uqikelelo ekufumaneni amaqabane akwiphepha elinye, ubulumko. Kwezi, ukungaziqwalaseli iiprofayili ezidwelisa into umntu ayiyo ngaphambi kokuba uthumele umyalezo kwenza umngcipheko weentloni ube sezantsi kakhulu. Unokwenza into oyifunayo icace kwiprofayili yakho ngaphambi kokuba umntu abone ubuso bakho (kwaye ngamanye amaxesha angazi ukuba ajongeka kanjani NGUMFANA - {textend} ukuba kulula kangakanani).

Kodwa kuthekani ngabantu abadibana nabantu abangaxhunyiwe kwi-intanethi, abantu abebekade bezinikezele ubudlelwane apho isihloko singakhange sivele, okanye abantu abangakwaziyo ukuba nengxoxo engathandabuzekiyo malunga neminqweno yesini kunye nee-boo (s) zabo ngenxa yaso nasiphi na isizathu?

Ngaphandle kwayo yonke inkqubela phambili esiyenzileyo ngesini kunye nokufundisa ngesondo, ukuqala kwengxoxo kunokuba nzima!

Ukuqalisa incoko

Ke yeyiphi eyona ndlela ilungileyo yokuqala? Ndithathe isigqibo sokuya kumhlobo wam uLux Alptraum, ingcali yezesondo kunye nombhali we "Faking It: The Lies Women Re Tell About Sex - {textend} Kwaye iinyaniso abazityhilayo" ukufumana ingcebiso.

"Omnye umntu unokucinga ukuba uyamangalisa okanye mhlawumbi [ikhink] iyingozi," utshilo u-Alptraum. Oku kunokwenzeka kakhulu kwaye kunokudanisa, kodwa kusekho iindlela zabo bobabini abalingani ukuba basondele kwincoko ngovelwano nentlonipho.

“Kungabakho sesichengeni sokuvulelwa kwaye sithi, 'Molo, ndifuna ukuyiphonononga le nto,'” utshilo malunga noloyiko lokuqalisa le ncoko, ngaphambi kokuba andikhumbuze kusenokuba kukuphazamiseka engqondweni yesibhengezo sekink, nokuba siyaphela sisandi kuwe. Ingoyikisa kancinci ngoba kungakho ingcinezelo okanye “ukuba ndiyenze kakubi okanye andazi ukuba ndenze ntoni?”

Njengenqanawa yokuqhekeza umkhenkce yabaqalayo be-kinky, sobabini sincoma kakhulu ukuthelekisa amanqaku- {textend} ngokoqobo! "Ewe / Hayi / Mhlawumbi" uluhlu lwezinto ezahlukeneyo zesondo kunye neefesti ke xa uyizalisa, inokuba ngumfanekiso wento ekuyo nobabini.

U-Lux ucebisa ukuba usebenzise i-PlsPlsMe, eya kuthi ikunike imibuzo kunye neqabane lakho emva koko utyhile kuphela into enokuba niyazama! Nangona kunjalo, kwabo bakubudlelwane obuzinikeleyo, ucinga ukuba uluhlu olubhalwe ngesandla lunokuba yindlela yokuhamba.

Yinto encinci ukukhalipha ukubonisa umntu zonke izinto zakho kwaye uvulelwe ithuba lokungazukuyithanda. Iikink ezininzi zakha ukuthembana kunye nokwakha ukusondelelana. ”

Ukuphononongwa = / = kuvavanyo lwezakhono zakho

Nokuba uyifumana njani incoko, u-Lux uthi, qalisa kwangethuba ukuba olu luphononongo kwaye ayilovavanyo.

Ukuba omnye umntu uyathandabuza kuba esoyika ukuba ngekhe bayenze ngokuchanekileyo okanye bafuna nje isikhokelo, sebenzela ukudala imeko yokuxhasa. Ucinga ukusondela ngesimo sengqondo, "Heyi, siza kuyiphonononga le nto kwaye ukuzama kwakho kuthetha lukhulu kum," kusebenza imimangaliso. Oko kukwathetha ukwamkela ingxelo, kwaye mhlawumbi ufumane iindlela zokulalanisa ukuze nobabini nizive nikhululekile kwaye nivulekile.

Ngamanye amaxesha kufuneka ube nesibindi, uthathe umngcipheko, kwaye uqaphele ukuba ungonzakala. Unokufumanisa ukuba umntu uyakugatya, kwaye leyo yinxalenye yesini kunye nokuthandana. Yenza umoya ophantsi, uhlale uvulekile, kwaye ube novelwano kuyo nayiphi na ingxelo oyifumanayo. ”

Ingcebiso egqwesileyo- {textend} kwaye nantsi eyam njengokubamba okwahlulayo, iswekile: Yeka ukuzicingela "ungumnqa" ukuba uyehla kwinto engaqhelekanga kangako. Ukuba wonke umntu obandakanyekayo yi-GGG (oko "kulungile, ukupha, kunye nomdlalo") kwaye awophuli mvume yakhe nabani na, kufanelekile ukuba ujonge ukuba yintoni ekwenza wonwabe kwaye waneliseke!

Ukufuna ukwazi okunempilo konke kuyinxalenye yesini esempilweni, ke phuma kwezo zikhonkwane zingahambi kakuhle, ufumane igama elikhuselekileyo elihamba kunye nokuhla!

UReed Brice ngumbhali kunye nosomahlaya osekwe eLos Angeles. U-Brice yi-alum ye-UC Irvine ka-Claire Trevor weSikolo soBugcisa kwaye wayengumntu wokuqala we-transgender owakhe waphoswa kuqeqesho lobungcali kunye nesiXeko sesiBini. Xa ungathethi iti yokugula ngengqondo, u-Brice uphinde abhale ikholamu yethu yothando kunye ne-sex, "U Up?"