Yintoni eFundisayo ukundifundisa ngeMpilo yeNgqondo

Umxholo

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Kwisikolo sobugqirha, ndandiqeqeshelwe ukugxila kwinto engalunganga emzimbeni. Ndandihamba ndicofa imiphunga, ndicofa isisu, namathambo endlala, ngalo lonke eloxesha ndikhangela imiqondiso yayo nayiphi na into engaqhelekanga. Kwindawo yokuhlala kwengqondo, ndaye ndaqeqeshwa ukugxila kwinto engalunganga ngokwengqondo, emva koko "ukulungisa" -okanye, ngokwendlela yezonyango, "ukulawula" -ezi mpawu. Bendisazi ukuba ngawaphi amayeza amiselweyo kwaye nini. Ndandilazi ixesha lokulalisa esibhedlele isigulana nokuba ndimgoduse nini loo mntu. Ndenze yonke into endinokuyenza ukuze ndinciphise usizi lomntu. Kwaye emva kokugqiba uqeqesho lwam, ndayeka indlela ephumelelayo yonyango lwengqondo eManhattan, ndiphilisa njengeyona njongo yam.

Ke, ngenye imini, ndafumana umnxeba wokuvuka. UClaire (ayilogama lakhe lokwenyani), isigulana endicinga ukuba senza inkqubela, wandigxotha ngequbuliso emva kweenyanga ezintandathu zonyango. "Ndiyakucaphukela ukuza kwiiseshoni zethu zeveki yonke," undixelele. "Yonke into esihlala siyenza kukuthetha ngento engahambi kakuhle ebomini bam. Iyandenza ndizive ndimbi" Waphakama wahamba.

Ndothuka kakhulu. Bendisenza yonke into ngale ncwadi. Lonke uqeqesho lwam lwalugxile ekunciphiseni iimpawu kunye nokuzama ukulungisa iingxaki. Imiba yobudlelwane, uxinzelelo lomsebenzi, uxinzelelo, kunye noxinzelelo zaziphakathi kweengxaki ezininzi endandizithatha njengengcali "yokulungisa." Kodwa xa ndijonga emva kumanqaku am malunga neeseshoni zethu, ndiye ndabona ukuba uClaire wayenyanisile. Ekuphela kwento endakha ndayenza kukugxila kwinto eyayingahambi kakuhle ebomini bakhe.Ayizange ithi qatha kum into yokugxila kuyo nayiphi na enye into.

Emva kokuba uClaire endigxothile, ndaqalisa ukuqonda indlela ekubaluleke ngayo ukuba akubalulekanga nje ukuthomalalisa inkxwaleko kodwa nokuhlakulela amandla engqondo. Kuye kwacaca ngakumbi ukuba ukuphuhlisa izakhono zokuhamba ngempumelelo kwindlela yomntu kumahla ndinyuka emihla ngemihla kubaluleke kakhulu njengokunyanga iimpawu. Ukungonwabi yinto enye. Ukuziva womelele xa ujamelene noxinezeleko yenye into.

Uphando lwam lunditsalele kwicandelo eliphumelelayo lesayikholoji, oluyisifundo sesayensi sokuhlakulela ulonwabo. Xa kuthelekiswa nonyango lwengqondo kunye nesayikholoji, egxile ikakhulu ekuguleni ngengqondo nakwizifo, isayikholojithi ethembekileyo igxile kumandla nakwimpilo yabantu. Ewe, ndandithandabuza xa ndiqala ukufunda ngesayikholoji elungileyo, kuba yayiyinto eyahlukileyo koko ndandikufunde kwisikolo sezonyango nakwindawo yokuhlala kwengqondo. Ndifundiswe ukusombulula ingxaki-ukulungisa into eyaphukileyo engqondweni okanye emzimbeni wesigulana. Kodwa, njengoko uClaire wayetshilo ngokungenalusini, kukho into eyayisilela kwindlela yam. Ngokujolisa ngokukodwa kwiimpawu zesigulo, ndiye ndasilela ukukhangela impilo kwisigulana esigulayo. Ngokujolisa kuphela kwiimpawu, bendisilele ekuqondeni amandla esigulana sam. UMartin Seligman, Ph.D., inkokeli kwinkalo yengqondo ephilileyo, uyichaza kakuhle: "Impilo yengqondo ingaphezulu kokungabikho kokugula kwengqondo."

Ukufunda indlela yokufumana kwakhona kubunzima obukhulu kubalulekile, kodwa kuthiwani ngokufunda indlela yokujongana nezinto ezincinci- iingxaki zemihla ngemihla ezinokwenza okanye zophule usuku? Kwiminyaka eyi-10 edlulileyo, bendifunda indlela yokuhlakulela ukomelela kwansuku zonke kunye ne-lowercase "r." Uphendula njani kwii-hiccups zemihla ngemihla-xa ikofu yakho ichitheka kuyo yonke ihempe yakho emhlophe xa uphuma endlwini, xa inja yakho ichamela umbhoxo, xa umgaqo ongaphantsi usuka nje ufika kwisikhululo, xa umphathi wakho ekuxelela ukuba uphoxekile kwiprojekthi yakho, xa iqabane lakho likhetha ukulwa-kubalulekile kwimpilo yengqondo kunye nomzimba. Uphando lubonisa, umzekelo, ukuba abantu abaneemvakalelo ezingalunganga (ezinjengomsindo okanye iimvakalelo zokungabi nto yanto) ekuphenduleni uxinzelelo lwemihla ngemihla (njengokugcwala kwabantu okanye ukuthethiswa ngumntu ophakamileyo) kunokwenzeka ukuba baphuhlise imiba yezempilo yengqondo ngokuhamba kwexesha.

Uninzi lwethu lubujongela phantsi amandla ethu okuphila kakuhle kunye nokukwazi kwethu ukumelana nezi zaqhwithi zemihla ngemihla. Sithanda ukuyibona imeko yethu yeemvakalelo ngendlela egqibeleleyo-sicinezelekile okanye sivuyile, sinexhala okanye sizolile, silungile okanye sibi, sonwabile okanye silusizi. Kodwa impilo yengqondo ayisiyiyo yonke into okanye-akukho nto, umdlalo we-zero-sum, kwaye ikwayinto efuna ukukhathalelwa mihla le.

Icandelo layo lixhomekeke kwindlela ojonga ngayo ingqalelo. Masithi ukhomba isibane kwigumbi elimnyama. Unokukhanyisa ukukhanya naphi na apho ukhetha khona: ukuya kwiindonga, ukujonga imizobo emihle okanye iifestile okanye mhlawumbi ukutshintshwa kokukhanya; okanye ukuya emgangathweni nasezikoneni, ukujonga iibhola zothuli okanye, ngakumbi, amaphela. Akukho nanye into ewelwa ngumqadi ebamba ubungakanani begumbi. Ngendlela efanayo, akukho mvakalelo enye, nokuba inamandla kangakanani na, ichaza imeko yakho yengqondo.

Kodwa kukwakho nenani lezicwangciso esinokuthi sonke sizisebenzise ukomeleza impilo yengqondo kunye nokuhlakulela impilo-ntle. Le misebenzi ilandelayo iqhutywa yidatha, kwaye iyinyani yokuzivocavoca eyonyusa ukomelela kwakho kwaye ikugcine womelele, nakumaxesha oxinzelelo.

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