Ungamxelela njani umntwana wakho ukuba unomdlavuza

Ukuxelela umntwana wakho malunga nokufumanisa isifo somhlaza kunokuba nzima. Unokufuna ukukhusela umntwana wakho. Unganexhala lokuba uza kuthini umntwana wakho. Kodwa kubalulekile ukuba novakalelo kunye nokunyaniseka malunga noko kwenzekayo.

Umhlaza yinto enzima ukuyigcina iyimfihlo. Nabantwana abancinci kakhulu bayakwazi ukubona xa into ingalunganga. Xa abantwana bengayazi inyaniso, bayoyika okona kubi. Xa ujongene nokungazi, umntwana wakho unokucinga ibali elinokuba libi kakhulu kunoko kwenzekayo. Umzekelo, umntwana wakho unokuzibeka ityala ukuba uyagula.

Uba semngciphekweni wokuba umntwana wakho afunde komnye umntu ukuba unomdlavuza. Oku kunokonakalisa ukuqonda komntwana wakho. Kwaye xa uqala unyango lomhlaza, ngekhe ube nakho ukufihla iziphumo ebezingalindelekanga emntwaneni wakho.

Fumana ixesha elizolileyo lokuthetha nomntwana wakho xa kungekho ezinye iziphazamiso. Ukuba unabantwana abangaphezu komnye, unokufuna ukuxelela ngamnye ngokwahlukeneyo. Oku kuyakuvumela ukuba ulinganise impendulo yomntwana ngamnye, ulungelelanise iinkcazo kubudala babo, kwaye uphendule imibuzo yabo ngasese. Umntwana wakho unokuthintelwa ekubuzeni imibuzo ebalulekileyo kuye phambi komntakwabo.

Xa uthetha ngomhlaza wakho, qala ngezibakala. Oku kubandakanya:

• Uhlobo lomhlaza onalo negama lalo.
• Leliphi ilungu lomzimba wakho elinomhlaza.
• Umhlaza wakho okanye unyango luya kuluchaphazela njani usapho lwakho kwaye lujolise kwindlela eya kubachaphazela ngayo abantwana bakho. Umzekelo, baxelele ukuba ngekhe ukwazi ukuchitha ixesha elininzi kunye nabo njengangaphambili.
• Nokuba sisizalwane okanye omnye umkhathaleli uya kunceda.

Xa uthetha nabantwana bakho ngonyango lwakho, kunokukunceda ukucacisa:

• Iindidi zonyango onokuba nazo, kwaye unokuhlinzwa.
• Malunga nokuba uza kulufumana ixesha elingakanani unyango (ukuba kuyaziwa).
• Ukuba unyango luyakunceda ukuba ubengcono, kodwa kunokubangela iziphumo ebezingalindelekanga ezinzima ngelixa usenalo.
• Qiniseka ukuba ulungiselela abantwana ngaphambi kwexesha ngalo naluphi na utshintsho olwenzeka emzimbeni, njengokulahleka kweenwele, onokuthi ube nakho. Chaza ukuba unganciphisa umzimba, ulahle iinwele, okanye ulahle kakhulu. Chaza ukuba ezi ziziphumo ebezingalindelekanga eziza kuphela.

Ungahlengahlengisa inani leenkcukacha ozinikelayo ngokuxhomekeke kubudala bomntwana wakho. Abantwana abaneminyaka esi-8 nangaphantsi abanakuze bawaqonde amagama anzima malunga nokugula okanye unyango lwakho, ke kungcono ukugcina kulula. Umzekelo, ungabaxelela ukuba uyagula kwaye udinga unyango olukuncedayo ukuba ubengcono. Abantwana abaneminyaka eyi-8 nangaphezulu banokuqonda okungakumbi. Khuthaza umntwana wakho ukuba abuze imibuzo kwaye azame ukuyiphendula ngokunyaniseka ngangokunokwenzeka.

Gcina ukhumbula ukuba abantwana bakho banokuva ngomhlaza kweminye imithombo, enje ngeTV, iimuvi, okanye abanye abantwana okanye abantu abadala. Ingumbono olungileyo ukubuza oko bakuvileyo, ukuze uqiniseke ukuba banolwazi oluchanekileyo.

Kukho uloyiko oluqhelekileyo oluninzi lwabantwana xa befunda ngomhlaza. Kuba umntwana wakho angangakuxeleli ngolu loyiko, licebo elihle ukubakhulisa ngokwakho.

• Umntwana wakho ubekek 'ityala. Kuqhelekile ukuba abantwana bacinge ukuba into abayenzileyo ibangele umhlaza womzali. Yazisa umntwana wakho ukuba akukho namnye kusapho lwakho owenza nantoni na ukubangela umhlaza.
• Umhlaza uyosulela. Abantwana abaninzi banexhala lokuba umhlaza unganwenwa njengomkhuhlane, kwaye abanye abantu kusapho lwakho baya kuwufumana. Qiniseka ukuba wazise umntwana wakho ukuba awukwazi "ukuwubamba" umhlaza komnye umntu, kwaye ngekhe bafumane umhlaza ngokukubamba okanye ekuncamiseni.
• Wonke umntu ubulawa ngumhlaza. Ungacacisa ukuba umhlaza sisifo esibi, kodwa unyango lwangoku luye lwanceda izigidi zabantu ukuba zisinde kumhlaza. Ukuba umntwana wakho wazi umntu osweleke ngenxa yomhlaza, mxelele ukuba zininzi iintlobo zomhlaza kwaye wonke umntu umhlaza wahlukile. Kungenxa yokuba uMalume uMike wabulawa ngumhlaza, oko akuthethi ukuba nawe uza kufa.

Kuya kufuneka uphinde ezi ngongoma emntwaneni wakho amaxesha amaninzi ngexesha lonyango lwakho.

Nazi ezinye zeendlela zokunceda abantwana bakho bakwazi ukujongana nokuya kunyango lomhlaza:

• Zama ukuhlala kwishedyuli eqhelekileyo. Iishedyuli ziyathuthuzela abantwana. Zama ukugcina amaxesha afanayo okutya nawokulala.
• Bazise ukuba uyabathanda kwaye uyabaxabisa. Oku kubaluleke ngakumbi ukuba unyango lwakho lukugcina ungachithi ixesha elininzi kunye nabo njengoko wawusenza.
• Qhubeka nemisebenzi yabo. Kubalulekile ukuba abantwana bakho baqhubeke nezifundo zomculo, ezemidlalo, kunye neminye imisebenzi yasemva kwesikolo ngexesha lokugula kwakho. Cela uncedo kubahlobo okanye kumalungu osapho ngokukhwela.
• Khuthaza abantwana ukuba bachithe ixesha kunye nabahlobo kwaye bonwabe. Oku kubaluleke ngakumbi kulutsha, olunokuziva lunetyala ngokuzonwabisa.
• Cela abanye abantu abadala ukuba bangenelele. Ngaba iqabane lakho, abazali bakho, okanye olunye usapho okanye abahlobo bakho bachitha ixesha elininzi nabantwana bakho xa ungakwazi.

Uninzi lwabantwana luyakwazi ukumelana nokugula komzali ngaphandle kweengxaki ezinkulu. Kodwa abanye abantwana banokufuna inkxaso eyongezelelweyo. Yazisa ugqirha womntwana wakho ukuba ngaba umntwana wakho unazo naziphi na ezi ndlela zokuziphatha zilandelayo.

• Ibonakala ilusizi ngalo lonke ixesha
• Akunakuthuthuzelwa
• Utshintsho kumabakala
• Unomsindo okanye uyacaphuka
• Ukhala kakhulu
• Unengxaki yokugxila
• Ineenguqu kumdla wokutya
• Unengxaki yokulala
• Uzama ukuzenzakalisa
• Umdla omncinci kwimisebenzi yesiqhelo

Le yimiqondiso yokuba umntwana wakho angafuna uncedo olungakumbi, njengokuthetha nomcebisi okanye ezinye iingcali.

Umbutho waseMelika woMhlaza. Ukunceda abantwana xa ilungu losapho linomhlaza: ukujongana nonyango. www.cancer.org/treatment/children-and-cancer/when-a-family-member-has-cancer/dealing-with-treatment.html. Ukuhlaziywa ngo-Epreli 27, 2015. Ifikeleleke ngo-Epreli 8, 2020.

I-ASCO Cancer.Net iwebhusayithi. Ukuthetha nabantwana ngomhlaza. www.cancer.net/coping-with-cancer/talking-with-family-and-friends/thetha-bout-cancer/thetha-nabantwana-bantwana-umhlaza. Ukuhlaziywa kuka-Agasti 2019. Ifikeleleke ngo-Epreli 8, 2020.

Kwiwebhusayithi yeZiko loMhlaza weSizwe. Xa umzali wakho enomhlaza: isikhokelo kulutsha. www.cancer.gov/publications/patient-education/When-Your-Parent-Has-Cancer.pdf. Ukuhlaziywa ngoFebruwari 2012. Ifikeleleke ngo-Epreli 8, 2020.

• Umhlaza