5 Iimbono Zesini Esichazayo

Umxholo

• Ukwabelana ngesondo kwenye indawo ngokungaqhelekanga
• Yongamela
• Ukwabelana ngesondo nomntu omtsha
• Ukwabelana ngesondo ngomlomo okanye iimpundu
• Xhuma ngexesha lokwabelana ngesondo
• Uphengululo lwe

Senza inqaku lokuba singaze sixoxe ngamaphupha ethu-kwaye kuyinyani ngakumbi xa kufikwa kwisini. Kodwa ukuba sichaze ezona zinto ziphambili phakathi kwamashiti, abahlobo bethu bayakuqonda-mhlawumbi banokufana. Kuphononongo lwakutsha nje lwabantu abadala abayi-1,516, abaphandi abasuka kwiYunivesithi yaseQuebec bafumanise ukuba iingcinga ezininzi zesini zixhaphakile kunokuba bebecinga njalo. Apha, iminqweno emihlanu uninzi lwabasetyhini luyayivuma, kunye neengcebiso zeengcali malunga nendlela yokuthatha amanyathelo ovavanyo lobomi bokwenyani.

Ukwabelana ngesondo kwenye indawo ngokungaqhelekanga

Ifoto: Getty

Le ntelekelelo ixhaphake ngakumbi kubudlelwane bexesha elide, utshilo uLaura Berman, Ph.D., ingcaphephe ngesondo kunye nobudlelwane kunye nengcaphephe yezesondo ehlala eDurex. Kungenxa yokuba ukuzama nantoni na entsha-nokuba oko kuthetha ukuya kwindawo eyahlukileyo kunesiqhelo yebrunch okanye ukuzixakekisa ngaphandle kwegumbi lokulala-eneneni kukhuthaza amaziko e-dopamine yengqondo, ekonyusa iimvakalelo zolonwabo kunye nolonwabo.

Yizame: Eyona ndawo imbi yokuvavanya iimvakalelo zomfo wakho malunga nokuqhatha kumqolo ongemva wethiyetha kuxa izibane ziqala ukuncipha, utshilo uBerman. Yizise ngexesha elingathathi hlangothi (funda: hayi xa usabelana ngesondo okanye kwindawo oyithandayo), kwaye ulungele ukuthethathethana. Usenokuyithiya imbono yakho yokuba neentlobano zesini kwipaki yoluntu, umzekelo, kodwa vulekele ukuya kuyo kwikona yabucala yangasemva kwendlu yakho, utshilo uBerman.

Yongamela

Ifoto: Getty

Amathunzi angamashumi amahlanu nantlanu kagreyi khange iqale ukuthambekela kwelizwe nge-BDSM-ibhalwe nje kuyo. "Abasetyhini namhlanje benza izinto ezininzi mihla le, kangangokuba umbono wokunikezela ulawulo komnye umntu-ingapheleli apho, kodwa umntu owaziyo ukuba makenze ntoni nolo lawulo-unokuba yinkanuko enkulu," utshilo uBerman.

Yizame: Njengokwabelana ngesondo esidlangalaleni, i-BDSM ayisiyonto yokuyivavanya. Okokuqala, buza umntu wakho ukuba angaziva njani ebandakanya ubukhoboka okanye intetho emdaka kwindlela yakho yesiqhelo. Ukuba ukhwele ebhodini, hamba kwimeko yakho efanelekileyo. Amadoda amaninzi anokuthandabuza ukuthatha indima ebaluleke ngakumbi kwigumbi lokulala, ngoko ke imiyalelo ethile inokuba luncedo, utshilo uBerman. Kwakhona kubalulekile: khetha igama elikhuselekileyo ngaphambi kokuba uqale. (Abafazi ayingabo kuphela abavumayo kwi-BDSM fantasy. Yenye ye-5 Secret Male Festishes Eqhelekileyo Ngokupheleleyo.)

Ukwabelana ngesondo nomntu omtsha

Ifoto: Getty

UBerman uthi kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukunqwenela ubuncinci inqanaba elithile lokwahluka, ngakumbi ukuba ubukunye nomfana wakho iminyaka. Ngelixa abantu banokucwangciswa ukuba bodwa, ukulangazelela utshintsho kwimbonakalo yomhlaba akuqhelekanga.

Yizame: UBerman akacebisi ngokwenene ukwabelana ngesondo nelinye iqabane, nokuba umntu wakho obalulekileyo usebhodini. “Ivula iBhokisi yePandora,” utshilo. "Umntu ubotshiwe ukuba azive enomona okanye engazithembanga." Endaweni yoko, zama ukudlala indima ethile. Ngaba umfana wakho-kwindima yomntu ongamaziyo-akunyuse kwibar yendawo, okanye umcele ukuba anxibe iwigi okanye isinxibo sokulala. Ukuzama indawo entsha kuwe, ukudlala iphonografi ngelixa usisidenge, okanye ukusebenzisa into yokudlala ngesondo ngexesha lesenzo kunokufezekisa umnqweno wakho wotshintsho.

Ukwabelana ngesondo ngomlomo okanye iimpundu

Ifoto: Getty

Ngaphandle kokuyifumana imnandi, "inani elothusayo labantu alonwabanga ngokwabelana ngesondo ngomlomo," utshilo uBerman. Banokukhathazeka malunga nobuchule babo (ukuba ngaba ngabadlali) okanye uxinzelelo malunga nentuthuzelo yomnye wabo (ngaba umhlathi wakhe uyakhathala? Ngaba ndinuka kakuhle? Ngaba ndithatha ixesha elide?).

Yizame: Ukuba iinkxalabo zokungayenzi "ngokufanelekileyo" zikubambezela, uBerman ucebisa ngokujonga nje kwizifundo ezikwi-Intanethi-ungaziva usisiyatha, kodwa kule meko, ulwazi sesona sixhobo sakho sisebenzayo. Ukuba unexhala malunga nokuba sekupheleni kokufumana, kwelinye icala, zama amanyathelo omntwana. "Qala ngokumcela ukuba ehle kuwe imizuzu nje emithathu. Kwixesha elizayo, zama ezintlanu," uyacacisa. Emva koko gxila ekuhlaleni umzuzu kude kube liphelile ixesha. Mxelele nje malunga nolingo kwangaphambili, okanye unokucinga ukuba wenza into ongayithandiyo xa umyekisa, nto leyo ikhokelela kuxinzelelo lwentsebenzo kuye.

Xhuma ngexesha lokwabelana ngesondo

Ifoto: Getty

Eyona nto yayixhaphakileyo kwabasetyhini yayiyenye yezona zinto zincinci kuluhlu-ukufuna ukuziva neemvakalelo zothando ngexesha lokwabelana ngesondo. U-Berman uthi: "Kubonisa ukuba lubaluleke kangakanani unxibelelwano ngokweemvakalelo kulwalamano," utshilo uBerman. "Kuba ndingakunika izinto ezingama-365 ukuzama ukoyisa ubomi bakho bezesondo, kodwa ukuba wena neqabane lakho aninako oko ngaphakathi, akukho nto izakusebenza."

Yizame: Ukuziva usondele ngakumbi ngokweemvakalelo nomntu olala naye, zama iindlela zokwabelana ngesondo ze-tantric, ezigxininisa ukungena kunxibelelwano lweemvakalelo, ucebisa uBerman. Olunye umthambo olula: Hlala ubuso obunemilenze obunqamleze iqabane lakho, emva koko ubeke isandla sakho sasekunene phezu kwentliziyo yakhe. Ngelixa ujonge emehlweni omnye nomnye, vumelanisa ukuphefumla kwakho kuye. “Oku kuyakunceda ukuba ube seziko, ulungelelanise ihlabathi liphela, kwaye wenze ukuqina ngakumbi phakathi kwakho ngaphambi kokuba ube ngumzimba,” utshilo uBerman.

Uphengululo lwe