Iincoko ezi-7 ekufuneka ubenazo ngobomi boBomi obuSempilweni

Umxholo

• Ingxoxo yeMbali yovavanyo
• Incoko yeeTurn-Ons (kunye noCimo).
• Ukuncokola rhoqo
• Incoko Yephupha
• Incoko Yokukopa
• Ukuguqulelwa kolwimi lothando
• Incoko yokuNgena
• Uphengululo lwe

Ukoyika ukukrazula iintsiba zomnye umntu wakho kunokubangela ukuba ube nomsindo xa kufikwa ekuthetheni ngokunyanisekileyo ngesondo. Kodwa ukutshayela izihloko ekunzima ukuzenza phantsi kombhoxo kunokwenza ukuba ufumane iimpendulo (kunye nokutshintsha indlela yokuziphatha kwigumbi lokulala!). Ezi ncoko kufuneka-zibalulekile kubalulekile ukugcina ubudlelwane bezesondo obusempilweni kunye obuzalisekisayo-kunye nezicwangciso zethu ezivunyiweyo zobuchwephesha zokusondela nganye, uyazi ngokuthe ngqo indlela yokubeka inqanaba leentetho ezisondeleyo eziza kukusondeza ngakumbi.

Ingxoxo yeMbali yovavanyo

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“Umthetho wam kukuba nje usazi ukuba kukho uhlobo oluthile lomtsalane, yiba nencoko,” utshilo uLaura Berman, Ph.D. INew York Times Isondo esithengisa kakhulu kunye nolwalamano lobudlelwane. Kubalulekile ukuxoxa ngovavanyo lwe-STD kunye ne-HIV, kunye nomhla wovavanyo lwakho lokugqibela. Khokela indlela ngokwabelana ngemvelaphi yakho kuqala, utsho uBerman. Ukuthi nje, "Ndivavanyiwe oko ndalala nomntu wokugqibela-uthini ngawe?" igcina incoko ilula kwaye ingoyikisi kangako. Yintoni engadingi kuxoxwa? "Inombolo" yakho, utsho uBerman."Yonke into eyenzayo kukudala ukungazithembi." Nokuba ubungomnye umntu okanye abantu abali-100, ityala elicocekileyo lempilo kunye nembali yokwenza izigqibo ezikhuselekileyo ngomzimba wakho zibaluleke kakhulu.

Incoko yeeTurn-Ons (kunye noCimo).

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Ukucela iqabane lakho ukuba liyeke ukutsala iinwele zakho xa lifikelela kuvutho-ndaba liyinkohliso kunokuba limxelele, "Ndiyayithanda xa [ugcwalisa indawo engenanto]." Kodwa ukuxoxa ngento eyenza ukuba uhambe kwaye yintoni ejikayo kuyimfuneko. Ukuzisa izinto ezingathandekiyo ngaphandle kwegumbi lokulala, utshilo uBerman, owongeza ukuba uninzi lwezibini zenza impazamo yokuba nazo okwangoku, kwaye oko kudala imeko esengozini kakhulu. Kodwa endaweni yokuveza isimilo esingathandekiyo ngokungqalileyo, yibeke kwimeko entle, utshilo u-Andrea Syrtash, umbhali Ukukopela kumyeni wakho (ngendoda yakho). Yithi, ‘Ndikuthanda ngokwenene ukuba neentlobano zesini nawe, yaye ndingathanda ukuzama oku.’ Ukunikezela ngenye indlela enokuthi isebenze ngcono kukuvumela ukuba wabelane nge-turn-on ngelixa uvula nokucima, utshilo uSyrtash.

Ukuncokola rhoqo

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Xa kufikwa kumatyeli apho ufumana ukungxama, akufuneki ubekweso sivakalisi sinye kodwa kufuneka ubekwiphepha elinye, utshilo uBerman. Oko kuthetha ntoni: "Ukuba uyayifuna yonke imihla kwaye uyifuna kanye ngenyanga, iya kuba yingxaki." Njengayo yonke enye into, ukulungelelana ngundoqo. Njengoko kuvakala kungathandekiyo, zama ukugcina ishedyuli yokwabelana ngesondo. Inokukunika ithuba lokubamba iipropu, ufumane ishawari eshushu, okanye unqande ukuphazamiseka okungafunekiyo. UBerman ucebisa ukuba babelane ngamava esondo osondeleyo kuwo kabini ngeveki, kodwa ulumkisa ukuba akukho "nombolo yomlingo" eqinisekisa ulwalamano. Amaqabane kufuneka asebenze kunye ukufumana amaxesha amaninzi abenza bazive beneliseke kakhulu.

Incoko Yephupha

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Ukuchitheka kweemeko ezihlaziya i-injini yakho kunika elinye lakho elibalulekileyo ithuba lokuzisa ubumnandi bakho ebomini-ekugqibeleni kukusondeze kunye. Kodwa ukuthetha malunga neminqweno yesini kulula ukuyithetha kunokwenza. Ukuba awonwabanga, yenza isivumelwano sokuba akukho sigwebo siza kuphunyezwa, utshilo uBerman. (Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, unokumamela ngaphandle kokutsiba ebhodini.) Kwaye ukuba iqabane lakho (okanye wena, ngenxa yalonto) lifuna ukukunxibisa impahla yokunxiba yoMfazi oMangalisayo kwaye ube nesihlalo esijikelezayo (kwaye awufuni nxalenye) ? UBerman ucebisa ngokudala "imephu emnandi." Bobabini kunye naye baya kubhala phantsi iminqweno yenu kwaye bathelekise amanqaku ukwenza uluhlu lwenkosi. Kuthekani ukuba omnye wenu unomdla wokuzama into ongayithandiyo omnye? Chonga apho umnqweno uvela khona kwaye ucinge ngolungelelwaniso oluyilayo, utshilo uBerman. Umzekelo, ukuba ufuna ukwabelana ngesondo esidlangalaleni-kwaye awucebisi ukubeka ingubo kwiveranda yangasemva apho kukho ithuba elincinane lokuba abamelwane bakho bachwechwe.

Incoko Yokukopa

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Oko kuthetha ukukopa nokungathembeki akukho mnyama namhlophe. Kodwa ukujongana nesihloko sokukopela kulula-kwaye kudibene nezikhuselo ezimbalwa-xa kungakhuthazwanga. Ke sukulinda de kubekho into engahambanga kakuhle ukuze uchaze ukuba yeyiphi indlela yokuziphatha engayi kunyamezeleka. Njengesibini, yenzani uluhlu lwezenzo enicinga ukuba niziqhatha (ingaba nizoba umgca xa nibambana, kodwa ukudanisa kulungile?). Ungalibali ukuqaphela itekhnoloji: Ngaba uya kwazi omnye nomnye iifowuni okanye iiphasiwedi ze-imeyile? Ngaba uya kuba ngabahlobo kunye nabalandeli bakho kuFacebook okanye ku-Snapchat? [Tweet le ngcebiso!]

Ukuguqulelwa kolwimi lothando

Ingcinga

Ukwazi ukuba zeziphi izinto ezenza iqabane lakho lizive lithandwa kwaye lixatyisiwe, nokuba lilula nje ngokubambana ngezandla okanye njengomphunga njengokuthumela imiyalezo emnandi, kunye nokwenza inqaku lokwenza ezo zinto kufana nokugcina ulwalamano olwanelisayo ngokwesondo, utshilo uBerman. Ngokwentengiso kaGary Chapman Iilwimi ezi-5 zothando, Abantu banika kwaye bafumane uthando ngeendlela ezintlanu ezahlukeneyo: izipho, ixesha elisemgangathweni, amagama okuvuma okanye ukuncoma, isenzo senkonzo, kunye nokubamba komzimba. Izibini ezineelwimi ezahlukeneyo zothando zisenokwanelisana ngokupheleleyo logama nje bobabini benxibelelana into ebenza bazive bethandwa kakhulu. UBerman ucebisa ukuba kubhalwe izivakalisi ezithathu ukuya kwezintlanu eziqala ngokuthi "Ndiziva ndithandwa xa ..." kwaye babelane ngazo. Ungabandakanya yonke into ukusuka "xa undibambe ngesandla" okanye "xa uqala isondo" ukuya "xa uhlamba impahla ungakhange ubuzwe." Qaphela ukuba iqabane lakho likuphatha njani xa ulungile, utshilo uBerman. Ngaba bayakuncoma? "Sithanda ukubathanda abanye abantu ngendlela esithanda ukuthandwa ngayo," utsho uBerman. "Kodwa xelisa izenzo zakho emva kwezabo kwaye mhlawumbi uya kuba ekujoliswe kuyo."

Incoko yokuNgena

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Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuba iingxoxo ngesondo aziyonto enye kwaye zenziwe. "Iimfuno zethu kunye neemfuno zethu ziyakhula kwaye ikwenzela ntoni ngexa uthandana okanye kunyaka wakho wokuqala emtshatweni isenokunganyani kwiminyaka elishumi," utshilo uSyrtash. Enyanisweni, ixesha elide isibini sikunye, kuya kuba lula ukuba baqikelele ngokuchanekileyo ukhetho lweqabane labo, utsho. Yiyo loo nto unxibelelwano lungundoqo. Yazanani ukuba ukuthanda kwakho kuyavela, okanye, ngelixa usathanda ukuba ngaphezulu, khetha isitayile se-cowgirl.

Uphengululo lwe