Ndayihleba njani iRumor ekhohlakeleyo (Phantse)

Umxholo

• Ndaye ndamanga okokuqala nje ngaphambi kokuba ndiqale unyaka wam wesibhozo. Ukumanga kukhokelele kwiseshoni yokwenza iseshoni, eyathi emva koko yaguqulwa yaba ngamarhe amabi endiye ndawufumana - ewe, ufunda loo nto kanye, unengxaki - eneminyaka eli-13 ubudala.
• Kweneke ntoni
• Ukuhleka ngentlungu
• Umbono ongapheliyo
• Ukubuyisa amandla am
• Singawusombulula njani umba omkhulu
• Ukuqhubeka nokwenza uxolo

Sibandakanya iimveliso esicinga ukuba ziluncedo kubafundi bethu. Ukuba uthenga amakhonkco kweli phepha, sinokufumana ikhomishini encinci. Nantsi inkqubo yethu.

Ndaye ndamanga okokuqala nje ngaphambi kokuba ndiqale unyaka wam wesibhozo. Ukumanga kukhokelele kwiseshoni yokwenza iseshoni, eyathi emva koko yaguqulwa yaba ngamarhe amabi endiye ndawufumana - ewe, ufunda loo nto kanye, unengxaki - eneminyaka eli-13 ubudala.

Kutshanje ndibukele iNetflix "Izizathu ezili-13 zokuba kutheni," kwaye ngelixa ndichulumancile ukuba umboniso uphume incoko ebalulekileyo nephikisanayo malunga nokuzibulala kolutsha, ndiyaphoxeka kuba ayikhange ibe ngunobangela wencoko enkulu malunga nomntu oneminyaka ubudala. Imigangatho emibini: amakhwenkwe angenza yonke into ukufuna ukonwaba ngesondo ngelixa amantombazana engenako.

Ayisiyo trope egqithisileyo yokusebenzisa uncwadi lwabantu abadala kunye nomabonwakude, luphawu loluntu ngoku. Kwibanga lesibhozo, isikolo sam "uHannah Baker-ed" nam, nam.

Ngamanye amaxesha njengabantu abadala, siyalibala ukuba kukho amarhe okudlala ikhephu. Kwaye kwidolophu encinci, amarhe okuba ukubethwa ngumoya awapheli. Kwiminyaka emininzi, impompo yamanqindi emoyeni yayithetha into eyahluke ngokupheleleyo kunoloyiso. Ndanyamezela ukungcungcuthekiswa ngokungapheliyo ngamakhwenkwe namantombazana kuba ndandisithiwa "ndiyinkukhu elula."

Kweneke ntoni

Ngelo hlobo, enye inkwenkwe endandiyithanda nendandiyifundisile kwizibalo yandimema. Sabukela umabonwakude, wandiphuza, savuma ke saqhubeka. Yintoni eyenzekayo emva koko, abantu abaninzi banezimvo malunga nayo, kodwa eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukuba yonke into ibivumelana.

Kwiiveki ezimbalwa kamva, xa ndaya kwisihlwele esasilinde ngaphandle kweminyango ngosuku lokuqala lwesikolo, into ethile yayiphakamile. Ngokwenene. Abafana abaliqela babephethe iminwe yabo okanye iipensile emoyeni bacule "I-Pop iya kwi-Weasel," ngaphandle kokuba bafake igama lam batshintshisa "weasel" esikhundleni se "cherry." Ukuphela kosuku, uninzi lwabafana luziva lundijongile ngeenkcukacha zodidi okanye ukumbamba iesile lam.

Ukutyhubela iminyaka, amarhe atshintsha kancinane ukubandakanya i-tryst ngeebhokhwe- obu buchule kunye nenkohlakalo yamaphandle aseMelika nakwishumi elivisayo.

Andikayazi ukuba ngubani owasasaza amarhe wesibini. Inkwenkwe ebandakanyekayo ihambile ngaphambi kokuba amahemuhemu aqale. Ekubuyiseleni, omnye wabahlobo endandixelele ukuba wenze ngendlela ecekisekayo, kodwa kubalulekile ntoni? Wonke umntu wayefuna ukukholelwa ibali elimnandi lentombazana elungileyo lihambe "libi," nokuba kwakungeyonyani.

Ukuhleka ngentlungu

Ndingu-38 ngoku kwaye ndinokuhleka ububhanxa bebali lonke. Ngandlela thile, bendihleka ngelo xesha, nam, kodwa ukuhleka kwam kwakunesizathu esahluke kakhulu. Ndazimisela ukuba ndingavumeli ubuxoki bube phantsi.

Ndiye ndahleka ndibuyisa umva shame wonke umntu ebefuna ndizive. Ndayihleka ngenxa yokuba kwakuyinto enesidima ukuyenza, kwaye yindlela esifundisa ngayo amantombazana ukuba aziphathe, ngakumbi eMidwest. Kwakhona, ukuhleka ukungabi nalutho kwamabali yinto eyandinceda ndijamelane nayo. Ndingacinga ngekamva lam ndikude nemeko ehlekisayo, kwaye ndisebenze nzima ukuyizisa. Ndathuthuzeleka ngokubhala kunye namaphupha am okuba yintatheli.

Umbono ongapheliyo

Ngaphandle kweendlela zam zokujamelana nothando kunye nesikolo, andikwazi ukuthi amarhe awazange andibumbe. Ndiqhubekile nokuthatha inxaxheba kwimisebenzi, njengokuba ngumhleli wephepha lam lesikolo samabanga aphakamileyo, kodwa ndarhoxa kumaqela athile abahlobo ndaza ndazigalela kubudlelwane obungenampilo, nobuzodwa obandithatha iminyaka yokuphuma.

Xa ndijonga ngasemva, ndiyazi ukuba ndandidiniwe kukulwa nomfanekiso wam kunye neembono zabanye ngam. Ukuba bebeza kundibona njengomntu owileyo, bendizokuthandana nomntu ongekhoyo kwaphela kum. Ngaphandle kokuqonda ngokupheleleyo ukuba kutheni, ndicinga ukuba ndizama ukubonisa ukuba amagama awandilimazanga.

Ukubuyisa amandla am

Ndiyakuqinisekisa ukuba andikhange ndibethwe, kodwa ndiye ndahamba ndaya kwinto eboniswa yiNetflix "njengesiseko sesithathu." Oko akuzange kundenze intombazana embi - njengokuba ingazange imenze inkwenkwe embi. Inxalenye yam yayihlala ndiyazi le nyaniso, kodwa ukuyamkela yayiyinkqubo yokufunda.

Ukuyiqonda kuchaphazele indlela endibaphatha ngayo abahlobo ababhinqileyo xa bexoxa ngesondo nam. Baye bandibulela ngokungabinakugweba malunga namabali abo, kuba bendiyiqonda into abafuna ukuyazi: Asibi babi ngokusekwe kukhetho lwezesondo esizenzayo.

Andizange ndiyintombazana embi ngenxa yokukhetha endikwenzileyo ngehlobo, kwaye andiyonto embi nakuphi na ukukhetha ngokwesondo endikwenzileyo ukuya phambili. Xa ekugqibeleni ndakuqonda oko, ndakwazi ukuthatha uxanduva lwengqondo yam kwaye ndibuye ndibuyisele amandla la mahemuhemu phezu kwam.

Umnqweno kunye nolonwabo akunanto yakwenza nokubi. Amantombazana nawo, anelungelo lokungaxoli ngesini. Njengokuba ndikhulile, ukuxhaphaka kwale meko imbi ngokuchasene-nokuziphatha okuhle okujikeleze abafazi kundothusile. Ihlala kuyo yonke indawo, kubandakanya namajelo eendaba kunye nendawo yokusebenzela, apho abantu abadala babo bonke abantu besini esingatshatanga nentlebendwane kunye namarhe. Ukuxhaphaza akuphazanyiswanga nje kulutsha lwethu, kwaye imiba esempilweni yezengqondo inokuba yimizila eyehlayo nangaliphi na ixesha. Yintsomi yobudala yokuba abantu abadala banezakhono zokuhlangabezana ngcono nolutsha kunokuba kunjalo.

Singawusombulula njani umba omkhulu

Kufuneka ukuba sithethe-kwimithombo yeendaba nasekhaya-malunga nokulingana kunye nembeko ejikeleze isini. Sidinga ukuba nayo nabantwana babo bonke ubulili, kwangoko kwaye rhoqo, nathi. Phosa imithetho yakho kwinto oyibona iqhelekile okanye ifanelekile, kuba ezo zimvo zinegalelo kukuziphatha okuhle kunye nokubi kwaye zinokudala inkcubeko yokudlwengulwa. Esinye sezona zixhobo zibalaseleyo zangoku yincwadi kaPeggy Orenstein, "Amantombazana kunye nezesondo: Ukuhamba kwindawo eLukhuni."

Thetha ngokuxhaphaza kunye nendlela engafanelekanga ngayo ukuhleba, ukusasaza amarhe, okanye ukuhlukumeza omnye umntu. Ukuba uyahlukunyezwa, thetha nomntu omthembileyo- umzali, utitshala, umcebisi, okanye nawuphina umntu omdala omthembileyo onokumfumana- kwaye ukuba loo mntu uyasilela, fumana omnye. Akukho sizathu sokujongana nokuxhatshazwa ngesondo, isazisi, umdla wakho, okanye nantoni na eyenye. Ndibe nethamsanqa lokuba nootitshala abambalwa abangenelele ukuqinisekisa ukuba ndilungile, kwaye ndiyathemba ukuba unokufumana umntu, nawe.

Ukuqhubeka nokwenza uxolo

Khumbula oku: Uyayazi inyaniso yakho. Yabelana ngayo. Ngokusekwe kwisiseko somboniso sodwa, "Izizathu ezili-13 zokuba kutheni" uyayityeshela indlela ukuzibulala okungakuniki lizwi. Ngaphandle kweetape zakhe, emva kokufa, uHana waphulukana namandla okulawula ibali lakhe.

Ngenxa yokuba udaba alunakuze lufe.

Kudala emva kokuba ndimkile ndaza ndaba yintatheli, ndabuyela kwidolophu yakowethu ndisiya kutyelela usapho. Kwenzekile ndamisa kwisikhululo segesi apho umntu endandifunda naye, endandingamkhumbuli kwaphela, wayesebenza. Ndabhatala into endiyithengileyo, kodwa ndathi xa ndiphuma ngomnyango, wabamba inqindi phezulu emoyeni wathi, “Hee, Jenny, ndingayifumana kwakhona iwotshi yam?”

Ndingathanda ukukuxelela ukuba bendinentetho emnandi ngathi, "Kuya kufuneka ufumane indlela yokuthenga enye ngentlawulo yakho encinci yesikhululo segesi." Kodwa wayengalixabisi ilizwi lam. Ukuphendula, ndazibamba ngenqindi phezulu ngomnwe emoyeni, ndabuyela emotweni yam ngenyawo, ndaza ndaphuma edolophini.

Kule dolophu, ndingasoloko ndiyintombazana eyabethwa. Ela marhe liyinxalenye yesazisi sam ngoku. Kodwa ndiyayamkela, hayi njengomthombo othile webhongo malunga nesenzo esingenangqondo, kodwa kunoko njengenyaniso yokuba ndidlulile kule meko yobubhanxa. Ndikhulile kwaye ndalibuyisa ibali lam, kuba amarhe yile nto: amarhe. Kwaye awunyanzelekanga ukuba uyinike nayiphi na into kuwe.