U-Alison Désir Kwizinto Ezilindelekileyo zokukhulelwa kunye noMama oMtsha Vs. Yinyani

Umxholo

• Uphengululo lwe

Xa u-Alison Désir-umseki we-Harlem Run, i-Therapist, kunye nomama omtsha-ekhulelwe, wayecinga ukuba angangumfanekiso wembaleki elindelekileyo oyibona kumajelo eendaba. Wayebaleka ngeqhuma lakhe, ehamba ngeenyanga ezisithoba onwabile malunga nosana lwakhe endleleni, kwaye aqhubeke nokuqina kwakhe (wayevela nje ezithendeni zeNew York City Marathon run).

Kodwa ngalo lonke ixesha ebaleka ngexesha lokukhulelwa kwakhe, uDesir wayeza kuva ukopha kwilungu lobufazi kwaye waye wangeniswa kwi-ER amatyeli ambalwa oku kwangoko xa wayekhulelwe. Uhlobo lwamava luyiphazamisile le ngcinga yokuba ndingangumama ofanelekileyo okanye iimbaleki ezikhulelweyo ozibona kuyo yonke indawo, utshilo.

Kwakhawuleza kwavela neminye imiceli mngeni: Wagqiba ngokubeleka kwangethuba (eneeveki ezingama-36 ekhulelwe) esebenzisa icandelo likaxakeka lika-C ekupheleni kukaJulayi ngenxa yokuba unyana wakhe wayekwibrech kwaye wayenepreeclampsia. Kwaye ngenxa yokuba uchithe iintsuku ezimbalwa kwiCandelo loNonophelo lwaBantwana abaNzima (i-NICU), akazange alifumane elo xesha lokudibana okanye ulusu nolusu nosana-kwaye waziva ehluthwe ithuba lokudibana naye.

"Ndandinolu lindelo entlokweni yam, njengoko wonke umntu esitsho, ukukhulelwa kuya kuba lelona xesha lihle ebomini bakho," utshilo. Endaweni yoko, uthi waziva elahlekile, edidekile, engenakuzinceda, kwaye esoyika — kwaye ingathi yayinguye yedwa owayeziva ngoluhlobo.

Njengoko iimvakalelo ezingqubanayo zasemva kokubeleka zaziqhubeka, uDésir wazibona enetyala ngendlela awayengawathandi ngayo amava akhe okukhulelwa kodwa indlela awayemthanda ngayo unyana wakhe. Imvakalelo yoxinzelelo esibhakabhakeni. Ngenye imini, washiya indlu, kwaye wayezibuza: Ngaba umntwana wakhe angangcono xa engabuyanga? (Nantsi imiqondiso efihlakeleyo yokudakumba kwasemva kokubeleka okungafanele Uyihoye.)

Yayingumbandela wokophuka-kwaye kwamkhokelela ekubeni athethe ngoncedo alufunayo, nanjengonyango. "Zininzi izinto ezingekhoyo xa sithetha ngamava okukhulelwa," utshilo. Ngelixa abanye abantu benokungqalileyo, ukukhulelwa okungahambelaniyo, ayilo bali lomntu wonke.

Yintoni ebonakala ixhaphake kakhulu? Ngamanye amaxesha uza kuyithanda, ngamanye amaxesha uza kuyithiya, uyakuphulukana nomntu obukade unguye, kwaye kukho ukuthandabuza okuninzi nokungazithembi, utshilo. "Akukho bantu baneleyo phaya bethetha amabali amaninzi ukuba kunjani kanye kanye. Kufuneka sikwenze ukuba uxinzelelo noxinzelelo ziqheleke kwaye zikhona iindlela onokujamelana nazo kwaye uzive ungcono. Kungenjalo, uziva woyikeka kwaye ucinga ukuba nguwe wedwa oziva ngale ndlela kwaye uhamba ngendlela emnyama. " (Edibeneyo: Yintoni omele uyazi malunga nokuxhasa impilo yakho yengqondo ngexesha lokukhulelwa kunye nangemva kokubeleka.)

Ukusukela ukuba nonyana wakhe, u-Désir uye wathetha ngamava akhe. NgoMeyi, ukwasungula ukhenketho olubizwa ngokuba yiMeaning Through Movement, ekhuthaza ukomelela nempilo yengqondo ngemisitho kwilizwe lonke.

Apha, into afuna wonke umntu ayazi malunga nento engasemva kwesihluzo sokukhulelwa nasemva kokubeleka- kubandakanya nendlela yokufumana uncedo oludingayo.

Fumana ababoneleli bezempilo obadingayo.

“Ukuya kugqirha, bakunika nje ulwazi olusisiseko,” utshilo uDésir. Bakuxelela ubalo lwakho kwaye bakucela ukuba ubuye kwiveki elandelayo. Ufumene inkxaso eyongezelelekileyo yeemvakalelo nge-doula eyamnceda ukuba aqonde indlela awayeziva ngayo kwaye wamjonga ngalo lonke ixesha lokukhulelwa kwakhe. U-Désir ukwasebenza nengcali yezomzimba kumsebenzi womgangatho we-pelvic. "Ngaphandle kwengcali yomzimba, ngekhe ndazi malunga neendlela onokuthi ngokwenene uwulungiselele umzimba wakho malunga nento oza kuhamba nayo, utshilo. (Eyeleleneyo: Imithambo emi-5 ePhakamileyo nguMama oza kuba nguMama ekufuneka eyenze)

Ngelixa ezi nkonzo zinokuza ngeendleko ezongeziweyo, cela inkampani yakho yeinshurensi yezempilo ukuba yintoni enokuthi igutyungelwe. Ezinye iidolophu, kubandakanya iSixeko saseNew York, ziyakwandisa ukunikezelwa kwezempilo ukuvumela wonke umzali wokuqala ukuba afaneleke ukuba afumane ukuya kutyelelo lwasekhaya oluntandathu kwingcali yezempilo efana ne-doula.

Cela uncedo.

UDésir uthelekisa iimvakalelo zakhe emva kokubeleka kunye nomoya ovuthuzayo-waziva engalawuleki, enovalo, exhalabile kwaye edakumbile. Wazibetha ngayo, naye, kuba eyingcaphephe ngokwakhe. "Andikwazi ukubeka umnwe wam kuyo kwaye ndibuyele umva kwaye icala lam lokuhlalutya lihambe, 'oh, nantsi into eyenzekayo ngoku'.’

Kunokuba nzima ukucela uncedo xa sele uqhele ukuba nguwe onika uncedo, kodwa ukuba ngumama kufuna inkqubo yenkxaso. KuDésir, unina nomyeni wakhe babekho ukuze bathethe naye ngoko wayekuzo. Uthi: “Umyeni wam wayesoloko endicenga ukuba ndidibanise izinto ezithile ukuze ndifikelele komnye umntu. "Ukuba nomntu ebomini bakho onokuba yilendlebe yakho ngundoqo." UDesir wafumanisa ukuba, kuye, ukonyusa idosi yamayeza kuye kwaba luncedo olumangalisayo njengokuhlangana nogqirha wengqondo kube kanye ngenyanga.

Awungu mama ngokwakho? Buza abahlobo bakho abasandula ukuba neentsana ukuba bazenze njani ngokwenene kunjalo — ngakumbi abahlobo bakho 'abanzima'. "Ukuba abantu abakungqongileyo abazi ukuba kuqhubeka ntoni, kunokuba yinto eyoyikisayo," utshilo uDésir. (Idibeneyo: 9 Abafazi Kwinto Ongayithethiyo kuMhlobo ojongana noxinzelelo)

Zifundise.

Zininzi iincwadi zabantwana apha ngaphandle kodwa uDesir uthi ufumene isiqabu ekufundeni iincwadi ezimbalwa malunga namava oomama. Zimbini kwizinto azithandayo? Oomama abaLungileyo baneeNgcinga ezoyikisayo: Isikhokelo sokuPhilisa kuLoyiko oluyimfihlo loomama abatsha kwaye Ukulahla usana kunye nezinye iingcinga ezoyikisayo: Ukophula umjikelo weengcinga ezingafunekiyo kubumama nguKaren Kleiman, LCSW, umseki weZiko le-Postpartum Stress Centre. Omabini axubusha ‘ngeengcinga ezoyikisayo’ eziqhelekileyo ezinokubakho xa ubani esandul’ ukuba ngumama—kunye neendlela zokuzoyisa.

Coca ukutya kwakho kwezentlalo.

Amajelo eendaba ezentlalo anokuba nenkohliso xa kufikwa kukukhulelwa kunye nokuba ngumama omtsha, kodwa u-Désir uthi ngokulandela iiakhawunti ezithile (enye ayithandayo ngu-@momdocpsychology) unokufumana inyani yokwenyani, ebonisa ukunyaniseka kokukhulelwa kunye nokuba ngumama omtsha. Zama ukukhanyisa izaziso zezondlo ezithile kwaye ujonge emva nje ngolwazi oluhlaziyiweyo endaweni yokuskrola ngokungapheliyo. (Eyeleleneyo: Indlela iMedia yeNtlalo edumileyo eyichaphazela ngayo impilo yakho yengqondo kunye nomfanekiso womzimba)

Yehla 'kufanele' ukusuka kwilizwi lakho.

Kuyacinezela, utshilo uDésir. Kukutshixela kwezi zimvo zilinganiselweyo zokuba ngumama kusekwe kwinto oyibonileyo. Kodwa yena? Ukuba ngumama 'yinto eyiyo.' "Andinayo indlela entle yokubeka ngaphandle kwam, ukukhulelwa kwam nokuba ngumama yinto yemihla ngemihla," utshilo uDésir. "Oko akuthethi ukuba awugcini imali ngekamva okanye ucinga malunga nokuba unethemba lokuba libukeka kanjani, kodwa ngokwenene yimini ngemini. Umama akufuneki ajongeke okanye azive ngendlela ethile."

Ukuba ucinga ukuba unengxaki yokuphazamiseka engqondweni kunye nokukhathazeka, funa uncedo kugqirha wakho okanye usebenzise izixhobo ezivela kwi-Postpartum Support International ezingenzi nzuzo njengomnxeba woncedo wasimahla, ukufikelela kwiingcali zalapha ekhaya, kunye neentlanganiso ze-intanethi zeveki nganye.

Uphengululo lwe