Uziva Njengomntu 'Ombi'? Zibuze Le Mibuzo

Umxholo

• Ukuba ufuna uncedo ngoku
• Okokuqala, kuthetha ukuthini ukuba ‘mbi?’
• Inqaku elimnyama lobuntu
• Ngaba ucinga ngeziphumo zezenzo zakho?
• Ngaba uyayijonga indlela abavakalelwa ngayo abanye?
• Yintoni eqhuba isenzo sakho?
• Ngaba uyalinika ixesha lokuba nombulelo nemfesane?
• Uphendula uthini xa uqonda ukuba ukhathaze umntu?
• Ngaba ucinga ngabanye abantu okanye ugxile kuwe?
• Ke, yintoni elandelayo?
• Chitha ixesha nabantu abahlukeneyo
• Khetha izenzo zobubele
• Cinga ngemiphumo
• Ziqhelise ukuzamkela
• Chonga ixabiso lakho kwaye uphile ngokufanelekileyo
• Thetha nonyango
• Umgca wezantsi

Njengabantu abaninzi, mhlawumbi uye wenza izinto ocinga ukuba zilungile, ezinye uzijonga njengezingalunganga, kunye nezinto ezininzi eziphakathi nendawo.

Mhlawumbi ukhohlisile iqabane lakho, weba imali kumhlobo wakho, okanye wambetha umntwana wakho ngethuba lomsindo. Emva koko, waziva ungonwabanga ngesiqu sakho kwaye ugqibe kwelokuba ungaze uphinde.

Usenokuzibuza ukuba ithini loo nto ngokuziphatha kwakho njengomntu, ikhokelela kuxinzelelo kunye neemvakalelo ezingathandekiyo.

Gcina ukhumbula ukuba uzibuze, Ngaba ndingumntu ombi? ayiqhelekanga. Ukuthathela ingqalelo lo mbuzo kubonisa ukuba unenqanaba elithile lokuzazi kunye novelwano.

Ukuba uzama ukuphepha ukubangela ingozi, ngumqondiso olungileyo. Ukuba ungavuma ukuba unendawo ethile yokuphucula - kwaye ngubani ongakwenziyo oko? - uthatha inyathelo lokuqala elithembisayo kwinguqu elungileyo.

Ukuba ufuna uncedo ngoku

Ukuba ucinga ngokuzibulala okanye uneengcinga zokuzenzakalisa, ungatsalela umnxeba ukuSetyenziswa gwenxa kweziyobisi kunye noLawulo lweeNkonzo zeMpilo yeNgqondo ku-800-662-HELP (4357).

I-24/7 ye-hotline iya kukudibanisa nezixhobo zempilo yengqondo kwindawo yakho. Iingcali eziqeqeshiweyo zinokukunceda ufumane izixhobo zombuso wakho kunyango ukuba awunayo i-inshurensi yezempilo.

Okokuqala, kuthetha ukuthini ukuba ‘mbi?’

Lo ngumbuzo onzima ongenampendulo ilula. Uninzi lwabantu lunamandla okuziphatha okuhle nokubi, kodwa "okubi" kunokuba yinto engathandekiyo, kwaye uninzi lwabantu aluvumelani nenkcazo yalo.

UGqirha Maury Joseph, ugqirha wezengqondo eWashington, D.C., ubalule ukubaluleka kokujonga imeko yokuziphatha okungalunganga.

"Ukuba umntu wenza olona khetho lufumanekayo kubo, ngokusekwe kwimbali yabo yophuhliso, ubuhlanga belizwe abazalelwe kulo, kunye nemeko abakuyo ngoku, ngaba kubenza babi?"

Ngamafutshane, wonke umntu une-backstory ebonelela ngemeko ebalulekileyo yokuziphatha kwabo. Oko kunokuthathwa njengokuziphatha kakubi kumntu omnye kunokubonakala kufanelekile kumntu ovela kwimvelaphi eyahlukileyo.

Inqaku elimnyama lobuntu

Kwiphepha lophando lowe-2018 nakwiziko lewebhu, iingcali zengqondo ezintathu ziphakamisa ukuba oko bakubiza ngokuba ngu “D,” okanye into emnyama yobuntu, ilele engcanjini yokuziphatha gwenxa okanye inkohlakalo.

Iimpawu ze-D-factor zibandakanya i-narcissism kunye ne-psychopathy, kunye:

• Usizi
• intiyo
• ukuzithanda
• ilungelo
• Ukuziphatha okuhle
• ukuzazisa

Zonke ezi mpawu zicebisa ukuba umntu othile azokulandela iimfuno zakhe ngokuxhamla abanye.

Mhlawumbi uqaphele ezinye zeempawu zohlobo lwe-D kwindlela oziphethe ngayo. Nokuba yeyiphi na, le mibuzo ilandelayo inokukunceda uvavanye indlela oziphethe ngayo kwaye uchonge iindawo ezinokuthi zisebenzise umsebenzi othile.

Ngaba ucinga ngeziphumo zezenzo zakho?

Uninzi lwezinto ozikhethayo zichaphazela abantu ngaphandle kwakho. Ngaphambi kokuba wenze into, ngakumbi ukuba unamathandabuzo malunga nokuba yinto elungileyo ukuyenza, kububulumko ukuma kwaye ujonge ukuba ingaba isenzo sakho sinokumenzakalisa omnye umntu.

Ukugqithisela amarhe okusebenza kumphathi wakho kunokukwenza ubonakale ulungile, kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo akunakunceda umntu osebenza naye - ngakumbi ukuba amarhe ayinyani.

Ukuba ifuthe elinokubakho alibalulekanga kuwe okoko nje uzuzayo, okanye unexesha elinzima lokujonga iziphumo kwabanye, kunokuba kufanelekile ukuphonononga.

Ngaba uyayijonga indlela abavakalelwa ngayo abanye?

Kubomi bakho bemihla ngemihla, ngaba ukhe uthathe ixesha lokujonga iimvakalelo zabantu abakungqongileyo? Ukubonisa umdla kwintlalontle yabanye yinxalenye ebalulekileyo yokugcina ubudlelwane phakathi kwabantu.

Mhlawumbi uziva unetyala kuba awunalo ixesha elininzi okanye amandla okunceda. Kodwa ayithathi lukhulu ukubonisa ukuba uyakhathala. Kuhlala kwanele nje ukunika inkxaso yeemvakalelo okanye indlebe ephulaphulayo.

Kunokukunceda ukuthetha nonyango ukuba uziva ungakhathali, okanye ukuba uyakholelwa ukuba abanye bafanelwe luxinzelelo abanalo.

Yintoni eqhuba isenzo sakho?

Unokwenza izinto abanye abazithatha njengezimbi ngenxa yesidingo. Umzekelo, abantu abaninzi abaxoka, beba, okanye benza izinto abanye banokucinga ukuba baziphethe kakubi bazibona bengenayo enye indlela. Izizathu azisoloko zibuthethelela ubusela okanye olunye ulwaphulo-mthetho, kodwa zinokukunceda ukuzibeka kumxholo.

Mhlawumbi weba kuba ungakwazi ukuhlawula into oyifunayo. Okanye uxokile ukukhusela iimvakalelo zomntu omthandayo okanye ukuzigcina ngaphandle kwengxaki. Ngokuqinisekileyo, oku mhlawumbi akuyiyo eyona nto ihamba phambili. Kodwa ukuba unesizathu esisisiseko sokukhusela umntu omkhathaleleyo, wenza into enobungozi obuncinci.

Ukuba kwelinye icala wenza izinto ezingahambelaniyo okanye ezingenabubele ukuze wenzakalise abanye, okanye ngaphandle kwesizathu konke konke, kunokuba kulunge ukufumana uncedo.

Ngaba uyalinika ixesha lokuba nombulelo nemfesane?

Xa abanye bekunceda okanye bebonisa ububele, ngaba uyababulela kwaye ubonise uxabiso, mhlawumbi ngokwenza into entle ukubenzela bona?

Okanye uyayamkela le miqondiso njengento ekufaneleyo, into onelungelo layo?

Uziva njani xa abanye becela uncedo lwakho? Ngaba uyazama ukubanceda bafumane oko bakudingayo, okanye uyazisusa izicelo zabo ngaphandle kokwenza iinzame zokubaxhasa?

Ukuba uthatha ngaphandle kokubuyisela nantoni na, kwaye ungaziva ukhathazwa yile, ugqirha unokukunceda ujonge ngakumbi ukuba kutheni.

Uphendula uthini xa uqonda ukuba ukhathaze umntu?

Abantu esisondele kubo ngamanye amaxesha banokuvelisa ukungabi nabubele kuthi, ngokukaJoseph. "Siyangxama, siyinto embi, siyabatyhalela kude, sithetha izinto ezibuhlungu."

Mhlawumbi udla ngokuthetha izinto ezingavisisaniyo xa uphikisana okanye ubadelele abahlobo xa uziva udimazekile.

Uninzi lwabantu ngokuqinisekileyo luya kuyithatha le ndlela imbi yokuziphatha. Kodwa uhlangabezana njani nemva? Ngaba uyaxolisa, uzama ukulungisa izinto, okanye uzimisele ukunxibelelana ngcono kwixa elizayo?

Unokuziva ungcungcutheka, kodwa ukuzisola nokuzisola kunokunceda ukuvula indlela.

Mhlawumbi awukhathali nokuba wenzakalise bani. Okanye mhlawumbi ukholelwa ukuba iqabane lakho lifanele ukufumana amazwi arhabaxa okanye enye impatho-mbi kuba bakuphethe kakubi. Le yimiqondiso onokufuna ukujonga indlela oziphethe ngayo ngokusondeleyo.

Ngaba ucinga ngabanye abantu okanye ugxile kuwe?

Ukuzinakekela kakuhle kubandakanya ukuqinisekisa ukuba unokufumana iimfuno zakho. Akukho nto iphosakeleyo ngokuzicingela kancinci ngezihlandlo ezithile. Akufanele uzive ungalunganga okanye unetyala ngokungakwazi ukunceda abanye abantu xa ujonga iimfuno zakho.

Ukuba ucinga ngawe kuphela xa ubomi bakho bubandakanya abanye abantu, njengeqabane okanye abantwana, abanye abantu banokujamelana nentlungu okanye uxinzelelo njengesiphumo.

Abantwana abanakho ukuhlangabezana neemfuno zabo ezininzi, ngenxa yoko abazali ngokubanzi kufuneka bafumane indlela yokujongana neemfuno zabo zeemvakalelo nezomzimba. Oku kunokuba nzima ukuba ujongene nokugula okanye ukukhathazeka ngempilo yengqondo, kodwa ugqirha unokunika isikhokelo kunye nenkxaso.

Inkxaso yobungcali inokukunceda ukuba uziva ngathi awukhathali ngomnye umntu.

Ke, yintoni elandelayo?

Uyenzile into yokuzazisa kwaye uzibuze imibuzo enzima. Mhlawumbi uyaqonda ukuba kukho izinto ezithile kuwe ezinokuthi zisebenzise ukuphucula.

Wonke umntu uyakwazi ukutshintsha. Ukuba uzame ukusilela ukutshintsha, unokuziva ngathi akukho sizathu sokuzama kwakhona. Kungabonakala kulula ukuhlala nje njengoko unjalo.

Khetha ngokulula hayi ukwenza izinto ezimbi kunokukuqhubela kwicala elifanelekileyo. Ukuzibophelela ekuthetheni ubuxoki obuncinci, umzekelo, linyathelo elibalulekileyo.

Nazi izikhombisi ezimbalwa zokukunceda uqhubele phambili.

Chitha ixesha nabantu abahlukeneyo

Umhlaba omncinci unokunciphisa umda kumbono wakho. Ukuchitha ixesha nabantu abahlukeneyo, nditsho nabo ucinga ukuba awunanto idibanayo nabo, kunokukunceda ube nemfesane ngakumbi kubantu abavela kuzo zonke iindawo zobomi.

Ukufunda nokumamela amabali anomdla ebantwini kunye neememozo kunokunceda ukwandisa iimbono ezijikeleze abantu beenkcubeko ezahlukeneyo.

Khetha izenzo zobubele

Ukwenza into entle komnye umntu kuyabaxhamla, ewe. Kodwa ikwanezibonelelo zempilo yengqondo kuwe.

Ukuba ukufumanisa kunzima ukukhathalela abanye, ukwenza isenzo esinye sosuku ngalunye kunokukunceda ube nemfesane ngakumbi.

Cinga ngemiphumo

Endaweni yokwenza ngokungxama xa ufuna into, zibuze ukuba indlela oziphatha ngayo inokuba nefuthe elibi kuye nabani na. Ukuthatha nje umzuzwana ukucinga malunga noku kunokukunceda ukhumbule ukuba izenzo zakho azikuchaphazeli nje.

Akusoloko kunokwenzeka ukuphepha ukulimaza wonke umntu. Ukuba uqhubeka ngononophelo nangemfesane, unokukuphepha ukwenza iintlungu ngokungeyomfuneko. Ukucinga izinto kunokukunceda ufumane isisombululo esingcono kubo bonke ababandakanyekayo.

Ziqhelise ukuzamkela

Inokukunceda ukuzikhumbuza ukuba wonke umntu wenza iimpazamo. Usenokuba ukhathaze abantu, kodwa ayinguwe wedwa owenze njalo. Yintoni ebaluleke kakhulu kukufunda nokukhula ukusuka kwixesha elidlulileyo ukuze kuthintelwe ukwenzakalisa abantu kwixa elizayo.

Nokuba wenze ezinye izinto ezingezizo, usafanele uthando kunye noxolelo. Unokuba nobunzima bokwamkela oku kwabanye de ube unganikezela ngokwakho.

Chonga ixabiso lakho kwaye uphile ngokufanelekileyo

Ukuba namaxabiso achazwe ngokucacileyo kunokukunceda uphile ubomi obanelisayo.

Zibuze eyona nto ibalulekileyo kuwe. Ukunyaniseka, ukuthembela, ububele, unxibelelwano, ukuthembeka, kunye noxanduva lokuphendula yimizekelo embalwa enokubakho.

Emva koko, chonga utshintsho onokulwenza ukukunceda uphile ngezi zixabiso, ezinje:

• soloko ethetha inyani
• Ukuhlonipha ukuzibophelela kwakho
• ukuxelela abantu xa kukho into ekukhathazayo

Thetha nonyango

Ukuba ufumanisa ukuba uchitha ixesha elininzi uzibuza ukuba ungumntu onjani, unyango lunokuba luncedo olukhulu. Kwaye kunokubakho umba osisiseko, njengokudakumba, uxinzelelo, okanye enye inkxalabo yezempilo yengqondo, echaphazela imeko yakho kunye nokunxibelelana nabanye.

Unyango ikwayindawo ekhuselekileyo yokufunda okungakumbi malunga nokuqhuba isimilo sakho kunye nokufumana isikhokelo ngeendlela ezinemveliso ngakumbi zokufumana iimfuno zakho. Ugqirha onemfesane kunye nohloniphekileyo uya kunika inkxaso ngaphandle kokuwisa isigwebo.

“Abantu abaneengxaki ezintsonkothileyo, nezingavisisaniyo nabantu basenokubeka into enqanda abantu ukuba bangafumani nje umbono omncinane wabo. Zibonakala zikhohlakele, zingenatyala, kwaye zingazisoli. Kodwa ayinakuba libali elipheleleyo, ”utshilo uJoseph.

Unyango lunokunceda abantu ukuba benze utshintsho kwindlela abaziphethe ngayo, uyachaza, ngokubavumela ukuba bakhulise "ukuqonda okunzulu kweemvakalelo zabanye, ukuze bangababoni njengezinto zorhwebo, kodwa eziyinkimbinkimbi."

Umgca wezantsi

Isakhono sakho sokujonga isenzo sakho kwaye uzibuze ngempembelelo yazo sibonisa ukuba ungoyena mntu ubhetele kunokuba ucinga. Nokuba wenze izinto ezimbi okanye uneempawu ezithile ze-D, usenakho ukutshintsha.

Ukhetho olwenzayo ebomini lunceda ekuboneni ukuba ungubani, kwaye unokuhlala ukhetha ukwenza ngcono.

UCrystal Raypole wayekhe wasebenza njengombhali kunye nomhleli weGoodTherapy. Amacandelo akhe anomdla abandakanya iilwimi zaseAsia kunye noncwadi, uguqulelo lwaseJapan, ukupheka, isayensi yendalo, ubungqingili besini, kunye nempilo yengqondo. Ngokukodwa, uzibophelele ekuncedeni ukunciphisa ukubekwa amabala malunga nemicimbi yezempilo yengqondo.