Ukulwa ibala lokugula ngengqondo, enye iTwitter ngeXesha

U-Amy Marlow ngokuzithemba uthi ubuntu bakhe bunokukhanyisa ngokulula kwigumbi. Utshatile phantse iminyaka esixhenxe kwaye uyakuthanda ukudanisa, ukuhambahamba kunye nokuphakamisa iintsimbi. Ukwenzeka ukuba aphile noxinzelelo, uxinzelelo lwasemva koxinzelelo (C-PTSD), ukuphazamiseka koxinzelelo ngokubanzi, kwaye usinde ekulahlekelweni kukuzibulala.

Zonke iimeko ezichongiweyo zika-Amy ziwela phantsi kwekota yeambrela isigulo sengqondo, kwaye enye yezona zinto zixhaphakileyo kwizigulo zengqondo kukuba akuqhelekanga. Kodwa ngokutsho, omnye kubantu abadala baseMelika uhlala nesifo sengqondo.

Oko kunokuba linani elinzima lokugaya, ngakumbi kuba ukugula kwengqondo akunazimpawu zibonakalayo ngokulula. Oko kwenza ukuba kube nzima kakhulu ukunika inkxaso kwabanye, okanye wazi nokuba uhlala nayo ngokwakho.

Kodwa u-Amy uxela ngokuphandle amava akhe okugula ngengqondo kwaye ubhala ngempilo yengqondo kwibhlog yakhe, iBlue Light Blue nakwiakhawunti yakhe yemidiya yoluntu. Sithethe naye ukuba sifunde ngakumbi ngamava akhe obuqu noxinzelelo, kunye nokuvulela abo abathandayo (kunye nehlabathi) kuye nakwabanye.

Healthline: Waqala nini ukufumanisa ukuba unesifo sengqondo?

Amy: Khange ndifumaneke ukuba ndinesifo sengqondo ndide ndibeneminyaka eyi-21, kodwa ndiyakholelwa ngaphambi koko bendinengxaki yoxinzelelo kunye noxinzelelo, kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo bendifumana iPTSD emva kokusweleka kukabawo.

Yayiyintlungu, kodwa yayahlukile kunosizi oba nalo xa umzali wakho ebulawa ngumhlaza. Ndandinomvandedwa omkhulu endawubonayo; Ndim owafumanisa ukuba utata uzibulele. Uninzi lwezo mvakalelo zangena ngaphakathi kwaye ndandindindisholo. Yinto embi le inzima, ngakumbi ebantwaneni ukuba bakubone kwaye bazibone bezibulele ekhayeni lakho.

Kwakusoloko kukho ixhala elininzi lokuba into embi inokwenzeka nangaliphi na ixesha. Umama angafa. Usisi angafa. Nawuphi na umzuzwana esinye isihlangu sasiza kuwisa. Ndifumana uncedo lobuchwephesha ukusukela mhla wasweleka utata.

Healthline: Uziva njani emva kokufumana ilebheli yento obuzama ukujongana nayo ixesha elide?

Amy: Ndaziva ngathi ndigwetyelwe ukufa. Kwaye ndiyazi ukuba loo nto ivakala imangalisa, kodwa kum, utata wam wayehlala noxinzelelo kwaye wambulala. Wazibulala ngenxa yoxinzelelo. Kwakungathi kukho into ebonakala ingaqhelekanga kwaye ngenye imini wayehambile. Ke kum, bendiziva ingathi yeyokugqibela into endikhe ndayifuna kukuba nengxaki efanayo.

Bendingazi ngelo xesha ukuba abantu abaninzi banexinzelelo kwaye banokujamelana nokuhlala nayo ngendlela elungileyo. Ke, yayingelilo ileyibhile eluncedo kum. Kwaye ngelo xesha andizange ndikholelwe ukuba uxinzelelo sisifo. Nangona ndithatha amayeza, bendihlala ndiziva ngathi kufanelekile ukuba ndiyigqibe le nto nam.

Ngalo lonke eli xesha, andixelelanga mntu ngale nto. Khange ndibaxelele nabantu endithandana nabo. Ndayigcina ngasese kakhulu ukuba ndinexinzelelo.

Healthline: Kodwa emva kokubamba kolu lwazi ixesha elide, yintoni inqanaba lokujika elalivulekile malunga nalo?

Amy: Ndizama ukuphuma kwi-anti-depressants yam ndikhokelwa ngugqirha ngo-2014 kuba ndifuna ukukhulelwa kwaye ndaxelelwa ukuba ndiyeke onke amayeza am ukuze ndakhe ndakhulelwa. Ke xa ndenza oko ndaphazamiseka ngokupheleleyo kwaye kwiiveki ezintathu ndishiye amayeza am, ndandisesibhedlele kuba ndandonganyelwe luxinzelelo kunye noloyiko. Andizange ndibone isiqendu esinje. Kwafuneka ndiyeke umsebenzi. Kwakungathi andisenalo ukhetho lokuyifihla le nto kwakhona. Abahlobo bam bebesazi ngoku. Igobolondo lokukhusela lalisandul 'ukuqhekeka.

Lo ngumzuzu xa ndaqonda ukuba ndiyenza kanye le nto yenziwe ngutata. Ndandinengxaki yokudakumba, ndiyifihla ebantwini, kwaye bendiwohloka. Kulapho ndathi andizukuphinda ndiyenze lento.

Ukusukela ngoko ukuya phambili, ndandiza kuvulwa. Andizukuphinda ndixoke futhi kwaye ndithi, “Ndidiniwe” xa umntu ebuza ukuba ndiphilile na. Andizokuthi, "Andifuni kuthetha ngayo" xa umntu ebuza ngotata wam. Ndicinga ukuba ndikulungele ukuqala ukuvula.

Healthline: Ke xa uqala ukunyaniseka kuwe nakwabanye malunga nokudakumba kwakho, ngaba uqaphele utshintsho kwindlela oziphethe ngayo?

Amy: Kunyaka wokuqala wokuvulwa, kwakubuhlungu kakhulu. Ndandinentloni kwaye ndandiyazi indlela endandiziva ndineentloni ngayo.

Kodwa ndaqala ukuya kwi-Intanethi ndaza ndafunda ngokugula ngengqondo. Ndifumene ezinye iwebhusayithi kunye nabantu kumajelo onxibelelwano bethetha izinto ezinje, "Awunazo neentloni zoxinzelelo," kwaye "Awunakufihla isigulo sakho sengqondo."

Ndivakalelwa ngathi ndibhalela bona! Ndiye ndaqonda andindim ndedwa! Kwaye xa abantu begula ngengqondo, leyo yeyona nto iphinda iphindaphindwe ngalo lonke ixesha engqondweni yakho, nguwe wedwa onje.

Ke ndiye ndaqonda ukuba kukho 'ibala lezempilo yengqondo'. Ndifunde nje elo lizwi kunyaka onesiqingatha esidlulileyo. Kodwa ndathi ndakuqala ukwazi, ndanikwa amandla. Yayingathi libhabhathane eliphuma kwincanca. Kwafuneka ndifunde, kuye kwafuneka ndiziva ndikhuselekile kwaye ndomelele kwaye emva koko bendiqala, ngamanyathelo amancinci, ukwabelana nabanye abantu.

Healthline: Ngaba ukubhala ibhlog yakho kunye nokuzigcina uvulekile kwaye uthembekile kwimidiya yoluntu kukugcina unethemba kwaye uthembekile kuwe?

Ewe! Ndiqale ukuzibhalela, kuba bendibambe onke la mabali, la mathuba, ezi nkumbulo, kwaye kuye kwafuneka ziphume kum. Kwafuneka ndizenze. Ngokwenza oko, ndiye ndafumanisa ukuba ukubhala kwam kuncede abanye abantu kwaye kuyamangalisa kum. Ndihlala ndiziva ngathi ndineli bali lilusizi ekufuneka ndilifihlile kwabanye abantu. Kwaye into yokuba ndiyabelana ngokukhululekileyo kwaye ndisiva kwabanye kwi-intanethi iyamangalisa.

Ndisandula ukupapashwa kwiphephandaba laseWashington, kwakwelaphepha linye apho kwapapashwa ingxelo yobomi bukatata. Kodwa kwindawo yokungcwaba, unobangela wokufa kwakhe watshintshelwa ekubanjweni yi-cardiopulmonary kwaye akazange akhankanye ngokuzibulala kuba bengafuni igama elithi 'ukuzibulala' kwindawo yakhe yokungcwaba.

Kwakukho ihlazo elininzi elinxulunyaniswa nokuzibulala kunye nokudakumba kwaye kwabo baseleyo, ushiywe unoluvo lweentloni kunye nokufihla apho ungafanelekanga ukuba uthethe ngokwenzekileyo.

Ke ukuze ndikwazi ukubhala ngothando ngotata wam nangamava am okugula ngengqondo kwakwelinye iphepha apho kwatshintshwa unobangela wokufa kwakhe, bekufana nethuba lokuza kwisangqa esipheleleyo.

Kusuku lokuqala ndedwa, ndafumana ii-imeyile ezingama-500 ngebhlog yam kwaye yaqhubeka iveki yonke kwaye yayingabantu abagalela amabali abo. Kukho uluntu olumangalisayo lwabantu kwi-intanethi oludala indawo ekhuselekileyo yokuba abanye bavule, kuba ukugula ngengqondo kuseyinto engonwabisiyo ukuthetha ngayo nabanye abantu. Ke ngoku ndibelana ngebali lam ngokungafihlisiyo, kuba lisindisa ubomi babantu. Ndiyakholelwa ukuba iyasebenza.

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