5 Imibuzo Engcono onokuzibuza yona kunoba 'Ndinxila?'

Umxholo

• Endaweni yokujonga amandla am kubukrelekrele nokubuyela kwimeko yesiqhelo, ndiye ndaziva ndicinga ukuba ndilikhoboka lotywala.
• 1. Zithini iziphumo, kwaye zibalulekile kum?
• 2. Ngaba ndiyalalanisa kwimilinganiselo yam?
• 3. Sithini isiphumo? Ngaba iyaxelwa kwangaphambili? Ngaba ndilawula?
• 4. Zindixelela ntoni izithandwa zam? Kutheni kunjalo?
• 5. Kukuthini ukusela kwam okuzama ukundixelela?
• Ukusela kwakho, nako, kunokuba kukuzama ukukuxelela into ngobomi bakho: into efuna ukutshintsha okanye ukwenzakala okungaphilisanga.

Ixhala lokungazi ukuba ndiza kuthetha njani ngobudlelwane bam notywala yaba yeyona nto kugxilwe kuyo, endaweni yokujonga ngokunyanisekileyo indlela endandisela ngayo.

Izizathu zethu zokusela zinokwahluka kwaye zintsokothile.

Oku kuhlala kuyinyani kum xa kusiba nzima (ukuba akunakwenzeka) ukwazi ukuba ukusela kwam ibiyindlela nje yokuziphatha okwethutyana, emiselwe ukuba ishiye ngasemva kwiminyaka yam engama-20; ubuchule bokuphila ngokusempilweni obunxulumene nokugula kwengqondo; okanye umlutha opheleleyo.

Akuzange kuncede ukuba oogqirha bam bangakwazi ukuvuma ukuba ndilikhoboka lotywala. Abanye bathi ewe, abanye bathi hayi.

Le yayiyindawo yokudideka nexhalabisayo. Ukuya kwi-AA kwaye ekugqibeleni inkqubo yokugula kwabaguli yonke imini kundithumele ngokukhuthala njengoko ndizama ukufumanisa ukuba ndingowalapho na.

Ndihambile ndaya entlanganisweni, ndaya emajukujukwini, ndizama ukufumanisa ukuba ndingubani ngaphandle kokuqonda ukuba ingxaki yam yesazisi ibiphazamisa kwimiba eyiyo.

Endaweni yokujonga amandla am kubukrelekrele nokubuyela kwimeko yesiqhelo, ndiye ndaziva ndicinga ukuba ndilikhoboka lotywala.

Ukuba ne-OCD, ukucinga ngale nto kwakungamangalisi ncam.

Kodwa inyuse kuphela umnqweno wam wokusela ukuze ndidlale "umcuphi" kwaye ndizivavanye, ngokungathi impendulo yeengxaki zam ngandlel 'ithile ilele ekuseleni kakhulu, hayi kancinci.

Ixhala lokungazi ukuba ndithetha njani malunga nobudlelwane bam notywala yaba yeyona nto kugxilwe kuyo, endaweni yokujonga ngokunyanisekileyo ukuba bendisela njani kwaye kutheni kubalulekile ukuba ndiyeke okanye ndinciphise.

Ndiyazi ukuba ayindim ndedwa ofika kule ndawo, nayo.

Nokuba asikakulungelanga ukuzibiza ngokuba singamakhoboka otywala, okanye sikhona nje ekuqhubekeni apho indlela yethu yokuziphatha ingalunganga kodwa ingekho mthethweni, ngamanye amaxesha kuyimfuneko ukubeka bucala umbuzo wesazisi endaweni yoko sijike kwimibuzo ebaluleke ngakumbi.

Ndifuna ukwabelana ngeminye yemibuzo ebendizibuza yona ukuze ndibuyiselwe endleleni.

Nokuba iimpendulo zikhokelela ekubeni ubange isiselo esinxilisayo, okanye zikuncede uthathe izigqibo ezibalulekileyo malunga nokusetyenziswa kweziyobisi kunye nokubuyisela kwimeko yesiqhelo, into ebalulekileyo kukuba uyakwazi ukuvavanya ngokunyanisekileyo ubudlelwane bakho notywala-kwaye ngethemba, wenze ukhetho zilungele wena.

1. Zithini iziphumo, kwaye zibalulekile kum?

Ukugqibela kwam ukuphinda ndisele, indlela endiziphethe ngayo ineziphumo ezibi kakhulu.

Ibeka emngciphekweni ingqesho yam, isongela ulwalamano lwam, indibeka kwiimeko eziyingozi (ndedwa, ngaphandle kwenkxaso), kwaye ichaphazele impilo yam ngeendlela ezinzulu. Nditsho nokwazi oku, ndaqhubeka nokusela ixeshana, kwaye andinakukwazi ukuchaza ukuba kutheni.

Ukusela ngaphandle kokukhathalela ngokwenene iflegi ebomvu, nokuba unengxaki yokusebenzisa utywala okanye akunjalo. Ibonisa ukuba lixesha lokuba uphinde uhlolisise ubudlelwane bakho notywala.

Ukuba ukusela kwakho kubaluleke ngakumbi kunabantu obathandayo, umsebenzi wakho, okanye impilo yakho, lixesha lokuba ufumane uncedo. Oku kunokuba kukuya kwiintlanganiso; Okwam, eyona nto iluncedo yayikukuvula ugqirha.

Ukuba iziphumo azinamsebenzi, lixesha lokuba ufikelele kwinkxaso.

2. Ngaba ndiyalalanisa kwimilinganiselo yam?

Inye kuphela into endinokuyithetha ngokusela: Xa ndisesichengeni sokuzinkcinkca ngotywala, andithandi ukuba ndingubani.

Andikuthandi ukuba ndibe lixoki, ndenze nantoni na endiyifunayo ukunqanda ukugxekwa kunye nenkxalabo yabathandekayo bam. Andikuthandi oko ndenza izithembiso ndiyazi ukuba andizukuzigcina. Andiyithandi into yokuba ndibeka phambili ukusela ngaphezulu kwezinye izinto, ngenxa yabantu ebomini bam.

Athini amaxabiso akho? Ndicinga ukuba wonke umntu onembali yokusebenzisa iziyobisi kufuneka azibuze lo mbuzo.

Ngaba uyakuxabisa ukuba nobubele? Ukunyaniseka? Ngaba unyanisekile kuwe? Kwaye ngaba ukusebenzisa kwakho iziyobisi kuyakuphazamisa uphila ngaphandle kwala maxabiso?

Kwaye okona kubaluleke kakhulu, ngaba ukuncama la maxabiso kufanelekile kuwe?

3. Sithini isiphumo? Ngaba iyaxelwa kwangaphambili? Ngaba ndilawula?

Ukugqibela kwam ukuphosa ubungqongqo ngefestile, ndaqala (ngasese) ukusela izixa ezikhulu zewayini.

Uninzi lwabantu aluyazi le nto ngam, kodwa enyanisweni andidibani newayini. Ke, emva kwemini kuye kwahamba into enje: Sela wedwa de ndigqithe, vuka emva kweeyure ezimbalwa emva kokuba uxabane (ihlala ibandakanya ukurhawuzelela), thatha uBenadryl, uphinde ubuye uziphumele ezinye iiyure ezimbalwa.

Ayimnandanga nokuyonwabisa, indlela ekubonakala ukuba ukusela kufanele ukuba kunjalo, kodwa ndiqhubekile.

Ndicinga ukuba yayiyindlela yokujongana neeyure ezinganyamezelekiyo zoxinzelelo endinokufakwa kulo ngenye indlela. Isiqingatha ngemini siza kupheliswa ngokupheleleyo, nokuba ndinxilile okanye ndidlulile kumgangatho wam.

Waba yintoni umphumo? Ayilunganga kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo ayinampilo. Ngaba unokuqikelela? Ewe, kuba iqhubeka isenzeka nokuba bendicwangcise ntoni ekuqaleni.

Kwaye ndandilawula? Xa bendinyanisekile kwisiqu sam-ngokwenene, ndinyanisekile- ndiye ndabona ukuba xa ucwangcisa into enye kwaye iziphumo zahlukile ngokuphindaphindiweyo, uya kuba nolawulo oluncinci kunokuba ucinga.

Ke, thatha umzuzu wokuvavanya izinto ngokunyanisekileyo. Xa usela, kwenzeka ntoni? Ngaba iziphumo azibi okanye zilungile? Kwaye kwenzeka ngendlela obucwangcise ngayo, okanye ngaba kuhlala kubonakala kuphuma esandleni?

Yonke le mibuzo ibalulekileyo enokukunceda uthathe isigqibo sokuba ufuna inkxaso malunga nokusetyenziswa kweziyobisi.

4. Zindixelela ntoni izithandwa zam? Kutheni kunjalo?

Baninzi abantu endibaziyo abamelene nalo mbuzo. Bafuna ukuzikhusela nokuphikisa into ethethwa ngumntu wonke.

Kungenxa yoko le nto kulo msebenzi, ndicela ukuba ube neekholamu ezimbini: ikholamu enye yezinto ezithethwa ngabantu malunga nokusela kwakho, kunye nenye ikholamu yobungqina okanye abantu abaqiqayo abanokuyithetha.

Qaphela akukho kholamu yesithathu yokuphikisana nayo. Kukho iikholamu ezimbini, kwaye zijolise ngokupheleleyo kwabanye abantu kwaye hayi kuthi kwaye sicinga ntoni ngayo.

Uluhlu oluthembekileyo lwendlela abantu abavakalelwa ngayo malunga nokusetyenziswa kweziyobisi kunokusinika ukuqonda kwiindlela zethu zokuziphatha nokuba senza ukhetho olusempilweni na okanye hayi.

Kuyinyani ngokupheleleyo ukuba ngamanye amaxesha, abantu banokububona ubungozi kunye neengxaki ngokucacileyo kunokuba sinokuziqonda kuthi.

Yivulele loo ngxelo. Awunyanzelekanga ukuba uvume, kodwa kufuneka wamkele ukuba le yindlela abanye abantu abaziva ngayo-kwaye ezo mvakalelo zikhona ngesizathu, izizathu ezinokusinika ukuqonda okubalulekileyo kuthi.

5. Kukuthini ukusela kwam okuzama ukundixelela?

Ekuhambeni kwexesha, ndiye ndabona ukuba ubuninzi bendlela endisela ngayo ibikukucela uncedo. Oko kwakuthetha ukuba ubuchule bam bokumelana nobunzima bebungasebenzi, kwaye uxinzelelo lwam belundiqhubela ukuba ndisele kuba yayiyeyona ndlela ilula nefumanekayo.

Endaweni yokuzibuza ukuba ndilikhoboka lotywala na, ndaqala ndajonga ukuba zeziphi na iimfuno endizifumanayo xa ndisela, kwaye ndaqala ukuzibuza ukuba ezo mfuno zinokuhlangatyezwa ngendlela esempilweni na.

Kunyango, ndiye ndaqonda ukuba ukusela kwam bekuzama ukundixelela okuthile. Oko kukuthi, bendiswele inkxaso endiyifunayo ukuze ndikhethe kakuhle. Kwakunzima ukujamelana ne-PTSD yam kunye noxinzelelo, kwaye ndaziva ndindodwa kwimizabalazo yam.

Ukusela kwandinceda ukundiphazamisa kwintlungu kunye nesizungu. Yenze iingxaki ezintsha, ukuqiniseka, kodwa ubuncinci ezo ngxaki ndizenzele ngokwam kwaye zandinika inkohliso yolawulo.

Besele ndinomdla wokuzenzakalisa nokuzenzakalisa, kwaye ukusela kwaba zombini ezo zinto kum. Ukuqonda lo mxholo kundincede ndanovelwano ngakumbi kum kwaye kwandinceda ukuba ndibone ukuba yintoni ekufuneka ndiyitshintshe ukuze ndibuyisele endaweni umsebenzi wokusela obubakho ebomini bam.

Ukusela kwakho, nako, kunokuba kukuzama ukukuxelela into ngobomi bakho: into efuna ukutshintsha okanye ukwenzakala okungaphilisanga.

Akukho zindlela zimfutshane ekubuyiseni - oko kuthetha ukuba ukusela kunokukuphazamisa okwethutyana kuloo ntlungu, kodwa ayizukuyiphilisa.

Nokuba ungumntu ozinkcinkca ngotywala, utywala, okanye ungumntu nje osebenzisa ukusela njengebhandeji amaxesha ngamaxesha, sonke kufuneka ekugqibeleni sijongane no “kutheni” wokusela hayi nje "yintoni" okanye "ngubani."

Nokuba yintoni esiyibhalayo okanye ngubani osenza, kukho umnxeba onzulu wokuvavanya ukuba kutheni sitsaliwe kule ndawo kwasekuqaleni.

Xa ufumanisa ukuba ulungiswa kakhulu kwisazisi sakho, ngamanye amaxesha kunyanzelekile ukuba ubeke ecaleni i-ego yakho ukuze wenze inyani yokwenyani.

Kwaye ndiyakholelwa ukuba imibuzo enje, nokuba kunzima kangakanani ukujongana nayo, ingasisondeza ekuziqondeni ngendlela ethembekileyo neyovelwano.

Eli nqaku livele apha ngoMeyi 2017.

USam Dylan Finch ngumhleli wezempilo yengqondo kunye neemeko ezingapheliyo kwiHealthline. Ukwayibhlog emva kwe-Let's Queer Things Up!, Apho abhala khona malunga nempilo yengqondo, ukomelela komzimba, kunye ne-LGBTQ + yesazisi. Njengommeli, unomdla wokwakha uluntu ukuze abantu bachache. Ungamfumana kwi-Twitter, kwi-Instagram, naku-Facebook, okanye ufunde okungakumbi ku-samdylanfinch.com.