Impendulo yeTinder Survivor's Tinder Response yahamba yintsholongwane. Kodwa Kukho okungakumbi kwiBali lakhe

Umxholo

• Ngelishwa, uJared uthathe isigqibo sokungahoyi izifundo ezifundiswayo kwaye ukuphinda kabini endaweni yoko.
• Wayeneminyaka engama-25 kuphela ngelo xesha kwaye, kuyaqondakala, akazange acinge kwangoko ukuba wayenomhlaza.
• "Kwaye emva koko ndakwazi ukuzixelela, 'Yima nkqo - {textend} usenguye ngaphakathi.'
• Ukuthandana ngobulumko, naye, ujonge phambili - {textend} kodwa akasoze aphinde alalanise kubudlelwane.

Uyazi ukuba yintoni, Jared? Impendulo kumbuzo wakho nguhayi. Andinayo 't * ts' kwaphela. ”

Kuyaziwa ukuba ukuthandana kwi-Intanethi kunokuzisa isimilo sokuziphatha esothusayo - {textend} abantu kubudlelwane bezenza ngathi abatshatanga, abakhohlisi abafuna imali, iintlobo-ntlobo zezitiya zakho.

NgoJulayi, osindileyo onomhlaza wamabele oneminyaka engama-26 uKrista Dunzy wahlangabezana nokungahlonitshwa kunye nokuziphatha gwenxa kumdlalo "onokubakho" kumagama akhe okuqala.

Umfana ogama linguJared uthathe isigqibo sokuba indawo yakhe yokuvula eya kuDunzy yayiya kuba, "Unamandla amakhulu?"

UDunzy, owayene-mastectomy ephindwe kabini njengenxalenye yonyango lomhlaza kunyaka ophelileyo, wagqiba kwelokuba angayiyeki ngaphandle kokumisa ngokuthe ngqo uJared kwaye azame ukwenza umzuzu onokufundiseka.

“Uyazi ntoni, Jared?” uphendule watsho. “Impendulo kumbuzo wakho ithi hayi. Andinawo 'amabele' kwaphela. ” Utyhile imbali yakhe yomhlaza kwaye wacacisa amayeza akhe - {textend} 16 imijikelo yechemotherapy kunye nezifundo zenyanga zemitha, ukongeza kutyando.

Ukuhamba @KristaDunzy kwi-Twitter.

"Okwangoku ndinokwandiswa kwezicubu esifubeni sam," utshilo, ngokubhekisele kulwakhiwo lwasemva kokubeleka emva kwexesha lokuhamba, "ezakutshintshwa kufakwe izinto ezantsi kwendlela. Ngaba unalo nofifi lokuba kwakunjani kum ukufunda lo myalezo uvela kuwe? ”

"Nceda ucinge ngaphambi kokuba uzithethe," umcenge ngelithi. Ndiyathemba ukuba unentombi, ayifumani miyalezo enje. ”

Ngelishwa, uJared uthathe isigqibo sokungahoyi izifundo ezifundiswayo kwaye ukuphinda kabini endaweni yoko.

Ubize uDunzy "njengesidenge" kwaye "uphambene", esithi akawufundanga umyalezo wakhe, emcebisa ukuba "ayeke ukuziphathisa ubufazi," kwaye wongeza esithi, "Ndizenzela eyam imithetho" - {textend} into ethi, kwi Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ngokucacileyo wayengafuni ukuba uDunzy ambize ilungelo lakhe lokwenza.

Ngeli xesha, uDunzy wayenele. Ubeka umfanekiso-ngqondweni wotshintshiselwano kwisithuba esidlangalaleni ku-Facebook, ekhuthaza abanye ukuba babelane nabanye kunye nokwenza i-hashtag #dontdatejared.

Iposti yakhe yaya kwintsholongwane kwaye kwabelwana ngayo ngaphezulu kwamaxesha e-2,000.

"Abanye abantu bathi kum," YiTinder. Ubulindele ntoni? '”Kukhumbula uDunzy. “Impendulo yile, ndilindele isimilo esiqhelekileyo. Akufanele ubuze nabani na ukuba. Sonke kufuneka siphathe abantu ngcono kunoko. ”

Wongeze ngelithi ukuba uJared ebethumele "umbuliso" wakhe kodwa emva koko warhoxa emva kwempendulo yakhe, naye ngewayewuyekisile umcimbi.

"Ngokunyaniseka, yayingengombhalo wakhe wokuvula owandenza ndafuna ukwenza oku," utshilo. “Yimpendulo yakhe kulento bendimxelele yona. Ngewayilahle yonke le nto emva kokuba ndiphendule, kodwa wala. ”

Ukubamba kunye noDunzy ukuxoxa ngexesha lakhe kwindawo ebonakalayo yentsholongwane, safumanisa ukuba ibhinqa eliselula lilumkile ngaphaya kweminyaka yakhe, ngobunzulu bokuba esi siqendu 'sikaJared' sinokubonisa.

UDunzy nguMthonyama waseMelika - {textend} ulilungu leMuscogee Creek Nation, e-Oklahoma. Usebenza kwikomkhulu leTribe e-Okmulgee, e-Oklahoma, njengendawo yokwamkela iindwendwe kwinkqubo yoThintelo loBundlobongela bosapho. Le nkqubo incedisa abantu boMthonyama kunye nabangengabo abomthonyama kwiimeko zobundlobongela basekhaya, ukuxhatshazwa kwabantwana, kunye nokuhlaselwa ngokwesondo.

UDunzy uthi: “Ndifumene ubundlobongela basekhaya kunye nokuhlaselwa ngokwesondo, ke ukusebenza apha kubaluleke ngakumbi kum. Ngomsebenzi wam, ndifunde ukuba ama-84.3% abasetyhini boMthonyama bafumana ubundlobongela ngokuchasene nabo ebomini babo. . . Leyo yimeko ekufuneka siyitshintshe ngokupheleleyo. ”

Nangona kuvavanyiwe ukungabinakho ukutshintsha kwemfuza okwenyusa umngcipheko womhlaza webele, uDunzy unembali yosapho yesifo. Umama wakhe wanyangwa ngumhlaza wamabele kwiminyaka eliqela eyadlulayo, kwaye umzala osondeleyo wasweleka kwesi sifo.

UDunzy uthi: “Wasweleka kunyaka omnye nangolunye usuku ngaphambi kokuba ndifunyaniswe.

Ukuxilongwa kukamama wakhe kukhuthaze uDunzy ukuba enze utshintsho olukhulu ebomini bakhe. Wayehlala nomlingane unyaka onesiqingatha xa umama wakhe efumana iindaba, kodwa ubudlelwane babunobundlongondlongo.

UDunzy ukhumbula oku: “Kwafunyaniswa ukuba umama, kungaphelanga neveki okanye ezimbini ndabe sendiphumile. “Ndiye ndaqonda ukuba ndiyamtyala umama. Kwakufuneka ndizimele, njengoko wayendifundisile. ”

Ngokunikwa kwimbali yosapho, oogqirha bakaDunzy bamcebisa ukuba azihlole rhoqo amabele. Enye yezi ikhokelele ekufumanekeni komhlaza kwibele lasekunene.

"Ndilele ebhedini ngobunye ubusuku kwaye ndaziva ngathi ndifuna ukwenza oku, kufuneka ndijonge," utshilo. Kwaye ndilifumene iqhuma. ”

Wayeneminyaka engama-25 kuphela ngelo xesha kwaye, kuyaqondakala, akazange acinge kwangoko ukuba wayenomhlaza.

Uthi: "Ndalinda iiveki ngaphambi kokuba ndenze nantoni na. “Bendizithethelela, ndisazi ukuba inokuba zezinye izinto. Kodwa ndiye ndaxelela umama wam, kwaye undixelele ngokucacileyo - {textend} undiyalele kakuhle kakhulu - {textend} ukuba ndingakulindi ukuze kujongwe. ”

Nje ukuba uDunzy asete amavili, izinto zahamba ngokukhawuleza: Kwakukho iintsuku ezi-5 kuphela phakathi kokuqeshwa kwakhe ne-GP yakhe malunga nesigaqa kunye nokuchongwa kwakhe komhlaza wamabele, ngo-Matshi 2018.

Emva koko, nangona kunjalo, ixesha lokulinda lenziwe njengoko uDunzy kunye noogqirha bakhe balandela iinkcukacha zoxilongo.

Ukhumbula ukuba, eyona nto ibindenza ndingayazi ngezifo kunye nenqanaba lam. "Ndilinde iveki ngaphambi kokuba ndiyive."

Emva kokuvavanywa ngakumbi kunye novavanyo, oogqirha bamxelela ukuba umhlaza ibiyinqanaba lesi-2 kwaye ulungile kwii-estrogen receptors ("ezixhotyiswe" yi-estrogen, eya kuthi ichaphazele iingcebiso zonyango azakufumana uDunzy).

Nje ukuba aqalise i-chemo, uDunzy wafumanisa ukuba iingcinga zakhe zihlala zisiya kumzala wakhe amthandayo, obomi bakhe babunqanyulwe ngumhlaza wamabele.

"Ndizive ndisondele kakhulu kuye, ndisondele kuye," uyakhumbula. Ndacinga ngento awayedlule kuyo. Kwakuyindlela ebaluleke kakhulu, kwaye yokomoya. Izinto ezingabalulekanga zanyamalala. Ndizibone ndikwinqanaba eliphantsi, ndikhulule kakhulu - {textend} akukho nwele, akukho zinkophe okanye amashiya.

"Kwaye emva koko ndakwazi ukuzixelela, 'Yima nkqo - {textend} usenguye ngaphakathi.'

Njengamaxesha onke imeko yezempilo, abanye babahlobo bakaDunzy bomelezwa xa ejamelene nobunzima, ngelixa abanye bewile.

"Umhlaza wandizisela umbono omninzi," utshilo, "kwaye umbono ufunyanwa ngamava. Abanye abantu babelungile kuwo onke amanyathelo. Abanye khange bakwazi ukujongana nayo. ”

Nokuba umntu uphendule athini, ubudlelwane bukaDunzy buye bomelela kakhulu ngamava akhe. Uthi: "Ndizazi ngcono kunokuba abanye abantu bezazi nanini na."

Malunga nekamva, iinjongo zikaDunzy zezakhe kunye noluntu.

Uye wathatha ikhefu kwimfundo yakhe ngokusesikweni emva kwesikolo samabanga aphakamileyo kodwa angathanda ukuqhubeka nayo. "Ndifuna ukubuyela esikolweni ukuze ndiqhubeke ndisebenzela isizwe sam," utsho. “Ndifuna ukunceda abanye abantu basetyhini. Ndifuna ukusebenzisa ulwazi lwam novelwano ukunceda abanye. ”

Ukuthandana ngobulumko, naye, ujonge phambili - {textend} kodwa akasoze aphinde alalanise kubudlelwane.

Kwaye ku-Dunzy, oko kuthetha ukuba ayisiyokuma nje phezulu "kwiiJareds" zehlabathi, kodwa zivela kwindawo yokuzithanda, nokuba abanye bamamkela njani.

"Injongo yam kukungaxoli kum," utshilo. “Ngelo xesha, ndingavuya xa ndingatshata nomntu oyena mhlobo wam usenyongweni kwaye onosapho. Kodwa kuqala ndifuna ukuqonda ngakumbi. ”

Xa amava okonzakala efumene isisongelo sokugubungela ikamva lakhe kunye nekamva, uDunzy uzama ukudibana nabo ngqo.

Uthi: "Ndinamahloni ngokuthandana, ngenxa yamava am adlulileyo." "Kodwa ndifumana uvuyo nobuhle kuyo yonke into, ngokuyinxenye ngenxa yawo onke amava am."

Kwaye emva kwayo yonke into ayinyamezeleyo, ukomelela kwakhe kuyakhanya.

Wongeza ngelithi: “Ndiyazihlonela, kwanaxa omnye umntu engazihloneli.”

U-Pamela Rafalow Grossman uhlala kwaye ubhala eBrooklyn, eNew York. Umsebenzi wakhe upapashwe kwi "Village Voice," Salon.com, "Nks." imagazini, iTime.com, iSelf.com, kunye nezinye iindawo. Ungumsindisi oneminyaka eli-11 yomhlaza wamabele kwaye uyasebenza kwimibutho yokukhuthaza abaguli.