Isikhokelo saBaqalayo kuDala oluqhelekileyo

Umxholo

• Umgca phakathi kokungaqhelekanga kunye nokubi kunokuba nzima
• Lubonakala njani ulwalamano oluqhelekileyo?
• Lubonakala njani ulwalamano olunzulu?
• Kulungile, ukuthandana okungaqhelekanga = polyamory, akunjalo?
• Ukuthandana okungaqhelekanga akuthethi ukuba ubelana ngesondo
• Yintoni inqaku?
• Inokukunceda uqhelane nokuthandana
• Inokukunceda ubone ukuba ufuna ntoni (kwaye awufuni)
• Kukunika ithuba lokonwabela ukuthandana ngaphandle koxinzelelo
• Asinguye wonke umntu, nangona
• Nantoni na oyenzayo, intlonipho ngundoqo
• Hlonipha imida
• Musa isiporho
• Ziqhelise ukunyaniseka
• Gcina izibophelelo
• Musa ukulibala malunga nokuzinyamekela
• Thatha ixesha lakho
• Musa ukutyeshela olunye ulwalamano
• Thatha amanyathelo okhuseleko
• Ukuba ubamba iimvakalelo ezinzulu
• Umgca wezantsi

Ekuqaleni ukungcola, ukuthandana nomntu ongathandani naye kunokubonakala njengeyona ndlela ingenazame yokwakha unxibelelwano olutsha kunye nokunciphisa isithukuthezi ngaphandle kokuncamathela.

Konke ukuzonwabisa, akukho monakalo, akunjalo?

Ngelixa ukuthandana ngokungaqhelekanga kunokuqhubeka ngokutyibilikayo kubo bonke ababandakanyekayo, akusoloko kulula oko. Izinto zinokuba nzima kakhulu, ngakumbi ukuba awunawo umbono ocacileyo wokuba kutheni uthandana ngokungakhathali okanye ufuna ntoni kuwo.

Ngaba ucinga ngokunika ithuba lokuthandana ngokungaqhelekanga? Gcina oku kulandelayo engqondweni.

Umgca phakathi kokungaqhelekanga kunye nokubi kunokuba nzima

Ukuba awuqinisekanga ngokuthe ngqo ukuba kuthetha ntoni "ukuthandana", awuwedwa. Ayinguye wonke umntu oyichaza ngendlela efanayo, kwaye amaxesha amaninzi "umgca" owahlula-hlula kwaye uthandane ngokungaqhelekanga ungaphezulu kokufiphala.

Umzekelo, ngaba usathandana ngokungaqhelekanga ukuba ubazisile kusapho lwakho? Ungathini xa uthabatha uhambo olufutshane kunye?

Nazi ezinye ii-FAQ ekufuneka uziqwalasele.

Lubonakala njani ulwalamano oluqhelekileyo?

Ukuthandana ngokungaqhelekanga kuhlala kuhlala (kodwa akusoloko) kungabalulekanga.

Abantu bahlala becinga ukuba kulungile ukubona abanye abantu ngaphandle kokuba kubekho ingxoxo ecacileyo malunga nokuzikhethela. Okwangoku, kusoloko kububulumko ukuba ne-convo malunga nokuzikhethela ngaxa lithile ukuze uqiniseke ukuba wonke umntu ukwiphepha elinye.

Ukuthetha ngokubanzi, ukuthandana gwenxa kuyachaza:

• into echazwe ngaphezu "kwabahlobo abanezibonelelo" okanye ii-hookups
• Unxibelelwano olubandakanya inqanaba lokuncamathisela ngokweemvakalelo
• iimeko ezingenazo iilebheli zobudlelwane
• izincamathiselo ozilandelayo ngokuzonwabisa, hayi ukuzibophelela

Lubonakala njani ulwalamano olunzulu?

Abantu bahlala ngokuthandana ngokungathandabuzekiyo ngethemba lokufumana iqabane elizokuhlala ixesha elide.

Ubudlelwane obunzulu buhlala buquka:

• ukunamathela ngokweemvakalelo
• Iilebheli zobudlelwane ezinje "ngesoka," "iqabane," okanye "omnye obalulekileyo"
• ukuzibophelela okuqinileyo
• Ingxoxo ethile ngekamva lakho kunye

Kulungile, ukuthandana okungaqhelekanga = polyamory, akunjalo?

Ngokwenyani, hayi.

Abantu abaninzi bazibophelela kwiqabane elinye kuphela (okanye bodwa) nje ukuba izinto zibe mandundu. Kodwa unokukhulisa ubudlelwane obunzulu nokuba uqhelisela i-nonmonogamy. Kwaye, ukuthandana ngokungathandekiyo nabantu abaninzi ayifani ne-polyamory.

Ukuthandana ngokuthandana kwabantu abaninzi kunokubandakanya zombini kwaye ubudlelwane obunzulu. Uninzi lwabantu abathandanayo bagcina ubudlelwane obunzulu, bokuzibophelela nomntu omnye (iqabane labo eliphambili) kwaye babona amanye amaqabane ngokungakhathali. Abanye banokuba namaqabane ambalwa azinikeleyo, izinto ezininzi ezinamathelayo, okanye enye indibaniselwano yobudlelwane.

Njengazo zonke ezinye iindlela zobudlelwane, impumelelo ye-polyamory ixhomekeke kunxibelelwano rhoqo, oluthembekileyo kunye nemida echazwe ngokucacileyo.

Ukuthandana okungaqhelekanga akuthethi ukuba ubelana ngesondo

Inala labantu bakholelwa ukuthandana nje kungenye indlela yokuthi isini nje, kodwa akusoloko kunjalo.

Ngokungafaniyo ne-FWB kunye neemeko zokuxhuma, ukuthandana ngokungaqhelekanga kusebenza ngokubanzi kunye neeparameter zobudlelwane, nokuba zichazwe ngokukhululekileyo.

Abantu abathandana ngokungaqhelekanga ngokwesiqhelo:

• yithi "imihla," hayi "ii-hangout" okanye "ukuphola"
• Thumela umyalezo okanye utsalelane umnxeba rhoqo
• yenza izicwangciso eziqinileyo kwaye unxibelelane xa ufuna ukurhoxisa
• Konwabeleni ukuchitha ixesha lesini kunye

Ngokuqinisekileyo, unokulala ngesondo. Kubantu abaninzi, leyo yinxalenye yolonwabo lokuthandana nje. Kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo unokuthandana ngaphandle kwesondo.

Eyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu yile wena ufuna ukuphuma ukuthandana.Asinguye wonke umntu onqwenela ubudlelwane bezesondo, kwaye oko kulungile. Mhlawumbi uphantsi kweseshoni enzima yokwenza izinto, okoko nje iimpahla zihlala. Unokuziva ukhululekile ukuchitha ubusuku kunye nokulala kunye ngaphandle kwesondo.

Ukuthetha namaqabane akho malunga nemida kunokunceda ukubanika umfanekiso ongcono wento oyifunayo ukusuka kwimihla yakho kwaye ubanike ithuba lokuthatha isigqibo sokuba iinjongo zakho ziyahambelana.

Yintoni inqaku?

Ukuba ukuthandana nomntu ongathandani naye akubandakanyi ukuba neentlobano zesini, unokuzibuza ukuba yeyiphi injongo. Ngapha koko, abantu ikakhulu abakhuthazwayo ukuba babelane ngesondo bahlala befumana ezo zidingo ngokudibana kwi-hookups okanye ubudlelwane be-FWB, kunjalo.

Ke, kutheni uzikhathaza ngokuthandana oqhelekileyo?

Inokukunceda uqhelane nokuthandana

Ukuthandana okungaqhelekanga kunokusebenza njengenyathelo lotshintsho phakathi kwe-hookups kunye nokunxibelelana okunzulu. Asinguye wonke umntu oziva ekhululekile ukuthandana ngokungathandabuzekiyo (okanye ukuthandana kwaphela).

Unokufumana ubudlelwane kunzima ngakumbi ukuba:

• woyike ukwaliwa
• Zabalaza nokusondelelana
• banamava obudlelwane obunetyhefu okanye iintlungu zobudlelwane

Ukuthandana ngokungakhathali kunokukunceda ufudumale kumbono wokunxibelelana ngokusondeleyo nabantu ngaphambi kokuba ungene kulwalamano lwexesha elide. Nokuba wena yenza ufuna ubudlelwane, kwa umbono ungoyikisa kwaye ugcine ungazami ukuthandana konke konke.

Inokukunceda ubone ukuba ufuna ntoni (kwaye awufuni)

Ukuthandana ngokungaqhelekanga yindlela entle yokunciphisa ezona zinto zibalulekileyo kuwe kubudlelwane.

Umzekelo, unokufunda ukuba eyona nto uyifunayo ngumntu:

• uneshedyuli efanayo
• ufuna ukulala ngesondo rhoqo
• uyakonwabela ukuvuka kwangoko
• ayikhathalelanga ukutya

Ngokuchaseneyo, unokufumanisa ukuba ezi zinto azizukujongana nabaphuli bakho.

Kukunika ithuba lokonwabela ukuthandana ngaphandle koxinzelelo

Okokugqibela, ukuthandana ngokungaqhelekanga kudala ithuba kubantu abafuna ukuhlala bengatshatanga ukuba bonwabele imihla kunye nokunxibelelana okufanayo nabantu abaneengqondo ezifanayo. Usenokonwabela imisebenzi enjengokudanisa, ukubona imuvi, okanye ukungcamla iwayini ngaphandle kokufuna ukwabelana ngesondo okanye ukwenza ubudlelwane.

Kuyenzeka ngokugqibeleleyo ukonwabela loo misebenzi kunye nabahlobo, ewe, kodwa ukuthandana kukwavumela ukuba ukonwabele ukonwaba komtsalane kwaye ulindele ukubakho kokuncamisa okanye olunye unxibelelwano olusenyongweni.

Asinguye wonke umntu, nangona

Ukuthandana ngokungaqhelekanga kunokusetyenziswa, kodwa akusebenzi kuwo wonke umntu.

Mhlawumbi wena:

• zihlala zikhulisa iimvakalelo ezinamandla zothando emva kokuba ubandakanyekile
• ufuna ukuthandana umntu lowo ukulungele ukuqwalasela ikamva kunye
• Ndifuna ubudlelwane obubhalwe ngokucacileyo
• bakhetha ukwenza unxibelelwano olomeleleyo lweemvakalelo

Ezi zinto zinokuthi okanye zingabolekisi kwimicimbi yokuthandana ngempumelelo. Ekupheleni kosuku, ukuba ukuthandana okungaqhelekanga uziva ngathi "kuyabethabethana" kuwe, eso sisizathu esaneleyo sokutsiba.

Nantoni na oyenzayo, intlonipho ngundoqo

Xa uchitha ixesha nabantu abaninzi, uya kudibana neendlela ezahlukeneyo zolwalamano, izimo zengqondo, kunye nokuziphatha. Abantu abasoloko bephatha abanye ngobubele, kwaye banokwenza izinto ezintle ezingacingeliyo.

Ngelishwa, awukwazi ukutshintsha abanye abantu. Nangona kunjalo, ezi ngcebiso zokuziphatha zilandelayo zinokukunceda uzibophelele kwimbeko nakwimfesane kwindlela oziphethe ngayo.

Hlonipha imida

Ukuthandana kwemida kungahluka ukusuka kwiimvakalelo ukuya emzimbeni ukuya kwezesondo.

Xa uthandana nabantu abaninzi, gcinani engqondweni banokungafuni ukuthetha ngamanye amaqabane abo okanye beve malunga neyakho. Ke, cela ngaphambi kokubalisa ibali malunga nomhla wakho wamva nje okanye wabelane ngolonwabo lwakho olulandelayo.

Uyakufuna ukuba ube nencoko kwangethuba malunga nemida yezesondo, nayo. Ukuba abafuni ukwabelana ngesondo, sihloniphe eso sigqibo.

Ayizizo iimfuno zomntu wonke ezihambelanayo, ke ukuba ayisebenzi kuwe, kulungile ukuba uthethe njalo (ngentlonipho).

Musa isiporho

Okuqhelekileyo akuthethi ukungabaluleki.

Ukulahla iqabane lakho ngaphandle kwegama ayisiyonto ikrwada kwaye engenabubele, kodwa inokubabangela uxinzelelo kunye nokudideka. Basenokukhathazeka ngenxa yento abayenzileyo ephosakeleyo okanye bazibuze ukuba kwenzeka ntoni kuwe.

Ukuba awufuni ukuqhubeka uthandana nomnye umntu, mxelele ngokobuqu. Ungayigcina imfutshane kwaye inyaniseke ngaphandle kokungena kwiinkcukacha ezigqithileyo. Ukuba awunako ukuzizisa ukwenza oku, umnxeba okanye isicatshulwa sibhetele kunanto.

Cinga ngale ndlela: Ubukhathalele ngokwaneleyo ukuba ungaya kwiintsuku ezimbalwa, ke kufanelekile ukuba bazi ukuba awusenamdla.

Ziqhelise ukunyaniseka

Ukunyaniseka kuhlala kubalulekile. Xa uthandana, ukuba awuchazi iinjongo zakho ngaphambili, nokuba kungabom okanye kuba uziva ungaqinisekanga ngento oyifunayo, izinto zinokuba nzima kwaye zidideke.

Xa uqala ukubona umntu omtsha, khankanya into oyifunayo. Abanye abantu abayi kubelana ngeemvakalelo zabo de kubuzwe, ngoko buza malunga neenjongo zabo zokuthandana, nabo.

Qiniseka ukuba uphinde ubuye ungene nomnye umntu ukuba ezi njongo ziyatshintsha.

Gcina izibophelelo

Ukubandakanyeka okuqhelekileyo ngamanye amaxesha kunokuziva ngathi kungaphantsi kwezona ziphambili.

Unokwenza izicwangciso nomntu kodwa uphulukane nomdla ngaphambi komhla, ngakumbi ukuba omnye umntu ukubuza. Kuqhelekile ukuziva uhendwa ngu "mnikelo ongcono," kodwa cinga indlela onokuziva ngayo ukuba kwenzeke into efanayo kuwe.

Ukuba uziva ukhululekile, thembeka kubo kwaye ubuze ukuba bangathanda na ukwenza useto kwakhona. Ngaphandle koko, bambelela kwizicwangciso ozenzileyo ngaphandle kokuba unesizathu esivakalayo sokuba ungakwenzi oko. Nokuba yeyiphi indlela, qiniseka ukuba awubashiyi bejinga.

Ukuba ngenene awunamdla wokubabona kwakhona, kungcono uthembeke kunokwenza izicwangciso kwaye uzirhoxise, ngakumbi ukuba oku kuba ngumkhwa.

Musa ukulibala malunga nokuzinyamekela

Isithukuthezi, isizungu, ixhala ngekamva lakho, uxinzelelo ngokwesondo, uxinzelelo -ukuhlala ujongeka njengesisombululo esifanelekileyo kwezi ngxaki. Inokukunceda ngokuqinisekileyo ukuba ezi nkxalabo zincinci okanye zethutyana.

Xa into enzulu ngakumbi isisiseko seemvakalelo zakho, ukuthandana akunakwenza lukhulu ukulungisa eyona ngxaki. Uyakudinga ngokubanzi inkxaso evela kunyangi ukuze usebenze ngoxinzelelo okanye uxinzelelo, umzekelo.

Nokuba unexesha elihle kwaye uzive ukhuselekile kubomi bakho bokuthandana, kusabalulekile ukuba uqiniseke ukuba awukhathaleli ulwalamano lwakho nawe.

Thatha ixesha lakho

Wonke umntu ufuna ixesha lakhe yedwa. Ukuhamba ngemihla rhoqo kunokubonakala ngathi kuyonwabisa kakhulu, ekuqaleni. Banokukutshisa bakwenze woyike umhla wakho olandelayo.

Qiniseka ukuba ubekela bucala ixesha lokuphumla kunye nokuphumla wedwa. Ukuba ukuthandana kunciphisa ixesha lakho lokuzonwabisa okanye ezinye izinto ozithandayo, cinga ukusika emva kwimihla okwexeshana.

Musa ukutyeshela olunye ulwalamano

Ukunxibelelana nabantu abatsha kunokukunceda wandise ubomi bakho kwaye uzame izinto ongaqhelekanga ukuzenza. Ungalibali ukuqhubeka nokuchitha ixesha nabahlobo bakho kunye nabantu obathandayo. Olu lwalamano lubalulekile, nalo.

Thatha amanyathelo okhuseleko

Kuhlala kububulumko ukuthatha amanyathelo okuhlala ngaphezulu kwimpilo yakho yezesondo, nokuba uthandana ngokungathandabuzekiyo okanye ngokungakhathali.

Ukuba uthandana ngokungathandabuzekiyo kwaye usabelana ngesondo, yiba nomkhwa wokusebenzisa iikhondom kunye nezinye iindlela zokuthintela. Ikwangumbono olungileyo ukufumana uvavanyo rhoqo lwezifo ezosulela ngokwabelana ngesondo.

Ukuba ubamba iimvakalelo ezinzulu

Ngaphandle kwenjongo yakho yokugcina izinto zingaqhelekanga, iimvakalelo zakho zinokuthatha utshintsho olungalindelekanga. Usenokuziva umadolw 'anzima ukuyikhupha ngenxa yoloyiko lokuba uya konakalisa into elungileyo osele uyenzile.

Kubalulekile ukuthetha inyani, nangona. Kuko konke okwaziyo, bakhulise iimvakalelo ezifanayo. Nokuba abaziva ngendlela efanayo, ukugcina umdla wakho uyimfihlo kunokugqibela kukukhathaza xa ubudlelwane bungaze buqhubeke.

Eyona meko imbi kakhulu, bayakwala okanye bathathe isigqibo sokuphelisa ukubandakanyeka kwakho ngoku. Ukwamkela oku kunokuba kukuchukumisa, kodwa njengokuba ufuna ukuba bahloniphe iimfuno zakho kunye nemida, kuya kufuneka ubanike imbeko efanayo.

Umgca wezantsi

Ukuthandana okungaqhelekanga kusenokungabi kokomntu wonke, kwaye akusoloko kulula njengoko kubonakala. Kubantu abaninzi, nangona kunjalo, ibonelela ngendlela yoxinzelelo oluphantsi yokonwabela inkampani yomntu onomdla kuye ngaphandle kokukhathazeka ngokuzibophelela okanye ngekamva lakho kunye.

Ukuba uphosa umnqwazi wakho kwisangqa esingathandabuzekiyo sokuthandana, ungalibali ukuba ngaphambili kwimida kunye neenjongo zakho zokuthandana.