Ngaba Unetyala Lomhlobo?

Umxholo

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Sikhona sonke: Une dinner plans nomhlobo wakho, but iproject iqhuma emsebenzini kwaye kufuneka uhlale late. Okanye kukho itheko lokuzalwa, kodwa uyagula kangangokuba awunakho nokukhasa esofeni. Nokuba siyintoni na isizathu, kuya kufuneka urhoxise izicwangciso-kwaye uzive usoyika ukwenza njalo.

Loo ndlela yokusabela ibizwa ngokuba “yityala lomhlobo,” yaye iingcali zithi iya isanda. [Tweet this fact!] "Umhlobo ubutyala buya buxhaphaka phakathi kwama-20-amaxesha," utshilo uCarlin Flora, ingcali kwezobuhlobo kunye nombhali Ubuhlobo: Iindlela ezimangalisayo zabahlobo abasenza ukuba sibe ngabahlobo. "Kungakhathaliseki ukuba benza ntoni, baziva ngathi abahlobo olwaneleyo." Kuhlala kukho umntu omelwe ukuba "umbize, iyure yokonwaba" ekufanele ukuba "uyaya, okanye i-imeyile" omele ukuba "uphendule kuyo kudala-okanye ucinga njalo. Kodwa nantsi into ekubambisayo: Nangona ukuziva ngale ndlela kuthetha ukuba uneenjongo ezintle, ukuzama ukukholisa wonke umntu akunangqondo-de kube kukushiya uzive umbi kakhulu.

Uluntu lwethu "Ngakumbi" = Ubutyala obungakumbi

Yintoni esenza ukuba sonke sicinge ukuba singabahlobo aboyikekayo? Okokuqala, kuninzi okuqhubekayo. Ukongeza ekusebenzeni iiyure ezinde, kukho iminyhadala yokuzimasa-kwaye ngenxa yoko, okuninzi okungaphoswa. "Konke kubuyela ekunyukeni kwenkcubeko ye-Intanethi," uchaza uCatherine Cardinal, Ph.D., ingcali yokuzixabisa kunye nomseki wenkonzo yokuqeqesha ubomi i-Wise Women Rock. "Abantu banokufikelela kulwazi oluthe kratya, ngoko babandakanyeka kwimisebenzi emininzi. Kwaye ke bamema wonke umntu kwiinethiwekhi zabo zentlalo ukuba eze kwimicimbi yabo, ngoko ke iphelela ekubeni le ntlaselo enkulu yeendibano. " Kwaye kuba awujonganga kumhla wesantya kubomi bakho basekuhlaleni kwaye uzame ukubetha yonke iminyhadala, uphela uziva unetyala malunga nezo uzitsibayo.

Esinye isizathu sokuba ityala lomhlobo lonyuke kukuba, ngokungaqhelekanga, i-narcissism. Imithombo yeendaba kwezentlalo iguqule abantu abaninzi baba zizidalwa ezizithandayo, utshilo uChristine Hassler, ingcali yeminyaka eliwaka kunye nombhali. 20-Into, 20-Yonke into. "Abantu bacinga ukuba ubukho babo bubaluleke ngaphezu kwento eyenzekayo kwaye ngokungabonakali, ipati ayizukugqibezela okanye umbuki zindwendwe uya kuba nentliziyo ebuhlungu, xa uhlala eqonda kakuhle."

Yiba nesazela esicocekileyo

Ngethamsanqa ungasusa umhlobo wakho kuhambo lwetyala: Konke malunga nokubeka i-buds-entlokweni yakho, ewe, hayi ngokuvakalayo! -Kubeka ezona zibalaseleyo kuqala. "Abahlobo kunye nabahlobo abasenyongweni abathwali ubunzima obufanayo kwaye ke abafumani unyango olufanayo," utshilo uFlora. Ukuba uhlala usilela ukwenza ixesha kwipal yakho ebikhona ngalo lonke ixesha lokwahlukana, umsebenzi omtsha, ukufa kwenja yakho, nangaphezulu, wena kufanele yiva kakubi kuba uyinxalenye enkulu yobomi bakho, ucacisa uFlora. Kodwa ukwala ngesimemo isimemo somntu omaziyo okanye ukumrhoxisa ngamanye amaxesha akuyonto yokuzisola.

“Ukuziva unetyala ngokungafanelekanga malunga neqela lesithathu nelesine abahlobo kunye nabantu obaqhelileyo kunokubangela uxinzelelo olungeyomfuneko kwaye kukutheze amandla ngokweemvakalelo,” utshilo uFlora. "Ukuba uhlala ugxininisekile malunga nabantu abangabalulekanga kuwe, kunokuchaphazela umfanekiso wakho kwaye ucinge ukuba ungumhlobo ombi ngokubanzi, ongekho."

Ukuze uqiniseke ukuba oku akwenzeki, musa ukwamkela ngengqondo izimemo. Cinga ngabo kwinqanaba elinzulu, uthathe isigqibo sokuba ngowuphi umcimbi oza kuqala, kwaye uqhubeke ngokufanelekileyo ngo-ewe okanye hayi-ngekhe mhlawumbi. [Tweet this tip!] "Kwilizwe lanamhlanje le-FOMO, asifuni kuphoswa yiyo nantoni na, ke sithi mhlawumbi kuyo yonke into ukuzivumela ukuba sibe namathuba amaninzi. Kodwa ukungazibopheleli kuyingozi kwi-psyche yakho kuba ugqibela ngokudala ulindelo olungelulo, olwenza uzive unetyala ngakumbi xa ungalandeli, "ucacisa uHassler.

Ukuba uthi ewe, phawula umhla kwishedyuli yakho kwaye uwele iminwe yakho ukuba akukho zingxamiseko zomzuzu wokugqibela ziyavela. Ukuba uyala, gcina izinto zinembeko kwaye zimfutshane. “Iinkcazo ezinde zokuba kutheni ungenako ukuqinisa ukuziva unetyala kuba zikwenza uzive ngathi wenze into engalunganga,” utshilo uHassler. Kwaye awukhange uyiyeke ihambe.

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