Siyasilela Xa Kufikwa Kwimfesane, Kodwa Ngoba?

Umxholo

• Kutheni le nto abanye abantu okanye iimeko ezibuhlungu zifumana imfesane ngakumbi kunabanye?
• Kutheni lubaluleke kangaka nje uvelwano, ukanti lucelomngeni kangaka?
• Yintoni enokusinceda sibe nemfesane ngakumbi?
• Nazi iindlela ezili-10 zokubonisa imfesane:

Ukujongana nento efana nokuphuma kwesisu okanye uqhawulo-mtshato kubuhlungu kakhulu, kodwa ngakumbi ngakumbi xa singafumani nkxaso kunye nenkathalo esiyifunayo.

Kwiminyaka emihlanu edlulileyo umyeni kaSarah * wophe wasweleka phambi kwamehlo akhe ngelixa oogqirha abangama-40 bezama ukumsindisa. Abantwana bakhe babeneminyaka emi-3 nengu-5 ubudala ngelo xesha, kwaye esi siganeko sobomi ngesiquphe nesothusayo saliguqula ilizwe labo.

Into eyenze mandundu ngakumbi kukuba uSarah akafumani nkxaso kusapho lomyeni wakhe kunye nenkxaso encinci kakhulu evela kubahlobo bakhe.

Ngelixa abasebukhweni bakhe bengakwazi ukuqonda usizi kunye nokuzabalaza kukaSarah, abahlobo bakaSarah babonakala begcina umgama wabo ngaphandle koloyiko.

Amabhinqa amaninzi ayeshiya ukutya kwiveranda yakhe, abaleke aye ezimotweni zabo, baze bahambe ngokukhawuleza. Kwakungekho mntu ungena ekhayeni lakhe kwaye uchithe ixesha kunye naye nabantwana bakhe abancinci. Waye buhlungu kakhulu yedwa.

IGeorgia * iphelelwe ngumsebenzi kanye phambi koMbulelo ka-2019. Umama ongatshatanga onabazali abaswelekileyo, ebengenamntu wokumthuthuzela.

Ngelixa abahlobo bakhe babemxhasa ngomlomo, akukho namnye owathi uza kumnceda ekunyamekeleni abantwana, amthumelele isikhokelo somsebenzi, okanye anike nayiphi na inkxaso mali.

Njengomboneleli kunye nokhathalelo lwentombi yakhe eneminyaka emi-5 ubudala, iGeorgia "ayinakho ukuba bhetyebhetye." Ngosizi, uxinzelelo lwezezimali, kunye noloyiko, uGeorgia upheke ukutya, wayisa intombi yakhe esikolweni, wayikhathalela- konke eyedwa.

Kodwa xa iBeth Bridges yaphulukana nomyeni wayo oneminyaka eli-17 ngenxa yokuhlaselwa sisifo sentliziyo ngequbuliso, abahlobo bakhawuleza babonisa inkxaso yabo. Babenomdla kwaye bekhathala, bemzisela ukutya, bemkhuphela ngaphandle xa betye okanye bethetha, beqinisekisa ukuba uzilolonga, kwaye balungisa nezitshizi zakhe okanye naziphi na ezinye izinto ezifuna ukulungiswa.

Bamvumela ukuba akhathazeke kwaye alile esidlangalaleni - kodwa abamvumelanga ukuba ahlale ekhayeni lakhe yedwa ahlukane neemvakalelo zakhe.

Sisiphi isizathu sokuba iibhlorho zifumane uvelwano ngakumbi? Ngaba kungenxa yokuba iibhlorho zazikwinqanaba elahlukileyo ebomini bakhe kunoSara noGeorgia?

Isangqa sentlalontle saseBridges sasiqulathe abahlobo kunye noogxa babo ababenamava obomi, kwaye uninzi lwalufumene uncedo kuye ngexesha lamava abo abuhlungu.

Nangona kunjalo, uSarah noGeorgia, abafumana umothuko ngexa abantwana babo babesesikolweni, babehlala nabahlobo abancinci, uninzi lwabo olwalungekenzeki.

Ngaba kwakunzima kakhulu kubahlobo babo abangenamava ukuba baqonde ubunzima babo kwaye bazi ukuba loluphi uhlobo lwenkxaso abayifunayo? Okanye ngaba abahlobo bakaSarah noGeorgia babengenakukwazi ukunikezela ixesha kubahlobo babo kuba abantwana babo abancinci bafuna uninzi lwexesha labo kunye nengqwalaselo?

Luphi unqamlezo olubashiya bebodwa?

"Uxinzelelo luza kuza kuthi sonke," utshilo uGqirha James S. Gordon, umseki kunye nomphathi olawulayo weZiko leNgqondo-yezoNyango kunye nombhali wencwadi ethi "Inguqu: Ukufumanisa ukuPhila kunye nokuPhilisa emva koKonzakala."

"Kusisiseko sokuqonda ukuba yinxalenye yobomi, ayihlukanga kubomi," utshilo. “Ayisiyonto ingaqhelekanga. Ayisiyonto yezifo. Inxalenye nje ebuhlungu yobomi babantu bonke kungekudala okanye kamva. "

Kutheni le nto abanye abantu okanye iimeko ezibuhlungu zifumana imfesane ngakumbi kunabanye?

Ngokutsho kweengcali, kukudibana kwebala, ukungabikho kokuqonda, kunye noloyiko.

Isiqwenga sehlazo kunokuba sesona silula ukusiqonda.

Kukho iimeko ezithile-njengomntwana onesifo sokulutha, uqhawulo-mtshato, okanye ukuphulukana nomsebenzi-apho abanye banokukholelwa ukuba loo mntu ngandlel 'ithile ubangele ingxaki ngokwakhe. Xa sikholelwa ukuba yimpazamo yabo, asifane sibonelele ngenkxaso yethu.

"Ngelixa ibala sisiqwenga sokuba kutheni umntu engenakufumana uvelwano, ngamanye amaxesha ikwangukungabikho kolwazi," ucacisile uGqirha Maggie Tipton, PsyD, umphathi weklinikhi weenkonzo zengozi kubantu baseCaron Treatment Centres.

“Abantu bangangazi ukuba bangancokola njani nomntu okhathazekileyo okanye indlela yokuxhasa. Ingakhangeleka ngathi ayikho imfesane kangako xa inyani kukuba bengazi ukuba mabenze ntoni, utshilo. "Abazimiselanga kuba nemfesane, kodwa ukungaqiniseki kunye nokusilela kwemfundo kukhokelela ekuqondeni nasekuqondeni okuncinci, kwaye ke ngenxa yoko abantu abafikeleli ekuxhaseni umntu onengxaki yokwenzakala."

Kwaye kukho uloyiko.

Njengomhlolokazi oselula kwidolophana encinci, ese-posh eManhattan, uSarah ukholelwa ukuba abanye oomama abakwisikolo sabantwana abasaqalayo bagcina umgama wabo ngenxa yento awayeyimele.

"Ngelishwa, babebathathu kuphela abafazi ababonisa uvelwano," ukhumbula uSarah. “Abanye abantu basetyhini kwindawo endihlala kuyo bahlala kude kuba ndandilelona phupha libi kubo. Ndibe sisikhumbuzo kubo bonke aba mama abancinci ukuba abayeni babo banokuwa nangaliphi na ixesha. ”

Olu loyiko kunye nezikhumbuzo zento enokwenzeka kukuba kutheni abazali abaninzi behlala benengxaki yokungabikho kwemfesane xa befumana isisu okanye ukuphulukana nomntwana.

Nangona kuphela malunga neepesenti ezili-10 zokukhulelwa okwaziwayo kuphelela ekuphumeni komzimba, kwaye izinga lokusweleka kwabantwana lehle kakhulu ukusukela ngeminyaka yoo-1980, ukukhunjuzwa ukuba oku kunokwenzeka kubo kwenza abanye baba neentloni kumhlobo wabo osokolayo.

Abanye banokoyika ukuba ngenxa yokuba bakhulelwe okanye umntwana wabo uyaphila, ukubonisa inkxaso kuya kukhumbuza umhlobo wabo ngento elahlekileyo.

Kutheni lubaluleke kangaka nje uvelwano, ukanti lucelomngeni kangaka?

UGqirha Gordon wathi: “Uvelwano lubalulekile. "Ukufumana uhlobo oluthile lovelwano, uhlobo oluthile lokuqonda, nokuba ingabantu nje abakho nawe, yeyona ibhulorho ibuyela kwinxalenye enkulu yomzimba kunye nengqondo."

"Nabani na osebenza nabantu abonzakeleyo uyakuqonda ukubaluleka okubalulekileyo koko iingcali zengqondo kwezentlalo zikubiza ngenkxaso yoluntu," wongeze watsho.

NgokukaGqirha Tipton, abo bangayifumaniyo imfesane abayifunayo badla ngokuba nesithukuthezi. Ukutsala nzima ngexesha loxinzelelo kuhlala kubangela ukuba abantu babuye umva, kwaye xa bengafumani nkxaso, komeleza umnqweno wabo wokurhoxa.

Uba buhlungu emntwini ukuba akalifumani inqanaba lovelwano aludingayo, utshilo. “Baza kuqala ukuziva bengamalolo ngakumbi, bedandathekile, kwaye bengamalolo. Kwaye, baya kuqala ukukhanyisa kwiingcinga zabo ezimbi malunga nabo kunye nemeko, uninzi lwazo olungeyonyani. "

Ke ukuba siyazi ukuba umhlobo okanye ilungu losapho liyasokola, kutheni kunzima ukubaxhasa?

UGqr Gordon ucacise ukuba ngelixa abanye abantu bephendula ngovelwano, abanye baphendula ngokuzikhwebula kuba iimvakalelo zabo ziyaboyisa, zibashiya bengakwazi ukuphendula nokunceda umntu odinga uncedo.

Yintoni enokusinceda sibe nemfesane ngakumbi?

"Kubalulekile ukuqonda indlela esiphendula ngayo kwabanye abantu," utshilo uGqirha Gordon. “Njengokuba simamela omnye umntu, kufuneka kuqala sizame ukuba kwenzeka ntoni kuthi ngokwethu. Kuya kufuneka siqaphele ukuba zeziphi iimvakalelo ezizisa kuthi kwaye siyazi impendulo yethu. Emva koko, simele siphumle size siye kumntu owonzakeleyo. ”

“Xa ujolisa kubo kunye nohlobo lwengxaki yabo, uya kufumanisa ukuba ungaluncedo njani. Rhoqo, ukuhlala nomnye umntu kungonela, ”utshilo.

Nazi iindlela ezili-10 zokubonisa imfesane:

1. Vuma ukuba awuzange ube namava ngaphambili kwaye ngekhe ucinge ukuba kufanele ukuba kunjani kubo. Babuze ukuba yintoni abayifunayo ngoku, emva koko uyenze.
2. Ukuba unamava afanayo, khumbula ukugcina ukugxila kulo mntu kunye neemfuno zakhe. Yitsho into enje: “Ndibuhlungu kakhulu ukuba kuyafuneka niyenze le nto. Siye nayo, kwaye ukuba ungathanda ukuthetha ngayo ngaxa lithile, ndingavuya. Kodwa, ufuna ntoni ngoku? ”
3. Musa ukubaxelela ukuba bakubize xa befuna nantoni na. Oko kunzima kwaye kungonwabisi umntu owenzakeleyo. Endaweni yoko, baxelele into ofuna ukuyenza kwaye ubuze ukuba loluphi usuku olulungileyo.
4. Nikezela ukubukela abantwana babo, ukuhambisa abantwana babo ukuya okanye ukusuka kwimisebenzi, ukuya kuthenga ezivenkileni, njl.
5. Yiba khona kwaye wenze izinto eziqhelekileyo njengokuhamba kunye okanye ukubona imovie.
6. Hlaziya kwaye ujonge okwenzekayo. Phendula, ubuze imibuzo, kwaye uvume ukungaqheleki okanye ukudana kwemeko yabo.
7. Bameme ukuba bazimanye nawe okanye nosapho lwakho ekuphumeni kwempelaveki ukuze bangabi nesithukuthezi.
8. Beka isikhumbuzi kwikhalenda yakho ukubiza okanye ubhalele lo mntu ngeveki.
9. Sixhathise isilingo sokuzama ukuzilungisa. Yiba nabo njengokuba benjalo.
10. Ukuba uyakholelwa ukuba bafuna ingcebiso okanye iqela lenkxaso, bancede bafumane apho banokufumana khona malunga nabo, bafunde iindlela zokuzikhathalela, kwaye baqhubele phambili.

Amagama atshintshiwe ukukhusela imfihlo.

UGia Miller yintatheli ezizimeleyo, umbhali, kunye nombalisi wamabali ogubungela ikakhulu impilo, impilo yengqondo kunye nokuba ngumzali. Unethemba lokuba umsebenzi wakhe uvuselela iincoko ezinentsingiselo kwaye unceda abanye baqonde ngcono imiba eyahlukeneyo yezempilo kunye nengqondo. Unokujonga ukhetho lomsebenzi wakhe apha.