4 Zonke-Izizathu Ezinyaniyo Abahlobo Bahlukana (kunye nendlela yokujongana)

Umxholo

• Indlela yokujongana-kunye nendlela yokuPhilisa
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Uqhuba ngendlela eyahlukileyo ukusuka emsebenzini ukuphepha indlu yakhe. Ukumthintela kwi-Instagram. Ukungamdanisi kuFacebook. Ukuphepha iivenkile zokutyela apho ungadibana naye khona. Oku kuvakala kufana noko u-ex wakho anokukwenza kuwe emva koqhekeko olubi, kodwa kumaxesha am akude nebhongo, ndinokuthi ndizenzile ezi zinto (okanye zenziwa ezi zinto kum) ngumntu owayesakuba yiBFF. .

“Ukwahlukana nomhlobo kunokuba ngamava okuzahlula ngakumbi kunokwahlukana nomntu othandana naye,” utsho u-Irene S. Levine, Ph.D., ingcali ngengqondo yezonyango kunye nonjingalwazi wengqondo kwi-NYU School of Medicine. Nangona kunjalo abathethi malunga phantse kangako. "Xa abahlobo ababhinqileyo beqhekeka, abafazi ababandakanyekayo bayonqena ukuxelela abanye abantu abanokubonelela ngenkxaso ngenxa yehlazo lentlalontle. Okumangalisayo kukuba, oyena mntu inokubhekelwa kuye yinkxaso inokuba ingu-BFF owahlukana naye." (Idibeneyo: Iziphumo ezothusayo zabahlobo bakho abanazo kwimikhwa yakho yokuzilolonga)

Ke kutheni le nto isenzeka, mhlawumbi ngoku kwixesha lethu ledijithali kunangaphambili? Kwaye yintoni owasetyhini anokuyenza-ngaphandle kokurhuqa usizi lwakhe ngaphezulu kweglasi yewayini ngelixa ebukele iziqendu zomdlalo ohlukanise izihlobo Ex-Eyona? (Ewe ikhona.) Nantsi into ethi uphando kunye nobudlelwane neengcali zithi zizizathu ezine eziqhelekileyo zokuba yinxalenye, kunye neengcebiso malunga nendlela yokubuyisa umva.

1. Ukuhamba kancinci.

Endaweni yokuqhushumba okukhulu, esinye sezona zinto zixhaphakileyo zobuhlobo-ukutshabalalisa kwenzeka kancinci. “Ingqumbo inokwakheka xa omnye umntu ephoxekile okanye ephoxwa ngomnye, kungekuphela nje kube kanye, kodwa kwakhona, kwaye kwakhona. Ngokuhamba kwexesha, kuvakala ngathi umhlobo akakho xa efuneka,” utsho uLevine, ngoko niyahlukana. . Qalani ngokuyithetha omnye komnye kwaye nisebenzele kwisiseko esifanayo, senkxaso. "Kodwa imiba yonxibelelwano ihlala iphambili." Ukuba awukwazi ukufikelela kwisigqibo okanye i-MIA pal ayiziva ngathi kukho into engalunganga, inokuba lixesha lokuyiyeka.

2. Ulwaphulo-mthetho lobuhlobo.

Eyona nto icace gca kubo bonke abahlobo, "kuxa umhlobo esenza into eyoyikekayo, ayinakulibaleka, njengokuxoka, ukuba, okanye ukuthandana neqabane lakho," ucacisa watsho uLevine. Ngaphandle kokuba ukhohlakele, ezi zenzo zibuhlungu ngokwenene. Ke ukuba ulixhoba lolwaphulo-mthetho oluchaziweyo, sukuziva ungalunganga ngokungazami ukulungisa iingcingo zobuhlobo. Kodwa khumbula elona cebiso liphezulu likaLevine: "Musa ukujongela phantsi umhlobo wakho kubahlobo bakho. Iyakubonisa kakubi kuwe."

3. Izithunzela zamandla ombane.

"Ukuba umntu omnye uhlala esenza umgudu, okanye ukuba ufuna kwaye uhlala ecela uncedo, loo ntswelo inokuncancisa onke amandla komnye umhlobo. Kuyadinisa ukuhlala usenza umzamo omkhulu, utshilo uLevine. Kodwa kutheni oku kusenzeka? Iipesenti ezingama-50 nje zobuhlobo ziyabuyelana, abaphandi be-MIT bafumene, kwaye sibi kakhulu ekumiseleni ukuba zeziphi abahlobo. ngokwenene abahlobo.

4. Ukuphefumla.

"Xa kuthelekiswa nezibophelelo zegazi phakathi kwamalungu osapho, ubudlelwane nabahlobo buzithandela. Sikhetha abahlobo bethu kuba bayabuphucula ubomi bethu, utshilo uLevine. Sesiphi esinye sezizathu zokuba kutheni kubuhlungu kakhulu xa umhlobo enyamalala-nokuba oko kuthetha ukwala isimemo ngasinye okanye ukungaphenduli iifowuni okanye iitekisi. Wongezelela athi: “Xa sihlakulela ubuhlobo obusenyongweni, asicingi nokucinga ukuba ubuhlobo bungaphela.

Elinye lawona macandelo anzima: kuhlala kungekho sizathu sicacileyo sokuba kutheni eyiCaspers, ke kunzima ukwenza izizathu zokuba kutheni ungasekho kubahlobo.

Indlela yokujongana-kunye nendlela yokuPhilisa

Okokuqala, "yamkele inyani yokuba abantu bayatshintsha, njengeemeko zobomi, kwaye ayingabo bonke ubuhlobo obuhlala buhleli. Ungacingi ukuba ukwahlukana kubenza bangabikho ubuhlobo. Ukhulile kwaye wafunda kuwo, nto leyo eza kukwenza ube umhlobo ongcono kwaye akuncede wenze ukhetho olungcono kwixesha elizayo, utshilo uLeviine.

Emva koko gcina ezi ngcebiso engqondweni njengoko usiya phambili:

1. Sukuyibamba.

ULevine uthi: “Abayeni okanye abahlobo bangamadoda basenokukuthabatha lula ukwahlukana ‘njengokulwa ikati,’” kodwa oko akufane kube njalo, utsho uLevine. "Umntu oye wahlukana nomhlobo unokuba nexhala lokuba xa echaza ukuhlukana, abanye abafazi baya kucinga ukuba akayena umhlobo olungileyo okanye akakwazi ukugcina abahlobo." Ke ukuba uyoyika ukuthetha ngayo, bhala iphepha, ucebisa uGary W. Lewandowski Jr., Ph.D., unjingalwazi kunye nosihlalo wezengqondo kwiYunivesithi yaseMonmouth eNew Jersey kunye necocreator kunye nomhleli weScienceOfRelationships.com. "Ukubhala ngamava kuya kukunceda ulungelelanise iingcamango zakho kwaye unike ithuba lokugxila kwizinto ezintle ngaphezu kwezinto ezimbi."

2.Yandisa ukufikelela kwakho.

Ukonwaba kwakho kuchaphazeleka ngamandla ngabahlobo bakho, kunye nabahlobo bakho babahlobo, lutsho uphando olupapashwe kwi Ijenali yezoNyango yaseBritane. Ke qhubeka: Landela loo mntu umaziyo kwi-Instagram (uyazi, umfazi osoloko ebonakala egigitheka kwaye ezonwabisa) kwaye uqalise ngokuthepha kabini kwizinto ezincumisayo. Uvuyo lwakhe lunokuguqulela kolwakho, kwaye ngubani owaziyo? Unokuphefumlelwa ukuba umcele kwikofu.

3. Gxininisa kubahlobo onabo.

Oku kuya kunceda ukugcina ingqondo yakho ingagxininisi kakhulu malunga nomhlobo wangaphambili. "Ekuqaleni, enye yezona zinto zinzima kakhulu ziyakwazi ukujongana nezikhewu kwishedyuli yakho. Ezo zinokuba zizikhumbuzo rhoqo malunga neendlela umhlobo wakho omdala athinte ngayo ubomi bakho," kusho uLevine. Kunokuba ucinge ukuba bekukho ntoni, sebenzisa ubuhlobo obukhoyo. Kwanobudlelwane nje abambalwa olomeleleyo lubonisiwe ukukunceda ukuba uphile ngaphezulu-kwaye ukonwaba-iminyaka, ngoko umise usuku spin ngeveki kunye nomhlobo okwangoku kuphela ukubamba isidlo kanye ngenyanga. “Hlala uxakekile, landela iminqweno yakho kunye nezinto onomdla kuzo, kwaye ngokukhutheleyo ufune ubuhlobo obutsha kwaye uvuselele obudala,” utshilo uLevine. (Eyeleleneyo: Inzululwazi ithi ubuhlobo ngundoqo kwimpilo ehlala ihleli kunye nolonwabo)

4. Musa ukoyika ukuya kwizazi.

Ukuba uziva ulilolo emva kokwahlukana kwe-BFF, musa ukoyika ukufuna uncedo olufanayo. Okanye, "cinga ngokuthetha nengcali yezempilo yengqondo ukuze uncede ukoyisa lo mqobo," ucebisa. (Eyeleleneyo: Kutheni wonke umntu kufuneka azame unyango ubuncinci kanye)

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