Yiba ne-Orgasm emangalisayo: Thetha ngayo

Umxholo

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Nokuba ungathetha nomfana wakho malunga nantoni na, xa kufikwa kwisini, unokuzifumanisa uneentloni kwaye ubambe ulwimi (isandi esiqhelekileyo?). Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, ukubuza into oyifunayo kwigumbi lokulala kunokubonakala kuyinto eyoyikisayo, ngakumbi ukuba awazi ukuba iza kwamkelwa njani.

"Sihlala sizifumana sibambekile kwimilo yezesondo hayi ngenxa yokuba asiyazi into esiyifunayo, kodwa ngenxa yokuba asazi ukuba siyicela njani," utshilo u-Emily Morse, isazi ngesondo, kunye nomsasazi we-Sex With Emily podcast. Nangona kunjalo, ukuthetha ngesondo akufuneki kube nzima okanye kungonwabisi, utshilo uMorse. Kwaye malunga indlela ngaphezu kokukhululeka ngolwimi olungcolileyo. Sebenzisa ezi ngcebiso zeengcali ukunceda ukukhokela kunxibelelwano lwakho ngokwesondo- kwaye uye kwi-O enkulu, ebhetele.

Yaphula imiqobo-enamagama

Akuqhelekanga kumlingane omnye kubudlelwane ukubetha 'isondo esinqabileyo' xa kufikwa ekuthetheni ngokuphandle ngesondo kunye, utshilo uEmily Nagoski, Ph.D., umbhali Yiza njengoko unjalo: INzululwazi eNtsha eyothusayo eya kuguqula uBomi bakho boSondo. Oku kunokuba yinyani ngakumbi kwabasetyhini, abanokuba neentloni ngesini sabo, okanye boyika ukunxibelelana ngokungafezekanga, utshilo.

Kule meko, inyathelo lokuqala kukuthetha. Qala ngombuzo olula: Yintoni oyikayo ukuba iza kwenzeka xa uthetha ngesondo? Ukuthetha ngoloyiko lwakho malunga nento ekubambezelayo kwasekuqaleni kunokukunceda wenze inkqubela. (Emva kokuba uthethe ngokuvakalayo kwiqabane lakho, zisenokungabonakali zoyikeka okanye zingenangqondo emva koko.) Ngaphezu koko, "ezona zinto zithintela unxibelelwano ekusebenzeni ziyimiqobo engenakuphepheka yokuzonwabisa ngokwesondo," kusho uNagoski. (Okulandelayo, jonga iincoko ezisi-7 ekufuneka ubenazo ngobomi besondo obusempilweni.)

Ixesha kunye nendawo ibalulekile

Izibini ezininzi zicinga ukuba zonke izihloko zilungiswa kakuhle njengoko zivela, utshilo uMorse. Kwaye nangona oku kungasebenza xa kuziwa kwizitya ezimdaka, akuyonyani malunga nesondo. Khetha amaxesha akho ngobulumko, utsho uMorse. Yaye khumbula, "kungakhathaliseki ukuba umxholo wentetho yesondo, nayiphi na ingxoxo ehambelana negumbi lokulala kufuneka yenzeke kude negumbi lokulala, kwindawo engathathi hlangothi njengekhitshi okanye igumbi lokuhlala," kusho uMorse. "Akufanele nanini, kwenzeke ngqo ngaphambili, ngqo emva, okanye ngexesha lokwabelana ngesondo!"

Umongo ongeyosondo, ongenaxinzelelo yeyona nto iphambili xa kuziwa ekuthetheni ngento entsha onokuba nomdla wokuzama, utshilo uNagoski. Yizisa loo ncoko kunye ne-disclaimer efana, "Kukho into endifuna ukuyizama kwaye ndixhalabile ukuba ungasabela njani. Ndingathanda ukuthetha nje ngayo, ngaphandle koxinzelelo, "uyongezelela. Kwaye ukuba ukwisiphelo sokufumana le ncoko yababini, musa ukuyivala kwangoko incoko. "Kungenzeka ukuba kwimeko kunye neqabane olithembayo ngokwenene, unokucinga ngendlela enokukusebenzela ngayo. Ukuba iyenzile, ufumene into entsha nenomdla. Impendulo yakho yokuqala ayisiyiyo, "utshilo uNagoski.

Unxibelelwano aluthethi ngokuthetha

Xa kuziwa ekuthetheni ngexesha lesenzo ngokwaso, kulungile ngokupheleleyo ukunxibelelana ngaphandle kwamagama, okoko nje kucacile, utsho uNagoski. Ngelixa abanye abantu baziva bekhululekile ngokupheleleyo besithi 'kunzima', 'ngokukhawuleza', okanye ukusebenzisa amagama angasese, zikho nezinye iinkqubo zonxibelelwano ezisebenzayo nazo. Nokuba oko kuza nenkqubo yamanani (okt. "Ukuba ndithi 'isithoba' musa ukuyeka") okanye ukukhanya okubomvu, ukukhanya okumthubi, inkqubo yokukhanya okuluhlaza, eyona nto iphambili kukuba nengxoxo kwangaphambili.

Sukuziva ngathi kufuneka ucinge ngayo yonke into kwangoko, nokuba-uyakufumana indlela efanelekileyo yonxibelelwano ngokuhamba kwexesha. Ngokufanelekileyo, akufuneki kuthathe ixesha elide ukuba iqabane lakho lifunde umahluko phakathi kwakho 'ndinyani kule' ukuncwina kunye 'nokudinwa' ukuncwina kwakho.

Yigcine Iqinisekile

Kungakhathaliseki ukuba ubuhlobo bakho bube bunyanisekile kangakanani, isondo kwaye siya kuhlala sisihloko esichukumisayo. Ke ngelixa ungafanelekanga ushukela iimvakalelo zakho, khumbula ukugxininisa okuhle. "Beka ugxininiso kwinto eyenziwa liqabane lakho ngokulungileyo," utshilo uMorse. "Gcina incoko ingamangaleli ngokunamathela kwingxelo ethi 'Mna' endaweni yokuba uthi 'Wena' (oko kukuthi, 'Ndicinga ukuba kuya kuba yinto enomdla kakhulu ukuba uzama ukuhla kum' ngokuchasene nokuthi, 'Awusoze wehla kum'). "

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