Ungonwaba Njani Ngokwenene

Umxholo

• Uphengululo lwe

Nangona sonke silwazi ukuba luyintoni ulonwabo, ukulufezekisa kuhlala kuyimfihlakalo kuninzi lwethu. Okona kulungileyo akunakwenzeka, imeko evuyisayo evelisa xa iimeko zilungile. Kodwa uphando lwamva nje lubonisa ukuba ulonwabo lulungile ezandleni zakho. Ungayiqinisa kwaye uyiphuhlise, ngokungathi sisihlunu, de ube unokuyibiza nanini na-nokuba uhlala ujonge kwimbonakalo yeglasi engenanto. "Uphando lubonisa ukuba amandla ethu okufumana ulonwabo ngama-50 epesenti aphenjelelwa yimfuza, iipesenti ezili-10 ngeziganeko, kunye neepesenti ezingama-40 ngenjongo," utshilo uDan Baker, Ph.D., umlawuli osungula iNkqubo yoPhuculo loBomi eCanyon Ranch, eTucson , EArizona. "Sisiphumo esibi sokuphila ngenjongo, ukumela into okholelwa kuyo, kunye nokuphuhlisa amandla akho apheleleyo." Ngokwenza njalo, unokuphakamisa kungekuphela imeko yakho yengqondo, kodwa nempilo yakho. Ngethamsanqa, enye yeendlela ezilula zokufezekisa ukonwaba kukwahlukana noxinzelelo lwemihla ngemihla kwaye ujonge kwizinto ezincinci ebomini eziza kukonwabisa. Ukwenza kube lula kuwe, sidibanise amanyathelo ali-10 alulawokulandela.

Dlala amandla akho

UM.J. Ryan, umbhali wencwadi ethi: “Njengoko ufuna ukwaneliseka, kubhetele unikel’ ingqalelo kwizinto onazo kunokuba uzame ukulungisa ubuthathaka bakho. Ama-365 ezempilo kunye nolonwabo. Ukuba akuqinisekanga ukuba ziphi na iitalente onazo, nikela ingqalelo kwizincomo ozifumanayo. Ngaba abantu emsebenzini bathi unesakhono seengxelo? Ukuba kunjalo, khangela amathuba okubhala. Kwakhona, khululeka uxoxe ngobuchule onabo. Ukuba ibhodi yakho yoluntu ifuna ukubhengeza umsitho kwaye wafunda unxibelelwano kwikholeji, thetha! Ukubonisa ukuzithemba kunye nokuyixhasa ngezenzo-kuvumela abanye ukuba bakubone kwelona khanyiso libalaseleyo, elenza umjikelo olungileyo, utsho uCanyon Ranch's Baker. Okukhona uthetha ngamanqaku akho omeleleyo, kokukhona ziya kuba zezokwenyani, kokukhona uzive ngcono, kwaye kokukhona kunokwenzeka ukuba uqhubeke ubeke unyawo lwakho phambili.

Fumana umdlalo

Ukuba ufumene ixesha lokuzonwabisa lokuyila linokukwenza ube nomxholo kodwa unobunzima bokufaka ishedyuli yakho epakishiweyo, jonga oku: "Ukuyila kunceda abantu baziqhelanise nobomi ngokubenza babhetyebhetye kwaye bavuleleke kumava," utshilo uDean Keith Simonton, Ph. .D. "Oku, ke, kukhuthaza ukuzithemba kunye nokwoneliseka." Ekubeni izibonelelo zivela kwinkqubo kunokuba imveliso, awufuni ukupeyinta njengePicasso ukuva umphumo. Ukuba iklasi yokuzoba ibonakala inamabhongo, yongeza "iyure evulekileyo" kusuku lwakho amaxesha amaninzi ngeveki, ucebisa uSimonton. Ngelo xesha, zama into eyenza umdla wakho; mhlawumbi ukupheka iresiphi entsha okanye ukufunda imibongo. Enye indlela yokwandisa ii-horizons zakho kukutshintsha inkqubo yakho. Zama indawo yokutyela eyahlukileyo okanye ungene kwikonsathi kunemuvi. Phuka usila imihla ngemihla kwaye ubukele njengoko ingqondo yakho ikhula- kunye nenqanaba lokonwaba liphuma.

Phila ubomi obulula

Imali ayiluthengi ulonwabo. Enyanisweni, intlama eyongezelelweyo ayiphumeleli nje ukuzisa uvuyo emva kokuba iimfuno ezisisiseko zihlangatyeziwe, ngokwenene ziyayinqanda. "Abantu abathi ukwenza imali eninzi kubalulekile kubo kunokwenzeka ukuba babe noxinzelelo, ixhala, kunye nentloko-kwaye kuncinci ukuba baxele ukuba banelisekile ngobomi babo," utshilo uTim Kasser, Ph.D., umbhali we Ixabiso eliphezulu lezinto eziphathekayo. Ngokophando lukaKasser, ubutyebi bexesha- ukuziva unexesha elaneleyo lokulandela izinto ofuna ukuzenza- sisimo esingcono sobomi obonelisekileyo kunomvuzo. Ukunqanda ukucinga ngezinto eziphathekayo, lahla iikhathalogu kumgqomo wokurisayikilisha ngaphambi kokuba ujike phakathi kwazo, okanye ucebise umhlobo wakho ukuba uyokusela iti kunokuba uye evenkileni. Kwaye ukuba loo ngxamiseko uyifumana ngokuthenga isinxibo esitsha siyangenelela, khumbula nje: "Ezoyolo zizisa kuphela uhlobo lolonwabo olunyamalala ngokukhawuleza," utshilo uKasser. "Ukufezekisa ukwaneliseka okungapheliyo, kuya kufuneka ujonge kumava, hayi kwizinto."

Yenza isigqibo, emva koko uqhubeke

Okuncinci kuninzi ngokwenene xa kuziwa kukhetho. Zininzi izinto onokukhetha kuzo ezinokukhubaza, zikushukumisele ekubeni wenze isigqibo esibi, okanye zikushiye uziqikelela. Uphononongo lwakutsha nje olupapashwe kwi Ijenali yoPhando lwaBathengi bafumanise ukuba bambalwa abantu ezivenkileni abaya kuzo, kwakulula kubo ukwenza izigqibo-kunye nomxholo ngakumbi abaziva. "Xa sicinga ukuba kukho enye indlela enomtsalane phaya, nezigqibo zethu ezilungileyo zisishiya singonelisekanga," utshilo uBarry Schwartz, Ph.D., umbhali Ummangaliso wokukhetha. "Abantu abaqhubeka befuna okona kulungileyo kuyo yonke into-nokuba ngumsebenzi, iqabane, okanye ilaptop-banexinzelelo kwaye abanelisekanga." Ukunciphisa unxunguphalo, sukuphinda ubuye kwisigqibo xa sele senziwe. “Zixelele ukuba kulungile ngokwaneleyo,” ucebisa uSchwartz. "Qhubeka uphinda imantra de uyikholelwe. Kuqala izakukhathaza, kodwa emva kweeveki ezimbalwa, uyakuziva ukhululekile." Okokugqibela, nciphisa ngokungenasizathu ukhetho lwakho-nokuba ufuna iqabane lomphefumlo okanye iqabane elilodwa. "Yenza umthetho: 'Iiprofayili ezintathu ze-intanethi kwaye ndikhetha, okanye iivenkile ezimbini kwaye ndigqibe.' Ukuphela kwebali. "

Yamkele into yokuba abanye abantu abayi kukuthanda

Hayi, akukho lula ukujamelana noluvo lokuba lo mfazi ziikubhite ezintathu ngaphezulu akanakubonakala eshushu kuwe. Kodwa ukuba uyaqhubeka nokukhathazeka ngenxa yayo, iyakukuhlisa-kwaye ayizukutshintsha luvo lwakhe. Ngelixa ubuhlobo buthintela uxinezeleko, ulwalamano olubi lunokubangela imiqobo yokwenene kulonwabo. "Ukuba uthatha isigwebo somntu wonke entliziyweni, unikezela amandla akho okuzibona ngokucacileyo," kusho uBaker. Ngexesha elizayo xa uzibona ucinga malunga ne-nemesis yeofisi yakho okanye ukhathazeka ngamagqabaza enziwe ngokuchasene nawe, nqumama okwethutyana kwaye ukhumbule ukuncoma kwakho okokugqibela okufumene kumntu omthembileyo. Zikhumbuze ukuba unoluvo olufanelekileyo ngesimilo sakho. Emva koko cinga ngezinto ozifezileyo esipilini esincomayo. Esi senzo silula siya kukuguqula sibe lelona qabane lakho likhulu kwaye sikwenze uzive unamandla kwaye ulawula.

Banzi banzi isangqa sakho sabahlobo

Umbhali uM. "Ezi zibophelelo zisinika ingqiqo yenjongo kwaye ziza kunye neenzuzo ezininzi zeemvakalelo njengoko iqabane elithandanayo lenza." Ukongeza, uphando lubonisa ukuba abahlobo basigcina sisempilweni, banciphise ukuxhalaba, kwaye bakhuthaze ubomi obude. Enyanisweni, ubuhlobo bubaluleke kakhulu kwintlalo-ntle yowesifazane kangangokuba ukuchasana kobudlelwane-ukwahlukaniswa kwentlalo-kuye kwafunyaniswa ukuba yingozi kwimpilo yomntu njengoko ukutshaya kakhulu, ngokutsho kweSifundo Sezempilo sabahlengikazi abavela kwiSikolo sezoNyango saseHarvard. Ukwenza ulwalamano lwakho nabanye, beka amandla afanayo kubudlelwane bakho nabahlobo bakho njengoko unokuba nolwalamano nomnye obalulekileyo. Yibani nomdlandla, bekani bucala ixesha lezinto ezizodwa kunye, kwaye nihlale nihlaziyana ngobomi bakho bemihla ngemihla. Umvuzo wakho? Abahlobo bakho baya kwenza okufanayo nakuwe, okuya kudala iimvakalelo zenkxaso, ukuba kunye nolwaneliseko.

Gxininisa okulungileyo

Kukho isizathu sokuba abantu bakuxelele ukuba ume kwaye unuke iiroses: Ayisiyo nje intyatyambo yentyatyambo eyenza ubomi bube ngcono, kodwa kunye nokuxabiseka kwayo. "Ukubulela lilitye lembombo lolonwabo. Konke malunga nokuqaphela okulungileyo ebomini bethu endaweni yezinto ezingalunganga," utshilo uRyan. Kuhlolisiso olwenziwa kwiYunivesithi yaseMiami naseKhalifoniya, eDavis, abantu ababeyalelwe ukuba bagcine iijenali zombulelo, bebhala zonke iimeko ababenombulelo ngazo, banikela ingxelo yamanqanaba aphezulu enzondelelo, ithemba namandla kunabo bangazange bazigcine iidayari ezinjalo. Sifunda ntoni? URyan uthi: “Musa ukulinda ukuba kwenzeke into enkulu kuwe ukuze uzive wonwabile. "Yenza ngokwakho wonwabe ngokuqaphela okuhle esele kukho." Ukwenza oko, qalisa isiko elilula. Bhala ibinzana elithi "Yiba nombulelo" ephepheni kwaye ulifake epokothweni yakho okanye kwenye indawo oya kuyibona. Ngalo lonke ixesha. xa ubamba okanye ubona inowuthi, chaza into enye oyixabisayo.

Tshatisa iinjongo zakho kunye nezenzo zakho

Uneenjongo, ezinkulu nezincinci; wenza uluhlu lwezinto oza kuzenza kwaye usete izinto eziphambili ngokubaluleka. Ngoko kutheni ungaziva wanelisekile? “Sifumana ulonwabo xa sifumana uyolo kwakunye nentsingiselo koko sikwenzayo,” utsho uTal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D., ohlohla iklasi yaseHarvard edumileyo ye-positive-psychology. Ngamanye amazwi, unokuthi usapho luza kuqala, kodwa ukuba usebenza iiyure ezili-14 ngeentsuku, udala impixano yangaphakathi esusa amathuba akho olonwabo. Xa abaphandi abavela kwiDyunivesithi yaseGeorgia bevavanya ubomi babantu abafikelela kwi-100, bafumanisa enye yezona zinto zixhaphakileyo ababenazo ikhulu leminyaka yayikukubakho kwinjongo abaqhubeka nokuzilandela. Ukuba usebenza iiyure ezinde kodwa ufuna ukuchitha ixesha elininzi ekhaya, qala ngokushiya i-ofisi imizuzu eli-15 ngaphambili yonke imihla de ube ulapho iiyure ezisibhozo. Kwaye endaweni yokugcina zonke iintsuku zakho zeeholide kuhambo olunye, beka ezimbalwa ecaleni kwiziganeko zesikolo zabantwana bakho okanye uchithe ixesha lokuphumla kwemini kunye neqabane lakho.

Thula ukuzithetha okunetyhefu

Xa umphathi wakho ebekufowunele kwintlanganiso enkulu ngale ntsasa waza wayibetha ngoyaba impendulo yakho, ngaba uye wasiphinda esi simo engqondweni yakho imini yonke? Ukuba kunjalo, mhlawumbi unomkhwa wokukhanyisa kwiimpazamo zakho-njengoko uninzi lwabasetyhini, utshilo uSusan Nolen-Hoeksema, Ph.D., umbhali Abasetyhini Abacinga Kakhulu: Ungaziqhawula Njani Ukucinga Ngokugqithisileyo kwaye Ubuyise Ubomi Bakho. "Uphando lwam lubonisa ukuba ukucinga ngeempazamo zakho kukutsalela phantsi kwaye kukunike isimo esibi esandayo. Enye ingxaki ikhokelela kwenye ize enye kwenye, kwaye ngequbuliso kubonakala ngathi ubomi bakho bonke bububundlobongela, utshilo uNolen- UHoeksema. "Ngokuhamba kwexesha, le pateni ikwenza ube sesichengeni sokudakumba kunye noxinzelelo." Kodwa kulula kunokuba kubonakala ngathi wophula umjikelo. Yenza into esebenzayo kwaye uya kunyanzelwa ukuba uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uphinde uyenze: Uya kuhamba, jonga kwi-DVD yakho oyithandayo, okanye ucoce ezo khabhinethi ozikhathaleleyo. Emva kokuba uyicoca ingqondo yakho, thatha inyathelo elincinci lokunciphisa inkxalabo yakho, kunokuba uhlale kuyo. Usacinga malunga nokuhamba kwakho kusasa eofisini? Thumela i-imeyile emfutshane kumphathi wakho enezilungiso. Ngaba ukhathazekile malunga nokukhwaza kwimoto yakho okanye imeko yeakhawunti yakho yokonga? Yenza idinga nomkhandi okanye umcebisi wezezimali. Isenzo nje esinye esincinci sinokukhupha iqamza lexhala elikungqongileyo.

Yihambise!

Nangona kuye kwangqinwa amaxesha ngamaxesha ukuba ukuzilolonga kuphakamisa umoya wakho, kwakha izihlunu, kuqinisa imetabolism, kwaye kuphucula umgangatho wokulala, sihlala sivumela ixesha lethu lokuzilolonga lityibilike. Ukuba ishedyuli exineneyo ikugcina ungafaki i-sneaks yakho, gcina oku engqondweni: Isifundo esivela kwiYunivesithi yaseNyakatho Arizona sifumanise ukuba amanqanaba amandla, ukudinwa, kunye nomoya ophuculweyo emva kwemizuzu nje eli-10 yokuzilolonga. Emva kwe-20, imiphumo yaba mikhulu ngakumbi. Oku kuthetha ukuba izihlandlo ezibini okanye ezithathu ezimfutshane zokuzilolonga suku ngalunye zanele ukuphucula isimo sakho sengqondo. Indlela elungileyo yokuwacudisa? Qala ukuhamba yonke imihla, utsho uCedric X. Bryant, Ph.D., igosa eliyintloko lezenzululwazi kwi-American Council on Exercise. Ukuba uyazi ukuba awuzukuphuma wedwa, yenza iqela elihambayo kunye noogxa bakho kwaye uthathe ikhefu lemizuzu eli-10 emini xa uhambahamba kwisakhiwo. Thetha nabahlobo ngelixa uhamba okanye ubaleka endaweni yokutya ngaphezulu, okanye uhambe nenja yakho iibhloko ezimbalwa ezongezelelweyo. Ibhonasi: Ukusebenzisana kwakho nabanye kuya kwanda, okuya kukunika imvakalelo yakho yokunyusa kabini.

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