Ukukhulelwa okulahlekileyo kunye nothando olulahlekileyo: Ukutshata ngaphandle komtshato kuchaphazela njani ubudlelwane bakho

Umxholo

• Uthini uphando
• Ukoyisa ukuthula

Ukuphulukana nokukhulelwa akufuneki ukuba kuthetha ukuphela kobudlelwane bakho. Unxibelelwano ngundoqo.

Ngokwenyani akukho ndlela yokwenza iswekile eyenzekayo ngexesha lokuphuma kwesisu. Ngokuqinisekileyo, wonke umntu uyazi ngeziseko zento eyenzekayo, ngobugcisa. Kodwa ngaphaya kokubonakaliswa komzimba kokuphuma kwesisu, yongeza kuxinzelelo, usizi, kunye neemvakalelo, kwaye inokuba, iyaqondakala, inzima kwaye iyabhidisa. Ngokuqinisekileyo oku kunokuba nefuthe kubudlelwane bakho.

Iinkcukacha-manani zibonisa ukuba malunga neepesenti ezili-10 zokukhulelwa okwaziwayo kuphele ngokuphuphuma kwesisu kwikota yokuqala. Nokuba uzama ukuba nosana okanye kwakumangalisiwe, oku kulahleka kunokuba kukudina kwaye kube buhlungu.

Ngelixa wonke umntu eza kwenza ilahleko ngokwahlukileyo, inokuba sisiganeko esibuhlungu, kwaye kwizibini ezitshatileyo, ukuphuma kwesisu kunokubangela ukuba nidibane kunye okanye kunenze nihlukane.

Akubonakali kulungile, akunjalo? Usandul 'ukwenzeka esi siganeko sibuhlungu, kwaye into yokugqibela ekufuneka ukhathazeke ngayo kukuba ubudlelwane bakho buza kuphila.

Uthini uphando

Izifundo zibonise ukuba nakuphi na ukwenzakala kunokuchaphazela ubudlelwane bakho, kwaye oku kuyinyani ekuphumeni kwesisu. Ujonge indlela ukuphuphuma kwesisu kunye nokuzala umntwana oswelekileyo kunefuthe kubudlelwane bakho, kwaye iziphumo zazimangalisa.

Abantu abatshatileyo okanye abatshatileyo abatshatileyo abaphulukane nokuphuphuma kwesisu babengama-22 eepesenti amathuba okuba bahlukane ngokuchasene nezibini ezinomntwana osempilweni ngexesha. Kwababini ababelethayo, eli nani laliphezulu, kwaye iipesenti ezingama-40 zezibini ekugqibeleni ziphelisa ubudlelwane bazo.

Akuqhelekanga ukuqhuma emva kokuphuma kwesisu ngenxa yokuba intlungu iyanzima. Ukuba lixesha lokuqala wena neqabane lakho nililela kunye, nifunda malunga nani kunye ngexesha elinye.

Abanye abantu bayazahlula ukuze basebenze ngeemvakalelo zabo. Abanye baphethukela kuyo nantoni na egcina iingqondo zabo zixakekile kwaye bazilahlekele kwiziphazamiso. Abanye bajolise ngakumbi kule mibuzo-ukuba imibuzo enokusenza sihlale sinetyala.

Amaxhala afana nokuthi, "Ngaba ndingaze ndibenomntwana?" "Ngaba ikhona into endiyenzileyo ebangele ukuba le isisu siphume?" "Kutheni iqabane lam lingabonakali libuhlungu njengam?" uloyiko oluqhelekileyo kwaye lunokukhokelela kubundlobongela kubudlelwane ukuba bashiywe bengaxoxwanga.

Isifundo esidala esivela ku-2003 sifumanise ukuba iipesenti ezingama-32 zabasetyhini baziva bezivalele "phakathi" phakathi kwabayeni babo kunyaka omnye emva kokuphuma kwesisu kunye neepesenti ezingama-39 beziva zikude kakhulu ngokwesondo.

Xa usiva la manani, akukho nzima ukubona ukuba kutheni ubudlelwane obuninzi bufikelela esiphelweni emva kokuphuma kwesisu.

Ukoyisa ukuthula

Ngelixa amanani ohlukaniso ephezulu, uqhawulo ngokuqinisekileyo alusetwanga ematyeni, ngakumbi ukuba uyazi ukuba ukuphuma kwesisu kunokuchaphazela njani ubudlelwane bakho.

Umbhali okhokele kolunye uphononongo, uGqirha Katherine Gold, unjingalwazi onxulumene naye kwiYunivesithi yaseMichigan eAnn Arbor, uxelele i-CNN ukuba awudingi ukuba "wothuke ucinge ukuba ngenxa yokuba umntu ephulukene nokukhulelwa, baya kufumana ubudlelwane buphelile. ” Ucacisa ukuba uninzi lwezibini ziyasondela emva kwelahleko.

"Kwakunzima, kodwa i-hubby yam kunye nam sakhetha ukukhula kuyo kunye," watsho uMichelle L. ngokulahleka kwakhe. “Kungenxa yokuba yayiyinyama yomzimba wam eyayihamba kwakungathethi ukuba sobabini asiyiva intlungu, iintlungu, kunye nelahleko. Yayingumntwana wakhe naye, ”wongeze watsho.

Ngobudlelwane bakhe, "bakhetha ukwangana kula maxesha otshabalalo kwaye bathembele kwaye baxhomekeke omnye komnye. Undibambe ngexesha lam lobunzima kwaye nam bendimphakamisa xa ephuka. ” Uthe ukubonana kwabo "kweyona ntlungu ingathethekiyo kunye nokuphelelwa lithemba" kwaye "nokwazi omnye umntu ukuba ebekhona nokuba sekutheni" kubancede baphumelela kwintlungu ababekuyo.

Isitshixo sokufumana ukukhulelwa kwesisu kunye kunye nokuthintela iimpembelelo ezimbi kubudlelwane bakho ixesha elide kuyehla kunxibelelwano. Ewe, ukuthetha nokuthetha nokuthetha ngakumbi-omnye komnye kuya kuba kokufanelekileyo, kodwa ukuba awukulungelanga oko kwangoko, ukuthetha nengcali-njengombelekisi, ugqirha, okanye umcebisi-yindawo elungileyo onokuqala kuyo.

Zininzi iindawo onokujikela kuzo ukuze ufumane inkxaso ngoku, enkosi kwimidiya yoluntu kunye neendlela ezintsha zokunxibelelana nabacebisi. Ukuba ufuna inkxaso ye-intanethi okanye amanqaku ezixhobo, iwebhusayithi yam UnspokenGrief.com or Imile ngoku Imagazini zizixhobo ezibini. Ukuba ukhangele umntu othetha naye, unokukhangela umcebisi wentlungu kwindawo yakho.

Xa ucinga ukuba kungakanani ukuthula okukhoyo ngoku malunga nokuthetha ngokuphuma kwesisu kunye nentlungu ekufuneka ilindelwe emva kwelahleko, ayothusi into yokuba uninzi luzive lulilolo, nkqu neqabane. Xa ungaziva ngathi iqabane lakho libonisa usizi olufanayo, umsindo, okanye ezinye iimvakalelo onazo, ayothusi into yokuba ngokuthe ngcembe uqale ukwahlukana.

Kukho umba wokuba ukuba iqabane lakho aliqinisekanga ukuba lingakunceda njani okanye lenze njani ukuba iintlungu zihambe, banokuphepha iingxaki endaweni yokuvula. Kwaye ezi zinto zimbini kutheni ukuthetha kunye, okanye ubungcali kubaluleke kakhulu.

Xa uhamba ngento eyenzakalisayo kunye neyakho buqu njengokuphuma kwesisu, kwaye uhambe ngayo kunye, kukho ithuba elihle lokuphuma esiphelweni somelele. Uya kuba nokuqonda okunzulu ngovelwano, kunye nezinto ezincinci nezikhulu ezizisa intuthuzelo kwiqabane lakho.

Ukusebenza ngokudabuka, ukunika indawo ngexesha lomsindo, kunye nokunikezela ngenkxaso ngexesha lokoyika kukudibanisa. Uya komeleza izakhono zakho zonxibelelwano kunye nabanye, kwaye uyazi ukuba kukhuselekile ukuxelela iqabane lakho into oyiyo imfuno nokuba ayisiyiyo into abafuna ukuyiva.

Nangona kunjalo, ngamanye amaxesha nokuba ungazama kangakanani ukugcina ubudlelwane bakho, intlungu iyakutshintsha kunye nendlela ohamba ngayo ebomini. Ukwahlukana kuyenzeka.

Ku-Casie T., ilahleko yakhe yokuqala yaphazamisa intsebenziswano yakhe, kodwa kwakungekho emva kokuphulukana kwabo kwesibini ukuba umtshato wabo uphele. "Emva kwelahleko yesibini, emva konyaka sahlukana," wabelana.

Ukuhamba ngokuphuma kwesisu kunye nenkqubo yokulila ngokuqinisekileyo kunefuthe kubudlelwane bakho, kodwa ungafunda into entsha malunga nomnye, ubone amandla owahlukileyo ongazange uwabone ngaphambili, kwaye wamkele utshintsho kubuzali ngokwahlukileyo kunokuba ubungakhange uhambe kunye .

UDevan McGuinness ngumbhali wokuba ngumzali kwaye ufumana amabhaso aliqela ngomsebenzi wakhe ngeUpspokenGrief.com. Ujolise ekuncedeni abanye ngexesha elinzima nelona lihle lokuba ngumzali. UDevan uhlala eToronto, eKhanada, nomyeni wakhe nabantwana abane.