Ungaseta njani kwakhona emva koNyaka oMoyikisayo

Umxholo

• Ukuba Ufelwe Ngumntu Omthandayo
• Ukuba Ulahlekelwe ngumsebenzi Wakho
• Ukuba Ukhe Wanengxaki EParadesi
• Ukuba ukhe wanengxaki yempilo
• Ukuba uyagxothwa kwiPolitiko kunye nokubandezeleka kobuhlanga, ukucalula ngokwesini, okanye ukugxeka ngokubanzi
• Uphengululo lwe

I-2016 yayiyeyona ndlela imbi kakhulu yokujonga kuyo nayiphi na i-meme ye-Intanethi. Kwisiseko, uninzi lwethu ngokuqinisekileyo kuye kwafuneka sinyamezele uhlobo oluthile lweemvakalelo zesifo-ukwahlukana, ukuphulukana nomsebenzi, ukufelwa ngumntu, mhlawumbi noloyiko lwempilo. (Ayinakuthintelwa nanguwuphi na unyaka.) Ukongeza koko imeko yezopolitiko eyoyikisayo phesheya kunye nakwilizwe lethu kwaye uninzi lwethu luphela lo nyaka luziva ludangele, lucatshukisiwe, kwaye ludinwe nje ngokweemvakalelo.

Unyaka oMtsha, nangona kunjalo, luphawu olukhulu lokusula isileyiti, uthathe umoya ophefumlayo, kwaye uqhubele phambili ngobomi bakho. Kodwa ungaseta njani emva kweziganeko ezidimazayo? Sithethe neengcungela zeengcali ukujongana nazo zonke izizathu i-2016 inokuba ishiye ugcino lwakho lweemvakalelo lome-kwaye ngokuchanekileyo ungaseta njani kwaye uzive ukulungele ukujongana no-2017 ngentloko yakho ibambe phezulu kwaye umlilo uphelele.

Ukuba Ufelwe Ngumntu Omthandayo

NgoFebruwari, oogqirha baxelela udadewabo kaSarah ukuba umhlaza wakhe webele uphume uxolelo. Ngehlobo, amathumba aye aphumelela. Ukuphulukana naye yeyona nto inzima endakha ndajongana nayo, utshilo uSarah, 34, waseAtlanta *. "Ngelo xesha, ngokunyanisekileyo andizange ndicinge ukuba ndiza kuyigqiba inkonzo yomngcwabo. Kwaye ndilapha, kwiinyanga kamva, ndisazibuza ukuba ndifanele ndisebenze njani nalo mngxunya mkhulu ebomini bam."

Akukho ndlela yokucima iintlungu zokuphulukana nelungu losapho lwakho, utshilo uBen Michaelis, Ph.D., ugqirha wezengqondo kunye nombhali Into yakho enkulu elandelayo: Amanyathelo amaNcinci ama-10 okuShukuma kwaye wonwabe. Kodwa abantu bomelele kakhulu kunokuba becinga kwaye bayakwazi ukulawula iimeko ezinzima kakhulu ukuba bazicwangcise ngokufanelekileyo, uyongeza.

Oko kuya kuphulukana nabantu abangaphezulu kobakho ebomini bakho. "U-2016 wayenzima kum kuba siphulukene neekati ezimbini kwiiveki ezimbini," utshilo uBaley, 26, waseFairfax, VA. "Njengomntu ohlala yedwa ngalo lonke ixesha kunye neekati, yayibuhlungu kakhulu."

"Ukuba ufumene ilahleko kulo nyaka-umhlobo, ilungu losapho, okanye isilwanyana sasekhaya-kuyanceda ukubeka ilahleko kwimeko kwaye ube nombulelo ngokuba naloo mntu okanye isilwanyana ebomini bakho," unika uMichaelis.

Okokuqala, kuya kufuneka uphawule ilahleko ngokwenza okuthile okanye isiko, ngesiqhelo umngcwabo, kodwa kunye nento ethile efana nokukhanyisa ikhandlela kwimbeko yakhe. Okulandelayo, yamkele indima yaloo mntu okanye isilwanyana sasekhaya kubomi bakho ngokwenza into ebinokuba luncedo kuye: umsebenzi ekwabelwana ngawo, uphonononge izinto akushiyileyo, ujonge imifanekiso.Emva koko, jonga ukuba ungaqhubeka njani ukuba naloo mntu imihla ngemihla. Umzekelo, ukuba umhlobo wakho ubepolitiki, unokunikela ngezizathu ezibangele ukuba athethe into ethile kuye. “Oku kuvumela ilahleko ukuba iphole kwaye ukhule into entle ngokwazi kwabo,” utshilo uMichaelis.

Ukuba Ulahlekelwe ngumsebenzi Wakho

Emva kokuba ekwikhefu lokubeleka, uShana, oneminyaka engama-33 ubudala waseRockville, MD, wabuyela emsebenzini ngoJanuwari elungele ukubetha umhlaba. Endaweni yoko, isikhundla sakhe sasuswa kwiinyanga ezintathu ezinesidubedube kwaye ebephelelwe ngumsebenzi ukusukela ngoko. "Ndineetoni zodliwanondlebe, kodwa ukuza kuthi ga ngoku, akukho zinikezelo. Ndihlala ndisiya kumjikelo wokugqibela kodwa ndilahlekelwe ngumntu onamava ngakumbi okanye ozimisele ukuthatha imali encinci. Ndichithwe kakhulu ngokwasemphefumlweni kuko konke ukwaliwa," uthi.

Ukuyeka emsebenzini kukurhafisa kakhulu kuba kukubetha kakhulu ukuzithemba kwakho kunye nokuba nexabiso, utshilo uKathy Caprino, umqeqeshi wekhondo labasetyhini kunye nomphuhlisi wobunkokeli kwisiXeko saseNew York. "Kubuhlungu kakhulu kwaye kuyadimaza ukuba ube semva kokufumana umntu osemagunyeni esixelela ukuba asisaxatyiswanga, asifuneki, okanye asibalulekanga kwinkampani. Kwaye kubuhlungu ukuba singakubonanga oku kuza kwaye siphume kwangoko. "

Yiloo ndlela kanye uLauren, 32, wase-Indianapolis, aziva ngayo xa wayegxothwa emsebenzini wakhe weminyaka eli-11 kweli hlobo. Kodwa uCaprino ucacisa ukuba uhlala uziva ngathi sisibetho esibuhlungu, eneneni, iya kuba sisiganeko esikukhululayo. Inokukunceda ukuba ucace ngakumbi malunga neyona nto ibalulekileyo ebomini bakho.

Owona mlo mkhulu kaLauren ngoku, nangona kunjalo, kukuchacha ekuzithembeni kwakhe. UCaprino ucebisa ukuba kusetyenziswe isileyiti esitsha sika-2017 ukwakha ukuzithemba kwakhona ukusuka phezulu.

Kuqala, qaphela ukuba yintoni ekwenza ubaluleke, ubaluleke, kwaye uhlukile, uCaprino ucebisa. Emva koko, cinga ngento eza ngokulula kuwe njengomntwana nasebudaleni. "Ezi ziitalente zakho zendalo kunye nezipho oya kufuna ukuzisebenzisa ngamandla ebomini bakho nasemsebenzini," wongeza uCaprino. Okokugqibela, cinga ngeenyaniso ezingama-20 ezingenakuphikiswa, ezingenakuphikiswa zento othe wazidla ngokuyifeza, wayifeza, kwaye wanegalelo kuyo ebomini nasemsebenzini wakho. "Xa ukwazi ukuchonga nokuthetha ngokunyanzela malunga negalelo elibalulekileyo olwenzileyo kwaye kutheni kubalulekile, uya kuqala ukutsala amathuba amaninzi afanelekileyo," utshilo uCaprino.

Ukuba Ukhe Wanengxaki EParadesi

Ukwahlukana kuhlala kudinisa ngokweemvakalelo. Kodwa xa beza namagqwetha kwaye besolula kwiinyanga, banokuphela ngokuthe ngqo. Mane ubuze uWhitney, oneminyaka engama-55 ubudala waseMissoula, MT, ochithe inxalenye yokugqibela ka-2016 esilwa nendoda awayeyithanda kangangeminyaka engama-30 kuqhawulo mtshato olude.

Ukwahlukana kunokuba buhlungu kumanqanaba amaninzi, utshilo uCarrie Cole, i-LPC, umlawuli wophando weThe Gottman Institute. Kukho uvakalelo lwelahleko ekufuneka sichithe ixesha sisentlungwini-into eyophukileyo ye-neurological attachment ekufuneka siyiyeke iphilise, kwaye yenzakalise ukuzithemba ekufuneka siphinde sikwakhe.

Enye yeendlela ezilungileyo onokuthi usete kwakhona: Thatha ixesha ekuqaleni kuka-2017 ucinge ukuba ubuyintoni kwaye ubungenaxanduva. "Abanye abantu bazibeka ityala kuzo zonke iingxaki zobudlelwane, ngelixa abanye besola amaqabane abo ngayo yonke into-kodwa ke ayiyonyani," ucacisa uCole. (Jonga kwakhona: Imikhwa emi-5 esempilweni yokukuQhuba ngokuQhubela ukohlukana)

Kwaye ubhabhe uwedwa okwethutyana. Ukufuna ubudlelwane obutsha yindlela yokuphelisa imeko yendalo ukuthintela iimvakalelo ezingalunganga, kodwa kunokwenzeka ukuba ujonge iiflegi ezimbalwa ezibomvu kwaye, xa obu budlelwane buphela, umrhumo weemvakalelo uya kuba mbi ngakumbi, uyacacisa.

Endaweni yoko, yenza imihla kunye nawe kunye nabo ungabahoyi. "Abasetyhini abaninzi bancama ezinye zezinto abazithandayo ukuba kubudlelwane nomnye umntu. Kwaye ubudlelwane budla ixesha lakho elininzi, ukuze uzibone sele ulahlekile kukunxibelelana nosapho kunye nabahlobo," utshilo uCole. Phinda uqhagamshelane nemisebenzi kunye nabantu abakwenza wonwabe kwaye banika intsingiselo kubomi bakho. Ngapha koko, ayikho enye indlela ebhetele yokuqonda ukuba ubomi bakho buya kulunga-ukuba abuyi kuba ngcono-ngaphandle kwakhe kunokuba niqalise ukonwaba enikuphosileyo ngexesha enikunye ngalo.

Kunokuba nzima kunokuba umtsha kubudlelwane obuyingxaki, nangona kunjalo, kusedolophini enye. "Ekuqaleni konyaka, ndaqala ubudlelwane kunye nefilosofi eyinkimbinkimbi, into-eyazi-ngoku-ingqondo edandathekileyo enomthwalo omkhulu weemvakalelo. Sisekunye kuba andinakuyeka ukumkhathalela. Kodwa emva kweenyanga ezisixhenxe, kuvakala ngathi sikwinqanaba lokuqala, kwaye iimvakalelo zakhe zibangela onke amacala am aphazamisekileyo, asweleyo nangokweemvakalelo,” utsho uMichelle, oneminyaka engama-32, waseQuito, e-Ecuador.

UCole uthi akufuneki uzame ukusula isileyiti esicocekileyo nge-SO yakho, kodwa endaweni yoko tyhala iqhosha lokuseta kwindlela oziphethe ngayo. "Eyona ndlela yokuqonda okwenzekileyo kukuba iqabane ngalinye litshintshane ngokuthetha malunga neemvakalelo ezithe zavela, nokuba yintoni enokubangela isithuba esidlulileyo, ukuba umntu ngamnye ukholelwa njani ukuba banegalelo kule ngxaki, kwaye umntu ngamnye angayenza njani ngcono kwixesha elizayo ," uCole unikezela. Emva kokuba ubeke yonke into etafileni, uyazi ukuba zeziphi iziphathamandla ozifunayo ukuba uzame ukuba ngcono kwaye ungaqala ukukhangela phambili kubudlelwane.

Ukuba ukhe wanengxaki yempilo

Nokuba uchithe unyaka wonke ubuyela kwisigulo esinzima esinje nge-Crohn okanye i-concussion, okanye usandul 'ukucinezela umqolo wakho phakathi kokuzilolonga, kukho ukuchaphazeleka okukhulu ngokweemvakalelo kukudinwa.

Kutheni inzima kangaka? Ayisiyiyo kuphela ukuba ukhubazeke ngokwasemzimbeni ngenxa yokuhamba malunga neshishini njengesiqhelo, kodwa ukwenzakala kukwasikhumbuza ngokusweleka kwethu, okukhokelela ubuncinci kwiimvakalelo zokudakumba okanye unxunguphalo, utshilo uMichaelis. Kwaye ukuba uligal efanelekileyo, ukubekelwa ecaleni kwindlela yakho yokuzilolonga yenye yeentaba ekufuneka uzenzile ngengqondo.

Buza nje uSuzanne, oneminyaka engama-51 ubudala ohlala eParis, owakrazula isihlunu ngokupheleleyo esinqeni sakhe ngelixa wayedanisa kumtshato wonyana wakhe. "Phambi koko, ndabaleka, ndenza ii-Pilates, ndaze ndaziqhelanisa neyoga iiyure ezili-10 ngeveki. Ngoku, emva kweeveki ezintandathu ndindlwini, ndinokuhamba iimayile ezimbalwa ngosuku. Ndifumene iipawundi ezili-10, ndalahleka iiyure zomsebenzi njengendoda kwaye kwafuneka ndirhoxise iiholide ezimbini kunye nokutyelela abantwana bam, abahlala kude nekhaya, ”utshilo.

Ngoko ulibeka njani eli nqanaba lokudakumba emva kwakho? Misela iinjongo zokubuyisela inyathelo losana. "Ukuzama ukusuka kwi-zero ukuya kwiqhawe ngokuqhwanyaza kweliso kungakhokelela kwiimvakalelo ezininzi zosizi kunye noxinzelelo, kwaye ukuba awukakulungeli oko, kungakhokelela komnye umva," ucacisa uMichaelis. Misela imigama ephambi kancinane apho ucinga ukuba usendleleni eya empilweni, kwaye emva koko ubhiyozele impumelelo nganye.

Ukuba uyagxothwa kwiPolitiko kunye nokubandezeleka kobuhlanga, ukucalula ngokwesini, okanye ukugxeka ngokubanzi

“U-2016 undothusile ngokweemvakalelo nosapho lwam, ngakumbi utata,” utshilo uLisa, oneminyaka engama-29 ubudala waseAtlanta. "Ngenxa yolonyulo kunye nentshukumo yeBlack Lives Matter, uye wanyelisa ubuhlanga. Kodwa umyeni wam umnyama kwaye abantwana bam banobuhlanga. Ibibi kakhulu." (Eyeleleneyo: Indlela ubuhlanga obuyichaphazela ngayo impilo yakho yengqondo)

Ingcebiso kaMichaelis? Yiya phantsi kwaye ube nayo loo ncoko inokuba nomsindo kwaye ikhathazeke malunga nokuba kutheni umbono wabo uyinto embi kuwe. "Bandakanya nabo. Zama ukuqonda uluvo lomnye nomnye. Abantu abaninzi banengqiqo kwaye banokuqondwa xa uyayiqonda into eyenzekayo ebomini babo," utshilo. Ukuba lusapho lwakho, ngokuqinisekileyo uthando lwendalo luya kukuvumela ukuba, ubuncinci, uvume ukungavumelani. Kodwa ukuba incoko engenasiqhamo kunye neentlungu kunye nokuqaqadeka okunenkani kuyaqhubeka, isenokuba lixesha lokuba uphinde uphonononge indima edlalwa lolu lwalamano ebomini bakho.

Kodwa wenza ntoni xa intiyo ibonakala ikungqongile?

"[Zininzi izinto zokurhafisa ezenzekileyo kulo nyaka, kodwa] akukho nanye endidinisileyo ngendlela unyulo ebendinayo, bendinemincili ngoHillary .... Kwaye ngoku ndihlala kwihlabathi apho abantu bacinga kulungile ukuba babeke izandla zabo kwabasetyhini, okanye amaSilamsi, okanye nawuphina umntu ojongeka ehlukile kancinane kunabo. Ndidimazekile, kwaye ndidimazekile, kwaye ndidiniwe, utshilo uBrithtany, oneminyaka engama-26, waseLacey, WA.

Ukuvolontiya kunye nokuzibandakanya kunokunceda ekuziseni intuthuzelo kunye nokuphilisa, utshilo uSairey Luterman, ugqirha we-thanatologist oqinisekisiweyo, kunye nomnini weNkxaso yeNtlungu yaseSairey Luterman eLexington, MA. Nikela kwimibutho eya kuthi ihlupheke kakhulu kule minyaka mine izayo, njengoMzali oCwangcisiweyo, okanye ukhethe umkhombandlela omnye okanye emibini yokuvolontiya ixesha lakho (ukuze ube nakho ukunceda ukwenza utshintsho). Kwaye cinga ngokusebenza kwalapha ekhaya, kuba oko kukubeka kwindawo enabantu abathanda izinto ezifanayo kwaye kukhumbuza abanye ukuba bazive ngokufanayo, uyongeza.

UJan, oneminyaka engama-45 ubudala waseNew Orleans, uphinda amazwi kaBrittany ngabantu bebala. "Lo nyaka uzise ukukhanya okuchasene nabamnyama ekukhanyeni-ngomlomo nangokwasemzimbeni. Kucacile ukuba sisalwa nokucalulwa okufanayo phantse kwiminyaka engama-400 eyadlulayo-kwaye kuyadinisa ngokwasemphefumlweni umfazi omnyama."

Eyona nto ibalulekileyo ekufuneka uyikhumbule nokuba konke onokuthi ukuve ngoku yintiyo, baninzi abantu abakhwaza uthando kunye nokwamkelwa. Ukuba uhlala kwindawo yelizwe elingahambelaniyo nembono yakho yezopolitiko, cinga ngokuqala iqela lenkxaso labantu abanengqondo efanayo, uLuterman ucebisa. Akufuneki ukuba ibe yinto esesikweni-mhlawumbi ngabahlobo abahlanu kunye nebhotile yewayini, okanye nge-brunch yangeCawa kanye ngenyanga. "Isenzo sinokuthi okanye singaphumi, kodwa sonke siyakudinga inkxaso komnye nomnye kwiintsuku ezizayo, kunanini na ngaphambili," uyongeza.

Amagama atshintshiwe.

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