Indlela Yokuxela Ukuba (Ngokwenyani) Ulungele uBudlelwane

Umxholo

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Ngaba ucinga ukuba ulungele ubudlelwane? Ngoku lixesha lokuba ujonge ngaphakathi kuwe kwaye uqonde ukuba ngenene kwaye ngokwenene ululungele na ulwalamano. Nangona unokuzixelela ukuba ukulungele kwaye uzimisele ukuhlala nomntu, kuya kufuneka kuqala ujonge indlela oziphethe ngayo. Ekugqibeleni, ukuziphatha kwakho-hayi le nto uyithethayo-yinyani.

Iseshoni yamva nje kunye nomthengi wam kwiminyaka yakhe yama-20s ibonisa ngokugqibeleleyo ukutyhala okutsala phakathi kwento esicinga ukuba sifuna ukuyithelekisa nento esiyifunayo. UJake uhleli kwi couch eluhlaza eofisini yam edlala nge uziphu kwi hoodie yakhe. Wathetha ngobomi bakhe obungalawulekiyo bothando kwaye wayesandul’ ukugqiba ukubalisa amanye amava awayenawo, ngeli xesha ekunye nebhinqa awayedibene nalo kubusuku bangoMgqibelo odluleyo. "Ndifuna nje intombi," wabhengeza, ejonge ngaphandle kwefestile kwaye encwina. Kwisivakalisi esinye esikhawulezayo, washwankathela into awayecinga ukuba uyayifuna.

Ukubeka nje, izinto ndizibone ngokwahlukileyo. UJake wayengayifuni ncam intombi, njengokuba wayezama ukuzixelela ngenye indlela. Ndazi njani? Kuba indlela aziphethe ngayo indixelele eyona nto ayifunayo. Wayechitha iimpelaveki ezininzi ebetha imivalo nabahlobo bakhe kwaye enxibelelana engazange aye ndawo. Ngaba indlela uJake awayeziphethe ngayo yayibonisa ukuba eyona nto wayeyifuna yayikukudibana nje? Ukuba wayephika ngokupheleleyo xa esithi ufuna intombi? NgoJake, njengakubantu abaninzi, inyani ayisiyomnyama nomhlophe kangako. Inyani yile yokuba uJake wayephikisana: Inxalenye yakhe yayifuna ulwalamano olusenyongweni kunye nentombi, ngelixa elinye icala lalinandipha iindawo eziphakamileyo ezaziza nezookups.

Ngokufutshane, ukuziphatha kukaJake kwabonisa ukuba wayengakulungelanga ngokwenene ukuba nobudlelwane bothando obuphilileyo. Ukuze afike apho, kwakuya kufuneka aqonde ngakumbi ukuba ngubani na awayesondele kuye; ukuzinyanga ngokwakho kunye notywala kunye nokunye ukuxhaphaza; kwaye adibanise inkqubo yakhe yeempelaveki kunye nemisebenzi eyahlukeneyo kunokuya kwiibhola kunye neeklabhu ezifanayo. Ngaphezu koko, uJake akayedwa. Ndiyazi kwaye ndisebenze namadoda nabafazi abaninzi abathi bafuna ubudlelwane bokwenene ngelixa ukuziphatha kwabo kubonisa ngokucacileyo ngenye indlela.

Xa kuziwa kuwe nakubomi bakho bothando, indlela oziphethe ngayo yeyona ndawo yokuqala xa uzibuza ukuba ingaba ukulungele na ukuba nolwalamano. Ekuphela kwendlela oza kufumana ngayo kunye nokugcina ubudlelwane obunempilo obusempilweni kukuba ubuqala ngesiseko esomeleleyo, oko kuthetha ukuba kufuneka ube (ne-bleep) yakho kunye.

Xa ulungele ngokwenene ubudlelwane obuhle nabantu abadala, indlela oziphethe ngayo iya kubonisa ukuba ulunge kangakanani. Jonga ezinye zeemfuneko zokuba ulungele ubudlelwane obungezantsi.

1. Icawe yakho asiyobhari okanye iklabhu yasebusuku. Ukuya kwimivalo okanye kwiiklabhu zasebusuku ayisiyonto imbi okanye isithintelo ekufumaneni ubudlelwane obuhle. Umcimbi ungakumbi malunga nendlela oziva ngayo kwaye uziphathe ngayo xa ulapho ebonisa ukuba ukulungele ngokwenene ubudlelwane. Ukuba usela kakhulu xa uphuma, awukho kwimeko yokuqalisa ubudlelwane obuhle. Ngokuqinisekileyo ungadibana nomntu, kodwa ayisiyiyo eyakho eyona nto uyibeka phambili, ke uza kugqiba nomntu ongakulungelanga. Ukuba uyathanda ukuphuma kodwa ufuna ubudlelwane, akukho nto iphosakeleyo ngayo: Zazise ebantwini kwaye, xa udibana nomntu omthandayo, yenza izicwangciso zokubabona kwindawo eyahlukileyo.

2. Ukhe wacingisisa ngesizathu sokuba ubudlelwane bakho bexesha elidlulileyo bungasebenzi. Akukho xesha lokudlala "umdlalo wokusola" kunokuba uphelise ubudlelwane. Wonke umntu uyakuthanda ukukhomba omnye umntu ngomnwe, kodwa kuthatha abantu ababini ukumosha ubudlelwane. Xa ulungele nolunye ulwalamano, unokujonga emva kubudlelwane obudlulileyo kwaye ubone ukuba yeyiphi indlela oziphethe ngayo eyayingenampilo kwaye ingenampumelelo. Ngaphezu koko, xa ujonga emva kobo budlelwane, awuziva-ulinda ukuba kube buhlungu. Usenokuziva unomsindo kulowo uthandana naye ngezizathu ezifanelekileyo, kodwa awuziva ukrakra (imvakalelo engumxube womsindo nokungabi nathemba).

3. Uthathe umhlala-phantsi kwidrama. Awunokwazi kuphela ukuba kutheni ubudlelwane obudlulileyo bungasebenzi, ngoku ungatsho ngokukhuselekileyo-kwaye uzive unemvakalelo-ukuba uthathe umhlala-phantsi kwidrama eza nobudlelwane obubi kwaye ukulungele ukuzola kwaye ube nolwalamano lwabantu bokwenene. Xa usiva abahlobo bethetha ngokuxhaphaza kwabo ngo-no-ngubani owabaphakamisayo okanye imilo yabo elandelwa sisini sobuqhetseba, uyancwina kwaye uzikhumbuze ukuba awusenandawo yedrama ebomini bakho. Uziva ulumkile, uqolile, kwaye wazi ngakumbi kunangaphambili into oyifunayo kwaye uyidinga kwiqabane lakho elilandelayo.

Injongo yomntu wonke kukutshatisa into abathi bayayifuna kunye nokuziphatha kwabo, kwaye kunzima kakhulu kunokuba kuvakala. Nangona kunjalo, ukuba ujonga ngakumbi iimvakalelo zakho kunye nokuziphatha kwakho, uya kuba linyathelo elinye elisondeleyo kubudlelwane obuhle kuwe.

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