Ityala lokuphambili malunga nesini sakho ngomhla wokuqala

Umxholo

• Inzuzo Yokuphuma Ngomhla Wokuqala
• Kuthekani Ukuba Andiziva Ndikhuselekile Ukuphuma-Okanye Baphendula Kakubi?
• Kuthekani Ukuba Bamkela ... Kodwa awazi Okuninzi Ngokuba yi-LGBTQ +?
• Uphuma kanjani ngoMhla wokuqala (okanye kwangaphambi koko)
• 1. Yifake kwiiprofayili zakho zokuthandana.
• 2. Yabelana ngentlalo yakho.
• 3. Isiliphu ngokungakhathali.
• 4. Yitshice!
• 5. Buza umbuzo okhokelayo.
• Uphengululo lwe

Kwakungokuphela komhla wokuqala. Ukuza kuthi ga ngoku, izinto bezihamba kakuhle. Sithintele kwiimbali zokuthandana, saqinisekisa ubudlelwane bethu obuhambelanayo (bobabini bodwa), saxoxa ngobubi bethu, sibophelela uthando olwabelwanayo lweyoga kunye neCrossFit, kunye neefoto ekwabelwana ngazo zefibbabies zethu. Ngokuqinisekileyo bendinxulumana nale ndoda - siza kuyibiza ngokuba nguDerek - kodwa kwakusekho into enye enkulu esasingekathethi ngayo: Ubufana bam obubini.

Umlingane wam wangaphambili wayezenza ngathi ukuthandana kwam kwakhona kwakungafakwanga nabantu besini esahlukileyo, kwaye ukuthula kwethu malunga noku kunegalelo kum ekubeni ndingaziva ngokwaneleyo. Ndifuna ukukhusela loo mandla kwakhona, ke ngomhla wokuqala kunye noDerek, ndatsho ngokucacileyo.

"Kubaluleke kakhulu kum ukuba uyayiqonda into yokuba ndithanda bokwabelana ngesondo kwaye ndiza kuhlala ndithanda abantu abathandanayo xa sithandana."

Njenge-rockstar yena, uDerek waphendula wathi, "Ngokuqinisekileyo, ukuba kunye nam akuyi kutshintsha isini sakho." Mna naye sathandana phantse unyaka. Ngelixa sahlukanisile (ngenxa yeenjongo zexesha elide).

Ngenxa yoko, ukususela ngoko ndenze umthetho wokuphuma njenge-bisexual ngomhla wokuqala (kwaye ngamanye amaxesha, nangaphambili). Kwaye ucinga ntoni? Iingcali ziyavumelana noko. Bobabini ugqirha wengqondo kunye nomtshato kunye nobudlelwane ingcali uRachel Wright, M.A., L.M.F.T. kunye nomcebisi onelayisenisi uMaggie McCleary, L.G.P.C., ojolise kwiinkonzo ezibandakanya wonke umntu, bathi ukuphuma kumlingane kungekudala kunokuba linyathelo elihle-ukuba nje uziva ukhuselekile ngokwenza njalo.

Funda ukuze ufunde izibonelelo zokuphuma kwiqabane elitsha elinokubakho njenge-ASAP. Kwaye iingcebiso malunga nendlela yokuyiphatha, nokuba ulala nabantu besini esahlukileyo, i-pansexual, i-asexual, okanye nayiphi na enye indawo yomnyama wobuzwe.

Inzuzo Yokuphuma Ngomhla Wokuqala

"Ukwabelana ngesondo sakho kuvumela iqabane lakho elinokuthi lifumane umfanekiso opheleleyo wakho ngokukhawuleza," kusho uMcCleary. "Kwaye ukuze ubudlelwane bube sempilweni, ufuna ukubanakho ukuzimela," batsho.

Ukuza kuphuma kukuvumela ukuba ubone ukuba umntu uya kuyamkela na isini sakho. Ukuba uphuma kumhla wakho kwaye abaphenduli kakuhle okanye ufumana ingqiqo ukuba abayi kuyenza, "ngumqondiso wokuba asingomntu ongazukunamkela nonke," utsho uMcCleary. Kwaye kulwalamano olufanelekileyo, olusempilweni olufunayo (kwaye ulufuna!) Ukwamkelwa.

Qaphela: "Ukuba abaphenduli kakuhle kwaye kunjalo hayi Isaphuli-mthetho esenzelwe wena, emva koko zinokubakho ezinye izinto ekufuneka uzivavanye ngaphakathi, "uthathela ingqalelo imiqondiso ongena kuyo ngokuzithandela kubudlelwane obungenampilo, utshilo uMcCleary. Ungayifumana enye Psychology Namhlanje.)

Ukuphuma kwangoko kukwasindisa kwixhala lokungabikho komntu oza kuqhubeka uthandana. "Okukhona usithintela ukuba sabelane ngesondo nabo, kokukhona uya kuba nexhala lokuba bazokuphendula bathini," uyachaza uMcCleary. (Idibeneyo: 'Ukuphuma' kuphuculise njani impilo yam nolonwabo)

Ukujonga unxunguphalo kuhlala kuhamba kunye neempawu zeemvakalelo ezinje ngosizi, ukothuka, okanye uloyiko, kunye neempawu zomzimba, oko kukuthi - ukulumkisa okungaphantsi - akukho nto ilungileyo. (Bona ngakumbi: Yiyiphi ingxaki yokuxhalaba-kwaye yintoni engekho?)

Kuthekani Ukuba Andiziva Ndikhuselekile Ukuphuma-Okanye Baphendula Kakubi?

Izinto zokuqala kuqala, khumbula ukuba awuzange isidingo ukuphuma! "Awuze ube netyala lokuphuma kuye nabani na - kwaye awunatyala kumntu oqala naye," utshilo uWright.

Ngoko ukuba awufuni ukubaxelela, musa. Okanye ukuba isisu sakho sixelela lo mntu ukuba * akamamkeli, musa. Enyanisweni, kwimeko yokugqibela, uMcCleary uthi unemvume ngokupheleleyo yokushiya umhla ekunene ukubetha u-dab phakathi.

Usenokuthi:

• "Le nto uyithethileyo sisivumelwano kum, ke ndiza kuzisusa ngentlonipho kule meko."
• "Ngumthetho wam ukuba ndingajongi i-transphobes kwaye le nto uyithethileyo i-transphobic, ke ndiza kuyirhoxisa yonke le mini."
• "Loo mbono awuhlali kakuhle emathunjini am, ngoko ke ndiza kuzixolela."

Ngaba unokuncamathela umhla kude kube sekupheleni kwaye uthumele isicatshulwa esinamagama afanayo xa ufika ekhaya? Ngokuqinisekileyo. Ukhuseleko lwakho kufuneka lube yeyona nto iphambili kuwe, kodwa akukho ndlela iphosakeleyo yokubeka ukhuseleko lwakho phambili, ukuba nje uyayenza, utshilo uWright. (Eyeleleneyo: Kunjani ngokwenene ukuba kuBudlelwane be-Asexual)

Kuthekani Ukuba Bamkela ... Kodwa awazi Okuninzi Ngokuba yi-LGBTQ +?

Ukuba umntu othandana naye akaqhelanga ukuba kuthetha ukuthini ukuba LGBTQ +, nokuba uyaqhubeka ukuthandana nabo ngenene isigqibo sobuqu. Ekugqibeleni ifika kwizinto ezimbini eziphambili.

Okokuqala, ungakanani umsebenzi weemvakalelo ofuna ukuwubeka ekufundiseni lo mntu malunga nezazisi zakho? Ukuba, umzekelo, usakhangela ubungqingili bakho, ukufunda ngobungqingili kunye ne-boo yakho entsha kunokuba ngumsebenzi wokuzonwabisa. Kodwa, ukuba ubungumlweli wesini esibini amashumi eminyaka okanye ufundise ngembali ye-LGBTQ+ yomsebenzi, unokuba nomdla omncinci wokuthatha indima yemfundo kubudlelwane bakho.

Okwesibini, kubaluleke kangakanani kuwe ukuba abantu obathandanayo babamkele bobabini kwaye unolwazi malunga nokuziphatha kwakho? "Ukuba ubandakanyeka ngokungummangaliso kuluntu lwasekhaya lwe-LGBTQ, kunokuba kubaluleke kakhulu kuwe ukuba uthandane nomntu oqondayo ubungqingili kunomntu olala nomntu ongakhange adlale indima enkulu kwizangqa zabo okanye kubomi babo," utshilo uWright.

Uphuma kanjani ngoMhla wokuqala (okanye kwangaphambi koko)

Ezi ngcebiso zingqina ukuba ukuphuma akufuneki kube nzima njengoko kuvakala.

1. Yifake kwiiprofayili zakho zokuthandana.

Ngemiyalelo yokuphambuka eluntwini isekhona, amathuba okuhlangana nabantu ebharini okanye ejimini anciphile. Ke ukuba udibana nabathandi abatsha, iingxaki ziphezulu kuyenzeka kwiiapps. Kwimeko apho, uMcCleary uncoma ukubeka ubuni bakho ngokufanelekileyo kwiprofayile yakho. (Idibeneyo: I-Coronavirus iyitshintsha njani indawo yokuDibana)

Kwezi ntsuku, uninzi lwee-apps zokuthandana (Tinder, Feeld, OKCupid, njl.) zenza kube lula, kukuvumela ukuba ukhethe kwiindidi ezininzi zesini kunye neempawu zesini eziza kuvela kanye kwiprofayile yakho. I-Tinder, umzekelo, ivumela iidaters ukuba zikhethe ukuya kuthi ga kwimigaqo emithathu echaza ngokuthe gca ulwalamano lwabo ngokwesini, kubandakanya ngqo, isini, isini, isini, isini, isini, isini, kunye nemibuzo. (Idibeneyo: Iinkcazo ze-LGBTQ + amagama wonke umntu afanele azi)

Ungabonisa ngokufihlakeleyo ngakumbi ngomnyama 🌈, iflegi yomnyama emo️‍🌈, okanye iintliziyo umbala wombala weflegi yesini 💗💜💙, utshilo uMcCleary.

Ukuba ngoku uphonononga ubuni bakho kwaye awukazinzanga kwileyibhile (okanye ezininzi), ungabhala kakhulu kwiprofayile yakho, amanqaku kaWright. Umzekelo:

• "Ukuphonononga ubuni bam besini kunye nokukhangela abahlobo kunye nabathandi abafuna ukuza kuhambo."
• "Kutshanje kuphume kwakungekho nkqo kwaye apha ukuphonononga ukuba kuthetha ntoni oko kum."
• "Homophobes, misogynists, racists, and biphobes ndicela nenze le nto ulwelo babe kwaye niyitshintshele ngasekhohlo."

Ukubonisa ubuni bakho ngokwesini kwasekuqaleni kuya kunciphisa naluphi na uxinzelelo okanye uxinzelelo onalo malunga nokufuna ukuphuma ngomhla wokuqala, utshilo uMcCleary. Ukuba baswayipha ngokuchanekileyo, sele bebazi ubuni bakho bobulili kuba bekulapho kwiprofayili yakho. Kwaye isebenza njengohlobo oluthile lwecebo lokucoca ulwelo, eligcina ukungalingani nabantu abangazukukwamkela.

2. Yabelana ngentlalo yakho.

Ngaba uphumile kwimidiya yoluntu-oko kuthetha ukuba uhlala uthetha ngesini sakho xa ubhala eluntwini? Ukuba kunjalo, uWright ucebisa ukuba wabelane ngeziphatho zakho zemidiya yoluntu ngaphambi kokudibana nomntu. (Usenokucinga ngokwenza incoko yevidiyo ekhawulezayo umhla wokuqala ukugweba oku kunye nekhemistri yakho ngokubanzi.)

"Ngokuqinisekileyo ukufumana amandla wam onke, "ucacisa uWright. (Idibeneyo: Nantsi into ebubudlelwane bobuPolamorous eyiyo)

3. Isiliphu ngokungakhathali.

Ngaba umdlalo wakho wamva nje ukubuze ukuba ubone iimuvi ezilungileyo mva nje? Ngaba bakubuzile le nto uyifundayo? Baphendule ngokunyanisekileyo, kodwa nqwala ngentloko kwisini sakho ngelixa usenjenjalo.

Umzekelo: "Ndimi ngxi, ke ndingumlandeli omkhulu wamaxwebhu alandelayo kwaye ndibukele nje ukuXelwa," okanye, "okoko ndaphuma ndithandana nabantu ababini, bendifunda iimemo ezimbini ndingayeki. Ndigqibile Tomboyland NguMelissa Faliveno. "

Inzuzo yale ndlela kukuba igcina ubuni bakho ukuba ungaziva ngathi le nto inkulu yokuvuma izono, utsho uMcCleary. "Itshintsha inkqubo 'yokuphuma' ukusuka kwinto enzulu ukuya kwisihloko esidlulayo," ngendlela efanayo obuya kuxoxa ngayo enye inxalenye yesazisi sakho, njengendawo okhulele kuyo. (Idibeneyo: Iphepha lika-Ellen ekuphumeni kwe-27 kunye nokuLwela amaLungelo e-LGBTQ)

4. Yitshice!

Sukuvumela umnqweno wakho wokuguda uthintele ekuyityhafiseni inyaniso yakho. "Ngokunyaniseka, umntu oxabisekileyo ngokwenene ukuthandana akazukukhathalela Njani Ubaxelela ukuba ungumntu olungileyo okanye okrelekrele, utshilo uWright.

Le mizekelo ibonisa ukuba i-clunky inokusebenza ngokugudileyo:

• "Andazi ukuba ndingayithetha njani le nto kodwa bendifuna ukukwazisa ukuba I'm bi."
• "Oku akuhambelani kwaphela nale nto sithetha ngayo kodwa bendithanda ukuxelela abantu endihamba nabo ngemihla ukuba ndiyi-bi. Ke, naku ndikuxelela !."
• "Lo mhla wawumnandi! Kodwa ngaphambi kokuba senze izicwangciso zexesha elizayo, ndifuna nje ukunazisa ukuba ndithandana nesini."

5. Buza umbuzo okhokelayo.

"Ukuba ungazifumana izimvo zalo mntu okanye ipolitiki, uyakufumana ukuqonda ukuba bazakwamkela na ukubangabekwa bucala (ngokwesini okanye ngokwesini)," utshilo uMcCleary.

Unokubuza, umzekelo: "Yeyiphi imatshi ye-BLM okanye iminyhadala okhe waya kuyo kule nyanga?" okanye "Ucinga ntoni ngengxoxo kamongameli yamva nje?" okanye "Uzifumana phi iindaba zakho zasekuseni?"

Ukusuka kulo lonke olu lwazi, ungacoca kancinci ukuba umntu othetha naye uphephezelisa iiflegi ezibomvu okanye iiflegi zomnyama-kwaye uthathe isigqibo sokuba uyafuna na ukuzigcina ujikeleze.

Uphengululo lwe