Unokuba ngumphathi weemvakalelo zakho

Umxholo

• 1. Jonga ifuthe leemvakalelo zakho
• 2. Injongo yommiselo, hayi ingcinezelo
• 3. Chonga indlela oziva ngayo
• 4. Yamkela iimvakalelo zakho - zonke
• 5. Gcina ingxelo yemood
• 6. Thatha umoya omninzi
• 7. Lazi ixesha lokuvakalisa izimvo zakho
• 8. Zinike isithuba
• 9. Zama ukucamngca
• 10. Hlala ngaphezulu koxinzelelo
• 11. Thetha nonyango
• Ukuba ufuna uncedo ngoku

Ukukwazi amava kunye nokuchaza iimvakalelo kubaluleke ngakumbi kunokuba usenokuqonda.

Njengempendulo evakalelwa kwimeko ethile, iimvakalelo zidlala indima ebalulekileyo ekuphenduleni kwakho. Xa uhambelana nabo, unokufikelela kulwazi olubalulekileyo olunceda nge:

• ukwenza isigqibo
• ubudlelwane ngempumelelo
• Unxibelelwano lwemihla ngemihla
• ukuzikhathalela

Ngelixa iimvakalelo zinokuba nendima eluncedo kubomi bakho bemihla ngemihla, zinokuthatha umthwalo kwimpilo yakho yeemvakalelo kunye nobudlelwane phakathi kwabantu xa beqala ukuziva bengalawuleki.

UVicki Botnick, ugqirha waseTarzana, eCalifornia, uyakucacisa oko nayiphi na imvakalelo-nokuba luvuyo, uvuyo, okanye abanye ocinga ukuba zilungile-zinokuqina ukuya kwinqanaba apho kuba nzima ukulawula.

Ngokuziqhelanisa okuncinci, nangona kunjalo, unokuzibuyisela kulawulo. cebisa ukuba ubuchule bokumisela iimvakalelo ezinxulumene nokunxibelelana nentlalontle. Ngapha koko, le yesibini yafumana ikhonkco elinokubakho phakathi kwezi zakhono kunye nempumelelo yezemali, ke ngokubeka umsebenzi othile kwiphambili kunokuhlawula ngokufanelekileyo.

Nazi ezinye izikhombisi zokuba uqalise.

1. Jonga ifuthe leemvakalelo zakho

Iimvakalelo ezinzulu azikho zonke ezimbi.

"Iimvakalelo zenza ubomi bethu bube mnandi, bube bodwa, kwaye buqhakazile," utshilo uBotnick. "Iimvakalelo ezinamandla zingabonisa ukuba samkela ubomi ngokupheleleyo, ukuba asizicinezeli iimpendulo zethu zendalo."

Yinto eqhelekileyo ukuba namaxesha oxinzelelo lweemvakalelo- xa kusenzeka into emangalisayo, xa kusenzeka into embi, xa uziva ngathi uphoswe.

Ke, uyazi njani xa kukho ingxaki?

Iimvakalelo ezisoloko ziphuma esandleni zinokukhokelela ku:

• ubudlelwane okanye ungquzulwano lobuhlobo
• ubunzima ngokunxulumene nabanye
• ingxaki emsebenzini okanye esikolweni
• umnqweno wokusebenzisa izinto ukunceda ukulawula iimvakalelo zakho
• ukudubuleka emzimbeni okanye emphefumlweni

Fumana ixesha lokuthatha isitokhwe nje Njani iimvakalelo zakho ezingalawulwayo zichaphazela ubomi bakho bemihla ngemihla. Oku kuyakwenza kube lula ukuchonga iindawo ezinengxaki (kunye nokulandela impumelelo yakho).

2. Injongo yommiselo, hayi ingcinezelo

Awunakho ukulawula iimvakalelo zakho ngokudayela (ukuba nje bekulula!). Kodwa khawufane ucinge, okomzuzwana, ukuba wena unakho lawula iimvakalelo ngale ndlela.

Awungekhe ufune ukubashiya bebaleka lonke ixesha. Kananjalo awungekhe ufune ukuzicima ngokupheleleyo, nokuba.

Xa ucinezela okanye ucinezela iimvakalelo, uthintela amava akho kunye nokubonisa iimvakalelo. Oku kunokwenzeka ngengqondo (uxinzelelo) okanye ngokungazi (ingcinezelo).

Nokuba inokuba negalelo kwiimpawu zempilo yengqondo kunye neyasemzimbeni, kubandakanya:

• ixhala
• ukudakumba
• imiba yokulala
• uxinzelelo lwezihlunu kunye neentlungu
• ubunzima bokulawula uxinzelelo
• Ukusetyenziswa gwenxa kweziyobisi

Xa ufunda ukusebenzisa ulawulo kwiimvakalelo, qiniseka ukuba awuzitshayeli nje phantsi kombhoxo. Ukuchazwa kwemvakalelo esempilweni kubandakanya ukufumana ulungelelwaniso phakathi kweemvakalelo ezixineneyo kwaye akukho zimvakalelo kwaphela.

3. Chonga indlela oziva ngayo

Ukuthatha umzuzwana ukujonga ngokwakho malunga neemvakalelo zakho kunokukunceda ukuba uqale ufumane ulawulo kwakhona.

Yithi sele ubona iinyanga ezimbalwa. Uzamile ukucwangcisa umhla kwiveki ephelileyo, kodwa bathi abanalo ixesha. Izolo, ubhale umyalezo kwakhona, usithi, “Ndingathanda ukukubona kungekudala. Ungadibana kule veki? ”

Ekugqibeleni baphendula, ngaphezulu kosuku kamva: "Andikwazi. Ndixakekile."

Ngokukhawuleza ukhathazekile. Ngaphandle kokuma ucinga, uyiphosa ifowuni ngapha kwegumbi, unkqonkqoze ibhasikithi yakho yenkunkuma, kwaye ukhabe idesika yakho, ukhubaze uzwane lwakho.

Ziphazamise ngokubuza:

• Ndiziva njani ngoku? (udidekile, udidekile, unomsindo)
• Kwenzeka ntoni ukuze ndizive ngale ndlela? (Banditshitshisile ngaphandle kwengcaciso.)
• Ngaba imeko inenkcazo eyahlukileyo enokuba sengqiqweni? (Mhlawumbi banoxinzelelo, bayagula, okanye bajongana nenye into abaziva bengakhululekanga ukuyichaza. Banokuceba ukucacisa ngakumbi xa benako.)
• Ndifuna ukwenza ntoni ngezi mvakalelo? (Khwaza, ukhuphe udano lwam ngokuphosa izinto, ubhale umyalezo okrwada.)
• Ngaba ikhona enye indlela ebhetele yokuhlangabezana nazo? (Buza ukuba yonke into ilungile na. Buza xa bekhululekile ngokulandelayo. Yiya kubethwa ngumoya okanye ubaleke.)

Ngokujonga ezinye iindlela ezinokubakho, uhlaziya iingcinga zakho, ezinokukunceda uguqule impendulo yakho yokuqala egqithileyo.

Kungathatha ixesha ngaphambi kokuba le mpendulo ibe sisiqhelo. Ngokuziqhelanisa, ukuhamba ngala manyathelo entlokweni yakho kuya kuba lula (kwaye kusebenze ngakumbi).

4. Yamkela iimvakalelo zakho - zonke

Ukuba uzama ukuba bhetele ekulawuleni iimvakalelo, unokuzama ukuzijongela phantsi iimvakalelo zakho.

Xa usenza i-hyperventilate emva kokufumana iindaba ezimnandi okanye ukuwa phantsi ukhala kwaye ulila xa ungazifumani izitshixo zakho, kungabonakala kuluncedo ukuzixelela, "Zolile," okanye "Ayisiyonto ingako leyo, ke don ndothuke. ”

Kodwa oku kwenza amava akho angasebenzi. It ngu into enkulu kuwe.

Ukwamkela iimvakalelo njengoko zisiza kunceda ukuba ukhululeke ngakumbi kunye nabo. Ukonyusa intuthuzelo yakho malunga neemvakalelo ezinzulu kukuvumela ukuba uzive ngokupheleleyo ngaphandle kokuphendula ngeendlela ezigabadeleyo, ezingancediyo.

Ukuziqhelanisa nokwamkela iimvakalelo, zama ukucinga ngabo njengabathunywa. Azikho "ezilungileyo" okanye "ezimbi." Abathathi cala. Mhlawumbi bazisa iimvakalelo ezingathandekiyo ngamanye amaxesha, kodwa basakunika ulwazi olubalulekileyo onokulusebenzisa.

Umzekelo, zama:

• “Ndikhathazekile kuba ndihlala ndiphulukana nezitshixo zam, lo nto indenza ndifike emva kwexesha. Kuya kufuneka ndibeke isitya eshelfini ngasemnyango ukuze ndikhumbule ukubashiya endaweni enye. ”

Ukwamkela iimvakalelo kunokwanelisa ngakumbi ubomi kunye neempawu zempilo yengqondo ezimbalwa. Ngaphezulu, abantu bacinga ngeemvakalelo zabo njengamanqanaba aphezulu olonwabo.

5. Gcina ingxelo yemood

Ukubhala phantsi (okanye uchwetheze) iimvakalelo zakho kunye neempendulo abazenzayo zinokukunceda ekufumaneni naziphi na iipateni eziphazamisayo.

Ngamanye amaxesha, kwanele ukulandelela ngokwasemphefumlweni iimvakalelo zakho kwiingcinga zakho. Ukubeka iimvakalelo kwiphepha kunokukuvumela ukuba ucinge nzulu ngazo.

Inokukunceda ukuba uqaphele xa iimeko ezithile, ezinje ngengxaki emsebenzini okanye ungquzulwano losapho, zinegalelo kukulawula iimvakalelo. Ukuchonga izinto ezithile ezibangela ukuba kube nakho ukuza neendlela zokuzilawula ngakumbi kwimveliso.

Ijenali ibonelela ngeyona nzuzo xa usenza yonke imihla. Gcina ijenali yakho nawe kwaye ubhale phantsi iimvakalelo ezinamandla okanye iimvakalelo njengoko zisenzeka. Zama ukuqaphela oonobangela kunye nempendulo yakho. Ukuba impendulo yakho ayincedanga, sebenzisa ijenali yakho ukukhangela amathuba aluncedo kwikamva.

6. Thatha umoya omninzi

Ininzi into enokuthethwa ngamandla omphefumlo onzulu, nokuba uyonwabisa ngokuhlekisayo okanye unomsindo ongakwaziyo ukuthetha.

Ukunciphisa kunye nokuqwalasela ukuphefumula kwakho akuyi kwenza iimvakalelo zihambe (kwaye khumbula, akuyiyo injongo).

Okwangoku, imithambo yokuphefumla ngokunzulu unako kukuncede uzithobele kwaye uthathe inyathelo ubuye umva ukusuka kwindawo yokuqala yeemvakalelo kunye nayiphi na impendulo egqithisileyo ofuna ukuyiphepha.

Ngexesha elizayo xa uziva iimvakalelo ziqala ukulawula:

• Phefumla kancinci. Ukuphefumla okunzulu kuvela kwisithintelo, hayi esifubeni. Inokukunceda ukuba nomfanekiso-ngqondweni womphefumlo wakho ophuma nzulu esiswini sakho.
• Yibambe. Bamba umphefumlo wakho ubala kathathu, emva koko uwukhuphe kancinci.
• Cinga ngemantra. Abanye abantu bakufumanisa kuluncedo ukuphinda imantra, njengokuthi "Ndizolile" okanye "Ndonwabile."

7. Lazi ixesha lokuvakalisa izimvo zakho

Kukho ixesha nendawo yayo yonke into, kubandakanya neemvakalelo ezinzulu. Ukulila ngokungalawulekiyo kuyimpendulo eqhelekileyo ekuphulukaneni nomntu omthandayo, umzekelo. Ukumemeza emqamlezweni wakho, nokuwubetha, kunokukunceda ukhuphe umsindo kunye noxinzelelo emva kokulahlwa.

Ezinye iimeko, nangona kunjalo, zifuna ukuzibamba. Nokuba ukhathazeke kangakanani, ukukhwaza umphathi wakho ngenxa yoluleko olungenakunceda.

Ukukhumbula okukungqongileyo kwaye imeko inokukunceda ufunde xa kulungile ukuvumela iimvakalelo kwaye xa unokufuna ukuhlala nabo okomzuzwana.

8. Zinike isithuba

Ukufumana umgama kwiimvakalelo ezinzulu kunokukunceda uqiniseke ukuba usabela kubo ngeendlela ezifanelekileyo, ngokukaBotnick.

Lo mgama unokuba ngumzimba, njengokuhamba kwimeko ephazamisayo, umzekelo. Kodwa unokwenza umgama othile ngokwengqondo ngokuziphazamisa.

Ngelixa ungafuniyo ukuvimba okanye ukunqanda iimvakalelo ngokupheleleyo, akuyongozi ukuziphazamisa de ube kwindawo efanelekileyo yokujongana nazo. Qiniseka nje ukuba wena yenza buyela kubo. Iziphazamiso ezisempilweni zezokwexeshana.

Zama:

• ukuthatha uhambo
• ubukele ividiyo ehlekisayo
• ukuthetha nomntu omthandayo
• ukuchitha imizuzu embalwa kunye nesilwanyana sakho sasekhaya

9. Zama ukucamngca

Ukuba uqhelisela ukucamngca, inokuba yenye yeendlela zakho zokujongana neemvakalelo ezigabadeleyo.

Ukucamngca kunokukunceda wandise ukuqonda kwakho ngazo zonke iimvakalelo kunye namava. Xa ucamngca, uzifundisa ukuhlala nezo mvakalelo, ukuziqaphela ngaphandle kokuzigweba okanye ukuzama ukuzitshintsha okanye ukubenza bemke.

Njengoko kukhankanyiwe ngasentla, ukufunda ukwamkela zonke iimvakalelo zakho kunokwenza kube lula ukulawulwa kweemvakalelo. Ukucamngca kukunceda wandise ezo zakhono zokwamkela. Ikwabonelela ngezinye izibonelelo, njengokukunceda uphumle kwaye ulale ngcono.

Isikhokelo sethu kwiindidi ezahlukeneyo zokucamngca kunokukunceda ukuba uqalise.

10. Hlala ngaphezulu koxinzelelo

Xa uphantsi koxinzelelo oluninzi, ukulawula iimvakalelo zakho kunokuba nzima ngakumbi. Nabantu abakwaziyo ukulawula iimvakalelo zabo banokukufumana kunzima ngamaxesha oxinzelelo oluphezulu noxinzelelo.

Ukunciphisa uxinzelelo, okanye ukufumana iindlela eziluncedo zokulawula, kunokunceda iimvakalelo zakho zilawuleke ngakumbi.

Ukuziqhelanisa nokusebenza njengokucamngca kunokunceda kuxinzelelo, nako. Abayi kuyisusa, kodwa banokwenza kube lula ukuhlala nayo.

Ezinye iindlela ezisempilweni zokumelana noxinzelelo zibandakanya:

• ukulala ngokwaneleyo
• ukwenza ixesha lokuthetha (kunye nokuhleka) nabahlobo
• umthambo
• ukuchitha ixesha kwindalo
• ukwenza ixesha lokuphumla nokuzonwabisa

11. Thetha nonyango

Ukuba iimvakalelo zakho ziyaqhubeka ziziva zinzima, kunokuba lixesha lokufuna inkxaso yobungcali.

Ixesha elide okanye oluqhubekayo lokudakumba ngokweemvakalelo kunye nokutshintsha kwemozulu kunxulunyaniswa neemeko ezithile zempilo yengqondo, kubandakanya ukuphazamiseka komda wobuntu kunye nokuphazamiseka kwengqondo. Ingxaki yokulawula iimvakalelo inokunxulumana nomothuko, imicimbi yosapho, okanye ezinye izinto ezixhalabisayo, utshilo uBotnick.

Ugqirha unokubonelela ngemfesane, ngaphandle kokugweba ngaphandle kwakho:

• Ukuphonononga izinto ezinegalelo kwiimvakalelo ezingalunganga
• ukulungisa ukutshintsha kwemozulu kakhulu
• funda indlela ezilawula ngayo iimvakalelo ezinzulu okanye ulungelelwaniso lonciphiso lweemvakalelo
• Ziqhelise ukucela umngeni kunye nokuhlaziya iimvakalelo ezibangela uxinzelelo

Ukutshintsha kweemvakalelo kunye neemvakalelo ezinamandla kunokubangela iingcinga ezimbi okanye ezingafunekiyo ezinokubangela ukuphelelwa lithemba okanye ukuphelelwa lithemba.

Lo mjikelo unokukhokelela kwiindlela zokungafundisi zokuzilimaza okanye iingcinga zokuzibulala. Ukuba uqala ukucinga ngokuzibulala okanye unomdla wokuzenzakalisa, thetha nomntu omthembileyo omthandayo onokukunceda ufumane inkxaso kwangoko.

Ukuba ufuna uncedo ngoku

Ukuba ucinga ngokuzibulala okanye uneengcinga zokuzenzakalisa, ungatsalela umnxeba ukuSetyenziswa gwenxa kweziyobisi kunye noLawulo lweeNkonzo zeMpilo yeNgqondo ku-800-662-HELP (4357).

I-24/7 ye-hotline iya kukudibanisa nezixhobo zempilo yengqondo kwindawo yakho. Iingcali eziqeqeshiweyo zinokukunceda ufumane izixhobo zombuso wakho kunyango ukuba awunayo i-inshurensi yezempilo.

UCrystal Raypole wayekhe wasebenza njengombhali kunye nomhleli weGoodTherapy. Amacandelo akhe anomdla abandakanya iilwimi zaseAsia kunye noncwadi, uguqulelo lwaseJapan, ukupheka, isayensi yendalo, ubungqingili besini, kunye nempilo yengqondo. Ngokukodwa, uzibophelele ekuncedeni ukunciphisa ukubekwa amabala malunga nemicimbi yezempilo yengqondo.