Indlela yokwenza abahlobo xa unexhala ekuhlaleni

Umxholo

• Yintoni entliziyweni yoxinzelelo lwentlalo?
• 1. Vumelana ukuba awuvumelani neengcinga zakho ezimbi
• 2. Yilwa, ungabhabhi
• 3. Ukubeka iliso kwindlela otya ngayo itekhnoloji
• 4. Zama ukubaleka uvavanyo
• 5. Vula unyango lwe-CBT
• 6. Ngalo lonke ixesha khumbula ukuzikhathalela

Ukwenza abahlobo kunzima - ngakumbi xa umdala. Kodwa ukwenza abahlobo kunokuba nzima nangakumbi kubantu abanengxaki yokuxhalaba ekuhlaleni.

Kuqhelekile ukuba kubekho inqanaba eliphezulu lokuxhalaba xa udibana nabantu abatsha, kodwa kukho umahluko phakathi kwexhala esilifumana sonke amaxesha ngamaxesha kunye noxinzelelo lwentlalo.

Yintoni entliziyweni yoxinzelelo lwentlalo?

Ukuxhalaba kwezenhlalakahle kubangelwa ukuba noloyiko olugqithisileyo lokugwetywa ngabantu, nokuba uxhalaba kukuba awuyi kuthandwa okanye uya kwenza into ehlazo.

Kubantu abanengxaki yokuxhalaba ekuhlaleni, ukunxibelelana kwezentlalo kwemihla ngemihla-nokuba nabahlobo abazinzileyo-kunokubangela uxinzelelo.

Xa kuziwa ekwenzeni abahlobo abatsha, abantu abanoxinzelelo lwentlalo banokuzifumana bekhubazekile, boyika ukuthetha into engeyiyo, okanye ukugwetywa ngokuqatha.

Nokuba bayazi ukuba olu loyiko alunangqondo, iimeko zentlalo zisabangela iimpawu zoxinzelelo. Banokuvala, barhoxe, okanye boyike ngokubonakalayo.

Kulabo banexhala kwezentlalo, kodwa bafuna ukwenza abahlobo abatsha, Nazi ezinye iindlela ezinokukunceda uzive ukhululekile kwiimeko zentlalo, zikuvulele unxibelelwano olutsha.

1. Vumelana ukuba awuvumelani neengcinga zakho ezimbi

Omnye wemigca yokuqala yokuzikhusela xa kuziwa kwiimeko zentlalo yabantu abanexhala kwezentlalo kukukhawuleza babeke udonga lweengcinga ezingalunganga, ezinje ngokuba "ndiya kuzithoba." Kukusabela okuzenzekelayo.

Ukufunda ukuvuma ukungavumelani nokusabela okuqala kunokuba yindlela yokucinezela kubo-kwaye ekugqibeleni kunciphise iinkolelo ezimbi. Oku kubizwa ngokuba luqeqesho lokufuna ukwazi.

"Indlela esebenza ngayo umntu oxhalabileyo ekuhlaleni uyakuva ezi ngcinga kwaye angazigwebi, kodwa azibeke ngasemva kwengqondo yabo. Iba yingxolo yangasemva ngelixa behlala ukuze bakwazi ukuthatha ingqondo, ”utshilo uGqirha Allison Forti, PhD, unjingalwazi oncedisayo kwiYunivesithi yaseWake Forest.

Oku kuthetha ukuba unomdla wokuba abantu bathini, endaweni yokuyifunxa njengovavanyo.

Masinyaniseke. Ukuvala ngokupheleleyo iingcinga ezingalunganga kunqabile ukuba kusebenze. Endaweni yoko, nantsi indlela yokungabambeki kakhulu kuzo:

• Qaphela ingcinga yakho engalunganga ngokuba yintoni - yingcinga nje.
• Musa ukugweba ingcinga yakho okanye ngokwakho ukuba unayo.
• Masitshintshele ngasemva ngokugcina uvavanyo lokungathathi cala okanye nokugxotha. Cinga "yingcinga nje, ayiyonyani" okanye "ndiyavuma ukungavumi, ixhala."
• Ukhetho: Khawufane ucinge ngemeko okanye iziphumo ezizezinye ezilungileyo.

2. Yilwa, ungabhabhi

Kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukuphepha izinto ezikoyikisayo. Kodwa ukuthintela iimeko ezinokubangela ukuba uxinzelelo lube mandundu ekuhambeni kwexesha.

Isazi ngengqondo uGqirha uVictoria Shaw uthi: “Okukhona sizichanaba kwiimeko esizoyikayo, kokukhona siya sihamba lula.

“Akunyanzelekanga ukuba uphambane kwaye ujongane noloyiko lwakho olukhulu ngaxeshanye. Eyona nto ingcono kukuqala ngeemeko ezingonwabisiyo kancinci kwaye emva koko usebenze ngokuthe ngcembe kwezo bezinokuthi ngaphambili zikuthumele kukothuka, ”ucacisa uShaw.

Umzekelo, unokusebenza ngendlela yakho kwezi njongo ukuba uhlala udla ngokuqokelela xa udibana nabantu abatsha:

• jongana nomntu ongamaziyo emehlweni
• uncumele umntu ongamaziyo
• zazise kumntu omtsha
• buza umntu odibana nje nombuzo
• Nika umntu omtsha ukuncoma

Ukusebenza nonyango kunokunceda ekuchongeni apho uqala khona-kwaye ngokuthe ngcembe wandise indawo yakho yokuthuthuzela.

3. Ukubeka iliso kwindlela otya ngayo itekhnoloji

Itekhnoloji yindlela entsha yokunxibelelana nabantu, kodwa inokuqhubela phambili unxunguphalo lwasentlalweni.

"Yikrele elintlangothi-mbini," utshilo uGqirha Forti. "Kulula kakhulu ukunxulumana nabantu ngeefowuni zethu kangangokuba iba yindlela yomntu oxhalabileyo ekuhlaleni ukuba athi," Akukho mfuneko yokuba nditshintshe. Ndingaba nabo bonke abahlobo endibadingayo kwikhompyuter yam. '”

Kutheni ubeka phantsi umnxeba ke? Ukudibana nomntu ngaphakathi kuhlala kunokuba kunezo zikwi-Intanethi.

Ewe, unxibelelwano lwasentlalweni olukwi-Intanethi lungcono kunokuba kungabikho unxibelelwano konke konke. Kodwa zibuze lo mbuzo: Ngaba usebenzisa itekhnoloji ukuthintela iimeko zentlalo? Okanye uyayonwabela kwaye iyabenza ubomi bube ngcono kancinci- ngelixa ulungelelanise unxibelelwano lomntu?

4. Zama ukubaleka uvavanyo

Ukuxhalaba kwezenhlalakahle ngamanye amaxesha kunokuziva kudla konke, kwaye iimeko ezingaqhelekanga nabantu abatsha zinokuzenza mandundu.

Ukunceda ukunciphisa ukuziva ukhathazekile, zama uvavanyo lokubaleka ngaphambi komsitho omkhulu ukuze ubuncinci inxenye yesiqhelo uziva uqhelekile.

Umzekelo, ziqhelise ukuhamba, jonga kwiivenkile zekofu kufutshane nendawo ekuyiwa kuyo, okanye undwendwele indawo yomsebenzi ngaphambi kwexesha ukuze uchonge indawo oza kubaleka kuyo okomzuzwana ukuba uziva uxhalabile.

5. Vula unyango lwe-CBT

Ukuthetha ngonyango kuhlala kuyindlela yokuphatha nayiphi na ingxaki yoxinzelelo. Xa kuziwa kuxinzelelo lwasentlalweni, unyango lokuziphatha kwengqondo (CBT) lolona nyango lusebenzayo.

I-CBT igcwele ubuchule obunokukunceda ukulawula iingcinga zakho, iimvakalelo, kunye nokuphendula ngokwasemzimbeni kwiimeko zentlalo.

Enye indlela ingcali enokuyisebenzisa yindlela yokuvezwa. Iveza izigulana kwiimeko ezoyikekayo kwaye icebise ngeendlela zokulawula uloyiko.

Umzekelo, ungaqala ngomboniso wemizuzu emi-3 kwimeko ethile yentlalontle okanye unxibelelwano olubangela uxinzelelo. Ixesha elingaphezulu, unokongeza ixesha lokujonga ngakumbi, uziveze kwimeko yeedosi ezincinci (cinga: ukubingelela kwi-barista yakho), kwaye ekugqibeleni ugqibe kwimeko ezoyikisayo.

Njengoko uzityhila kancinci kolu loyiko, baya kuba namandla amancinci nakancinci kwiimvakalelo zakho.

6. Ngalo lonke ixesha khumbula ukuzikhathalela

Ukuzinakekela kubalulekile kuwo wonke umntu, kodwa ngakumbi kubantu abanexhala.

Khumbula ukuba nobubele kuwe kwaye uyazi imida yakho, kwaye uzame ukungazinyanzeli udlule kwinqanaba lakho lokophuka. Lala ngokwaneleyo uze utye ukutya okutyayo rhoqo, okusempilweni.

Zama ukuhamba ngokulula kotywala. Ngamanye amaxesha kuqhelekile ukuba abantu baxhomekeke etywaleni kwiimeko zentlalo njengendlela yokukhulula, kodwa ekugqibeleni oku kuyalonyusa uxinzelelo.

• Zama enye-to-enye indlela yokutshintsha phakathi kwesiselo esinxilisayo kunye neglasi yamanzi.
• Yenza i-mocktail owaziyo ukuba uyayithanda. Yongeza ukunambitheka kwamanzi aqhwethayo ngee-bitters, izilayi zelamula, okanye ukutshiza ijusi.

Wonke umntu ulwa nento ebomini. Ukuba uhlala kuphela isiqingatha sepati, oko kusaphumelela njengoko uqhubeka nokusebenza ngoxinzelelo lwakho.

Ukuba unobubele kuwe, kokukhona umema abanye ukuba balandele.

UMeagan Drillinger ngumbhali wokuhamba kunye nokuba sempilweni. Ujoliso lwakhe kukwenza uninzi lokuhamba ngamava ngelixa ugcina indlela yokuphila esempilweni. Ukubhala kwakhe kuvele kwiThrillist, iMpilo yaMadoda, ukuhamba ngeVeki, kunye neTime Out New York, phakathi kwabanye. Yiya kuye blog okanye I-Instagram.