Ukudibana nosana lwam kwakungelulo uthando ekuboneni kokuqala- kwaye kulungile

Umxholo

• Iimvakalelo zam zazigcwele yonke indawo

Ndandifuna ukumthanda usana lwam ngoko nangoko, kodwa endaweni yoko ndaziva ndiziva ndineentloni. Ayindim ndedwa.

Ukusukela oko ndamitha izibulo lam, ndandinomdla. Ndandihlikihla isisu esandayo rhoqo, ndicinga ukuba intombi yam ibizakubonakala njani kwaye izakuba ngubani.

Ndayipheka phakathi kwam ngentumekelelo. Ndiyithandile indlela awaphendula ngayo kum, ngokukhaba apha kunye nejab apho, kwaye njengoko wayekhula, nothando lwam ngaye lwalunjalo.

Andikwazanga kulinda ukuba ndibeke umzimba wakhe omanzi, ojijithekayo esifubeni sam - ndize ndibubone ubuso bakhe. Kodwa into engaqhelekanga yenzekile xa wayezalwa kuba endaweni yokuba ndityiwe ziimvakalelo, ndandingenanto kubo.

Ndiye ndangcangcazela xa ndisiva isikhalo sakhe.

Ekuqaleni, ndatshitshisa ukuphazamiseka ukuya kudinwa. Ndisebenze iiyure ezingama-34, ngelo xesha ndandixhomekeke kwiimonitha, ndithontsiza, kwaye ndinyanzela kodwa nasemva kwesidlo, ishawa, kunye nenqanawe emifutshane, izinto zazicimile.

Intombi yam yaziva ingamazi. Ndimbambe engaphandle kwemfanelo noxanduva. Ndondla ngendelelo.

Ewe bendinentloni ngempendulo yam. Iimuvi zibonisa ukuba ukuzala komntwana kuyinto entle, kwaye uninzi luchaza iqhina lomama nomntwana njengalo lonke eliquka nobunzulu. Kwabaninzi ikwangoku kwangoko-ubuncinci yayiyeyomyeni wam. Amehlo akhe aqaqamba okwesibini awumbonayo. Bendimbona ukuba udumbile. Kodwa mna? Andizange ndive nto kwaye ndothuka.

Yintoni eyayingahambi kakuhle ngam? Ngaba ndijijile? Ngaba ukuba ngumzali yimpazamo enkulu enkulu?

Wonke umntu undiqinisekisile ukuba izinto zizolunga. Uyindalo, bathe. Uya kuba ngumama omkhulu - kwaye bendifuna ukuba njalo. Ndichithe iinyanga ezili-9 ndilangazelela obu bomi buncinci kwaye ulapha: wonwabile, usempilweni kwaye ugqibelele.

Ndilindile ke. Ndancuma ngeentlungu njengoko sasihamba kwizitrato zaseBrooklyn ezifudumeleyo. Ndiginye iinyembezi xa abantu endingabaziyo bebethandeka kwintombi yam eWalgreens, eStop & Shop, nakwivenkile yekofu yalapha, ndaye ndamphulula umqolo xa ndimbambile. Kwakubonakala kuyinto eqhelekileyo, njengento elungileyo ukuyenza, kodwa akukho nto itshintshileyo.

Ndandinomsindo, ndineentloni, ndithandabuza, ndithandabuza kwaye ndinomsindo. Njengokuba imozulu ipholile, nentliziyo yam ngokunjalo. Ndaye ndema kulo mbuso iiveki… ndade ndophuka.

Kude kube andisakwazi ukuthatha enye.

Iimvakalelo zam zazigcwele yonke indawo

Uyabona, xa intombi yam yayineenyanga ezintathu ubudala, ndafunda ukuba ndinengxaki yoxinzelelo lwasemva kokubeleka. Iimpawu zazikho. Ndandinexhala kwaye ndinemvakalelo. Ndalila kakhulu, ndikhala kakhulu xa umyeni wam esiya emsebenzini. Iinyembezi zehla xa wayehamba epasejini, ngaphambi kokuba i-deadbolt iwele endaweni.

Ndalila ukuba ndichithe iglasi yamanzi okanye ukuba ikofu yam ibanda. Ndalila ukuba zazininzi izitya okanye ikati yam yaphosa phezulu, ndalila kuba ndandilila.

Ndandilila kakhulu kwiiyure ezininzi.

Ndandinomsindo kumyeni wam nakum-nangona eyokuqala ibiphosakele kwaye eyokugqibela ilahlekile. Ndamqumbela umyeni wam kuba ndinomona kwaye ndazigxeka ngokuba ndikude kwaye ndicinezelwa. Andizange ndiqonde ukuba kutheni ndingakwazi ukuzidibanisa. Ndaphinda ndabuza "iimvakalelo zomama" zam rhoqo.

Ndaziva ndingafaneleki. Ndingumama ombi.

Iindaba ezimnandi zezokuba ndifumene uncedo.Ndaqala unyango kunye namayeza kwaye ndaphuma kancinci kwinkungu yasemva kokubeleka, nangona ndandingeva kwanto ngomntwana wam okhulayo. I-gummy grin yakhe ayiphumelelanga ukuhlaba intliziyo yam ebandayo, efileyo.

Kwaye andindedwa. Kufunyenwe kuyinto eqhelekileyo koomama ukuba bafumane "umsantsa phakathi kokulindelweyo kunye nenyani, kunye noluvo lokuzinza emntwaneni," kukhokelela "kwityala kunye nehlazo."

UKatherine Stone, umyili wePostpartum Progress, uvakalise uluvo olufanayo emva kokuzalwa konyana wakhe. "Ndamthanda kuba wayengowam, ngokuqinisekileyo," ubhale watsho uStone. “Ndandimthanda kuba wayemhle kwaye ndimthanda kuba emhle kwaye emnandi kwaye emncinci. Ndandimthanda kuba wayengunyana wam nam ndinayo ukumthanda, andithi? Ndaziva ngathi kufuneka ndimthande kuba ukuba andithanga ngubani omnye? … [Kodwa] ndaye ndaqiniseka ukuba andimthandi ngokwaneleyo kwaye kukho into engalunganga ngam. ”

"[Ngaphezu koko,] wonke umama omtsha endithethe naye uza kuqhubeka Ukuqhubeka nokuqhubekeka malunga nokuba bangakanani uyathandwa umntwana wabo, kwaye njani Kwakulula, kwaye njani yendalo ndizive ngathi ... [kodwa kum] khange yenzeke ngobusuku obunye, utshilo uStone. "Ke ngokusemthethweni ndandiyinto embi, embi, nokuzingca komntu."

Iindaba ezimnandi zezokuba ekugqibeleni, ukuba ngumama kunqakraziwe, kum nakwilitye. Kuthathe unyaka, kodwa ngenye imini ndajonga intombi yam - ndamjonga nyani- ndaziva ndonwabile. Ndeva ukuhleka kwakhe kamnandi okokuqala, kwaye ukusukela ngalaa mzuzu, izinto zaba ngcono.

Uthando lwam ngaye lwakhula.

Kodwa ukuba ngumzali kuthatha ixesha. Ukubophelela kuthatha ixesha, kwaye ngelixa sonke sifuna ukufumana "uthando ekuboneni kuqala," iimvakalelo zakho zokuqala azinamsebenzi, ubuncinci hayi ekuhambeni kwexesha. Into ebalulekileyo kukuba uvela njani kwaye ukhule kunye. Kuba ndiyakuthembisa, uthando luyayifumana indlela. Iya kungena.

UKimberly Zapata ngumama, umbhali kunye nommeli wezempilo yengqondo. Umsebenzi wakhe uvele kwiindawo ezininzi, kubandakanya iWashington Post, iHuffPost, iOprah, iSekela, abazali, iMpilo, kunye noMama oMoyikisayo - ukubala abambalwa- kwaye xa impumlo yakhe ingangcwatywanga emsebenzini (okanye incwadi elungileyo), uKimberly uchitha ixesha lakhe lasimahla ebaleka Mkhulu Kunoko: UkugulaUmbutho ongenzi nzuzo ojolise ekuxhobiseni abantwana kunye nabantu abadala abancinci abajamelana neemeko zempilo yengqondo. Landela uKimberly Facebook okanye Twitter.