Ndazala ndineminyaka engama-30 ubudala nama-40 eminyaka. Nanku umahluko

Umxholo

• Iminyaka emininzi emva kwakho ayisoloko ithetha ezinye iingxaki ngaphambili

Kwakubonakala ngathi lonke ilizwe lindixelela ukuba kunganzima kangakanani. Kodwa ngeendlela ezininzi, kube lula.

Andizange ndibenazo naziphi na ii-hangout malunga nokuguga, kwaye andinayo yonke into ebendiyixakekile ngeminyaka yam njengayo nayiphi na into engaphaya kwenani leminyaka bendikhe ndisehlabathini, ndade ndaqala ukuzama ukukhulelwa ndineminyaka engama-38. ngequbuliso, ndandisesikweni indala. Okanye ubuncinci, amaqanda am ayenjalo.

Ndijongene nenyani yebhayoloji bendingenalo ulawulo kuyo: Njengokuba abantu besetyhini bekhula, amaqanda ngokwendalo ancipha kwinani nakumgangatho. Ngokwe-American College of Obstetricians kunye ne-Gynecologists, ukuchuma kuqala ukwehla kakhulu malunga neminyaka engama-32, emva koko kuthathe enye i-plummet kwiminyaka engama-37.

Sizamile malunga neenyanga ezi-6, emva koko saqala uvavanyo lokuchuma kwaye ndafumanisa ukuba "ndinendawo yokugcina ii-ovari yam ebudaleni bam." Ke ayikokuphela kokuba ndibenamaqanda ambalwa ngenxa yokuba bendineminyaka engama-40, bendinamaqanda ambalwa kakhulu kunokuba bekulindelekile kum xa ndineminyaka engama-40. Kwiinyanga ezimbalwa ezizayo, siye safumana iimvavanyo ezingaphezulu, saqala ukucinga nzulu nge-IVF, kwaye ndabuza ugqirha wam, “Yintoni enye endinokuyenza?”

"Zama ukungabi noxinzelelo," utshilo. "Yibeke incwadana yokubuza imibuzo, uyeke ukucengceleza izibalo, kwaye uthathe ikhefu kuGqirha Google."

Ndenze njalo ke. Kwaye sakhulelwa-ngaphandle kwe-IVF okanye enye into. Kuthathe iinyanga ezili-12 zokuchamela kwiintonga ze-ovulation kunye nokuba neentlobano zesini ngexesha elifanelekileyo, kodwa kwenzeka.

Kuthathe nje, kulungile, iinyanga ezili-12 ubude kunokuba yayineminyaka eyi-29 kunye ne-31.

Iminyaka emininzi emva kwakho ayisoloko ithetha ezinye iingxaki ngaphambili

Ngaphandle kokulinda ixesha elide ukubona imigca emibini eluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka kuvavanyo lokukhulelwa, ndingatsho ngokunyanisekileyo ukuba ukukhulelwa kwam okungama-40 kunye nokungafaniyo kwakungekho kwahlukile kunangaphambili. Ngokwasemthethweni ndandingumfazi we-AMA (iminyaka yoomama esele ihambile) - ubuncinci abasalisebenzisi igama elithi "umama ongumama" - kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo andizange ndiphathwe ngokwahlukileyo ngabazalisikazi ababendijonga.

Ingxaki yam yempilo yayiyixinzelelo, eyayiyinkinga ngexesha lokukhulelwa kwam kokugqibela kwaye ngokuqinisekileyo ayihambelani nobudala. Ngapha koko, ndicinga ukuba impilo yam yengqondo ibingcono ngexesha lokukhulelwa kwam kutshanje. Ndineminyaka emininzi yamava (kokubini impilo elungileyo nengalunganga yengqondo), kwaye ndivuleke ngakumbi malunga nokugula kwam kunokuba ndandinjalo emva koko. Andinamathuba okuba ndibeke ubuso obukhaliphileyo okanye ndingcwabe intloko entlabathini.

Ngaphandle kwempilo yam yengqondo, ndikwimo engcono ngezinye iindlela, nazo. Xa ndikhulelweyo kwi-29, ndandiyintombazana yepati eyayisela kakhulu kwaye isinda ekuthatheni nasekulungiseleleni ukutya. Xa ndikhulelweyo xa ndandineminyaka engama-31, ndandiyintombazana nje yethutyana kwaye ndisitya kakhulu, kodwa ndandinomntwana omncinci onamandla okumkhathalela.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, xa ndikhulelwe kwi-39, ndandingumthengisi weetekethi, ndidla zonke izinto ezifanelekileyo, ndenza umthambo rhoqo, kwaye ndinabantwana abakwiminyaka yokuhamba isikolo, oko kuthetha ukuba ndingafumana abo baxabisekileyo bokukhulelwa emini.

Ubudala yenza Umcimbi xa kuziwa ekufumaneni umntwana. Ngaphandle kokuthatha ixesha elide, ngokomndilili, ukukhulelwa kwasekuqaleni, oomama abadala banethuba lokufumana okanye, kwaye kukho kubo bobabini umama nosana.

Ukuva kunye nokufunda zonke ezo zinto kunokwenza ukuba sele inawo onke amandla okuba ngamava amahle noxinzelelo ngakumbi. Kodwa ndibubungqina bokuba ukuba nomntwana kwi-40 ayisiyiyo yonke into eyahlukileyo kunokwenza kuma-30.

Ukuzalwa kwam okokuqala yayikukuhanjiswa kwelungu lesini lobufazi, kodwa owesibini nowesithathu babecwangcisiwe ngamacandelo e-C kwiminyaka esi-8 ngokwahlukeneyo, ukuze ndikwazi ukuthelekisa amanqaku kuwo. Ndibe nethamsanqa: Zombini ezi zinto zibuyiswayo yayincwadi yesikhokelo. Kodwa kwakhona, akukho nto yayinzima okanye yathatha ixesha elide okwesibini, kuba ndandineminyaka eliqela ndiphakathi.

Intombi yam encinci ngoku ineenyanga ezili-11 ubudala. Usebenza nzima. Kodwa zonke iintsana zi - nokuba uneminyaka engama-25, 35, okanye engama-45. Ngaba ndiziva ndindala kunoomama abaneminyaka engama-25 kumasango esikolo xa ndimshiya kusuku lwakhe lokuqala? Ewe ndiya kwenza, kuba ndiya kuba. Ndiza kuba neminyaka engama-45. Kodwa andizukuyibona njengento engeyiyo.

Ukuba siyayityeshela into esasazwa yimithombo yeendaba malunga nokuguga- kunye nabasetyhini abaneminyaka yobudala, ngakumbi - konke kungumdlalo wamanani kuphela. Njengomfazi, nanjengomama, ndingaphezulu kakhulu komhla wesatifikethi sam sokuzalwa.

Kum, umahluko omkhulu phakathi kokubeleka eneminyaka engama-30 nokuzala ngowama-40 wawulungile. Nge-30, bendikhathala kakhulu malunga nokuba abanye abantu-noluntu ngokubanzi-bacinga ntoni ngam. Kwiminyaka engama-40, ngenene andinakukwazi ukuzinikela.

Ukukhulelwa kwam omathathu kwakuyintsikelelo enkulu, kodwa owam wesithathu nangakumbi kuba ndandisazi ukuba ixesha alikho kwicala lam, ngokusondeleyo ngokwebhayoloji. Xa ekugqibeleni ndakhulelwayo, ndandiwola wonke umzuzu. Kwaye ndizimisele ngokupheleleyo ukwamkela lonke ixesha elisaza kuza, ngaphandle kokuchitha isibini kubo bexhalabele iminyaka yam.

UClaire Gillespie ngumbhali ozimeleyo onemigca yezempilo, SELF, Refinery29, Glamour, The Washington Post, nezinye ezininzi. Uhlala eScotland kunye nomyeni wakhe kunye nabantwana abathandathu, apho asebenzisa lonke ixesha (elinqabileyo) umzuzu wokusebenza kwinoveli yakhe. Mlandele Apha.