Incoko ephilileyo: Ndayifaka i-Therapist yam-kodwa ngoku kufuneka ndibuyele umva

Umxholo

• Ngokuqinisekileyo, ukuphosa akukho kuluhlu lwam lweengcebiso malunga nendlela yokuphelisa ubudlelwane bonyango.
• Ukuba ugqirha wakho uxabisa ityuwa yabo, baya konwaba ukuba nethuba lokusebenza nawe kwakhona.
• Kodwa xa sizivulela ngokwethu kuhlobo lokusondelelana olusoyikisa thina kakhulu? Ukukhula okumangalisayo kunokwenzeka.

“Ngokuqinisekileyo ndisaludinga unyango. Ndenze ntoni?"

Le yiNtetho eNgaqondakaliyo: Ikholamu yengcebiso yokunyaniseka, iingxoxo ezingenampazamo malunga nempilo yengqondo kunye negqwetha uSam Dylan Finch. Ngelixa engenguye ugqirha oqinisekisiweyo, unamava obomi aphila kukungaziphathi kakuhle (OCD). Imibuzo? Fikelele nge-Instagram kwaye unokufakwa.

Malunga neenyanga ezi-6 ezidlulileyo, ndaye ndanikela ngonyango kum. Ndaziva ngathi andisayifuni unyango, ngenxa yoko ndandi ... Kwaziva kulula ngexesha lokunyamalala kunokuba nencoko yokuhlukana okungathandekiyo naye. Ukukhawuleza phambili ngoku, nangona kunjalo, kwaye ndicinga ukuba ndenze impazamo. Ngokuqinisekileyo ndisafuna unyango, ngakumbi ngoku ngoku kwenzeka ubhubhane. Ndenze ntoni?

Okokuqala, isibhengezo, ngaphambi kokuba ndiqale ukunika iingcebiso ngokungathandabuzekiyo: Kuba andazi ngokwaneleyo malunga nolwalamano oluthile obenalo nonyango lwakho, into endabelana ngayo apha kukukunceda uhlele iimvakalelo zakho kunye namanyathelo alandelayo indlela ngokubanzi.

Nangona kunjalo, ukuba ugqirha wakho ubandakanyekile kuyo nayiphi na indlela yokuziphatha enokuthi ithathelwe ingqalelo njengengalunganga, engekho semthethweni, okanye engekho semthethweni, nceda ufune inkxaso ngaphandle kolo lwalamano.

Ndicinga ukuba, nangona kunjalo, ukuba ulushiyile olu lwalamano kuba uzive ulungisiwe, mandiqale ngokuthi le uyichazayo yile kakhulu ezinokuxelwa kum.

Bekukho amaxesha amaninzi apho bendiziva ukuba andisayifuni i-therapist ( cue up Stronger ngu-Britney Spears *), ukuze ndifumanise nje ixeshana elifutshane emva koko bendinokuba ndikhawulezile kakhulu ekumkeni kwam.

Ukuxhamla.

Ngokuqinisekileyo, ukuphosa akukho kuluhlu lwam lweengcebiso malunga nendlela yokuphelisa ubudlelwane bonyango.

Ndicinga ukuba uninzi lwabanyangi banokukhetha incoko, ukuba kuphela ngoxolo lwengqondo ukuba usaphila kwaye uphilile.

Iingcali zonyango yenza Bakhathalele abathengi babo - {textend} nkqu nawona ajongene namatye!

Kodwa ke yile nto kanye ndicinga ukuba ugqirha wakho angakuvuyela ukuva kuwe.

Ayisiyiyo eyokuqinisekisa ukuba ulungile (kulungile, xa uthetha), kodwa ube nethuba lokuphonononga ukuba kutheni ubudlelwane buphele ngesiquphe, kunye nendlela yokukuxhasa ngcono.

Ewe kunokubakho iincoko ezimbalwa ezingathandekiyo malunga noku. Kodwa ukungahambi kakuhle kunyango akusoloko kuyinto embi! Ngamanye amaxesha kuthetha ukuba sineencoko ezinzulu ebekufanele ukuba sinazo.

Amathuba kukuba, ayinguwe wedwa umxhasi okhutshiwe, kuphela ngaphandle kokuthandabuza ukuphinda ubuye nge-imeyile ye-SOS.

Ukuba ugqirha wakho uxabisa ityuwa yabo, baya konwaba ukuba nethuba lokusebenza nawe kwakhona.

Inokwenza ubudlelwane bakho bube ngcono nangakumbi xa ujikeleze ixesha lesibini, kananjalo. Kungenxa yokuba ukunikezela, nokuba kungathi cwaka kangakanani kuwe, okunene kuphethe ulwazi oluninzi kuwe kunye nonyango lwakho ukuze uhlaziye.

Ngaba le ndlela "yokuqubha" ixhaphakile kulwalamano olusenyongweni ebomini bakho? Ngaba kukho into ebangele ukuba ubuphelise ubudlelwane, okanye isihloko owaqala ukusichukumisa ongakulungelanga ukungena kuso? Kukuphi ukungathandeki owawukufuna ukukutsiba ngokutsiba incoko?

Ayisiyiyo i-psychoanalyze yakho okanye nantoni na (ayingomsebenzi wam!), Kodwa ezi zizinto ezinamanzi ezinokuba ngumdla wokuzihlola.

Abanye bethu (ngokuqinisekileyo ayindim, hayi!) singazi sonakalise ubudlelwane bethu - {textend} ewe, nkqu nonyango lwethu - {textend} ixesha lokuba izinto ziba nzulu.

Endaweni yokuzivulela kolo bungozi, sitsibela inqanawa. Ngokukhawuleza.

Kodwa xa sizivulela ngokwethu kuhlobo lokusondelelana olusoyikisa thina kakhulu? Ukukhula okumangalisayo kunokwenzeka.

Nokuba yayiyimeko yokuzithemba kakhulu okanye uloyiko lokusondelelana (okanye kancinci kuzo zombini!), Kuyandikhuthaza kakhulu ukuba uzimisele ukubuyela umva. Ukuba nolo hlobo lokuba sesichengeni kunye nonyango lwakho kunokukhokelela ekusebenzeni kunye ngokwenyani.

Nditsho ke Ziphose kuyo.

Mdubule i-imeyile okanye utsalele iofisi yakhe idinga. Ungayigcina imfutshane, nayo- {textend} cela nje ukucwangcisa naye kwaye ungakhathazeki ngokuchaza okwenzekileyo. Uya kuba nethuba lokuhlela "isenzo sokunyamalala" ngexesha lokuqeshwa kwakho.

Yikhumbule kwakhona, ukuba angabinakho ukubakho ngokufanayo (okanye nakuphi na!) Njengangaphambili. Oko akuthethi ukuba uyakucaphukisa okanye ufanele ucinge!

Yiba bhetyebhetye, kwaye ukhumbule ukuba zininzi iintlanzi elwandle ukuba, ngasizathu sithile, akanakukuhlala ngeli xesha.

Umnqweno omhle!

USam Dylan Finch ungumhleli, umbhali, kunye neqhinga leendaba kwi-San Francisco Bay Area. Ungumhleli okhokelayo wezempilo yengqondo kunye neemeko ezingapheliyo kwiHealthline. Unokubulisa I-Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, okanye funda ngakumbi kwi SamDylanFinch.com.