Indlela yokujongana nobuhlobo obuMacaleni

Umxholo

• Unquma njani ubuhlobo obuManyeneyo
• Ukwaliwa okucingelwayo
• Ijika lobuhlobo, njl.
• Ingxabano Engathethiyo
• Thatha isigqibo sokuba ujongane nengxaki na
• Indlela yokuPhilisa kuBuhlobo obuCala buCala
• Uphengululo lwe

Ngexesha apho isidingo sokuba kude emzimbeni sikhohlise ubusuku bamantombazana amaninzi, ukugcina ubuhlobo, ngakumbi kwabo wawusondele kubo, kunokuba nzima. Ngaloo ndlela, ngamanye amaxesha abahlobo basuka bahlukane-into eqhelekileyo okanye ngaphandle kobhubhane. Nangona kunjalo, ubuhlungu bobuhlobo obulahlekileyo okanye obunamacala amabini, nkqu naphakathi kwabantu obaziyo, busenokukushiya uziva uluhlaza, wonzakele kwaye mhlawumbi unokudideka kancinci.

Xa umhlobo engatyali ixesha elininzi okanye umgudu kubudlelwane bakho njengoko beqhele ukwenza (okanye, ukuba unyaniseka kwisiqu sakho, nanini na), kulula ukuyitolika le njengokugatya, utshilo uDanielle Bayard Jackson, eFlorida umqeqeshi wobuhlobo kunye nomsunguli woMhlobo Phambili. Olu hlobo lokugxothwa kumhlobo lunokuziva lufana nentlungu yokungafunwa ngumntu osenokubakho okanye owayesakuba ngumthandi, utsho uHan Ren, Ph.D., isazi ngengqondo esinelayisensi eseAustin, eTexas. Ngaphezu koko, uphando lubonisa ukuba ukususwa ngumhlobo kunokubangela iindawo ezifanayo zobuchopho ezimiselwe ziintlungu zomzimba. THANDEKA: Iyadika.

Nokuba umntu akakukhathazi, "njengabantu, sinomdla wokuzenzela izinto kwaye sizenze ngathi," utsho uRen. Yiyo loo nto, kwabanye abantu, iimvakalelo ezibuhlungu ezivela kubuhlobo obucalanye zinokuba nzulu ngakumbi. (Eyeleleneyo: Inzululwazi ithi ubuhlobo ngundoqo kwimpilo ehlala ihleli kunye nolonwabo)

Ubungakanani bomntu ogxothiweyo buxhomekeke kwizinto ezininzi ezibandakanya ukwenzakala okanye ubudlelwane obudlulileyo, utshilo uRen. Umzekelo, enkosi kumava angaphambili okwaliwa, ungafumanisa ukuba uhlala ufuna ukuqinisekiswa kwangaphandle kwabanye (i-IRL okanye i-intanethi) ukuze uzive ufanelekile ukuba ngumhlobo okanye umntu ofuna ukuba phakathi kwakho, ucacisa uCortney Beasley, Psy.D. , Ingcali yezengqondo enelayisensi eSan Francisco, CA kunye nomsunguli we-Put In Black, iqonga le-intanethi elijolise ekuboniseni impilo kunye nokuba sempilweni koluntu olumnyama. Kodwa "ukufaneleka kwakho njengomntu ayisiyo eyokuchongwa ngabanye abantu," uyongeza. Ukugxininisa kakhulu kwinto abanye abayicingayo ngawe kungonakalisa impilo yakho yengqondo kunye nokuzithemba ngokubanzi, kwaye ukhuthaze iimvakalelo zoxinzelelo, uxinzelelo kunye neengcinga ezidakumba.

Ke, ungamelana njani nobuhlobo bodwa okanye uziva ngathi ulahliwe ngumntu obumthatha njengomhlobo? Okokuqala, yazi ukuba iimvakalelo zakho zinyanisekile, kodwa kunokubakho okungakumbi ebalini. Nantsi indlela yokutyhila okungahambi kakuhle, uthathe isigqibo sokuba ngaba ubuhlobo kufanelekile, kwaye ulungise kwaye uqhubeke.

Unquma njani ubuhlobo obuManyeneyo

Ngaphambi kokuba ungene kwiziphetho (unetyala!), Uya kufuna ukufumanisa eyona nto iphambili ngobuhlobo bakho. Unokumangaliswa kukufumanisa ukuba i-pal yakho ilahlekile nje yimiqondiso yakho okanye ihamba nezinto zabo ze-RN.

Ukwaliwa okucingelwayo

Umhlobo wakho usenokungazami ngabom ukukubulala, utsho uJackson. Asinguye wonke umntu oza kuhlangabezana nolindelo lwakho, yithi, ukuqala ingxoxo okanye ixesha lokuphendula, ngenxa yoko unokutolika ngokungafaniyo oku kungafani nokwaliwa, okanye oko akubiza ngokuba "kukhatywa okucingelwayo." Enyanisweni, umhlobo wakho usenokuba nzima ukuqhelana nolwalamano lwakhe ngoxa uvalelwe yedwa okanye ejongene nomnye umbandela wobuqu owahlula ingqalelo yakhe. "Awubaleki kubahlobo kunye nabantu osebenza nabo kwiindawo oqhele ukuhlala kuzo," utshilo uJackson. "Ngoku, ukuba umhlobo ufuna ukukubona okanye ukuthetha nawe, kuya kufuneka benze icebo kwaye baceba ixesha." Ubhubhane lunyanzelisa abantu ukuba bacinge ubudlelwane babo kunye nokuba kuthatha ntoni ukubakhuthaza. (Idibeneyo: Indlela yokujongana noLulolo ukuba u-Self-Isolated ngexesha le-Coronavirus Outbreak)

Ijika lobuhlobo, njl.

Nangona kunjalo, kukho iimeko apho kucacile ukuba umntu akasafuni ukubeka phambili ubudlelwane bakho. Qonda ukuba oku akunanto yakwenza nawe okanye iinzame zakho, utshilo uJackson. Wena nomhlobo wakho ninokuba nezinto eziphambili ngokubaluleka okanye nibe kwizigaba zobomi ezahlukeneyo. Abahlobo abaphumayo kunye nokuqhekeka ngaphandle kuyinto eqhelekileyo- ibizwa ngokuba ligophe lobungane- nangona ingakwenzi kube kubi. Umhlobo wakho usenokuba ukwixesha elinzima okanye umba wempilo yengqondo, kwaye akanaso isakhono sokutyala imali kwabanye. Ukuba bubuhlobo obutsha, umntu angangeniswa kwaye angavuli ukuba ahlole unxibelelwano olutsha. (Idibeneyo: Indlela yokwenza abahlobo njengabantu abadala-kwaye kutheni kubaluleke kakhulu kwimpilo yakho)

Okokugqibela, inyaniso ebuhlungu kukuba ayinguye wonke umntu oza kukuthanda kwaye kulungile. Olunye ubuntu aludibani kakuhle kunye, kwaye ukunyanzela ubuhlobo abuzukukwenza wonwabe ekugqibeleni.

Ingxabano Engathethiyo

Isizathu sinokubakho ngokuthe ngqo ngakumbi kunxibelelwano oluphosiweyo: ungqubano.

Nokuba umhlobo wakho akakujonganga malunga nomba othile, unokuthi uxelele into xa sele ikude kwaye ikude, ingakhathali, okanye ikukhuphela ngabom kwimicimbi okanye isimemo, utsho uRen. Sekunjalo, kuqhelekile ukuphosakela le miqondiso ngokupheleleyo njengoko umhlobo wakho enokuthi aphephe ukungqubana ngokwenza ngathi konke kuhamba kakuhle. Umntu unokuthula ethe cwaka kubudlelwane endaweni yokujongana nomcimbi. “Ukuhlala kweli hlabathi libonakalayo apho unokufikelela kwizinto ezininzi, kulula ukuba abantu bazive bengenamsebenzi okanye bajongane noxinzelelo olunokuza nobudlelwane kuba banokuqhubeka kwaye badibane nabanye abantu. , "ucacisa uBeasley.

Thatha isigqibo sokuba ujongane nengxaki na

Nokuba siyintoni na isizathu sokuwa-ukungabikho konxibelelwano, ukutolikwa gwenxa, ixesha elingalunganga, izinto eziphambili ngokubaluleka, okanye ukungqubana ngokuthe ngqo- ekuphela kwendlela yokwazi ngokuqinisekileyo okwenzekileyo kukuthetha ngqo nomhlobo wakho. Kodwa nawe ufanele ukwenze oko? Ngaba oko kuya kunika ukuvalwa? Ukulungisa ubuhlobo? Okanye ngaba wenza okubi ngaphezu kokulungileyo?

Izinto ezimbalwa ekufuneka uziqwalasele, ngokukaRen:

• Ngaba unayo i-bandwidth yeemvakalelo yokufumana le ncoko?
• Ngaba ukulungele ukubeka amandla awongezelelekileyo kunye nokusebenza kobu buhlobo?
• Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukuba umhlobo wakho abe nale ncoko nawe? Ukuba kunjalo, ngaba baya kuthembeka?
• Ngaba uyafuna lomntu ebomini bakho kwixesha elizayo? Ukuba kunjalo, kutheni?

Khumbula ukuba umhlobo wakho usenokungakulungeli ukususa umoya okanye angazigquma iimvakalelo zakho phantsi kombhoxo ukuba uyathetha, ngoko usenokungafumani kuvalwa okanye iimpendulo obuzilindele.

Ukuba uyafikelela, kwaye umhlobo wakho uyavuma ukuncokola, ufuna ukuveza indlela oziva ngayo ngaphandle kokubeka uxanduva kumhlobo wakho, utshilo uBeasley. Ukuthetha into enje ngo "Ndiziva ndibuhlungu kuba asichithi xesha kunye. Andifuni ukuba uzive ubophelelekile, bendifuna nje ukubona ukuba ingaba ikhona na into esinokuthetha ngayo enokunceda imeko" inokuphinda iqale izinto, uthi. Ukuba unako ukulungisa ubuhlobo, mkhulu, kodwa "ungafikelela ekuqondeni ukuba lo ayisinguye umntu wam, lo ayingomntu endifuna ukumzisa kwikamva lam, okanye olu lwalamano alundisebenzeli njengoko kungqinwa ngu. indlela abasabela ngayo kwiinzame zam zokuyilungisa,” utshilo uRen. (Eyeleleneyo: Ngaba uMhlobo Wakho 'yi-Emotional Vampire'? Nantsi Indlela Yokujongana Nobuhlobo Obutyhefu)

Indlela yokuPhilisa kuBuhlobo obuCala buCala

Enoba ubuhlobo buyaqhubeka okanye akunjalo okanye ukuba ufikelela kwisigqibo esithile, iimvakalelo ezibuhlungu ziseyinyaniso enokwenzeka. Ngethamsanqa, unokubeka intlungu emva kwakho ngenzame encinci kunye nokuzithanda. Apha, iingcebiso ezimbalwa zeengcali zokukunceda ukuba uqalise kwindlela yokuphilisa.

Yamkele indlela oziva ngayo.

Iimvakalelo ezicinezelayo zineziphumo ezincangathi, ezifana nengqumbo engafanelekanga okanye ukucaphuka okunokuthi kubonakale ngeendlela ezingathanga ngqo okanye kuchaphazele abanye ubudlelwane, utshilo uRen. Endaweni yoko, qaphela ukuba zeziphi iimvakalelo ezivela kunxibelelwano lwakho (okanye ukunqongophala kwako) nalo mhlobo, kwaye uvume indlela oziva ngayo-ujili? ukukhazeka? unomsindo?

Emva koko, yenza nantoni na ekufuneka uyenzile, nokuba uyakhala okanye uhleli nje ukhathazekile. Yiba nomonde nesiqu sakho, uvumele ixesha elaneleyo lokuvumela ezi mvakalelo ukuba zithi cwaka, emva koko zidlule. Unokucinga ngokuthetha nomnye umhlobo okanye ugqirha okanye uzame ukubhala kwijenali njengendlela yokukhulula ubunzima bezi mvakalelo. (Eyeleleneyo: Inye into onokuyenza ukuze ube nobubele kuwe ngoku)

Guqula ibali elibi.

Ngelixa kuyindalo ukuziva ngathi unengxaki ngandlela thile yokuba nobuhlobo obunamacala amathandathu, ukuhamba kwindlela yokutshintsha ingxelo, utshilo uJackson.

Qala ukuqaphela xa usenza intetho engeyiyo, 'Ngaba ndithethe kakhulu?' okanye 'andonelanga?' Qaphela ukuba ujonge ezi mvakalelo.

Ukuba intetho engathandekiyo idlala ngaphezulu kwentloko yakho, zama ukuyicula endaweni yoko, utsho uRen. Kunzima ngakumbi ukuzithabatha nzulu xa ucula ingoma ethi ‘Andinto yanto’ okanye ‘Ndingumntu okhohlakeleyo.’” Uya kuyiqonda indlela ekuvakala ngayo ukuba bubudenge oko uze ungakuthembi.

Phinda uqhagamshelane nabanye.

Endaweni yokuzama "ukubuyisela" lo mhlobo, jolisa ekuhlaleni ungadibani nabanye. Chitha ixesha nabantu obaziyo ukuba ungathembela kubo (okt umzala othembekileyo okanye umhlobo webanga lesikolo) ukuzikhumbuza ngokuxabiseka kwakho njengomhlobo kunye nemfihlo, utshilo uJackson. Uya kukhunjuzwa malunga nokukhululeka okuvela kubudlelwane obuzinikeleyo.

Cinga ngezifundo ozifundileyo.

Unokumangaliswa kukuba kukho izinto ezintle eziphuma kubuhlobo obushiywe bucala, utshilo uRen. Kwelinye, usizi kunye nosizi kugxininisa ukuba ubudlelwane obulahlekile babubalulekile kuwe. Oku kukuvumela ukuba uqale ngokujonga ukuba zeziphi iimpawu zobudlelwane obuzixabisile, ukuze ukwazi ukuzifuna kubo nakuphi na ubuhlobo obuzayo, utshilo uBeasley. Bambelela kwisikhumbuzo esinethemba lokuba la mava amabi obuhlobo obucalanye akagqibeli ukuba ubuhlobo bakho obulandelayo buya kuhamba njani.

Uphengululo lwe