Kutheni usabelana ngesondo kancinci kunye neQabane lakho- kunye nendlela yokubuyela kuyo

Umxholo

• Ngaba ubambisene ngesondo?
• Kodwa yintoni ethathwa njengesondo "esincinci"?
• Okokuqala, misela ukuba umtshato ongabelani ngesondo uyakukhathaza
• Kodwa ukuba omnye wenu uziva ebuhlungu ngenxa yokungazifezekisi iimfuno zakho zesini, ke lo ngumqondiso wokuba isivumelwano sobudlelwane asisebenzi kwaye kufuneka silungisiwe.
• Okwesibini, jonga emva kwaye ubone ukuba yaqala nini
• Utshintsho olukhulu kwimeko yengqondo
• Izinto zobomi ezinzulu okanye iimeko
• Ezinye izizathu eziqhelekileyo
• Emva koko, jonga indlela yakho yokuhamba okanye yokwakha umtshato ngaphandle kwesondo
• Thetha ngayo neqabane lakho
• Zama imisebenzi yokunceda ukuthandana kwakhona
• Ubambiswano ngaphandle kwezesondo aluqhelekanga njengoko ucinga
• Ngaba isondo siyimfuneko kumtshato ophilileyo ngaphandle koqhawulo-mtshato?

Ngaba ubambisene ngesondo?

Usenokucinga, "Yintoni ethathwa njengomtshato ongabelani ngesondo? Ngaba ndingumntu omaziyo? ” Kwaye kukho inkcazo esemgangathweni. Kodwa ingaba iyasebenza kwimeko yakho inokwahluka.

Ukuba sijonga ezona ngcaciso zingqongqo, umtshato ongabelani ngesondo (ngokwe "Umbutho weNtlalontle weSini") kuxa abantu abatshatileyo bengazibandakanyi kwizenzo zesondo okanye behlangana kancinci kwezesondo.

Kodwa yintoni ethathwa njengesondo "esincinci"?

UGqr.Rachel Becker-Warner, ubudlelwane kwezonyango kunye nokwabelana ngesondo kwiNkqubo yezeSondo kwaBantu kwiDyunivesithi yaseMinnesota, uyichaza “njengayo nayiphi na intsebenziswano apho ukusondelelana ngesondo kwenzeka amaxesha ali-10 okanye ngaphantsi kwisithuba sonyaka.”

Nangona kunjalo, ukwabonisa ukuba "ubunzima kule nkcazo kukuxhomekeka 'kwezesondo' kunye nomgaqo obonakalayo wexesha."

Uza kuthatha isigqibo sokuba uyifanele inkcazo yoluntu yobudlelwane obungenasondo okanye hayi. Ukwabelana ngesondo akufuneki kube yilahleko yokusondelelana.

UGqr. Becker-Warner uthi: "Ndicinga ukuba ubudlelwane obungabelani ngesondo buchazwa ngcono njengokukhumbula okanye ukungazi nto kunxibelelana ngokomzimba phakathi kwamaqabane," utshilo uGqirha Becker-Warner.

Ke, ukuba ulala ngesondo nje kancinci kunokuba ucinga ukuba "kufanele ukuba" kwaye ulungile ngayo, akukho nto inokukhathazeka.

Kodwa ukuba imvama yesini yinkxalabo kubudlelwane bakho okanye kwintsebenziswano, ungothuki. Kukho izisombululo.

Okokuqala, misela ukuba umtshato ongabelani ngesondo uyakukhathaza

Yintoni ebalulekileyo kuwe kunye neqabane lakho, ngaphandle kokuqonda ukuba udibana rhoqo, kukuchaza ukuba isini sithetha ntoni komnye nomnye. Yeka ukuthembela kumabali e-intanethi okanye amanye amava amaqabane ukutshela into "yesiqhelo."

Akukho mntu, ngaphandle kwabantu abakubudlelwane, kufuneka athathe isigqibo sokuba ukubambisana ngaphandle kwesondo ku malunga. Wonke umntu wahlukile. Ukuba wena neqabane lakho wanelisekile ngokulalana ngekota nganye okanye kube kanye ngonyaka, kulungile.

Kodwa ukuba omnye wenu uziva ebuhlungu ngenxa yokungazifezekisi iimfuno zakho zesini, ke lo ngumqondiso wokuba isivumelwano sobudlelwane asisebenzi kwaye kufuneka silungisiwe.

Ngamanye amaxesha ukunyuka kweengcinga okanye iintshukumo kunokuba sisiphumo sokuziva ungasondelelananga neqabane lakho. Umzekelo, ukuba uqala ukuziva unenzondo kwaye ucinga ngokulala nomntu osebenza naye, kusenokwenzeka ukuba khange unxibelelane ngokwasemzimbeni neqabane lakho okwethutyana.

Ugqirha Becker-Warner ucacisa ezinye izinto ekufuneka ziqwalaselwe:

• Awunakulikhumbula ixesha lokugqibela wena kunye neqabane lakho nonwabela ukusondelelana ngokwesondo.
• Ukwabelana ngesondo yinto yokugqibela ofuna ukuyicinga, okanye intliziyo yakho ibuhlungu xa ucinga ngobume bokwabelana ngesondo neqabane lakho.
• Kukho ukuthandabuza kunye / okanye ukunqandwa kokuqalisa ukuthinta umzimba, nokuba kungenxa yokwaliwa okanye ukubakho kokukhokelela kwisini esingafunekiyo.
• Ezinye iindlela zokusondelana (ukuchukumisa, ukuthanda iilwimi, njl.) Nazo ziyasilela kulwalamano lwakho.
• Uziva unqanyulwe kwiqabane lakho.
• Uziva ukuba isondo kuxa kuphela amalungu esini (ngakumbi incanca kunye nokungena) kubandakanyeka.

Ukuba ezi zichaza imeko yakho, unokufuna ukujonga emva kwaye yaqala nini. Kubalulekile ukuba amaqabane achaze ukuba isini sithetha ntoni kubo ngaphambi kokujongana nembono yabo okanye ingxaki. Oku kubalulekile ukuqinisekisa ukuba wena neqabane lakho nikwiphepha elinye xa nithetha ngemicimbi ethe-ethe neyakho.

Okwesibini, jonga emva kwaye ubone ukuba yaqala nini

Le nto inokuba ibikho ekuqaleni kobudlelwane bakho, okanye isenokuba iqalile emva kwesiganeko esibalulekileyo sobomi. Isenokuba sisiphumo sotshintsho lwehomoni. Mhlawumbi yavela emva kokuphulukana nomdla emva kokonwabela ukwabelana ngesondo neqabane lakho. Okanye mhlawumbi wena neqabane lakho niyekile ukuvumelanisa, ninqwenela isenzo sesondo ngamaxesha ahlukeneyo, kwaye ke niphephe kwaphela.

Utshintsho olukhulu kwimeko yengqondo

Kungokwemvelo ukuba abantu abatshatileyo babelane ngesondo kunye nokuhamba, kodwa kwizibini ezixela ukungoneliseki kwamaxesha okungabelani ngesondo, kuhlala kukho ipateni uGqr Tameca Harris-Jackson, ingcali yezonyango kunye ne-AASECT eqinisekisiweyo yokufundisa abantu ngesondo, uqhagamshelo lomzimba.

Umzekelo, amaxesha angabelani ngesondo athanda ukuvela emva:

• ukujongana nesigulo
• ukufumana utshintsho emzimbeni
• ukuba nembambano engasonjululwanga
• amanqanaba aphezulu oxinzelelo
• ndiziva ndihlala ndikhathazekile

"Ngokuyintloko, okona ukhathazekile, kokukhona kuya kuchaphazela umzimba wakho, kwaye kokukhona wena okanye iqabane lakho liza kuziva livukile okanye livulwe ngokwaneleyo ukuba linqwenele ukulala ngesondo," utshilo. "Ukuba ufumana ukuya exesheni okanye ulindele, oko kunokuba nefuthe kubuchule okanye umnqweno wokulala ngesondo."

Izinto zobomi ezinzulu okanye iimeko

Ugqirha Becker-Warner uthi ukungabinakho ukwabelana ngesondo kubangelwa zizinto ezininzi zobomi, kubandakanya:

• amaxesha osizi
• uhlengahlengiso ebomini
• uxinzelelo
• izinto zexesha
• ukwaluphala
• ukungcatsha (ngenxa yemicimbi, imiceli mngeni yobudlelwane, okanye ezemali)
• Ihlazo lesondo ngaphakathi
• imizabalazo yonxibelelwano
• Imicimbi yezempilo yengqondo enganyangekiyo (uxinzelelo, ixhala lesini, umothuko)
• ukukhubazeka

Kumsebenzi kaGqr. Becker-Warner, ukunqongophala kwezesondo kunokuba ngumceli mngeni xa elinye lamaqabane lichaphazeleka kakubi kwaye lilangazelela into eyahlukileyo. Uye waphawula ukuba, "ubuhlakani bexesha elide buya ngokwabo, kwaye indawo ebalulekileyo yolu phando ilungelelanisa nelahleko, kubandakanya nobutsha obujikeleze ubudlelwane bezesondo."

Ezinye izizathu eziqhelekileyo

Zininzi ezinye izinto ezinokukhokelela kumtshato ongabelani ngesondo okanye ubudlelwane. Ziquka:

• iimpawu ezinxulumene nokuhamba kwexesha okanye ukuya exesheni
• ukukhulelwa
• ukudinwa okungapheliyo
• iimeko zempilo ezingapheliyo
• iziphumo ebezingalindelekanga zonyango
• ukubambelela kwizimvo ezithintelwayo kwisini
• iyantlukwano ngokwenkcubeko okanye ngokwenkolo
• imicimbi
• ukungabikho kwemfundo yesondo
• Ukusetyenziswa kweziyobisi
• ubume

Emva koko, jonga indlela yakho yokuhamba okanye yokwakha umtshato ngaphandle kwesondo

Thetha ngayo neqabane lakho

Ukuba ukunqongophala kwesondo kunye nokuncipha kokuhamba ngesondo kuyakukhathaza, lixesha lokuba uthethe ngalo neqabane lakho. Njengoko uGqirha Becker-Warner esitsho, "Ukufumana uncedo kubudlelwane kuhlala kuqala ngokunxibelelana ukuba umba ukhona kunye nomnqweno wokuwulungisa kunye."

Ngaphambi kokuba uthethe nabo, bhala phantsi izinto ezikuxhalabisayo kwangaphambili uzithethele phezulu. Qinisekisa ukuba awubeki tyala okanye iintloni kwiqabane lakho.

UGqirha Harris-Jackson ukhumbuza amaqabane ukuba athethe ngayo, ungayithinteli, kwaye uthethe usendaweni yokhathalelo nenkxalabo, ngelixa ulumkile ukunqanda ukubeka ityala.

Kwezi meko, kubalulekile ukuba esi sibini sifune uncedo lobuchwephesha kwingcali yezempilo yengqondo egxile kwisini somntu.

Ukuba ufuna uncedo ngokubhala amagama, funa ingcebiso kunye nengcali

Ingcali yezokwabelana ngesondo egxile kubudlelwane kunye nobunzima bezesondo inokukunceda uqonde ukuba zeziphi izinto ezikhokelele kubudlelwane obungabelani ngesondo. Banokukunceda ukufumanisa isicwangciso sokufumana wena neqabane lakho kwindawo apho niziva nobabini nidibene kwakhona.

Ingcali yezokwabelana ngesondo inokukunceda ukuba ube nokuzithemba ngakumbi ekuqondeni iimfuno zakho zesondo, kunye nokufundisa indlela yokuvula ngakumbi kunye neqabane lakho malunga nazo.

Ingcali inokukunceda uphande ezinye iindlela ezinokuthi zikhokelele wena neqabane lakho emva komnye nomnye, ngelixa nifumana indawo efanayo yokuhlangabezana neemfuno zomzimba nezesondo zomnye nomnye.

Zama imisebenzi yokunceda ukuthandana kwakhona

Xa ukurhoxa okusondeleyo kuvela ngexesha kunye nokufumaneka, ngamanye amaxesha eyona mpendulo ilungileyo kukwenza ixesha. Ukucebisa umhla okanye umsebenzi kunokuba sisitshixo sokuphinda ulwalamano lwakho kwaye ngokwendalo uhlukanise kwiincoko eziluncedo omnye komnye.

Zama ukubuza iqabane lakho ukuba bangathanda:

• Zama iklasi entsha okanye umasifundisane wosuku olunye kunye.
• Yiya kumsitho wobusuku kumyuziyam, kudlalwe, okanye kwikonsathi.
• Thatha iholide, ukuhlala, okanye ukubuyela umva ngenjongo yokuphumla.
• Ukwabelana ngesondo ngakumbi-kulula kwaye ngokuthe ngqo!

Uninzi lwazo zonke, ukuba uziva ukhathazekile kwaye umnqweno wokubaleka nomnye umntu kukugcina ebusuku, ungakhathazeki. Musa ukunciphisa iimfuno zakho. Gxila ekuqinisekiseni amava akho, kwaye ufumane ixesha lokunxibelelana neqabane lakho ukuba intliziyo nomzimba wakho zifuna ntoni.

Ubambiswano ngaphandle kwezesondo aluqhelekanga njengoko ucinga

Uyakufumana amazinga ahlukeneyo okuxhaphaka kwimitshato engabelani ngesondo esekwe kwidatha ethathwe kuvavanyo oludala, njengolu hlolisiso lwango-1993 olwafumana iipesenti ezili-16 zabantu abatshatileyo eUnited States baxela ukungabelani ngesondo kwinyanga engaphambi kovavanyo.

Kutshanje kufunyaniswe ukuba phakathi kwe-18- ukuya kwi-89 yeminyaka ubudala e-United States, i-15.2 yeepesenti yamadoda kunye ne-26.7 yeepesenti yabasetyhini abachazanga ngesondo kunyaka ophelileyo, ngelixa i-8.7 yeepesenti yamadoda kunye ne-17.5 yeepesenti yabasetyhini abaxele ukungabikho ngesondo iminyaka emihlanu okanye ngaphezulu.

Abo bangazange babelane ngesondo kunyaka ophelileyo bakhankanye ezi zizathu zilandelayo zokungabelani ngesondo: ukuba mdala kwaye ungatshatanga.

NgokukaGqirha Harris-Jackson, “Izibalo ziqikelelwa ukuba ziphezulu kakhulu xa unika ingxelo yobudlelwane obungatshatanga kunye nolunye ulwalamano oluchongiweyo. Emazantsi, ixhaphake kakhulu kunokuba abantu besazi. ”

Gwema amabinzana afana "negumbi lokulala elifileyo" okanye "ibhedi yokufa" ukuba uthetha nabahlobo bakho okanye ingcali. Iimvakalelo zala mazwi zithwele inzondo kwaye zinokuchaphazela indlela othetha ngayo neqabane lakho xa ufika ekhaya.

Ngaphandle kophando ngesihloko esinqabileyo kwaye sinomhla, uGqirha Becker-Warner ukwaphawula ukuba "uninzi lwezifundo ezikhoyo zijolise kubantu abatshatileyo abatshatileyo abatshatileyo" kwaye ayimeli ubuhlakani bezesini nobuni.

Ngaba isondo siyimfuneko kumtshato ophilileyo ngaphandle koqhawulo-mtshato?

Xa ujonga amanani oqhawulo-mtshato, uphononongo lwango-2012 lwafumanisa ukuba ezona zizathu zixhaphakileyo ziyaqhekeka (iipesenti ezingama-55), iingxaki zonxibelelwano (iipesenti ezingama-53), kunye nezemali (iipesenti ezingama-40). Ukungathembeki okanye imicimbi ikwangunobangela oqhelekileyo.

Uphando aludibanisi ngokuthe ngqo imitshato engena-sex kuqhawulo-mtshato, kodwa inokuba yinto. Akunakuze kuphela into.

Kwamanye amaqabane, ukuthandana ngokwesondo yeyona nto ibalulekileyo eyomeleza unxibelelwano lwabo omnye komnye kwaye ibonelele ngendawo yokubonakalisa uthando okanye uthando.

Ukuba ubundlobongela ngesondo buye behla bada bafikelela kwinqanaba lokuba uqhawulo-mtshato lusengqondweni yakho, thatha inyathelo ubuye umva malunga nokuba usaziva usathuthuzelekile, uyathemba, kwaye uyalithanda iqabane lakho. Rhoqo, ukungabelani ngesondo, okanye ukungabelani ngesondo okungaphantsi, luphawu lwento enkulu.

Ukuba wena neqabane lakho nizamile ukulungisa imicimbi kwaye niziva ukuba uqhawulo-mtshato luyimpendulo elungileyo, kulungile, ngokunjalo. Uqhawulo-mtshato ayilophawu lokusilela. Kungaba buhlungu kwaye kuyinkimbinkimbi, kodwa akusiyo ukungabikho kothando. Uqhawulo-mtshato lithuba lokuzibeka kwindawo yokuqala kunye nolonwabo.

Nangona kunjalo, uGqirha Becker-Warner usikhumbuza ukuba isini njengokuthandana akufuneki kuyinyani wonke umntu. Kwabanye, ukuba neentlobano zesini akubalulekanga okanye kuye kwaba yinto engabalulekanga kangako kunxibelelwano. ”

Kwaye isini asisoloko siyimfuneko ukuba nobudlelwane obuphilileyo.

UDkt.Harris-Jackson uthi: "Baninzi abantu abanobudlelwane obusempilweni, obonwabileyo nobonwabisayo, kwaye bakwinto enokuthi ichazwe njengobudlelwane obuphantsi okanye obungekho ngokwesini," utshilo uGqirha Harris-Jackson.

“Kubalulekile ukuba ukhumbule ukuba isini kunye nokusondelelana akufani. Ukusondelelana ngamava okanye isenzo sothando, ukunxibelelana nokwabelana, ”uqhuba watsho. Ubudlelwane kunye nonxibelelwano olululo zibalulekile kwaye zibalulekile kulwalamano olusempilweni. Ukwabelana ngesondo yinto ebalulekileyo kumaqabane amaninzi, nangona kunjalo, kwaye oko kufuneka kuviwe kwaye kuhlonitshwe abo bantu. ”

Khumbula oku: Wena neqabane lakho nithatha isigqibo sokuba niyifanele na inkcazo yoluntu yobudlelwane obungenasondo okanye hayi- kwaye nokuba ibalulekile na! Ukwabelana ngesondo akufuneki kube yilahleko yokusondelelana.

Njengokuba uGqr. Harris-Jackson ephinda esithi: “Intsebenziswano engabelani ngesondo ayithethi ukuba yintsebenziswano engonwabisiyo. Okuphikisanayo! Indibaniselwano ezaliswe bubudlelwane kunye nenkxaso inganelisa kakhulu ukuba kuko oko amaqabane abeka njengeyona nto iphambili kubudlelwane babo. ”