Kuthetha Ukuthini Ukuba Nolwelo Lwezesondo?

Umxholo

• Yintoni ubumanzi ngokwesondo?
• Ubumdaka bokwabelana ngesondo njengobungqina ngokuchasene nomxholo
• Ndazi njani ukuba ndinolwelo ngokwesondo?
• Uphengululo lwe

Ukwabelana ngesondo yenye yezo ngqikelelo zivelayo ezinokuba nzima ukuzisonga ngokupheleleyo intloko yakho - kodwa mhlawumbi awukho. kucingelwa ukuya. Uluntu lutyekele ekufuneni ukubiza ubulili njengendlela yokufumanisa ukuba ngubani na umntu ngokunxulumene naye wonke umntu. Kodwa kuthekani ukuba wonke umntu ebenako nje ukuva ubuni bakhe ngaphandle kokuba abhengeze esidlangalaleni ukuba loluphi uhlobo lomntu ahlala kulo?

Enyanisweni, abanye abantu abadumileyo baye babhengeza esidlangalaleni ukuba abakwenzi funa Ukuchaza isini sabo okanye ubachaze. Kudliwanondlebe no Amatye agiqekayo, imvumi kunye nombhali weengoma uSt. Vincent wathi, kuye, zombini isini kunye nobulili bumanzi kwaye uthando alunayo inqobo. USarah Paulson, kudliwanondlebe no Umthombo wokuzingca, uthe akawavumeli amava akhe nangasiphi na isini ukuba achaze ukuba ungubani na. UCara Delevigne wabelane nomhlobo osondeleyo ngexesha lodliwanondlebe kunye Ubuhle ukuba ukhetha igama elithi "ulwelo" endaweni yokuba ahlaselwe asiwe nakwesiphi na isakhelo esinye sesini.

Ubomi bumdaka. Ukwabelana ngesondo kunye nokwabelana ngesondo kunye nokuba kuvusa ntoni abantu bangcolile. "Ukuchaphazeleka ngokwesondo kuvumela utshintsho rhoqo kunye nophuhliso, yiyo yonke into eyenzekayo ngokwesini," utshilo uChris Donaghue, Ph.D., L.C.S.W., nombhali we Uthando lovukelo. "Ukwabelana ngesondo kungaphezulu kokhetho lwesini kuphela; lukwabandakanya iimilo, ubungakanani, indlela yokuziphatha, i-kinks kunye neemeko."

Konke oku kuthetha ukuba, ulwabelana ngesondo alungeni kwibhokisi elungelelanisiweyo ngokugqibeleleyo - okanye iilebhile ezithe ngqo ezikhoyo ngaphakathi kwayo. Kunoko, ubuni yinto ephilayo, ephefumlayo, nentsonkothe ​​kakhulu. Kwaye kulapho amagama athi "ulwelo ngokwesini" kunye "nokwabelana ngesondo" kusebenza. Nantsi yonke into ofuna ukuyifumana ukuze usebenzise la magama ngokuchanekileyo.

Yintoni ubumanzi ngokwesondo?

"Ukuguquguquka ngokwesondo kubhekiselele kumandla okuguquguquka komtsalane ngokwesondo, indlela yokuziphatha, kunye nesazisi kubomi bonke," utshilo uJustin Lehmiller, Ph.D., ugxa wophando kwiZiko laseKinsey kunye nombhali we Ndixelele Yintoni Oyifunayo. Mhlawumbi ukhe waphila ekuqaleni kobomi bakho utsaleleka kwisini esinye, kodwa uzifumanele utsaleleke kwelinye isini kamva ebomini. Ubumdaka obuphathekayo ngokwesondo buyavuma ukuba kunokwenzeka ukuba olu tshintsho lwenzeke-ukuba uyakwazi ukutsala abantu abohlukeneyo kwaye nokuzazisa kwakho kunokuvela ngokuhamba kwexesha.

Ewe, ayinguye wonke umntu oya kuba nolu hlobo lwamava - lowo unomtsalane kuye ngexesha lobomi bakho akanakuze atshintshe."Into esiyaziyo kukuba isini sikhona kumboniso," utshilo uKaty DeJong, utitshala wezesondo kunye nomqambi wePleasure Anarchist. "Abanye abantu bafumana imeko echanekileyo yomtsalane wesini, indlela yokuziphatha, kunye nokuzazisa, kwaye abanye bafumana amava abo kunye neminqweno yabo njengamanzi ngakumbi kwindalo."

Uluvo lokuba ngubani obonwa njengolwelo lwesini luye lwaxutywa luye kwi-womxn. Ngoba? "Siphila kwindawo yoosolusapho egxile kwjonga kwindoda ngoko ke sigxila kwinto efuna ukubonwa yindoda," utshilo uDonaghue. "Sinexhala lokubeka ibala nakwesiphi na isondo esingaqhelekanga okanye esisenza singonwabi." Yiyo loo nto abantu abaninzi benobunzima bokukholelwa ukuba abantu abanezimelabizo zakhe banokuba nolwelo ngokwesondo.

Kwakhona, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuba ulwelo ngokwesondo ayiyonto inye nokuba ulwelo ngokwesini okanye non-binary; Ukuchaphazeleka ngokwesini kubhekisa kwisini sakho okanye kwisini sakho (ngubani onomdla kuye), ngelixa ubume bakho besini okanye isazisi sibhekisa kwisini wena ochonga kuso.

Ngelixa amagama athi "ulwelo ngokwesini" kunye "nobumanzi obuphathekayo obuphathekayo bunokubonakala butshintshana ekuqaleni, kukho umahluko kwindlela abantu abawasebenzisa ngayo la magama:

• Ubumanzi ngokwesondo Ingasetyenziselwa ukuchaza ixesha lethutyana phakathi kokuqhelana nokwabelana ngesondo onokuthi uhlangane nakho kwiindawo ezahlukeneyo ebomini. Oku akususi naluphi na ulwalamano oludlulileyo okanye izinto ezikhangayo kwaye oko akuthethi ukuba uyaxoka okanye uzama ukufihla ubulili bakho.
• Ubumdaka ngokwesondo inokuphinda ichaze amandla okuguquguquka ngokwesondo, okanye utshintsho kwizesondo kunye nomtsalane, ngokuhamba kwexesha.
• Ulwelo ngokwesondo, kwelinye icala, inokusetyenziswa njengendlela yokuchonga buqu ngendlela efanayo umntu anokuchonga njenge-bisexual okanye i-pansexual.

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Ubumdaka bokwabelana ngesondo njengobungqina ngokuchasene nomxholo

Njengoko kuphawuliwe ngasentla, ubumanzi besondo bunokusebenza njengengcamango kunye nesazisi. Inokuba yenye okanye enye, okanye zombini ngaxeshanye. Umzekelo, ukuba uchonga njengokwabelana ngesondo ngokwesini (okanye naluphi na olunye ulwazelelelo), unokusebenzisa eli gama ukubonisa ukuba uyavuma ukuba isini sakho siyaqhubeka. Njengelebheli eyenzelwe ukuba ichaze ukungangqinelani kwembonakalo yesini, igama ngokwalo liyinto enentsingiselo. (Eyeleleneyo: Kuthetha ukuthini ngokwenene ukuba Queer?)

Lehmiller uthi: "Ingqondo yokuchaphazeleka ngokwesondo ibonisa into yokuba isini somntu asihlali ndawonye." "Kwaye inamandla okutshintsha." Ngoku, ngubani onamava wento kwaye yahluka kangakanani ukusuka komnye umntu ukuya komnye. Utshintsho kunye nokutshintsha kokutsala ngokwesondo akuthethi ukuba olu tshintsho zizinto ozikhethayo, utshilo uDeJong. Akukho mntu ukhethayo ukuziva indlela abenza ngayo, kodwa bathatha isigqibo malunga nendlela abafuna ukuyichaza ngayo loo mvakalelo.

Ngethamsanqa, ulwimi olumalunga nesondo luyakhula. "Siza kuqhubeka ukubona iileta zongezwa kwi-LGBTQIA +," utshilo uDonaghue. Ezi ziindaba ezimnandi kuba iilebhile (kunye neelebhile) zinceda abantu bazive bebonwa kwaye beva. Baqinisekisa amava akho kwaye bakwazisa kwabanye abantu abakhe, ngaxa lithile, baziva ngendlela efanayo. (Eyeleleneyo: Onke amazwi e-LGBTQ+ ofanele Uwazi ukuba ube ngumhlobo olungileyo)

Ke, ngelixa iilebhile zinendlela yokufaka abantu kwiibhokisi kwaye zibathintele, zinokudibanisa abantu. Ukunika amava akho aphilileyo ngegama kunye nokufumana abanye abanxibelelana nawe kuyaxhobisa. Ngaphezu koko, "inqaku elipheleleyo ayizukucacisa," utshilo uDonaghue. Wonke umntu unenkcazo yakhe yokuba zithetha ntoni ezi lebhile. Ukwabelana ngesondo, njengayo yonke enye into, kuyaphela.

Ndazi njani ukuba ndinolwelo ngokwesondo?

"Ukuba umntu ufumanisa ukuba iminqweno yakhe kunye nezinto ezinomtsalane ziyatshintsha ngobudala kunye namava obomi, inokuba sisalathiso sobushushu besondo, kodwa hayi rhoqo," utshilo uDeJong. Kulungile ukuba ungaqiniseki kwaye unomdla malunga nesini sakho (nangaliphi na ixesha, nangasiphi na isizathu). Thepha kwaye uyihlole.

Ukuba uziva ngathi ubumanzi ngokwesondo (okanye ukuba lulwelo ngokwesondo) ligama onokuthi unxibelelane nalo kwiiveki ezimbalwa ezizayo, iinyanga, iminyaka, okanye amashumi eminyaka, emva koko uhlale nalo ixeshana. Unokufunda ngakumbi malunga nokwabelana ngesondo. Zama Ubumdaka bokwabelana ngesondo: Ukuqonda Uthando lwaBasetyhini kunye noMnqweno ngu Lisa M. Diamond okanye Okuthe ngqo: Ukuguquguquka kwezesondo phakathi kwamadoda nguRitch C. Savin-Williams.

Ukuchaphazeleka ngokwesondo, njengalo naluphi na olunye ulwalamano ngokwesondo, ayisiyiyo kuphela into ekwenza ukuba ungubani. Yinto enye - ukongeza kwisigidi esinye sezinto - ezenza wena, wena. Iileyibhile (kunye nezingezona iilebhile) zibambe indawo yazo ekudaleni uluntu kunye neendawo ezikhuselekileyo zokuzivulela ekufumaneni.

Uphengululo lwe